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Posts by natasia  

Joined: 21 Jun 2008 / Female ♀
Last Post: 29 Jan 2013
Threads: Total: 3 / Live: 2 / Archived: 1
Posts: Total: 368 / Live: 316 / Archived: 52
From: oxford
Speaks Polish?: yes
Interests: yes

Displayed posts: 318 / page 1 of 11
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natasia   
29 Jan 2013
Language / POLISH 18 - 30 years old know MUCH BETTER ENGLISH language than their own native language! [102]

though many do speak better English than the native speakers of English.

I am interested in your definition of 'better English'. Whatever a native speaker says is correct in the sense that it is a natural expression of the mother tongue. However good the 'grammar' of a non-native speaker, and however perfect their turns of phrase, there will always be the odd moment of unnatural language which will give them away as non-native speakers. So, in this sense, they can never be 'better' than a native speaker.

It depends what you are judging it on.

Personally I think a language is by definition fluid, and its life lies in the hands of its users ... I delight in variation and, even in some cases, in what some might call bastardisation of a language, because this is the language being manipulated and fully 'used' by its speakers.

What grates on my ear is the artificiality of non-native usage, but of course I also sound artificial, and my language acquired, in my non-native languages. So I give, as well as taking.
natasia   
17 Jan 2013
Love / Do you think these renowned Poles are hot? [150]

Ok, I have an almost-embarrassing predilection for Polish men, but somehow here people have managed to find the few that I don't find particularly attractive ... the rest of the nation is hot, though ; )
natasia   
15 Jan 2013
Love / ARE POLISH GIRLS GOLD-DIGGERS? [359]

Have you seen 'Seksmisja'? : D Men aren't that bad : )

I married an English lass much to my regret. Won't be doing that again in a hurry ;)

Why?
natasia   
11 Jan 2013
Real Estate / Home builders in Poland? [16]

Stig, you don't need to speak Polish - I am the voice for a great team of Polish builders. Just say the word if you want us to help.
natasia   
11 Jan 2013
Love / Do you think these renowned Poles are hot? [150]

erm, not quite my taste. He is intense, but looks like his elbows might be a bit spikey.

I prefer the slightly more elastic type, with some evidence of musculature. I don't mind a small paunch, as it is comfortable for resting the head. I like a man of some physical substance - not just intellectual/energy.

(And of course this thread has absolutely nothing to do with my subjective preferences, but still : )

Show us some more pictures and I will be more than happy to contribute my thruppence worth.
natasia   
26 Dec 2012
Life / Do Polish people know a lot about the world ? [16]

I will say that the majority of people in major Polish cities are quite different in their outlook than people who had particularly isolated lives or took little interest in education when they lived in Poland's back-waters or rural areas.

I would say actually that there is a very strong showing of this 'ignorant' type in the cities - this is the band of people who are just above 'patologia' (probably the lowest socio-economic class you get in cities - alcoholism and abuse are rife - domestic violence almost standard - half the family members die before 50 from alcohol or cancer - etc.). They have often dragged themselves out of what might have been termed 'patologia', and are now first generation trying to move up, but the legacy of their childhood doesn't help, because the emotional tracks laid down in childhood mean that they are generally anti-intellectual, they have the 'working class' respect for clean floors and tea on't table, and they tend to be fairly limited in terms of world experience, outlook, education (probably left academic education at 15), and ... there are a lot of these, in their later 20s, and 30s, in the UK now. In British terms, one might call them 'a bit rough' - but it is a very specific, European/Polish kind of rough.

So, the idea that people of limited world-view, shall we call it, only come from backwaters and farms isn't the whole picture, in my experience. There are those out smoking, pushing buggies and tinkering with 10-yr-old BMWs and Audis on the blackened back streets of the larger cities ... and stealing, and fighting, and swearing, and being ... a bit rough.
natasia   
26 Dec 2012
Life / Do Polish people know a lot about the world ? [16]

When i told the Polish lady where i am from, she said i am very lucky to be here in London because i am very "poor". I am Brazilian, she asked if we have roads in Brazil and she told me about mobile telephones and how useful they are here.

This is a type of Polish person - particularly female. I lived in Poland for several years, and knew only nice, well-informed, well-educated people. I then, over the past seven years in the UK, widened, shall we say, my Polish circle (not exactly by choice), and have encountered the 'other' sort of Polish woman ... the ignorant battle-axe who thinks she knows it all, including how to maximise benefits available. She also knows all the Primark SKU numbers and product location by shelf.

