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Fell in love with a Polish girl, but find it difficult to approach her


Ken Noddy 2 | 161
30 Apr 2007  #1
Yes, its true, I never thought it could happen to me but the old 'L' word has appeared in my life and I don't know what to do with it.

A Polish girl has started working in the same building as me and I think she is amazing. She is so beautiful and also warm and friendly. This is out of keeping with the local girls (rural Northern Ireland) who are so full of themselves and are stuck up b*tches.

My trouble is that my Polish is poor and her English, while miles better than my Polish, is sketchy, thus making conversation difficult. Throw in the fact that I am shy beyond belief, finding it difficult to approach anyone let alone the woman of my dreams.

I know I must summon the courage to talk to her, I don't want this opportunity to slip by.

Has anyone got any ideas? Help!
zbigniew 1 | 10
30 Apr 2007  #2
A smile, some flowers and ask her for 20 minutes for a coffee or tea.

Worked for me...

z.
FISZ 24 | 2,116
30 Apr 2007  #3
I'm sure the Irish women in here will love that comment

A good idea. Be a man and talk to her. What is this high school?
angel eyes 1 | 131
30 Apr 2007  #4
so full of themselves and are stuck up b*tches.

mmm very interesting i think i,l wait a while and ponder the situation before i make a comment.......!!!!!!!!
dourbest741 2 | 29
30 Apr 2007  #5
Hi Ken!

Can you tell us a little more? Do you say hello on a regular basis? All I can say now is a wonderful smile and honest eyes are a great way to start. Don't go for success all at once, take one step at a time and see if she feels you too. Language barrier?? If you can get her attention and keep it this shouldn't be a problem. I once loved a girl so much I bought a dictionary and took it with me to translate words on the spot. She found it cute and it goes a long way when you demonstrate that much effort. She wasn't polish but in general the response should be the same. But sounds good and I looking to hear more!!

Thanks and good luck!
sparrow 2 | 243
30 Apr 2007  #6
The simplest things really work best. Don't think up an elaborate scheme, good for nothing. Just pop in, say hi, I'm <name> saw you workign here lately..so your from Poland right? Drop in a badly pronounced Polish sentence with a thick Irish accent, wait for a smile & you're off.

Even if you're shy remember you're not asking her to marry you.. you don't have to drop the ball on the first go, just follow the biggest cliché in the history of mankind & "be yourself" , try to find out what she likes doing outside of work, where she's from, if she misses home & her family etc

let it rest a day or 2, rinse, repeat until you get to know her a bit.. after that just slip in a casual "oh btw, doing anything during lunch break/after work?" & take her out with her friends or yours or work-people so it doesn't seem too "fishy" if you're really shy

Just keep your nerves cool & try not to stare at her breasts. That goes a long way. :)
Good luck & let us know how it went :)
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161
2 May 2007  #7
Thank you all for some very helpful tips

Just keep your nerves cool & try not to stare at her breasts

Thats certainly one I'll keep in mind. lol.

Apologys once again for the initial quote from me about local women, I didn't mean it that way at all, really.

I once loved a girl so much I bought a dictionary and took it with me to translate words on the spot

I have considered this actually, and was in a bookshop yesterday looking at several different 'teach yourself polish' guides. The thing is in the past I made a silly error, I liked a girl who worked in the gym I visit but I was terrified to speak to her but I really needed her to know how I felt so I put my feeling down in a letter and sent it to her. I really liked the letter and it seemed to sum up things well but it got no response and a few weeks later I found out she was engaged to someone for ages. Talk about embarassing, I know she has told some of her friends about it and I guess I'm a bit paranoid now that the whole town knows and are laughing at me behind my back.

I'm a bit mixed up as you can probably gather but I'm decent at heart and I have a fear that the same thing is going to happen again.
glowa 1 | 291
2 May 2007  #8
The thing is in the past I made a silly error,

so? that supposed to be an excuse? :)
make one again then, after all what have you to loose?

he, he, it even rhymes :)
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161
2 May 2007  #9
I was hoping to see this Polish girl in work today and have sort of planned a dialogue to say to her. She wasn't there and I'm nervous that she has left and my chance has gone.

I am definately paranoid big time. I'm starting to convince myself that she is way too pretty for me and she is married or has a boyfriend back home.

Drop in a badly pronounced Polish sentence with a thick Irish accent

Now that is something I can do! lol

Up until now I have been making eye contact, smiling and saying 'hi' and she has done the same back.
The next time I see her I am going to say 'dzien dobry' followed by 'Jestem ...my name.
Do you think I should leave it there?

let it rest a day or 2, rinse, repeat until you get to know her a bit

I have considered saying 'Jestes tak piekna' Is this a bit too much, too soon? I'm not even sure how to pronounce 'piekna' or whether the 'j' in 'jestes' sounds like the 'j' in just or the 'g' in given?

