Hi Everyone! I need help...Im doing my final project at the end of my last semester in college and need some feedback and info related to polish culture, people, customs, etc. It all suppose to be funny. It is an art project.
I hope you guys will be able to help me out even though Im polish myself ;) As you see, everyone can use a little help sometimes ;)
Thanks so much!!!
K.
Thread attached on merging: What about polish culture and people makes you laugh?
What about polish culture and people makes you laugh?
What is funny about polish culture, people or customs? What stands out the most? What is it about polish culture and people that makes you laugh?
I will soon be travelling to Poland to visit my girlfriend. I would like to impress her friends, and I thought that telling a joke in Polish might be a good way to do this. Could anyone give me a joke or two with the English translation?
Someone is being given a grand tour of hell. In huge cauldrons different nationalties - Frenchmen, Swedes, Russians, Brits, Italians, Czechs, Scots, etc. -- are being boiled in oil, guarded by a cordon of fork-wiedling devils. The visitor asks the guide: "Why has that cauldron been left ungaurded?" "Oh," replied the guide. "Those are Poles. When one of them tries to get out, the others pull him back in!"
Jan Kochanowski is sitting under his lime tree. He's trying to write something but he can't find any inspiration. Suddenly, he sees a muse in distance, in his garden.
'Oh, muse! Help me! I need inspiration' he calls. The muse comes to him, thinks for a while and whispers something to his ear. 'No, not another epigram! I've written so many' he sighs. The muse thinks again, and whispers another idea to Kochanowski's ear. 'Greek tragedy? No, one is enough.' The muse is thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and finally, she comes up with a brilliant idea, which she again tells to Kochanowski. 'Yes! That is great!' exclaims the poet joyfully, 'Urszulka' he calls, 'Come to daddy!'
Polish army barracks in Iraq is hit by an insurgent missile...It knocks out the one lightbulb.
At first there is panic...But Polish Lieutenant Kosinski thinks fast, and has a flashlight...He uses flashlight and finds the emergency supply of candles...He lights them and marks a path to the kitchen sink...Now, if a Polish soldier must 'take a pee' he has a clear route marked out, no problem.
The non-Polish world thinks of 'Polish jokes' only in turns of anecdotes ridiculing Poles and things Polish. But there are Polish jokes originated and/or told by Poles which are directed at other targets.
** A wagon train in the Wild West is attacked by ferocious Indians. One grabs a blonde-haired lass and is about the scalp her when she exclaims. "Matko Boska Częstochowska!" The Indian stops in hsi tracks, drops his tomahawk, his eyes bulge and he asks in disbelief: 'Pani mówi po polsku?'
** A passenger plane is experiencing mechanical problems and the captian calls on able-bodied men to ligthen the load so it can reach the nearest airport by sacrificing themselves. A Brit stands at the door, shouts 'God save the queen' and jumps. A Frenchman does likewise after shouting 'Vive la France!' And then a Pole steps forward, shouts "Niech żyje Polska!" and pushes out a Russian.
** During martial law a Pole goes to confession: "Father, I have just killed a Zomo (riot policeman)!" The priest replies: "My son, first your sins. Save the merits for later!"
** What do you get when you cross an ape with a Russian? - A retarded ape!
If a Polish soldier was in a positon to shoot a German and a Russian, which would he shoot first? Naturally, the German, because 'najpierw obowiązek, a dopiero potem przyjemność!' (duty before pleasure)
Like the Nazi occupation period, the Soviet puppet state known as the PRL (Polak Ruska lubi?) generated much spontaneous humour. During the war someone went to the registrar's office and wanted to change his name because it was demeaning. 'What is your name?* asked the clerk. 'Adolf Srajda,' replied the client, 'and I want to change it to Tadeusz Srajda!' And on Nazi posters proclaiming 'Deutschland siegt an allen Fronten' Polish midnight Rembrandt's would change the 's' to an 'l' to create 'liegt'.
** During PRL, a foreign journalist asked a Polish official to describe the essence of Polish-Soviet trade: 'We send them our ham, steel and coal and they send us their shoes....to be mended.'
And Englishman asks a Pole to describe Poland's hierarchy of administrative authority. The Pole enumerates: 'At the bottom is the Municipal People's Council, then the District (Powiat) Peoples' Council, the Voivodship Peoples' Council, the Council of State and at the very top is God (in Polish Bóg).' 'Bóg?,' I thought this was an atheist state!' says the Brit. 'It is, because the real authority is 'za Bugiem' (on the other side of the River Bug - this is a difficult to translate play on word).'
Why are Jaruzelski's lips so red? - Because Brezhnev's got hemorrhoids!
During martial law (1981-83), Jaruzelski introduced some constitutional changes. The model Polish citizen would henceforth be known as homo-zomo, the country would be renamed Ubekistan* and 30 pieces of silver would replace the złoty as the nationalł currency.
* ubek was the contemptuous term for a communist secret policeman from the Stalin-era Urząd Bezpieczeństwa (Security Bureau).
A waitress comes through with a plate of pierogi, "Who ordered the Russians?" The reply, "Nobody, they came by themselves!"
A Pole rings his plumber to ask him to repair the blocked sink. "Sure thing, we'll be ready for you in ten years." "Oh, morning or afternoon?" "Does it matter?" "Yes, I've got a dentist appointment in the morning!"
God was working on a new project. The angels asked him what it was. "I'm going to create a country with the most beautiful scenery, the most intelligent, bravest and most beautiful people. A land with the best food and the best bread in the world!"
The angels were impressed, but one asked, "Isn't it a bit unfair to give a country all these wonderful things? Isn't it a bit too much like favouritism?"
God nodded, "Don't worry, I'd thought of that... wait until you see who I give them for neighbours!"
