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In need of good Polish jokes about Polish culture, people, etc

kasiasiudzinska 1 | -
5 Feb 2008 #1
Hi Everyone!
I need help...Im doing my final project at the end of my last semester in college and need some feedback and info related to polish culture, people, customs, etc. It all suppose to be funny. It is an art project.

I hope you guys will be able to help me out even though Im polish myself ;) As you see, everyone can use a little help sometimes ;)

Thanks so much!!!


Thread attached on merging:
What about polish culture and people makes you laugh?

What about polish culture and people makes you laugh?

What is funny about polish culture, people or customs? What stands out the most? What is it about polish culture and people that makes you laugh?

popems 3 | 15
11 Dec 2008 #2
I will soon be travelling to Poland to visit my girlfriend. I would like to impress her friends, and I thought that telling a joke in Polish might be a good way to do this. Could anyone give me a joke or two with the English translation?

Polonius3 990 | 12,349
11 Dec 2008 #5
Someone is being given a grand tour of hell. In huge cauldrons different nationalties - Frenchmen, Swedes, Russians, Brits, Italians, Czechs, Scots, etc. -- are being boiled in oil, guarded by a cordon of fork-wiedling devils. The visitor asks the guide: "Why has that cauldron been left ungaurded?" "Oh," replied the guide. "Those are Poles. When one of them tries to get out, the others pull him back in!"
Switezianka - | 463
11 Dec 2008 #6
Jan Kochanowski is sitting under his lime tree. He's trying to write something but he can't find any inspiration. Suddenly, he sees a muse in distance, in his garden.

'Oh, muse! Help me! I need inspiration' he calls.
The muse comes to him, thinks for a while and whispers something to his ear.
'No, not another epigram! I've written so many' he sighs.
The muse thinks again, and whispers another idea to Kochanowski's ear.
'Greek tragedy? No, one is enough.'
The muse is thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and finally, she comes up with a brilliant idea, which she again tells to Kochanowski.
'Yes! That is great!' exclaims the poet joyfully, 'Urszulka' he calls, 'Come to daddy!'
patrick_d 1 | 2
22 May 2010 #7
Thread attached on merging:
Polish Jokes

All i could fnd are anti polish jokes, Im looking for more pro olish jkes that polish themseves find funny.

Im not good at translating or such so id you could provide them in english/polish or maybe explanation it would be much appreciated. :)

Someting satirical,or funny :)
SeanBM 35 | 5,793
22 May 2010 #8
If people from Poland are called 'Poles' then people from Holland should be 'Holes'.
joepilsudski 26 | 1,388
22 May 2010 #10
Here you go:

Polish army barracks in Iraq is hit by an insurgent missile...It knocks out the one lightbulb.

At first there is panic...But Polish Lieutenant Kosinski thinks fast, and has a flashlight...He uses flashlight and finds the emergency supply of candles...He lights them and marks a path to the kitchen sink...Now, if a Polish soldier must 'take a pee' he has a clear route marked out, no problem.

Poland flag soldier
szkotja2007 27 | 1,498
23 May 2010 #11
An Polish man has been shot with a starting pistol and then beaten to death with a relay baton.

Police think it could be race related
richasis 1 | 418
23 May 2010 #12
How do you keep a group of Poles and Germans on PF in suspense?

Tell you later... :P
Polonius3 990 | 12,349
24 May 2010 #13
The non-Polish world thinks of 'Polish jokes' only in turns of anecdotes ridiculing Poles and things Polish. But there are Polish jokes originated and/or told by Poles which are directed at other targets.

** A wagon train in the Wild West is attacked by ferocious Indians. One grabs a blonde-haired lass and is about the scalp her when she exclaims. "Matko Boska Częstochowska!" The Indian stops in hsi tracks, drops his tomahawk, his eyes bulge and he asks in disbelief: 'Pani mówi po polsku?'

** A passenger plane is experiencing mechanical problems and the captian calls on able-bodied men to ligthen the load so it can reach the nearest airport by sacrificing themselves. A Brit stands at the door, shouts 'God save the queen' and jumps. A Frenchman does likewise after shouting 'Vive la France!' And then a Pole steps forward, shouts "Niech żyje Polska!" and pushes out a Russian.

** During martial law a Pole goes to confession: "Father, I have just killed a Zomo (riot policeman)!" The priest replies: "My son, first your sins. Save the merits for later!"

** What do you get when you cross an ape with a Russian? - A retarded ape!
Bratwurst Boy 9 | 11,682
24 May 2010 #14
And then a Pole steps forward, shouts "Niech żyje Polska!" and pushes out a Russian.


** What do you get when you cross an ape with a Russian? - A retarded ape!

Surely of know...the "subhuman"-thingy...
plk123 8 | 4,138
24 May 2010 #15
no jokes for you

lol.. ain't that the truth.. :D :D :D

Police think it could be race related


Surely of know...the "subhuman"-thingy...

nah, we really hate the russkies more then we hate the krauts.

