Love /
My husband going to Poland after gotten his green card. Dreading his visit home to mom. [20]
... He talks more and shares his feelings more(getting him to talk about his feelings was like pulling teeth). I have broken him of his habit of being catered to, he actually helps around the house now, where before it was my "job" to do everything...
Chelle - this is a reply from a guy's perspective so you might not like it.
It sounds like the two of you have been working on improving your communication skills, respect for each other, etc., etc. Great.
Yet you said "you've broken him of his habit..."
What the heck, really? Did he break you of your habit of not getting on your four when he needs you to?
C'mon, you want respect which is great but it's a mutual thing. The phrase you used is demeaning, at least in my view it is, but I'm sure that's not what you meant.
You worry about the 2 months he'll spend with his mom. Why? Let him enjoy that time without ruining it by your 'nagging'. You guys have
your entire lives ahead of you to figure each other out.
The part about him not wanting to open up sounds very familar to me.
I too struggled with being able to open up to my now ex-wife. I'm very logical by nature and sometimes couldn't see why we'd have to talk about issues we'd already talked about in the past. You wouldn't think I had trouble with opening up based on the many posts I've made here on PF but that's how it was.
When women "talk" often it's just a way for them to share feelings, to connect, to feel close to someone. When men talk often it's to find a fix, a solution, to repair somethings that's broke. So I struggled when listening about her work-related problems because I didn't know how to fix them. Often she just wanted me to listen to her and to have a shoulder to lean on when sad. ...but I didn't get it. Many guys don't.
The irony is that I can work with pretty complicated computers and will fly an airplane from one continent to another with no problem. Yet I didn't understand those very basic, common sense facts about how men and women differ in their reasoning. I had to see a 'shrink' to figure that out.
My point is - don't assume that what's common sense to you is common sense to him - it isn't! He should of course know that running a houshold is a 50-50 deal. If he doesn't - that's laziness not ignorance. However don't expect him to be exactly the way you want him to be. If that's what you want - get a pet.
Sorry about the bluntness in my reply, and good luck to you two.
