The "I am never wrong" phenom - is it the Polish thing?

I observed this today at the gas station. A man parked his car too close to a second car so he literally had to squeeze himself out and of course the door was touching. The owner of the car came over and basically asked why he did this and checked for damage. Of course the first guy got angry and said to the second guy that he should get psychiatric help.

After witnessing this I was thinking of a few other situations. I was leaving a parking lot and had just gotten into my car. A woman pulled up beside me and as she was opening her door the wind caught it and slammed into my car. I got out and looked at it and she started screaming at me because the wind caught the door.

Next example, my mother in law. There are actually far too many to mention but one that sticks out is she was baby sitting my daughter at the time and she cut her hair. I told her that she is my daughter and I decide who and when her hair gets cut. Of course she started to cry because it was all my fault.

Anyway- is this a Polish thing? Making something that is your fault -somebody elses fault. In all of these situations a simple " I am very sorry" would probably do the trick- but no. So many people cannot do this.

Noticed this a few times, obviously not all Poles are like that but enough to make me take note. :o)

no, I don't think all Poles are like this. I have seen it a lot, though. And there are a few on the board like this.

I can't think of anyone like that...

no way! ;)

I have gradually noticed it as a phenomenon over the past 6 years of living exclusively with Poles, and yes, it most certainly is one distinct mode of behaviour. That along with if in doubt, always lie. Haven't got time to list examples now, but will do later ...

And no, of course not all Poles do this, but it is something that some do, assiduously.

Its not *everyone* but it sure is a lot of people.
Its especially wierd when you come from England, here we blame ourselves for other peoples mistakes,the classic, some fool walks into you with their head down at their iphone and YOU say sorry to them....... :)

your MIL just wants to feel needed.........................had the same issues with my ex-Polish MIL

my father in law used to whack my car door when he opened it into another cars door all the time.

True. Here I notice people walk at others on the pavements/sidewalks, in the UK (at least where I frequented) people make room for each other and it's more "After you....no, after you..." sort of thing. Here it's a mad scramble for the pavement, the buses, etc. EXCEPT I see a lot of younger people here giving up their seat for elderly or infirm individuals on trams and sometimes on buses. Sometimes those elderly or infirm actually utter the word for thanks too, but not always of course. I also notice people here bang into me or hit me with their baggage as they walk past, and I'm yet to ever hear an apology. It was of course my fault for being there...

Yeah same in Ireland not here though:


I too see this often, it's really very nice.

Individual level
Personality disorders (narcissistic, histrionic, psychopaths, borderline...) like that maneuver. shifting the blame, having blind spot for the consequences of their actions.
Those who can feel deep guilt and try to avoid it all costs,
Those who are forbidden to feel guilty for some reasons (i.e. Don't feel X feeling it's for weaklings), and so on...

Culturally, I would guess that more laissez faire environments ( communist past), orthodox background rather than catholic (again, rather than protestant) more rarely trigger guilt.

Funnily, I get the "I am never wrong" vibe from many Americans and British people. The typical English modesty / humility mentioned above is actually a perverse form of pride ;-p

That's me :)

Yeah happens here all the time. Depends on the city and state. The bigger the more prevalent. Over here people call it playing the "victim" or playing the "victim card". Some would be drowned with guilt yet try to find a way to make someone else the bad guy.

I think it's a sign of low intelligence. Not being able to recognize who's at fault, or judge the situation objectively, or at least being able to admit that own feelings may cloud our vision.

Stupid people everywhere.

like here:)

I see it a lot in Americans. Finest example is the whole election mess that has been going on for the past four years- constant blame game and never wrong. If it is in the media 24/7--no wonder they are like this.

Never noticed it in Brits and Canadians are famous for saying sorry.

The thing that really gets me- in all these situations a simple- "I am sorry" would do.

I do have more examples- but the ones I have listed are good enough. and prove the point and clearly others have noticed it too- so I am not wrong.

I would even go so far as to say that: "You are never wrong..."

Sorry, I do apologise. How rude of me... I have noticed this here a bit, but it's the same in the UK. I think it's just some peoples personalities, not sure that it's actually related to nationality or culture.

Although, of course, I could be wrong...

