In need of good Polish jokes about Polish culture, people, etc

If I explain, it will suck all the joy out of the joke. At least for me, since I am quite fond of this one.

I thought you're Polish too... :O


But since we don't understand the joke, we're not getting any joy from it anyway...


What's the point of sharing a joke, if you only care about your own entertainment?

Tell us when we should start laughing coz we don`t know..... :):):)


It is quite possible that Bobko invented it. :):):) Rather stupid.

It's quite obvious really.

@Paulina

Dearest Paulina,

This joke belongs in the rubric of absurdist/surreal humor.

According to Wikipedia:

Surreal humor (also called surreal comedy, absurdist humor, or absurdist comedy) is a form of humor predicated on deliberate violations of causal reasoning, thus producing events and behaviors that are obviously illogical. Portrayals of surreal humour tend to involve bizarre juxtapositions, incongruity, non-sequiturs, irrational or absurd situations, and expressions of nonsense.

In this case, there are several elements:

A) A cow emerges from underwater.

B) The cow addresses the fisherman, and instead of expressing any surprise or other appropriate reaction - he proceeds to try to be helpful in regards to the cow's query

C) The cow disregards his helpful response, and replies instead with a non sequitur.

The joke invites you to think about both the mundane and the eternal, as well as the nature of class relations in pre-war England.

The fisherman thinks the cow is going somehwere and is trying to be helpful to tell it what side to leave on...

The cow assumes that the fisherman is asking because one side is easier to get out of (stony) than the other (muddly)

But.... the cow was just expressing idle curiosity and has galoshes so that it can leave either side equally well....

Here are a couple of old Polish jokes (that I learned before I know what/where Poland was)

Q: Did you hear about the Polack who died while raking leaves?

A: He fell out of the tree....

Police officer at the scene of an accident: Didn't you see the yield sign?

Polish driver: Of course I did... I yield and yield but that other car just kept on a comin'!

(this was probably an old Hillbilly joke repurposed as a Polish joke when those had a brief renaissance in the early 1970s)

@maf, thanks for the explanation... I still don't find it funny though...




OK, but what does it have to do with Poland? It's neither a Polish joke nor is it about "Polish culture, people, etc." and this is what this thread is about...


Does it or are you joking again? o_O lol


I do get this one lol

Let's try another one.

A Polish mother hands her son his lunchbox, as he is about to leave for school.

- Synek, I've put there some bread, some kielbasa, and a box of nails.

- Mom?! Why?

- What why? It's simple... you put the kielbasa on the bread, and then you eat it.

- But the nails...

- The nails? They're right here.

@Bobko, again - I don't get it...

@Paulina

My god... This will be my last attempt.

A Polish father is sending his son to the grocery store.

- Remember, you have to buy three things: bread, milk, and butter. You got it? THREE THINGS - repeat after me...

After some time, his son returns from the store with a hockey uniform and hockey stick.

- Now! Didn't I tell you to buy THREE THINGS? THREE! Is it so difficult to understand? Where is the puck?

@Bobko, OK, this one makes more sense, but:


...this sounds more like a RuSSian joke :P

How about you actually tell a joke?

Are you like all women, in that you magically have no memory for jokes, but can remember in a micro-second what somebody said 13 years ago during a heated argument?

It's a classic so it's possible it was on this thread already:

A Pole, a French and a German are standing over a cliff. The devil tells the French guy to jump off the cliff:

- I won't jump! - answers the French guy.
- But it's fashionable these days! - says the devil.

The French guy jumped.

Next the devil tells the German to jump.

- I won't jump! - answers the German guy.
- That's an order! - yells the devil.

The German guy jumped.

Finally, the devil tells the Pole to jump.

- I won't jump! - answers the Pole.
- Don't jump! - says the devil.

The Polish guy jumped.

lol :)

@Paulina

This is good.

The devil tells a gender-confused guy to jump.

- I won't jump! - says the guy.
- your gender problems will be over if jump - says the devil.

