interfering old snatch she seems to think that although i have worked in childcare and as a midwife before moving to poland that she knows whats best for my child even though she never raised my husband as she was working and then getting drunk
but has any non-Pole had any interesting contacts (or run-ins) with their Polish mothers-in-law, the chronic but of many Polish jokes.*
In my experience the English one was the quiet assassin. Devious to the core. The Polish one prefers the direct approach. Shouting and throwing things. Bloody scary. The father in law is a brave and tolerant man. Just hoping the other half got his genes.
Ugh..My mom is a pain but different way..uber dependent . Not resentful or disapproving though. But my fiancé's mother is going to be a pain for some years to come.
I am still trying to defuse it best as possible. Hunny is already the "lucky winna" of being oldest and only male whom his parent spin all their projected lost dreams on . She is somewhat neurotic..in a for real way. Been 'delicate' for some years.
To make it tougher, she does have valid concerns; even if they do not apply. But a terrible way of approaching it! She has made him quite angry and he is vowing never to speak to them again if it is that way when he comes to States for good next year (may com sooner than planned for other things).
I have been liked and admired by most of my exes parents. Though my Russian MIL and me had a rocky start first 2 years of the 15 years I knew her (she ended up the ONLY person in that family I came away liking barring my own children of course).
But some circumstance make this hard...specially when they are type of parent where everything their child does is are reflection on them..
So he had went from possibly to certainty in plan to marry a American-Divorcee (I can remarry in the Church)- with handicapped child-who is Older. What is wrong with him ..what has she done wrong! LOL
If I was catty I could give her the answer... not quite fair but true. LOL. Oh ..dunno..maybe it all came to this because long ago you was lazy mum who slept in til noon (she blames her mom for not coming by as she was wont to..lol) so your hungry 2 yr old became a statistic when he ate some raw eggs? He almost died, stunted his growth and has asthma and compromised immune system?
then after you had your 'nervous breakdown 'you had your next child watched by him as soon as they were walking...and the next. So he has been the secondary caregiver of his siblings since age 7 til adulthood? (dad works far afield often ).
So he didn't identify with his peers? At home you are CLOSE to him but also say things about the relationship dynamics that destabilize his comfort in home?
Your potshots about what was wrong with him at family parties stuck in their eyes for his life? the family infighting crushes his sensitive soul and he cant fit in at parties since he does not and cannot drink... period...ever? Yet is expected to at EVERY gathering? and gets heckled for refusal?
Why ..I can't Iiiii_MA_GIIINE Why he may not fit the cookie cutter perfect-son-of-good family shape.....
She loves him..to DEATH. She is blinded to what a great guy he has turned out to be in his own right without fitting in certain ideals.
I'd never be so cruel as to rub the previous statement in her face.. but I think it every time he is distressed because she is making major scene, using every tool of emotional blackmail and even threatening to "have a relapse" so to speak. While he was away from home more than a week first time ever the 9 yr old freaked and was overheard by teacher talking about suicide preferable to living another week at home 0_) ( that caused some embarrassment and a stir to be sure)
And this person will be my MIL in no less than 320 days... I am kinda glad I don't speak polish.
The BEST things she has said so far...lol.. is that I am probably got something wrong and must be somewhat childish to have any interests with him.
Okay ..lol .. I can wear that coat. Though I raise my kids, pay my bills, never got fired, only quit one job ever. I'm not in debt. How much more "grown up " do I need to be >_<
Other speculation has brought flat out weird illogical theories.
Though Old World families expect more of sons...I don't think it is so much a Polish thing as a Mum in law thing
mine is good to me actually. generous, and accommodating. It depends on the in laws. Some other may not be very open to their children marrying non-Pole. Surprisingly, i'm not Pole myself and I'm not English. And my in laws like me, even my little in law nieces, though they can be a bit shy sometimes.
@ukpolska Seriously! My mil comes from a very polish American culture and she did the same thing and actually threw a picture of another woman in our dryer but it was just my clothes in it. Then pretended like she didn't know where the laundry room even was in our tiny house. She thinks she can do whatever she wants. She does disrespectful things all of the time. I suspect she's been trying to get rid of me from day one because she can't get everything she wants out of her son with me "in the way." I know her mother gave her whatever she wanted growing up.
she's been trying to get rid of me from day one because she can't get everything she wants out of her son with me
Yes, some mothers in law never read the Bible which says these holy words: "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."
Polish is mostly Catholic so what do you expect about them reading the bible? It's not easy to be excepted into Polish families by nasty mothers because they don't like any kind of change to their traditions.