I have noticed that opening the door for people etc, is rarely rewarded with a "Thank you" in Poland... it's a little bit rude. As for people not making room for you on the pavement InWroclaw, try doing Richard Ashcroft's walk from the Verve's - Bittersweet Symphony. Yeah, you might knock a few babcias down but next time they'll move for you.... "no, i co k..... !?! " ;)

I think it's a sign of a manipulative personality.
Pip's account of her MIL cutting her daughter's hair is a good example of this.
Rather than admit fault, and she would have known she was in the wrong, turn on the waterworks for the sympathy vote.
If that isn't manipulation, i don't know what is.
I've found this trait to be quite common amongst Poles ,far from being able to not recognize who's at fault, i'd say the opposite is true.

They are very adept at taking advantage of a situation in my experience.
I know an awful lot of Brits who are exactly the same though, so by no means is this trait exclusive to Poles!!

I can only compare Canada to Poland, so it is def more common in Poland then it would be in Canada. Two different societies and I am surprised that you have just noticed it. Maybe you have earlier, but it didn't bother you.

It drives me NUTS!!!!! I have many examples, so I don't know where to start. it is a VERY immature bahavior and it is common, because people can get away with it. Simple. I lost a couple of long time friends, because of such immature behavior- I just couldn't deal with such immature people:D.


I agree with it. I am at the point that I really don't care if it is because of religion, communism and so on. I really don't buy it since Poles abroad behave way nicer!!!!!!!!!!!!!;)

I wouldn't say it applies only to Poles, but the level of hypocrisy and pigheadedness that Poles live in is quite astounding. I too have a million different examples but what's the point, welcome to Poland, "kraj burakow gdzie sloma z buta wstaje"

ok- now for a good story. I buy a lot of things from Allegro. I have been waiting for about three weeks for a table to arrive. I have sent two emails requesting information.

The guy screwed up my order. He apologized profusely and is giving me a free lamp valued at 450pln. I am thrilled with the apology. I don't expect the lamp- but I am happy to have it.

Aphrodisiac--I do think Poles abroad behave much nicer. I would never see a Pole yelling at some guy after he banged the other guys car and was clearly at fault--or a woman yelling at me because her door hit my car in Canada---not even in Toronto ;0

thank you, thank you, i love you, i realise that i am not alone in this wilderness of mad Poles telling me black is white and then hitting me over the head with a horrid sausage ...

I'm sure there are many Poles living in England who would say the same thing about 'us'. Not sure if they moan about it on forums though.


Think you've hit the nail on the head there.
It's easy to bash other people (especially foreigners) but sometimes we need to look at ourselves. Are we really so perfect? I know that I'm not. I don't expect others to be either...

What sort of sausage??

The wurst kind...

Pip, I feel you woman- i really do!
Been married to one for a long time now and sometimes I'm at my wits' end with such behaviour.
For me ,unfortunately, it runs in the wife's family-she takes after her father!
They are never wrong and apology is not a way of getting along but seen as a sign of weakness.
The way of solving a problem is sweeping it under the carpet and hope it somehow disappears even though it remains visible.
Accountability does not exsist.My experience is that the ones who live in the 10 big cities are quite different from the ones that are scattered around the

country in small towns and villages.The good thing is when u get to know them they will even tell you that people in Warsaw are not real Poles coz they're all

after money. The ones who are at least receptive are those who have looked at themselves from an outsider's point of view.
Those who are too much of themselves are the most difficult. In the workplaces- it's a nightmare!
One worker wouldn't even admit responsibility for coming to work drunk- it wasn't his fault. The list is endless.
Not all are like this but i think i am right to say that most are because most of them will admit that it's typical Polish behaviour.

Yes, it's a Polish thing and Magdalena just proved it.

clever :))
kudos


this type of behavior is in no way endemic to Poles and Polish culture.
I know, it can be intense when you're inundated; submerged in and around Poles. I've been there and they can behave in an incredulous manner but I'm here to tell you all that there are other cultures, in my experience, which find it hard to acknowledge mistakes and to simply verbalize an apology.

In my case, the Indians and Greeks come to mind............................Poles, for sure, can be extremely annoying in this regard but they are not the sole purveyors of obstinance :)