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English boyfriend coming to visit me in Poland


miss sunshine 1 | 1
13 Jan 2010  #1
Hi guys,
I'd like to ask you for your opinion.
I've got English boyfriend, we started be in a relationship not so long ago, as two months and then I went home to Poland.

He'll be coming to visit me in February, but I don't know where I should place him. He's coming for few days. Because some of friends say he should stay with me, but I live in a flat with my parents, and what's more I also work every day for 12 hours. I have few days off when he is coming, but two days I must work. So I think it will be weird if I go work and he's staying with my parents and my parents can't speak any English language. Some friends say he should stay in that flat with us, but some say that it is more better find a cheap hotel for him or something similar and I place him there, becuase they say that my parents will feel uncomfortable if they use the same bathroom and same everything with somebody who they don't know at all.

So what you think? My boyfriend should stay with me and my parents or he should be safer in a flat? The problem is I don't live alone, then I didn't have to ask for your opinion:-)

Thank you for comments .
McCoy 27 | 1,276
13 Jan 2010  #2
Hostel
irishlodz 1 | 135
13 Jan 2010  #3
I stayed with my in-laws when I first visited Poland. Slept in my wife's bed while she slept on floor of her parents room. Her parents spoke no English then. I thinks its better to be with the family than in a cheap hotel. If nothing else he can drink vodka with your Dad! Send him out to see some local sights.

I'm sure he can occupy himself for 2 days.
convex 20 | 3,978
13 Jan 2010  #4
what do your parents think?
Wroclaw Boy
13 Jan 2010  #5
Start as you mean to go on, put him with the parents.
kh siarko sanok 2 | 52
13 Jan 2010  #6
Put him with your parents on a floor and for 2 days show him a local pub so he watch soccer proper english football and get drunk with pol.lads.
Honest George 1 | 105
13 Jan 2010  #7
I think you should take Polish culture into account, and realize it would be unethical to invite someone you have only known a short time to stay over in your family home, ( skeletons in the cupboard ). Your parents will be uneasy, even if they don,t show it.

I vote hotel, you will both have a better time and some private space for each other. You can then introduce him to your parents without any panic or stress.

A small price to pay, to start you off on the right road.
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
13 Jan 2010  #8
Hotel - why make your parents feel uncomfortable, plus you get to spend some time together on your own if he has his own space.
frd 7 | 1,399
13 Jan 2010  #9
Hotel - why make your parents feel uncomfortable

Hmm I always thought a hotel idea would make the parents even more uncomfortable. Anyways, you can always ask them about their attitude.
szarlotka 8 | 2,209
13 Jan 2010  #10
The other thing to take into account is how your boyfriend will feel. I guess he will be a little nervous about metting your parents anyway and staying with them will not make it any easier, particualrly with the lnaguage barrier. If it were me I would be happier to stay in a hotel and meet the parents over a meal or whtever. One step at a time;)
DannyJ - | 129
13 Jan 2010  #11
If nothing else he can drink vodka with your Dad! Send him out to see some local sights.
I'm sure he can occupy himself for 2 days.

Sounds very very familiar
bullfrog 6 | 603
13 Jan 2010  #12
Hotel. Although in my case, I must admit that I stayed with my inlaws when I first met her parents (but it was the day before our wedding..)
Wroclaw Boy
13 Jan 2010  #13
They will most probably take him staying in a Hotel as an insult. I prefer to stay in nice Hotels with a bar downstairs, but i cant so why should he, get him in with the outlaws i say.

He'll love it.
Honest George 1 | 105
13 Jan 2010  #14
I would be embarrassed having to do a number two, in a confined space with the future in-laws sitting in the next room.

Never mind the noisy farts, the after smell has got to be most daunting.

"OPEN THE WINDOWS MA".
Sokrates 8 | 3,346
13 Jan 2010  #15
He'll love it

If you've got a trauma make sure to share it with others eh?
mousey75 1 | 4
13 Jan 2010  #16
as an english gay guy who is now in a civil partnership with a polish man.. the first time i went to visit was traumatic for all the above reasons for me,, language barrier, polish traditions etc.. albeit his parents are the most liberal polish parents I have come across, they did not want me to stay anywhere other than in the flat with the family.. polish hospitality is incredible... just ask your parents their opinion.

all the best

shane
OP miss sunshine 1 | 1
13 Jan 2010  #17
convex
My parents said that if we lived in a house, not in a flat he could stay with us. But in this situation they said they prefer he stayed in hostel or something similar.

Thank you all for answers!:-)
Wroclaw Boy
13 Jan 2010  #18
If you've got a trauma make sure to share it with others eh?

I dont consider it a trauma at all, it was nerve racking the first time but now i wouldnt have it any other way, im treated like a king when i stay with the inlaws. Beers waiting on the dining room table chilled to the correct temperature the lot. Besides its a two way deal.

