News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]


But if fertilisation has occurred, that is when the unique fusion of elements have come together - that is the point of creation of life. Sperm swimming hopefully along on their own do not constitute a life. An egg waiting and hoping is nothing until it gets the vital ingredient of the other half. Ask all the people trying to conceive about that ...

I know I keep saying this, but 6-7 days after conception, or even earlier, if one is listening, one is aware one is pregnant - one is aware that 'something' has happened. However minuscule that life, it is there, in all its uniqueness.

Think of it like this. I get a pen. I have a blank piece of paper. My pen is hovering over the paper, but the paper is still blank. Then I draw a tiny dot. That dot is there, whatever anyone says. I can make it bigger, or I can try to rub it out - but it is still an event and an existence.

Personally I think discussion about 'the point at which abortion is ok' is silly - it isn't ok at any point, because the ease of doing it, and the smallness/earliness of stage of development shouldn't come into it - actually quite the opposite - we should be more protective of life in its very early stages.

And it gets back to the same old thing ... justifying getting rid of an inconvenient life by getting rid of it quick when it is tiny and you can pretend it barely exists anyhow.

I can't see how that is morally defensible, and never will. And that is not a taught religious opinion - that is gut instinct.

Polonia / Is it possible to meet a Polish female in Dubai? I'm looking for fun. [45]


They are generally slim and scrub up well, and they are good at washing up and ironing?

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


You said it. I take back what I said earlier, because I didn't have the information about him being a psychopath (I am not using that word lightly - that is what he is).

He will manipulate, force, threaten, insult and basically do anything at all to get his own way.
His own way will only ever be the whim of a moment - what he thinks he needs in order for everything to be 'ok' in his world.

You are not really you - you are just what he sees you as, and a pawn in the game. He is incapable of really caring or loving, or in any way taking your well-being and feelings into consideration.

His sadistic comments about the child and your mother are very, very clear indicators that he is a psychopath. It is possible that when the child is born he will change and transfer his 'love' to the child, but it is also possible that he will reject the child and you, or worse.

Look, he is like a loco horse, I'm afraid. He might be very attractive, very engaging, and exhilarating, but he has got something wrong with him. He is a very bad apple, however rosy he might look. He is rotten and ruined, and you should get yourself and your child absolutely as far out of his life as you can.

Actually, you should be happy and grateful that he has rejected you, because life with him would become so unbearable that your own life would be in tatters. You wouldn't be able to be your self at all, you wouldn't be able to feel happy and normal being with friends and family, and you would probably even end up in physical danger. You would go through extreme emotional pain and hardship - and for what? Making a psycho unhappy?? (because he will always ultimately be unhappy and not have what he wants - apart from when he is putting heads in the post to India for real)

So:
- Stop trying to please him and do what he wants. From this moment onwards completely stop considering his 'feelings' or what he wants.
- Do not listen to his pleading, threatening, insulting or monstrous imagined scenarios. He is sick. Switch him off like an unsavoury film. That is not your life, not your channel.

- If he is now begging re: the court and childcare, just send him a text message saying that if he agrees to 2,000 zl., that will be fine, but he will need to get that on paper at the notary within a week, otherwise the offer goes to 3,000.

I don't think you should be run out of the country because of him, but I do think you should consider very very seriously why you are in Poland, and if it is the best place for you to be. You could be in another European country, or you could be at home with your parents to start with. I can't see what support and family you have in Poland, and am not sure why you are trying to make your way there. You need to divorce him and close the chapter of your life with him. Ideally, you need to never see him again, and as far as your child is concerned, find someone else to be his or her father.

As for him accepting his other children and not yours, if that is how he has started, that will always be an issue. He is happy with what he has. He feels the child is being forced on him. And, have you considered that he might not want a mixed race child? I am not trying to say he feels like that, but you will know what his feelings are.

When he married you, he didn't know what he was doing. With his reaction to your pregnancy, he also doesn't know what he is doing. That he is a successful lawyer is horribly credible, because he doesn't have normal feelings, and everyone's lives are just a game to him. He is used to being in power, used to being able to change people's lives, and he likes that power. He doesn't like not getting what he wants.