The guy jumps.

I am. It was just a joke (not funny and incomprehensible).

Another version of your joke ends with the devil saying to the Pole: "I knew you wouldn't have the guts to jump", so the Pole jumps.

Anyways, the cow in kalosze joke wins the Suchar of the Year award easily. :)

Here's another:

Flick, Karpin and Santos are sitting on a bench in park and crying. God sees them and asks Flick:

G: Why are you crying, my son?
F: Because my team is in a huge crisis these days.
G: Don't worry. The crisis will be over soon and Germany is going to win the World Cup again.

Then God asks Karpin:

G: Why are you crying, my son?
K: There is a war and my team is banned from all competitions.
G: Don't worry, the war will end soon and your team will be able to play international games again.

Then God looks at Santos, says absolutely nothing, sits down next to him and cries.

God asks little Mary::

G: Why are you crying, my dear?

K: I trained how to swim all my life and lost to a 100-kilogram pos with a big dick who said he was a girl like me! Boo hoo...

G: Sorry, kid. I am powerless so SFTU and learn how to play piano.

God asks little Palenke why are you crying baby.
Because writing on PF I am constantly intellectually and sexually harassed by a hyperactive old man.
I'm sorry, I can't help you with that, God replies.
Why can't you help me, good God, asks Palenke.
Because I'd have to take him to my home and then he'd molest me and my angels.

I was going to post a joke about sodium,
But Na, people wouldn't understand it.

I think I understood it..

God asks little Johnny:

G: Why are you crying, my little boy?
J: Because I am weak and slow and the boys laugh at me when I always come in last...boohoo...
G: Please don't cry. Just go to school tomorrow, tell them you are now a girl and beat the crap out of them because I made them weaker and slower to make boys like you happy.

J; But I am not a girl...boohoo...
G: I know but don't let that stop you. Under the rules, all they need is that you self-identify as a girl.
J: You mean I can keep my peepee and the rest?
G: You sure can. Just tell them that you are a girl.
J: Will I be able to marry a girl later and have babies?
G: Absolutely. Just don't let them do chemical castration to you and you will be fine.
J: You are so smart, Mr. God. I love you! Moooom, did you hear this?

Technically, this is not a joke about God and the boy. It's meant to be a joke on the girls that still play along. Yes, I know it should be shorter.

Exactly. Abstract jokes should be universal, while Bobko attached it to a nationality, hence the stupidity.

Bobko, don`t waste our precious time with such sheety "jokes." :):):)

Hey, pawian, how many genders do you have in Poland? Russia has only 2.
I am asking to see if trans jokes would be OK in this thread. They are "universal".

You are wrong. Absurdism and surrealism has everything to do with Poles.

And polish absurdism and surrealism demand, that as a ruski you kill yourself. use a tailpipe or a rifle, with a help of a yank friend, we don't care how you do it, just rid the world of your evil machinations...

Seriously Bobko if your Ukranian wife is due..

youtube.com/watch?v=RbAAVLcMzr4

@amiga500

What can be more surreal than an Aussie sheepfu*ker, with an unhealthy obsession with Polish football ultras, teaching Poles how to love Bandera?

You are living proof, that my jokes are appropriate.

So you don't like Bill Hicks well get with the program i though u read steinbec if not0000 then u new skaterboi fa*got? what's the matter just speaking truth to power b4 pc and he got censored for it. , and ure just a dumb ass pus*y t putin worshipper? yeah bow down jump up and jump around nig*a in your ruski expat bars thinkin u cool. yeah stay in your New York hellhole, always ure be the impotent one shouting, and you don't have the guts to join the real men in your motherland.

it's just a ride you ruski *****
youtube.com/watch?v=eNEyLn1Zz_g

@amiga500

Was this your attempt at telling a joke? Haha!

This thread is for jokes, and yours was so-so.

You must be talking about RuSSians. Maybe this is why you like absurd jokes so much?