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In need of good Polish jokes about Polish culture, people, etc [226]
The year is 1978. A little angel is dent down from heaven to check out things down on Earth. He comes back and tells God: "A Pole has been elected pope" and God replies: 'JA WIEM!'
Why are Polish jokes so short? - So the idiots that tell them can remember them.
A Pole, Frenchman and Jew walking through the woods spot a skunk a running into a cave. The Pole says 'I'll catch him', enters the cave but soon re-emerges holding his nose and gasping for air. The Frenchman does the some. Finally the Jew gives it a go, but this time the skunk re-emerges holding its nose and gasping for air. (NB: any nationalities may be subsituted -- Lusatians, Albanians, Samogitians, Slavonians, etc.).
At a Polish-Soviet border crossing one dark, cold night the Soviet border guard saw that his Polish counterpart had dozed off ( probably nursing a hangover), slumped over the border post and his had rolled over to the Soviet side. The Russky’s duty was ending so he decided to play a trick on the Pole and crapped into his hat. Several weeks passed before the same two soldiers were on guard duty at the same time again, but neither said a word. It so happened, that this time it was the Soviet soldier that dozed off. When he woke up in his cap was a bottle of Winiak and Starka, a box of Wedel chocolates, a Krakus tinned ham and a carton of high-class Carmen cigarettes. Next time the two duties coincided, the Russian was greatly embarrassed and profusely apologized that he had played such a nasty trick and the Pole had given him such luxury delicacies. To which the Pole replied: “Co kto ma to daje!” (You can only give what you’ve got).
The leader of the London-based Polish Government in Exile challenged the Polish Communist leader (in actuality the Soviet puppet) Bolesław Bierut to a foot race. The émigré leader being younger and in better shape easily won. Next day Trybuna Ludu (Polish Communist party organ) ran big, bold headlines across its front page:
COMRADE BIERUT CAPTURES COVETED SECOND PLACE
Reactionary émigré politician is last but one (or: second to last)
There are countless Góral (highlander) jokes. Here's one:
A highlander was in court on charges of killing a tourist who was found with multiple stab wounds. Asked to explain, the highlander said: Well, you see, it was like this, Your Worship.
I was sitting on a stump whittling away when this ceper* came round and tripped so unfortunately that he impaled himself on my whittling knife. And he did so a total of 17 times.
* Ceper (pronounced tsepper rhyming with the American pronunciation of pepper) is Góralese for an outsider, tourist, holidaymaker, cityslicker, etc.
A ceper is trekking through the mountains and comes across a Góral stretched out in a mountain clearing, puffing his pearwood pipe. The ceper asks the time, whereupon the Górał jiggles the gonads of a goat grazing at his side and says: It's half past 10. Several hours later the same ceper is returning from his hike and again asks the Góral for the time. The Góral again jiggles the goat's testicles and says. It's 1.27. The bewildered tourist asks how is it that you can tell the time by fiddling with the goat's testicles. Very simple, says the Góral. Our church just below us gas got a clock tower and the goat’s balls obstruct it from view. When I push them aside I can see the time.
A Góral woman is all in tears and tells her crony that he’d put her hubby’s favourite moccasins on the stove to dry and they got burnt and he will kill her when he finds out. The crony tells her what to do. When you two are in bed and he is just about to achieve his highpoint, you should try to tear yourself away. When he asks what’s wrong, tell him: Your moccasins are on the stove drying and I don’t want them to burn. So she did as suggested and the frenzied, revved-up Góral pulled her back into bed and said: LET ‘EM BURN!
How many Poles does it take to change the world?
Two -- An electrician from Gdańsk and a former cardinal from Kraków.