He is a total, complete write-off, a nightmare - a hellish person. Get yourself and your family away from him. I can't say that more strongly. And yes, of course you are being abused emotionally - and there is a BIG chance that down the line, that will turn to physical abuse as well. GET OUT NOW AND BE SO HAPPY YOU ARE NOT WITH HIM. HURRAY. GO AND THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS.

And to be honest, if he doesn't even pay 1 groszek, that is still ok - what you REALLY need is for him to be GONE.

Trust me on this one. Have a care for your life, and the child's, and for your parents' happiness.

News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]


I agree, and I think that is what people are most concerned about here. Poland is a Catholic country, ostensibly has a morality largely dictated by the Church, and this morality has been and will be translated into legislation. If you want to change that, change the religion of the country (good luck ; ).


Yes. That is the other issue. Someone else's life as well as the mother's is at risk here.

That the RCC comes down on the side of protecting that life doesn't seem a bad attitude of theirs, I have to say.
There should, of course, be a massive campaign of support for pregnant mothers in difficult situations, and also of trying to prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place.


Absolutely agree, and this is the BIG POINT:

ABORTION = INCOME FOR SOMEONE.
In a 'liberal' world, abortion is 'good', and that also means that in the capitalist world that often comes with liberalism, someone sees a business opportunity.

So, what do you want?

1. A religious country where the unborn child is protected, and mothers have to do as they're told, even though that means some hardship for the mother in some cases, although it usually turns out ok because nobody ever regrets having a child in the end,

OR

2. A capitalist, liberal country where there is total freedom to do what you like with the unborn child, with the added benefit of creating a great business opportunity for someone who can use the liberal banner to say that the 'service' they offer is a vital human right of the innocent female?

What you actually have is a religious country shot through with capitalism and liberalism. Tricky.

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


That seems a bit odd to me. I mean, he is a lawyer - so why would he think he could show a court that the marriage wasn't real?? Did you get married in Poland and do you have a marriage certificate to prove this, and entry in the marriage register?

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]


I agree with you, but I still also think that something doesn't quite add up here. It just doesn't. And I wonder if unravelling it is the key to where exactly this guy stands, and therefore what would be the best thing to do.

He liked you enough to get married, which is a pretty big deal. How long did you know each other before you married? Did you need to marry for an immigration issue?

Love / Aliments and abortion (I was married to a Polish guy) [64]

If he doesn't want to be with you, and have the child, does he want a divorce?

His behaviour just seems so inconsistent and strange, that I can't quite follow even a warped logic there ... must be very hard for you.

I just think you sound rather alone in Poland. I think that is why people have said why not go back to your parents. But I can understand why if you like Europe, you want to stay. That was presumably your plan, in marrying a European guy and living in Poland, so why should it change now because he turned out to be an idiot? I understand.

Life / How many children is a good number in Poland? [12]


Well, yes, I suppose that makes sense ... but how does that sit with being Catholic ... ?

Life / The "I am never wrong" phenom - is it the Polish thing? [63]


Actually you are quite right - Greeks also never say sorry, and rarely tell the truth, apart from when discussing their emotions. As for Indians, their every word is carefully considered and calibrated to achieve what they want - they don't even begin with the truth and diverge from it, and their 'sorries' are certainly rare, and suspect.

Just generalising there, of course.

Life / Do Polish people know a lot about the world ? [16]


This is a type of Polish person - particularly female. I lived in Poland for several years, and knew only nice, well-informed, well-educated people. I then, over the past seven years in the UK, widened, shall we say, my Polish circle (not exactly by choice), and have encountered the 'other' sort of Polish woman ... the ignorant battle-axe who thinks she knows it all, including how to maximise benefits available. She also knows all the Primark SKU numbers and product location by shelf.

