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In need of good Polish jokes about Polish culture, people, etc


jon357
20 May 2023 #151
Jews have higher blood sugar levels

There's actually very little difference (there are other groups with far higher levels) and of course almost all Poles have a larger amount of DNA markers associated with Jewish communities than Europeans in general.
Lyzko
21 May 2023 #152
Perhaps with a Polish Jew, GefreiterKania.
GefreiterKania
21 May 2023 #153
a Polish Jew, GefreiterKania

:)

Thank you, Lyzko. I absolutely love it when people suspect me of Jewish roots. When it happens in the real life I neither openly deny nor confirm it but I try to strengthen their suspicion and watch their reaction. Great fun. It is my way of sifting out idiots and checking who's a mensch and who's a schmuck. Works like a charm - I highly recommend it.
Alien
21 May 2023 #154
who's a mensch and who's a schmuck

In which context? In addition, I thought that in today's Poland, origin does not play any role.
GefreiterKania
21 May 2023 #155
In what context?

Oh, you know - whenever people find out that I support Israel in their conflict with palestinian Arabs or when I say something critical about the Church (of which I am a practising member); or when people think that I am doing "too well" in life (you know, the old Polish "na bank ma jakieś układy", "pewnie Żyd" etc.). :)

in today's Poland, origin does not play any role

For a mensch, it doesn't. For schmucks, it sometimes does. Hence my method. :)
Alien
21 May 2023 #156
@GefreiterKania
I understand in what context you use the word "mensch" but I don't know why "schmuck"?
GefreiterKania
21 May 2023 #157
@Alien
Schmuck is a yiddish origin word for somebody obnoxious, contemptible or/and foolish. People who see Jews all around them are very often just that.
Alien
21 May 2023 #158
Schmuck is a yiddish origin word for somebody obnoxious, contemptible or/and foolish.

It's interesting because in German "schmuck" has definitely a positive meaning.
Lyzko
22 May 2023 #159
Only an observation, Gefreiter!
The cross-pollination between Poles and Jews is truly uncanny. After all, you guys were neighbors for so long. Yiddish borrowed as much from Polish as from High German dialects or Hebrew.

My wife's grandmother made kiszka and she was a Polish Jew. Latkas?? Also clearly of Polish origin.
Bobko
14 Jun 2023 #160
An Englishman and a Pole are arguing about which language is more difficult to learn.

Englishman: For example, we write "Shakespeare", but it's actually pronounced "Szekspir".

Pole: That's nothing, we write "Boleslaw Prus", but read "Aleksander Glowacki".
Bobko
14 Jun 2023 #161
Some more jokes:

- People say I'm very old-fashioned.

- Who says this?

- My serfs, for example.

/////

(The year is 2017)

- Excuse me, sir, how do I reach Lech Kaczynski Avenue?

- Drive straight down Victims of the Smolensk Catastrophe Street, then take a right onto Kaczynski Brothers Street. Next take the turn onto Martyrs of April 10th Boulevard, before going onto President of the Millenium Street, from there you can go down Fighters for Law and Justice Street. It's easy afterwards - simply go to the Twins Square, past the monument to Jaroslaw the Living God, and you'll end up directly on Lech Kaczynski Avenue.

////

Lech Walesa tells the German president:

- I can promise that Poland will give you everything you need.

- Danke.

- Anything, except Dankę
Alien
14 Jun 2023 #162
Who says this?

- My serfs,

like I could hear my Managing Director.
jon357
14 Jun 2023 #163
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Pole are sitting in a bar and have got very drunk together. The Frenchman says "my wife's xxxx is like Paris, fragrant, exotic and mysterious". The Englishman says "my wife's xxxx is like Manchester, past its best but very welcoming and always wet", and the Pole says "my wife's xxxx is like Bielsko-Biała, nice surroundings but a terrible hole"....
Bobko
14 Jun 2023 #164
This time, I need help understanding a Polish joke.

Why does the duck winning, indicate the presence of a Pole?

Does this mean Poles are so stupid, their roosters are incompetent? I'm so confused.



Alien
14 Jun 2023 #165
roosters are incompetent

No, it's just that Kaczynski or "kaczka" always wins.
Bobko
14 Jun 2023 #166
@Alien

Ohhhhh.... I'm stupid. Thank you.

It is clear that I have not even scratched the surface of knowledge about Poland.
Paulina
14 Jun 2023 #167
No, it's just that Kaczynski or "kaczka" always wins.

Yup, that's my guess too:

protest

It is clear that I have not even scratched the surface of knowledge about Poland.

Told ya...
Bobko
14 Jun 2023 #168
Anything, except Dankę

What about this?

First, I thought this is a simple joke about how Poles will do everything except say "thank you" to the Germans.

Then, I remembered that Walesa's wife's name was Danuta Walesa. However, I thought that Danuta should be Danka, not Danke. Am I thinking too hard about this joke?
Alien
14 Jun 2023 #169
Danka, not Danke.

Yes, but Danka in the accusative is Dankę
Bobko
14 Jun 2023 #170
@Alien

Why accusative works here? It doesn't, no?
mafketis
14 Jun 2023 #171
- Anything, except Dankę

It's funnier if the punchline is "Except her!"
Lyzko
15 Jun 2023 #172
Random man to another as a complement about the latter's pretty daughter:

"Danka jest ladna!"

(And the man's response)

"Oh, danke schoen!"

lol
jon357
15 Jun 2023 #173
Reminds me of that conversation at an athletics meeting.

Q. Are you a pole vaulter?
A. No, I'm German, but how do you know my name...
pawian
11 Aug 2023 #176
Yes, funny. That PiS chief of police is a real azhole.
Alien
11 Aug 2023 #177
made me laugh:

It's always been fun in Poland ... although no one in Poland plays Russian roulette.
Bobko
25 Aug 2023 #178
A Polish man is fishing along a riverbank.

Suddenly, a cow emerges from underwater, and asks the man:

- Pan Fisherman, can you tell me which side of the river this is?

- Which side do you need?

- I don't care, I'm wearing galoshes.
GefreiterKania
25 Aug 2023 #180
@Paulina

That's because you're Polish ha ha!

No, wait a minute... I don't understand it either...


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