Life / In need of good Polish jokes about Polish culture, people, etc [239]

@Paulina

Dearest Paulina,

This joke belongs in the rubric of absurdist/surreal humor.

According to Wikipedia:

Surreal humor (also called surreal comedy, absurdist humor, or absurdist comedy) is a form of humor predicated on deliberate violations of causal reasoning, thus producing events and behaviors that are obviously illogical. Portrayals of surreal humour tend to involve bizarre juxtapositions, incongruity, non-sequiturs, irrational or absurd situations, and expressions of nonsense.

In this case, there are several elements:

A) A cow emerges from underwater.

B) The cow addresses the fisherman, and instead of expressing any surprise or other appropriate reaction - he proceeds to try to be helpful in regards to the cow's query

C) The cow disregards his helpful response, and replies instead with a non sequitur.

The joke invites you to think about both the mundane and the eternal, as well as the nature of class relations in pre-war England.

Life / In need of good Polish jokes about Polish culture, people, etc [239]


If I explain, it will suck all the joy out of the joke. At least for me, since I am quite fond of this one.

Life / Was Legionella in Poland a biological weapon attack? [26]


Having AIDS is a great way to get killed by Legionnaire's Disease. Most people are totally unaffected by it, but those with a suppressed immune system get absolutely wrecked.

There is no vaccine for it.

Fun fact: it's name has nothing to do with the Roman Empire, but instead the "American Legion" organization. One of its branches had a mass outbreak amongst its members.

Life / In need of good Polish jokes about Polish culture, people, etc [239]

A Polish man is fishing along a riverbank.

Suddenly, a cow emerges from underwater, and asks the man:

- Pan Fisherman, can you tell me which side of the river this is?

- Which side do you need?

- I don't care, I'm wearing galoshes.

Travel / Being Transgender and visiting Wroclaw [467]


Hi friend! It is amazing we have the same name... well - almost.

Do you by chance enjoy eating curry, or make involuntary "oinking" sounds when especially happy?

Travel / Being Straight and Visiting Gdańsk [20]


Please stay on topic. This thread is about whether it is advisable for straight people to visit Gdańsk.

Travel / Being Straight and Visiting Gdańsk [20]


I've never confused the two in the past, but here you may actually be right. Having a longer penis, and spending less time in Poland - seems like a win-win...

Back to the drawing board.


Damn... A lot of heterophobia in Polish night clubs?

I can imagine the scene. From across the bar, some muscular gay guys yelling in my direction - "Hey pussy lover - you lost?", or "You won't find any tits here, you jerkoff!"


This. This is surely the thing missing in my life.

Unlike lengthening penis, and shortening stay in Poland - this seems like a total lose-lose. I have to deal with living with a woman AND getting pegged in the a$s. Truly the worst of both worlds.

Bonasera, Bonasera... what have I ever done to you, that you treat me so disrespectfully?

Off-Topic / Udmurts - what lovely people! [10]

I noticed there have been a lot less mentions of Udmurtia on this forum, since this thread was created.

I quite enjoyed the clueless way in which the term was thrown around. As I believe I mentioned, it's like calling every Englishman a Scouser. Illogical, meaningless, but kind of funny.

Off-Topic / Things We Love [332]


Great drink in the mountains, even when not sick. Better than than hot wine the Germans drink, when skiing.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]

@Ironside

I like this sexy version of Polish patriotism. Finally - people we can have a normal conversation with.

Life / Racism in Poland - the future [558]


You are a good guy. Would love to buy you beer in France or Poland.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


Lighten up! I do Hitler salutes towards some especially bent Ukrainians I meet in NY and elsewhere. Maybe, not everyone appreciates the humor.


Somehow; they will have to forgive us.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


I laughed too. A thing more rare than a Caspian Tiger.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


This is probably possible. Start by signing agreement with Rosatom (the world's largest nuclear power corporation, building the most nuclear reactors around the world), to build a Polish NPP or a couple. If it works for Hungary, it should work for Poland.

This would give Polish scientists and engineers time and invaluable experience in operating and maintaining a nuclear power plant. From there, it is really a technical step, and some serious investment, for Poland to be able to build the facilities necessary for weapons grade enrichment.

However, Russia likely would not be comfortable with Poland keeping fissile materials, would want them returned for burial in Russia. Also, unless it did this secretly, Russia could not help Poland build the enrichment facilities.