My parents said that if we lived in a house, not in a flat he could stay with us. But in this situation they said they prefer he stayed in hostel or something similar.

I'd take that as a personal insult to be honest. So basically he will never really be welcome as long as they live in a flat which will ofcourse be for ever.

I would be embarrassed having to do a number two, in a confined space with the future in-laws sitting in the next room.

The largest turd in the house is a right given to the young man who marries the daughter, that was told to me by my father in law. Besides were all adults right? Most Polish people cant afford nice en suite apartments or multiple wc's, you just have to make do. I really dont care about that anymore.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
13 Jan 2010  #19
I'd take that as a personal insult to be honest. So basically he will never really be welcome as long as they live in a flat which will ofcourse be for ever.

it does sound a bit unwelcoming, isn't it supposed to be 'czym chata bogata tym rada'?
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
13 Jan 2010  #20
it does sound a bit unwelcoming,

We dont know their circumstances or how large the flat is, they also might be quiet people who dont really want a stranger in the house whilst their daughter is out all day...Im sure they'll have him round for tea to check him out and show their hospitality then.

If it were me I would be happier to stay in a hotel and meet the parents over a meal or whtever. One step at a time;)

My thoughts exactly.
Wroclaw Boy
14 Jan 2010  #21
We dont know their circumstances or how large the flat is,

you are totally missing the point its not about what one has its the gesture. Brits are so tied up in this shite, invading privacy and all that, and i am too. But thats not how it works over here.
McCoy 27 | 1,276
14 Jan 2010  #23
1. they are together for only two months. hes not her fiance or long-time boyfriend.
2. its not her flat. its parents place. they must feel comfortable.
3. hes not coming for one night but for a few days

=

hotel, hostel, somewhere
Emily_xo - | 5
14 Jan 2010  #24
My boyfriend should stay with me and my parents or he should be safer in a flat? The problem is I don't live alone, then I didn't have to ask for your opinion:-)

If he were my boyfriend, and if I was from a nice family, and if he was coming over for few days and arriving doing the day time- having to deal with long distance relationships is not easy- then I would take him into the hotel doing the day. Then I would take him back to my house doing the evening to meet my family, where we would spend the night. Have him sleep on my bed, where I would be sleeping on the couch, or bedroom floor, depending on your parents. Then I would finish him somewhere in the middle of the night, when everybody is asleep. In the morning, I would cook a breakfast for my family, while they get to know their potential son in law. Then we would go out again doing the day, probably back into a hotel room.

:-)
Steveramsfan 2 | 306
14 Jan 2010  #25
I stayed in a hotel the first few times I went to see my girlfriend in Poland. Then her mum invited me to stay and I spend nearly all my time with my girlfriend in her flat now.

Her mum wanted to get to know me a bit before she would let me stay. She cooks for me, great cook :) , and she was angry when I tried to leave money. I used stay poland to book hotels.
Wroclaw Boy
14 Jan 2010  #26
She cooks for me, great cook :)

Id say my wifes mum didnt like me at first but then again most dont, the more she liked me the better her cooking became.

and she was angry when I tried to leave money.

They always are, but they take it in the end not so much family but others like fcuking doctors for example. I'm starting a thread soon bribes saving lives.
bullfrog 6 | 603
15 Jan 2010  #27
Then I would finish him somewhere in the middle of the night, when everybody is asleep.

What do you mean? Murder plan?
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
15 Jan 2010  #28
Then I would finish him somewhere in the middle of the night,

?

What do you mean? Murder plan?

LOL

If he were my boyfriend

He's not, but we are glad to hear that:

and if I was from a nice family

Everything would be lovely in the world of bringing boyfriends home.

Clearly this girls parents would not be comfortable with a stranger in the flat, I can tell you now, neither would mine, I dont think it has anything to do with them not possessing this wonderful Polish hospitality thats so often talked about, because most of the Poles have reponded that they think a hotel is much better.
Wroclaw Boy
15 Jan 2010  #29
because most of the Poles have reponded that they think a hotel is much better.

I count one real pole = McCoy.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
15 Jan 2010  #30
Of course a hotel is better. Place yourselves in the parents' position for crying out loud! It's funny how voluntarily extended traditional Polish hospitality is now being used as a tool to kinda blackmail this particular family into compliance: if they don't want to have a complete stranger in their flat, they are un-Polish and should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves! :-/

I for one (Polish) would rather have my daughter place her friend in a hotel, and then would ask him over for tea - if I decided I liked him I might consider a dinner invitation next time. Why I should feel obliged to unconditionally offer bed and board to a complete and utter stranger is beyond me. Especially so if I lived in a cramped flat!


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