These women, I say with absolute certainty and no apology, are monsters. I am sorry that you are living with one. Tread very carefully around her. She will throw out comments to the dozen, considering them wisdom, whereas in fact they will range from the amusing to the deeply offensive. She will, if she needs anything at all, get it from you if you show the least 'weakness' in her eyes (more commonly translated as 'niceness' in a sane world), and she will also, if she gets the chance, revile you and your 'foreign' habits and 'beliefs' to all she can (that is just for fun - that is her entertainment). She will dominate the house, she will consider everybody else beneath her, she will think it fine to have vodka parties until dawn, but if you once wake the baby (especially when she has a hangover), woe betide you ...

And, if you really annoy her, she will somehow turn everyone in the house against you and have you thrown out - seriously.

These women are poison. So I suggest you smile politely and have as little to do with her as you possibly can. And if she comments about Brazil again, just walk out of the room. Or tell her she knows nothing, but then you will be annoying her which is, as I say, a dangerous game to play.

I have such wonderful, clever, thinking Polish friends - but that is not the type you are with here. You are with the Schrolka.
natasia   
20 Dec 2012
Life / The "I am never wrong" phenom - is it the Polish thing? [63]

In my case, the Indians and Greeks come to mind............................Poles, for sure, can be extremely annoying in this regard but they are not the sole purveyors of obstinance :)

Actually you are quite right - Greeks also never say sorry, and rarely tell the truth, apart from when discussing their emotions. As for Indians, their every word is carefully considered and calibrated to achieve what they want - they don't even begin with the truth and diverge from it, and their 'sorries' are certainly rare, and suspect.

Just generalising there, of course.
natasia   
13 Dec 2012
Life / How many children is a good number in Poland? [12]

Do you think, backed up or otherwise by experience and/or statistics, that there is an ideal number like the notional 2.4 children that Polish men, and women, consider a 'good' number of children to have?

I live in a slightly eccentric, highly-educated enclave of Oxford where those who can have at least six children, and then tug them around on the back of their bicycles. My experience is that Poles, Catholic as they (kind of) are, consider this crazy and feel that one is OK, two is perfect, three is for the rich, and any more is for the poor, the mad, or the pathologic ...
natasia   
12 Dec 2012
Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

If he doesn't want to be with you, and have the child, does he want a divorce?

His behaviour just seems so inconsistent and strange, that I can't quite follow even a warped logic there ... must be very hard for you.

I just think you sound rather alone in Poland. I think that is why people have said why not go back to your parents. But I can understand why if you like Europe, you want to stay. That was presumably your plan, in marrying a European guy and living in Poland, so why should it change now because he turned out to be an idiot? I understand.
natasia   
10 Dec 2012
Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Going over what HE did, didn't do, should have done is completely unproductive.
Think more about what you should do.

I agree with you, but I still also think that something doesn't quite add up here. It just doesn't. And I wonder if unravelling it is the key to where exactly this guy stands, and therefore what would be the best thing to do.

He liked you enough to get married, which is a pretty big deal. How long did you know each other before you married? Did you need to marry for an immigration issue?
natasia   
8 Dec 2012
Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

he will tell the court our marriage is a fiction but he really doesn't have much to prove that it's fake coz I have more to prove.

That seems a bit odd to me. I mean, he is a lawyer - so why would he think he could show a court that the marriage wasn't real?? Did you get married in Poland and do you have a marriage certificate to prove this, and entry in the marriage register?
natasia   
7 Dec 2012
News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]

What this is really about is the Roman Catholic Church legislating morality.

I agree, and I think that is what people are most concerned about here. Poland is a Catholic country, ostensibly has a morality largely dictated by the Church, and this morality has been and will be translated into legislation. If you want to change that, change the religion of the country (good luck ; ).

women can self-mutilate or do anything else to her own body, as long as it does not effect the health and wellbeing of the innocent baby

Yes. That is the other issue. Someone else's life as well as the mother's is at risk here.

That the RCC comes down on the side of protecting that life doesn't seem a bad attitude of theirs, I have to say.
There should, of course, be a massive campaign of support for pregnant mothers in difficult situations, and also of trying to prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place.

Life imprisonment is too lenient a penalty for sharks of the abortion industry.

Absolutely agree, and this is the BIG POINT:

ABORTION = INCOME FOR SOMEONE.
In a 'liberal' world, abortion is 'good', and that also means that in the capitalist world that often comes with liberalism, someone sees a business opportunity.

So, what do you want?