'Pani mówi po polsku?'

rofl i love that one..
Bratwurst Boy 9 | 11,682
24 May 2010 #16
nah, we really hate the russkies more then we hate the krauts.

Where is Media Watch when I need him....;)
plk123 8 | 4,138
24 May 2010 #17
well, i guess "some of us" i should have said.. :D
Polonius3 990 | 12,349
24 May 2010 #18
If a Polish soldier was in a positon to shoot a German and a Russian, which would he shoot first? Naturally, the German, because 'najpierw obowiązek, a dopiero potem przyjemność!' (duty before pleasure)
hague1cmaeron 14 | 1,368
24 May 2010 #19
Keep them coming, I am trying to plagiarize them and then attribute them to myself. LOL.
Polonius3 990 | 12,349
24 May 2010 #20
Like the Nazi occupation period, the Soviet puppet state known as the PRL (Polak Ruska lubi?) generated much spontaneous humour. During the war someone went to the registrar's office and wanted to change his name because it was demeaning. 'What is your name?* asked the clerk. 'Adolf Srajda,' replied the client, 'and I want to change it to Tadeusz Srajda!' And on Nazi posters proclaiming 'Deutschland siegt an allen Fronten' Polish midnight Rembrandt's would change the 's' to an 'l' to create 'liegt'.

** During PRL, a foreign journalist asked a Polish official to describe the essence of Polish-Soviet trade: 'We send them our ham, steel and coal and they send us their be mended.'

And Englishman asks a Pole to describe Poland's hierarchy of administrative authority. The Pole enumerates: 'At the bottom is the Municipal People's Council, then the District (Powiat) Peoples' Council, the Voivodship Peoples' Council, the Council of State and at the very top is God (in Polish Bóg).' 'Bóg?,' I thought this was an atheist state!' says the Brit. 'It is, because the real authority is 'za Bugiem' (on the other side of the River Bug - this is a difficult to translate play on word).'

Why are Jaruzelski's lips so red? - Because Brezhnev's got hemorrhoids!

During martial law (1981-83), Jaruzelski introduced some constitutional changes. The model Polish citizen would henceforth be known as homo-zomo, the country would be renamed Ubekistan* and 30 pieces of silver would replace the złoty as the nationalł currency.

* ubek was the contemptuous term for a communist secret policeman from the Stalin-era Urząd Bezpieczeństwa (Security Bureau).
hague1cmaeron 14 | 1,368
24 May 2010 #21
This is pure gold. LMAO! I will treasure some of these
Trevek 25 | 1,699
24 May 2010 #22
Poland beat Russia in the world basketball championships.
Putin sends Tusk a telegram:

"Warched game: stop: Good game: stop: congratulations: stop: gas: stop, oil: stop."

Or the old classic:

A waitress comes through with a plate of pierogi, "Who ordered the Russians?"
The reply, "Nobody, they came by themselves!"

A Pole rings his plumber to ask him to repair the blocked sink. "Sure thing, we'll be ready for you in ten years." "Oh, morning or afternoon?" "Does it matter?" "Yes, I've got a dentist appointment in the morning!"
espana 17 | 949
24 May 2010 #23
Knock knock. Who's there? Polish burglar

Polish paramedics

richasis 1 | 418
25 May 2010 #24
I see the burglar got away (where ever it fits in that 'joke').

A true Polish burglar would have made visiting arrangements.

z_darius 14 | 3,964
25 May 2010 #25
polish paramedics

But why aren't they wearing Polish paramedic uniforms?
richasis 1 | 418
25 May 2010 #26
Maybe the Polish burglar somehow managed to make off with the whole lot.

If that's him on the ground, it serves him right to show up so unexpectedly.

Trevek 25 | 1,699
25 May 2010 #27
God was working on a new project. The angels asked him what it was.
"I'm going to create a country with the most beautiful scenery, the most intelligent, bravest and most beautiful people. A land with the best food and the best bread in the world!"

The angels were impressed, but one asked, "Isn't it a bit unfair to give a country all these wonderful things? Isn't it a bit too much like favouritism?"

God nodded, "Don't worry, I'd thought of that... wait until you see who I give them for neighbours!"
Bratwurst Boy 9 | 11,682
25 May 2010 #28
Heh:) That is a cool joke..everybody thinks it's about their own country! :):):)
Trevek 25 | 1,699
25 May 2010 #29
especially if they're neighbors with germany ;-D
MediaWatch 10 | 944
26 May 2010 #30
Knock knock. Who's there? Polish burglar

polish paramedics

Yeah those Poles have subhuman intelligence alright. LOL

Good ol Adolf would love you.

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