@Curly1 It's very simple, ask the local priest about it. Then tell her: but the local priest said: "insert quoted content", then she will say her thing, and then you say: do you know the bible better then a priest? Why can't we go ask him if you are correct
Most likely there will be some bewildered confusion, some cup of tea or "better not ask him too much about it"
Just reminding that assuming in any way that the mil is Catholoc is...silly. Not to mention Catolics from my experience are not that big on reading bible.
Yes, "Come follow Me and I will make you fishers of men".
Jesus said to be like shephards for the sheep?
Sheperd's or teachers of men, not fathers. My gosh, you will be having Pawian demanding that we call him father. Polish mother in laws that don't know the word rely on many superstitions to maneuver in their favor thru life with. Some of those superstitions are nothing short of satanic making them monsters to deal with..
@kate I understand you 100% and I can relate. Although not everyone in Poland can be painted with the same brush, your experience and story resonates with me as a foreigner living in Poland and due to circumstances, was living with "inl-laws" (we are not married, long-term relationship) and it went south into year 3 of living there under the same roof for 4 years. You're right on the money!
So, they weren`t your in laws, but the parents of your partner. That`s a huge difference which might have had an impact on your relationship. If the latter was not so good, you can only blame yourself, not her or his parents.
@kate Once again, fully agree. 100% as I have seen it all. It took a while, but like you, I was the outsider looking in. They don't see it. Those who do, well that rare. The jealousy and gloating is absurd, along with the constant competition. I don't have time or patience for toxic people who are insecure within themselves and are unhappy. They need to deal with their sh*t. Not take it out on outsiders who are learning about their country, culture, history etc etc not a good impression at all. Jealousy is a disease I don't have time for. Thank you for your testimony. I have had a very similar experience sadly in the last 2 years out of a total of 4 years. I ended up leaving. It affected my mental health.
@pawian It takes 2 people to make a relationship. I refuse full blame, also I was agreeing with the writer of her testimony, not asking for your opinion on my relationship. My focus on the Polish mindset and "mother in-law" so to speak.
@pawian Your text came across ambiguous. Well the relationship with his mother went south the moment I withdrew my money, my resources, my time etc etc because we were both being used. Living in their shadow and being at their constant beck and call. Couldn't have our own lives and plans. Do this, do that. Always something and whatever it was, it was never good enough. So when someone is constantly finding fault, complaining and whining, shouting and chaos, it affects other people and their mental health. Negativity and drama. So honestly, wasn't for lack of trying, but it was a culture clash and when I decided I'd had enough of being seen as the sponsor and golden goose. That's when the mood changed and the nicknames stopped. Using their own child as a skivvy and servant, like a lifetime of servitude for helping us through a difficult and unforeseen period. Some people will never change no matter how much you try to educate them. They don't want it and would rather keep their communist blinkers on. Familiarity also breeds contempt. Nothing against Poland itself as I'd like to see more, but I'd rather have nothing to do with a passive aggressive, money hungry, whiney biatch who is jealous AF...
@pawian Yes I mean my partner. And no, I had no idea about this aspect because at the time my partner wasn't even in Poland. Didn't live there. It was a build up over months to use and add more and more and more. To the point there was certain things that wouldn't be done unless my partner did it. Either way, got too much. Lord of drama and negativity. I noticed a lot of weird sh*t I didn't agree with and double standards. For me the jealousy was annoying and competition. If I bought something I had to buy for the mother too or she would go to the shop and buy same thing. Copying. Didn't like her husband buying me stuff either as a gift. Should have seen her reaction and then trying to play it down...whatever. I seen enough to smell ans know BS. So I made the decision to leave and kept my business to myself. Everything is and was affected and it's not like we wanted it to happen, but circumstances were not in our favour. Needless to say, I also see this as an experience for peoples true colours to come out in bad times and situations. That's when you see people for who they are. And we would not have seen or known this if we hadn't lived under the same roof.
@pawian And it's just the mother, not the rest of the family which I have no issue with. There is just one common denominator and it seems that this common denominator loves drama and negativity and isn't ever happy about anything. Sadly...unless given a few hundred Polish Złoty. I do feel pity and sorry for the father, her husband. He is tolerant, really nice and been welcoming. Has his moments but generally a cool guy. He even gets an ear full from the missus. Screw that. My pity and prayers to him and prayers to his wife as she needs to change and needs Jesus. I'll just pray from a distance and have nothing to do with such persons. For my own mental health and sanity and I don't want to hold a grudge or anything. Some people are just stupid, ignorant and brainless. That's my rant done. The other woman's story resonated with me a lot. Like reading my own experience. Maybe I'll meet more decent people in Poland in the future...:)
