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In need of good Polish jokes about Polish culture, people, etc [239]
A tiny sampling of real Polish jokes:
What does PRL (Polish abbreviation for Polish People' Republic) stand for? - Prywatne Ranczo Leonida (Brezhnev's Private Ranch) And DDR (German abbreviation of German Democratic Republic or East Germany)? Dodatek do Rancza (An addition to the ranch.)
When asked by a foreign visitor what is Poland's trade with the Soviet Union like, a Pole replied: "We send their our meat, coal and textiles and they send us shoes......to be repaired."
A Polish fisherman catches a goldfish which promises to fulfill three wishes if he sets it free. The Poles says: "I'd like all the Chinese to come up to the Polish border and then go home. And I'd like them to do the same two more times." The perplexed goldfish replies: "I will fulfill your wish, but please tell me why such an unusual request?" The fisherman replies: "Because that way they will have gone through the Soviet Union six times!"
Since things were a bit less severe in Poland than in other Soviet bloc countries it was often said that "Poland is the jolliest barracks in the socialist camp."
After visiting communist Poland some PolAm tourists concluded that "Poland is a 100% Marxist country: 5% Karl and 95% Groucho!"
Under communist occupation toilet graffiti included: "Tu produkuje się ser dla ZSRR" (Here cheese is produced for the USSR) and "Tu fabryka miodu dla przyjaciół ze Wschodu (This factory produces honey for our friends from the East).
Regarding slipshod labor and low wages Poles explained: "We pretend we're working and they pretend they're paying us."
TV news report: This just in. Sunday's election has been called off. On Saturday somebody lost the results.
Communist Party secretary: "Comrade Nowak, we didn't see you at the last meeting." - "If I had known it was the last, I would've been there."
At a Communist Party meeting Comrade Kowalski asks: "Have we already achieved socialism or will things get even worse?" At the next meeting Comrade Woźniak raises his hand and asks: "Does anyone know what ever happened to Comrade Kowalski?"
Anti-communist jokes circulated profusely during martial law imposed by Jaruzelski in late 1981 to crush Solidarność.. One said: Poland is changing its name to Ubekistan (a play on UB, the Stalin-era secret police). It's capital will be called Jaruzelem (from dictator Jaruzelski's name); its currency will be 30 pieces of silver, and its goal will be to create a "new man" called Homo Zomo (ZOMO was Jaruzelski's riot police).
During martial law a man goes to confession and tells the priest: "Father, I have just killed a ZOMO." The priest replies: "Son, first your sins. You can tell me about your achievements afterwards!"
Why are Jaruzelski's lips so red? - Because Brezhnev suffers from hemorrhoids.
Why was Wałęsa released from detention on November 14, 1982? - Because Brezhnev had said "Over my dead body!" (The Soviet dictator died on November 10.)