These women, I say with absolute certainty and no apology, are monsters. I am sorry that you are living with one. Tread very carefully around her. She will throw out comments to the dozen, considering them wisdom, whereas in fact they will range from the amusing to the deeply offensive. She will, if she needs anything at all, get it from you if you show the least 'weakness' in her eyes (more commonly translated as 'niceness' in a sane world), and she will also, if she gets the chance, revile you and your 'foreign' habits and 'beliefs' to all she can (that is just for fun - that is her entertainment). She will dominate the house, she will consider everybody else beneath her, she will think it fine to have vodka parties until dawn, but if you once wake the baby (especially when she has a hangover), woe betide you ...

And, if you really annoy her, she will somehow turn everyone in the house against you and have you thrown out - seriously.

These women are poison. So I suggest you smile politely and have as little to do with her as you possibly can. And if she comments about Brazil again, just walk out of the room. Or tell her she knows nothing, but then you will be annoying her which is, as I say, a dangerous game to play.

I have such wonderful, clever, thinking Polish friends - but that is not the type you are with here. You are with the Schrolka.

Life / Do Polish people know a lot about the world ? [16]


I would say actually that there is a very strong showing of this 'ignorant' type in the cities - this is the band of people who are just above 'patologia' (probably the lowest socio-economic class you get in cities - alcoholism and abuse are rife - domestic violence almost standard - half the family members die before 50 from alcohol or cancer - etc.). They have often dragged themselves out of what might have been termed 'patologia', and are now first generation trying to move up, but the legacy of their childhood doesn't help, because the emotional tracks laid down in childhood mean that they are generally anti-intellectual, they have the 'working class' respect for clean floors and tea on't table, and they tend to be fairly limited in terms of world experience, outlook, education (probably left academic education at 15), and ... there are a lot of these, in their later 20s, and 30s, in the UK now. In British terms, one might call them 'a bit rough' - but it is a very specific, European/Polish kind of rough.

So, the idea that people of limited world-view, shall we call it, only come from backwaters and farms isn't the whole picture, in my experience. There are those out smoking, pushing buggies and tinkering with 10-yr-old BMWs and Audis on the blackened back streets of the larger cities ... and stealing, and fighting, and swearing, and being ... a bit rough.

Love / polish gf doesnt wanna kiss and hug me at her home,normal or not? [7]

well she is Catholic, innit?

Love / Do you think these renowned Poles are hot? [150]

erm, not quite my taste. He is intense, but looks like his elbows might be a bit spikey.

I prefer the slightly more elastic type, with some evidence of musculature. I don't mind a small paunch, as it is comfortable for resting the head. I like a man of some physical substance - not just intellectual/energy.

(And of course this thread has absolutely nothing to do with my subjective preferences, but still : )

Show us some more pictures and I will be more than happy to contribute my thruppence worth.

Real Estate / Home builders in Poland? [16]

Stig, you don't need to speak Polish - I am the voice for a great team of Polish builders. Just say the word if you want us to help.

Love / ARE POLISH GIRLS GOLD-DIGGERS? [359]

Have you seen 'Seksmisja'? : D Men aren't that bad : )


Why?

Love / Do you think these renowned Poles are hot? [150]

Ok, I have an almost-embarrassing predilection for Polish men, but somehow here people have managed to find the few that I don't find particularly attractive ... the rest of the nation is hot, though ; )

Language / POLISH 18 - 30 years old know MUCH BETTER ENGLISH language than their own native language! [102]


I am interested in your definition of 'better English'. Whatever a native speaker says is correct in the sense that it is a natural expression of the mother tongue. However good the 'grammar' of a non-native speaker, and however perfect their turns of phrase, there will always be the odd moment of unnatural language which will give them away as non-native speakers. So, in this sense, they can never be 'better' than a native speaker.

It depends what you are judging it on.

Personally I think a language is by definition fluid, and its life lies in the hands of its users ... I delight in variation and, even in some cases, in what some might call bastardisation of a language, because this is the language being manipulated and fully 'used' by its speakers.

What grates on my ear is the artificiality of non-native usage, but of course I also sound artificial, and my language acquired, in my non-native languages. So I give, as well as taking.