1. A religious country where the unborn child is protected, and mothers have to do as they're told, even though that means some hardship for the mother in some cases, although it usually turns out ok because nobody ever regrets having a child in the end,

OR

2. A capitalist, liberal country where there is total freedom to do what you like with the unborn child, with the added benefit of creating a great business opportunity for someone who can use the liberal banner to say that the 'service' they offer is a vital human right of the innocent female?

What you actually have is a religious country shot through with capitalism and liberalism. Tricky.
natasia   
7 Dec 2012
Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

I did everything to save our relationship though but he is now putting up a wall on me. he tells me what he wants and if i cant do it then i wont be with him. I guess ill just give all my love for our child. I really tried to tolerate everything already.

You said it. I take back what I said earlier, because I didn't have the information about him being a psychopath (I am not using that word lightly - that is what he is).

He will manipulate, force, threaten, insult and basically do anything at all to get his own way.
His own way will only ever be the whim of a moment - what he thinks he needs in order for everything to be 'ok' in his world.

You are not really you - you are just what he sees you as, and a pawn in the game. He is incapable of really caring or loving, or in any way taking your well-being and feelings into consideration.

His sadistic comments about the child and your mother are very, very clear indicators that he is a psychopath. It is possible that when the child is born he will change and transfer his 'love' to the child, but it is also possible that he will reject the child and you, or worse.

Look, he is like a loco horse, I'm afraid. He might be very attractive, very engaging, and exhilarating, but he has got something wrong with him. He is a very bad apple, however rosy he might look. He is rotten and ruined, and you should get yourself and your child absolutely as far out of his life as you can.

Actually, you should be happy and grateful that he has rejected you, because life with him would become so unbearable that your own life would be in tatters. You wouldn't be able to be your self at all, you wouldn't be able to feel happy and normal being with friends and family, and you would probably even end up in physical danger. You would go through extreme emotional pain and hardship - and for what? Making a psycho unhappy?? (because he will always ultimately be unhappy and not have what he wants - apart from when he is putting heads in the post to India for real)

So:
- Stop trying to please him and do what he wants. From this moment onwards completely stop considering his 'feelings' or what he wants.
- Do not listen to his pleading, threatening, insulting or monstrous imagined scenarios. He is sick. Switch him off like an unsavoury film. That is not your life, not your channel.

- If he is now begging re: the court and childcare, just send him a text message saying that if he agrees to 2,000 zl., that will be fine, but he will need to get that on paper at the notary within a week, otherwise the offer goes to 3,000.

I don't think you should be run out of the country because of him, but I do think you should consider very very seriously why you are in Poland, and if it is the best place for you to be. You could be in another European country, or you could be at home with your parents to start with. I can't see what support and family you have in Poland, and am not sure why you are trying to make your way there. You need to divorce him and close the chapter of your life with him. Ideally, you need to never see him again, and as far as your child is concerned, find someone else to be his or her father.

As for him accepting his other children and not yours, if that is how he has started, that will always be an issue. He is happy with what he has. He feels the child is being forced on him. And, have you considered that he might not want a mixed race child? I am not trying to say he feels like that, but you will know what his feelings are.

When he married you, he didn't know what he was doing. With his reaction to your pregnancy, he also doesn't know what he is doing. That he is a successful lawyer is horribly credible, because he doesn't have normal feelings, and everyone's lives are just a game to him. He is used to being in power, used to being able to change people's lives, and he likes that power. He doesn't like not getting what he wants.

He is a total, complete write-off, a nightmare - a hellish person. Get yourself and your family away from him. I can't say that more strongly. And yes, of course you are being abused emotionally - and there is a BIG chance that down the line, that will turn to physical abuse as well. GET OUT NOW AND BE SO HAPPY YOU ARE NOT WITH HIM. HURRAY. GO AND THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS.

And to be honest, if he doesn't even pay 1 groszek, that is still ok - what you REALLY need is for him to be GONE.

Trust me on this one. Have a care for your life, and the child's, and for your parents' happiness.
natasia   
2 Dec 2012
News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]

It seems to me that most of the disagreement centers around when potential life can be morally stopped.

But if fertilisation has occurred, that is when the unique fusion of elements have come together - that is the point of creation of life. Sperm swimming hopefully along on their own do not constitute a life. An egg waiting and hoping is nothing until it gets the vital ingredient of the other half. Ask all the people trying to conceive about that ...