We were trying to help Iran and look what happened. Jews keep blowing up the place, killing the chief scientists, and Iran is sanctioned like it is not on Earth but some orbiting body.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


Poland would have to make many changes, before Russia would be willing to provide it with nuclear weapons. Let's look at existing examples of people sharing nuclear weapons.

The closest example of someone simply giving someone else nuclear weapons, together with the keys to them, is Britain and the United States. Meaning, Britain was simply allowed to purchase American Trident ICBMs, and is more or less in control of them. This unique situation exists for a long list of reasons, but perhaps the main one is that the Brits already had their own nukes before (and had at least the theoretical ability to continue making their own). Britain and the United States are also exceptionally close allies, sharing a common history, having fought together in the two most important conflicts in modern history. It is impossible to imagine the UK threatening or extorting the US by means of nuclear brinksmanship.

The other examples are of the United States stationing nuclear weapons on the territory of key allies such as Germany or Turkey. It doesn't mean that the Germans or Turks can use those nuclear weapons at will. Even if those countries are attacked themselves, the US will have the final say in whether or not they can be used.

Then there is the example of Belarus, which is also merely making its country available for hosting Russian nukes. Whatever Lukashenko says, it's not his to threaten others with. However, the nukes ARE in Belarus, and this IS important. Problem for you Poles, if you want the nukes from us, is that Belarus and Russia are a part of something called the Union State. Are you willing to enter that level of intimate partnership with us? Because I think that's the only way this will happen.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


Just got distracted by American matters. I did not give up on the idea, and continue to view it seriously.

However, nuclear weapons cannot be the "only" answer. Russia will be the first country that will have problems after giving nukes to Poland. We are a signatory to the nuclear non-proliferation treaty. We would become even more sanctioned, by possibly a much larger circle of countries.

Poland would also face extreme problems. Getting kicked out of NATO, and the EU could be just the start.

We have to start slow, but always move forward. Maybe even the day for sharing nukes will come, but much has to be done before.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


Thank you!

I have this theory, that I've been carrying around for a long time - that Russia and the US have more in common, than what sets them apart.

1) We are both, "of Europe", but also very clearly not "European". To them, we are their primitive cousins, and sometimes they remind us about this.

2) The "Frontier" played a huge role in the shaping of each country's mindset. The Americans had Manifest Destiny, Conquest of the West, cowboys, and homesteaders. At the same time, Russia moved East towards the Pacific, through similarly desolate lands. Instead of cowboys we had Cossacks. Instead of homesteaders, we had our own peasant settlers.

3) Both countries have an idea, right or wrong, that they have a special role to play among the people's of the world.

4) Both consider Europe weak, effeminate, and rotting.

5) We are both a little bit worried about the monstrous size and appetite of China.

6) As people, I think we are both very open, simple, and hospitable. You get what you see. This is why I think in personal relations, Americans and Russians get along very well.

All the above, is not to say that America is closer to Russia than Poland. Think about that :)

History / This anti-Ukrainian propaganda for no valid reasons must stop [70]


This is why I love PF.

Free stock tips. Free legal advice. Free career consultations. And now... free psychoanalysis.

Whoever said that you get what you pay for, has not been to PF.

History / This anti-Ukrainian propaganda for no valid reasons must stop [70]


You can be cruel sometimes, Barney.

History / This anti-Ukrainian propaganda for no valid reasons must stop [70]


But of course, I meant myself and my colleague.

Once again, I am experiencing a crisis of faith. First, your "Poland Should Apologize to Ukraine" thread made me feel utterly superfluous. Now, this genius Michael arrives, and in one single post achieves a greater kinetic effect than 1,000 of our posts.

What am I doing here? Am I actually a good Russian troll, or merely average?

The above, is the difference between an amateur and a professional.

History / This anti-Ukrainian propaganda for no valid reasons must stop [70]


Michael certainly seems to have read a lot... of Stepan Bandera's works.

I love the title of his thread... "for no valid reasons", hahahaha! This guy's amazing.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]

@pawian

Is Russia, freeing all the Slavs of Southern Europe and Central Europe from the clutches of the Ottomans, Austrians, and Venetians a good thing or a bad thing? Are those countries today a part of Russia? Did we turn them into Russians? All of them follow the Orthodox faith?

What the hell, we even gave you guys your historic lands in the West - taking them away from the Germans. The pieces we cut from the East, were not even majority Polish, and in any case do not belong to Russia now.

As far as Pan-Slavism goes, Russia certainly didn't invent it, did not benefit from it much, but absolutely did the bigger part of the heavy lifting in giving it some actual substance.

Your hate for Russia is blinding!

