/ Custody Issue and Travel Abroad of my Girlfriend from Poland
Thank you for all the constructive answers. Yes, I am aware of the many difficulties and impossibilities in a case like this. As for finding a girlfriend in the U.S.A., I sure can, I just choose not to. Tired of the culture here. I was born in another country anyway and speak 3 languages, just not Polish. I am a U.S. citizen. Yes, I could find some American woman. (I am divorced, btw and have kids of my own) Yes, I see that this could be a very difficult situation. She is not trying to bail out of Poland to live the "great life" in America. Given the father of the child is a complete tool who visits 6 months out of the year, just enough to keep his parental authority and pays late child support, no xmas visits, no bdays visits and doens't care about the child's education or daily life, and yes, I maintain contact with both mother and child. The child loves me and so does the mother, as far as I can tell.
I have also been to Poland and yes, long distance relationships are difficult but daily video chats for months have been useful. I think that many of you may be right. This is a BIG problem. I cannot afford $75K for a lawyer and I would never pay that kind of money or any money to Polish lawyers. The child's father has moved on, has his own steady girlfriend but as soon as he finds out that the mother has a chance to take the child away to America, I am sure the ahole will show up.
She had a Polish boyfriend before and the ex boyfriend got in the middle of it and scared the guy away from the relationship.This girl is SO unfortunate to have mated this POS - she was young - and fortunate she had a beautiful child with him. Part of me tells me that she may be condemned to only finding and possibly marrying a Polish man that's willing to put up with the ex and the situation.
Even then, that could be difficult for the new guy to have to deal with her ex. I am white and as far as acceptance by her parents, it's not an issue. She lives them and they accept me. I can see that it would be much easier to find a woman that is no encumbered by a child custody battle that could take years. OR have to wait for the child to turn 18, which would be 14 years from now!
Basically a woman that has a child out of wedlock in Poland heavily limits her options to find a good man, especially someone living outside Poland because of this issue with ex's that create hell for the women they mated and had a child or children with.
I also assume that once the ex finds out that an American guy is involved he would want to raise hell for his child's new "Daddy"... Yeah, it can get ugly. Sad situation. In the end, the child is suffering. She dislikes her Dad. Runs away from him. The mother too but she is poor and needs the meager 600 sloty every month. I don't know, if it were my child, I would let her go to a better life, one that I could never give her, even if it were far away. That's what my parents did for me. I left another country for America when I was still in my early teens, by myself, parental permission and all. Long story. They weren't even married.
So, that's why, in a way, I got more connected to this single mother and child and am/was trying to pay it forward. No, she's not after a Green Card and yes, she could bail once she got established in America. But that's everyone, here, 50% divorce rate in this country. No surprise. So you need not be a foreign woman to ditch some guy after a few months or few years into the marriage. I love her but I can see that a future together is pretty slim. Unless God was merciful and knocked some sense into the pest that causes all these problems for the mother and her/his innocent child. Life isn't fair and after all the child IS his child, not mine. I understand that.
Also, many Polish women need to understand that having a child out of wedlock or getting separated/divorced can really mess up their futures if they want to leave Poland and try a better life/money/lifestyle anywhere if there are difficult custody issues. I have lost sleep over this due to love to both mother and child. But what can I do? I am not some rich American. This may be doomed to failure, occasional visits to Poland and nothing happening. Plus the risk of an eventual physical confrontation with that POS and not knowing Polish on top of that. Yes, the odds are heavily against me. She's a good person. She doesn't sleep around and she is a great, dedicated mother. She has not been chasing American/British men to get out of Poland. Any guy, once he realizes the situation, would give up on loving her. She is aware of that too. This world is full of POS that make the lives of their ex's miserable and the lives of their own children, preventing them from moving forward, even with a new local spouse. Sick and frustrating. This happens here in America too but the laws are more strict and more favorable towards the mothers and totally about what's good for the child.
Thank you so much for your replies.