I know I keep saying this, but 6-7 days after conception, or even earlier, if one is listening, one is aware one is pregnant - one is aware that 'something' has happened. However minuscule that life, it is there, in all its uniqueness.

Think of it like this. I get a pen. I have a blank piece of paper. My pen is hovering over the paper, but the paper is still blank. Then I draw a tiny dot. That dot is there, whatever anyone says. I can make it bigger, or I can try to rub it out - but it is still an event and an existence.

Personally I think discussion about 'the point at which abortion is ok' is silly - it isn't ok at any point, because the ease of doing it, and the smallness/earliness of stage of development shouldn't come into it - actually quite the opposite - we should be more protective of life in its very early stages.

And it gets back to the same old thing ... justifying getting rid of an inconvenient life by getting rid of it quick when it is tiny and you can pretend it barely exists anyhow.

I can't see how that is morally defensible, and never will. And that is not a taught religious opinion - that is gut instinct.
natasia   
30 Nov 2012
Life / Poland needs more immigrants and their children - which nationalities are the best? [518]

Which nationalities are the best?

Polish-English children rock, as far as I can see. They are bright, beautiful and strong. I have two of them. Good gene mix.

Having said that, I am a mix ... English, Welsh, Scottish. A true Brit! Green eyes, wide cheekbones, blondness ... it goes well with the Polish fire. My kids are stronger than me, and take no prisoners. I like that about them. They don't mess around.

I think that Brits coming into Poland are a good thing. We are more flexible, responsive, open-minded and warm than any other Europeans I can think of ... we are not so stuck in our ways. We are open to propositions. Which makes us good chameleons abroad. We've always been good at going native : )
natasia   
30 Nov 2012
Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

Thanks...wouldn't that be too scandalous for his career?
I'll try to do anything. Not that I want to get in big trouble with him but if I have no choice I think I'll do what I can

So where are you living now? Somewhere on the 1k a month, 4 months pregnant?

Ok, you have three things to deal with here:
- The emotional upset of him marrying you then suddenly dumping you as you are pregnant, and wanting to kill your joint child, and not supporting you in pregnancy (that is a big one)

- The financial/practical issue of how to support yourself and be ok and have a home on your own in a foreign country, pregnant for the first time (and recently dumped)

- The anger no doubt you feel about him having 30k per month, less 3 k for previous kids, and only giving you 1k (that is bad) (I would be cross)

- The responsibility as the only loving parent at the moment (although that could and probably will change once the kid is here) of thinking about stable home to bring child into.

You have A LOT on your plate, and now your parents have gone, and you are alone in coldening Poland. You poor thing ; (

Ok, answers:

- For now, think about how he must have loved you to marry you, and how this pregnancy has for some reason thrown him, and how he needs time, and for the baby to be born for him to come to himself and work out his feelings. I think maybe he will want contact with you and the baby, and everything is possible, so just hold on and try not to be upset. You have done nothing wrong, and he just has a funny bone and this has taken him wrongly ... so bide your time. Poczekaj, as they say. Be patient.

- In your pregnant state, stability of home and emotions is important, so your baby will be happy and everything will be good. I think you have a case for meekly asking him for more generous financial support at the moment - lay it out on paper, your outgoings, your needs, etc, and see where that gets you.

I don't think you should be working, but I don't know who you are or what you do. If there is something you could do by email/online/etc. then try to do that, because any money you can earn is your independence and security for you and your child.

- Make some friends, and surround yourself with people who are on your side. Have two or three women ready to come with you for the birth, or get your mother or other family member lined up. Be self-sufficient and organised. You will need support after the birth.

- Plan to be honest, decent, and undemanding, as far as the father is concerned. Be firm that you will have the baby, but wait for him to come to you. Gently and fairly frequently remind him that you love him, are having his child, and are waiting for him.

And if he doesn't come round, then focus on your lovely child and both your futures. You will need to decide whether you stay in Poland or go back to Asia, but either way, the child is a gift, and it would be great if he could understand and share that, but if he doesn't, then you and your family and future husband will.

You can't force him to do anything. You can divorce him yourself. But I would wait until the baby has been here a while before you make any decisions at all. This kind of situation is one where it could all change.
natasia   
30 Nov 2012
Love / "In Poland a lot of women work and their men don't"? [7]

@adeona
To be frank, how it 'works' in Poland, or wherever, won't help you much here.

Your guy is studying. He is concentrating on that. He doesn't feel the need or have the energy to do anything other than that. You know that, and that is why you have been doing what you're doing, because you love him.