History / This anti-Ukrainian propaganda for no valid reasons must stop [70]


Ehrm... *cough cough*

You sir, are a master. I take my hat off to you.

In all the years of two Russians trying to sow discord between Ukrainians and Poles on this forum, we never even approached your level of skill.

Simply... WOW!

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


Historically - the epicenter of Pan-Slavism was the Balkans and the area that is now occupied by Czechia and Slovakia. This was in the 19th century.

These were Slavs that were under the rule of Turks, Venetians, Austrians and Hungarians for hundreds of years. They were Muslims, Catholics, and Orthodox - but still feeling closer to each other than towards any of their oppressors.

In Russia, they saw a savior (Poland also was not independent at the time). Indeed, using Pan-Slavism as its opening, Russia freed all the Slavs of Southern Europe within a relatively short period of time.

The peak of Pan-Slavism came with the creation of Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. Now, when both those countries have splintered into pieces - it's probably fair to say that the best days of Pan-Slavism are behind us.

What I'm trying to say, is that when Pawian says "Pan-Slavism always ends in Russian domination", it is not historically or factually correct. Russia did not invent Pan-Slavism, and has never really benefited from it in any big way.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


Yes, brate. I apologize for missing this part of your message.

Svetovid smiles from the skies, each time Slavic brothers unite in love for Mother Serbia. When good Slavs show this kind of cooperation - one can only say: all is well in the universe.

A little bird told me, that when all Slavs unite, the collective sphincter of every other race will tighten to impossibly small diameter.

@Ironside

What's this obsession with nuclear missiles? Who do you want to nuke? I am a little bit worried it may be Russia)

Only one country ever used nukes, and I'm fairly certain they still have mixed feelings about it. This is not a weapon that should be used by the Christ Among Nations.

Poland's most powerful weapon is its moral superiority.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


Definitely. I would not expect Poland to put itself in jeopardy on behalf of Russia, but it could be something like the way the Danes, Norwegians, and Swedes coordinate things that are important to them.

Not everything that is "life or death" for Denmark, is important for Norway. But I would expect Norway to at least make some noises to Washington and Brussels about Danish concerns, and how it would be nice to address them.

It's the spirit of the process that matters, more than the practical results - which may be negligible for a while.


There is, at the moment, perhaps not so much Russia can offer Poland, as Poland may be able to help Russia with. I don't think sharing nukes is a good way to begin.

It's not like Russia can tell Brussels, "F*ck off from Poland regarding your requests to change their constitution, or else we will drop a bomb on your stupid Europarliament." We can't tell Brussels to spare Poland from waves of migrants either.

What Russia can help Poland with, is still very useful, however. The traditional Russian tool of foreign policy - energy. Energy is everything, and we can - for example - let Poland pay the same prices for gas and oil as Belarus. This will represent an enormous tax on the Russian people, but will probably at the same time make Poland the number one economy in Europe within ten years :)

To get Belarus-style energy prices, a lot has to happen however.

Besides energy, Russia can offer access to our large market, which is shared with several other states with an additional 60M people or so. We can make it easier for Polish companies to work there, than for any other EU country.

News / Americans incite hatred towards Russia in Polish media [75]


$50B is not a lot for the CBR. It could do that for 8 years in a row, and still have money left. It has to smooth out the curves, to prevent excess volatility.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


I'm a Pan-Slavist idiot. To me it means - we have a cousin inside the world's biggest economic bloc, and world's strongest military alliance. They can hopefully use their influence to make life for us Russians a little easier. Either by pressuring the EU to open its markets to Russia in a bigger way, or encouraging NATO to consider Russian interests instead of walking all over them.

Poland inside the Russian-led Customs Union, or the ODKB (military alliance), is just not realistic. We don't have as much money as the EU to shower on Poland, and Poland is still too suspicious of us to ever consider us military allies. So why rage at the wind? Better to have a hand in the game, than to have no influence at all. In the same way - I won't be upset if Serbia joins the EU.


As you can probably guess from the above, we don't need you to advocate on our behalf for handouts. Just for the West to treat us as equal human beings in business dealings and foreign policy.

History / What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies? [945]


Considering that there are 110M ethnic Russians living in Russia, I will assume you are advocating a genocide against the Russian people.


I wouldn't be surprised if there were a couple hundred thousand Polish citizens that would quite like it if they had a preferential path to a Russian work permit over other Europeans. There are hundreds of Polish companies in Russia. Nobody likes to deal with bureaucracy, and it can be a huge obstacle to business.