But what you are doing is tiring, and the responsibility with the money is draining. So first you tell him how you feel, and he says sorry ok but I am studying. Then you try to find cultural reasons for making him help you ... sorry. This isn't going to work. People don't operate like that. So, what - you say 'But in Poland the man is supposed to support the family' and he says 'oh, cripes, sorry, yes, forgot - let me go get a job in Pizza land at the weekends and until 3 am so you don't feel so bad' ... would be great, but you know it won't happen.

In terms of Polish culture, students usually are students - for years - until their late 20s even - and they have a kind of respected, untouchable status because they are 'studying'. Yes, they do sometimes work jobs - but not if they have a working partner ... Until your guy is in the workplace, he is dependent. And you are supposed to understand that and work now, because in the future he will be able to earn well because of his studying now.

Can you both cope on your salary at the moment? Is it possible? If you can live on love and adrenalin, do that.

He hasn't got there yet - you aren't yet seeing him being a man - he is still a student.

And would you really want him to be the big breadwinner, and you the zero? Because if the man does all the work, then the woman does what she's told. Do you want that? Think about it.

I would personally earn the money, live frugally, have a lot of sex and be happy, in your situation.

But that is just my opinion, and I am a bit bohemian, I think ; )
natasia   
29 Nov 2012
News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]

Really, natasia? Do you even know how things you write about work?

Yes ... fertilisation occurs usually in the fallopian tube ... the fertilised egg moves down into the main body of the uterus, and implants ... the morning after pill makes the uterine lining unreceptive, so the fertilised egg can't implant, so dies ...
natasia   
26 Nov 2012
News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]

The thing about the morning after pill is that you have no way of knowing whether fertilisation has occurred. With abortion, you know it has occurred. That is a big difference.

However, yes, I agree, the morning after pill could constitute termination of a life.

I'm uncomfortable about the morning after pill, precisely because you don't know whether you are terminating a life or not. I don't like it and personally wouldn't want to take it. However, it doesn't feel as clearly wrong as an abortion, because you don't know if you're pregnant or not. Which in itself is completely unsatisfactory.

The point about abortion is that it is the knowing decision to terminate a life. The morning after pill is more of an 'erm - ok - just in case I'd better make sure that if I have created a life, it can't develop into a stable pregnancy'. But that is still not OK.

It is all horrible, and should all be avoided. That is what I will tell my daughter.
natasia   
25 Nov 2012
News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]

I quite agree with you. Don't forget you're creating sperm daily and that sperm will die.

Sperm are not a whole life. They are just a catalyst, and provide half the person. So, before they have met the egg they are just an ingredient, in the same way that the egg is.

When they come together and fertilisation occurs, at that moment they cease to be separate ingredients and become a real living whole being who is at the very start of their human existence as a unique entity.

I just don't understand what is so hard to get about that, and how anybody could argue otherwise. Call me stupid.

(and thank you, p3, by the way, for not thinking what I said rubbish : )
natasia   
23 Nov 2012
Love / Polish couples living out of wedlock? [108]

Get married if you love her. If you have no confidence in the relationship - then you are just under a shelter, not a home.

That seems sensible to me. I like that.

And being married does make a Catholic Polish life simpler, at least.

If one wants to live a Catholic Polish life.
natasia   
23 Nov 2012
News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]

yeah, but there is a difference between, e.g., a baby dying because it catches a disease, or someone cutting up a perfectly healthy baby with scissors because they can't be doing with him/her at the moment, because, e.g., they haven't yet bought a flat in London and they're still only renting (the reason one work-mate of mine gave for needing an abortion) ... isn't there? Because that is the reality of what we are talking about here.

Forget all this nonsense about prostitutes and drug addicts having abortions because they love their unborn children so much they wouldn't want to bring them into this terrible world. Fxxk that. The abortions those of us who abhor them abhor are those, I think, where women are emotionally and economically stable, and just happen to fall pregnant through, e.g., drinking one glass too many of Chardonnay at the Cafe Rouge on the way home from work, falling into bed with a colleague, and oops, preggo. Or even worse - also in a stable relationship, but although they've been together for three years, she hasn't quite found the GP job she was looking for yet (waiting a few months for a placement in a better area), and he still has the last year of his law conversion course to do, so it doesn't really suit them yet ... next year would probably be better. And anyhow, their flat only has two bedrooms and a box room, and they use the box room as an office and need a spare bedroom for friends to stay, so where would the baby sleep?

It is this kind of decision (and the equivalent in Poland) that seems so deeply flawed and unacceptable.