Your advice would be welcome once again, you've all been a big help so far.
dourbest741 2 | 29
2 May 2007  #10
Hi Ken,

Think about it as making payments. Or financing your love here for this girl. Good start by the way. A few different words everyday and eventually she'll feel comfortable enough and by then you can express yourself. If she speaks polish to you then awesome!! Ok then what do you do? Wave the book and say "still learning" with a genuine smile. Ofcourse forget it when you actually know the language. Good Luck!

So don't worry if she has a boyfriend or a whatever. The point is trying. Remember some of those classical statues of roman emperors? Some weren't Brad Pitt or George Clooney but they had confidence and then power. So my friend, be confident. Hope for the best and plan for the worst.
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161
2 May 2007  #11
The point is trying

You're right, after all a mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn from it.

Okay, I'm off to watch the football on the telly, c'mon Man U!
southern
2 May 2007  #12
Polish girls are extremely easy to approach.They do not carry out complicated conversations.Be as simple as most you can.Lnaguage barrier likely will prove good because what she will not understad she will imagine.90% language barrier helps in the beggining.
shewolf 5 | 1,077
2 May 2007  #13
I am definately paranoid big time. I'm starting to convince myself that she is way too pretty for me and she is married or has a boyfriend back home.

What if it turns out that she's got a boyfriend or husband? Will you be able to continue being a friend to her? My opinion is that you should just ask her if she has a boyfriend or husband right away because it sounds like you want to be more than just a friend to her.
LoneStranger 3 | 382
2 May 2007  #14
who are so full of themselves and are stuck up b*tches.

I understand your emotions towards that particular Polish lady. But calm down ...
angel eyes 1 | 131
2 May 2007  #15
Yes i suggest you ask has she a partner first no point in jumping in the deep end if it cant go anywhere. then ask her out and go from there. she obviously likes you or she wouldn,t be smiling at you so deep breath and good luck!
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161
2 May 2007  #16
What if it turns out that she's got a boyfriend or husband? Will you be able to continue being a friend to her?

A very interesting point you raise here. Can a man be just good friends with a woman and want nothing more than friendship? Now, be honest fella's!

I have to be honest and say that in my case, I doubt whether I could just stay friends with this girl if she wasn't interested in taking it further.

Does this make me a shallow person? I'm not sure, really, its just at this stage of my life I feel that the biological clock is ticking, a lot of friends are marrying, starting families and I seem light years behind in the relationship race. Its like I've been in a coma for the last 15 years and I've awoken to find the world has passed me by. I'm doing things now that I should have done when I was 17. They say youth is wasted on the young and I am beginning to agree.
shewolf 5 | 1,077
2 May 2007  #17
A very interesting point you raise here. Can a man be just good friends with a woman and want nothing more than friendship? Now, be honest fella's!

Yeah, I'd really like to hear more mens' opinions on this.
Jeska - | 11
3 May 2007  #18
You can't go wrong in just being real with her. The most undesirable relationships are based on false projections...... Besides that you just don't want to give off the wrong impression.

I find the easiest way to make a connection with others is question them, tease a little and see how they accept it. She'll either jump or flee but real women like real men and my impression is that the majority of polish women respect true ingenuity.

You could start off a conversation by saying something like (smiling) "Oh and just what are *you* doing here?" She should pick up on your intent, even still you're not coming on too strong.
slwkk 2 | 228
3 May 2007  #19
I have considered saying 'Jestes tak piekna' Is this a bit too much, too soon?

Too soon. You should wait longer before making statements like this - say to 1st or better 2nd official date ;]
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,512
3 May 2007  #20
Can a man be just good friends with a woman and want nothing more than friendship?

of course... <?>
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161
3 May 2007  #21
Too soon

You're spot on my friend. I spoke to the girl I really like today in work. I plucked up the courage at last and said hello. With hindsight it probably wasn't the very best time as she seemed really busy but I've putting it off and putting it off waiting for the perfect time which is crazy. Its probably the most nervous I've ever been. This probably sounds silly to most people but for someone as shy as me it really was a big deal.

I think/hope it went good considering I had a severe case of foot-in-mouth!
She was surprised that I spoke any Polish and asked where I learnt it from. This kind of threw me as I thought she had very little English but was in fact very good. I think I said something like 'friends on the internet' or something like that. I also said my name and she replied with her name so that was nice.

I guess its something to start on and I'll try and take it slow and try not to bombard her with too much questions in one go. There are some lingering doubts however, seeing her in front of me for more than a split second as before I can see now that she is really stunning, way more beautiful than I first thought and when she smiled, well that was a wonderful thing. I may be trying for too much too soon, trying to climb Mount Everest before I am able to climb the stairs at home. I'm sure I'm going to end up hurt, I'm really not in the same league as her, I'm tall but a bit goofy looking.

Hope for the best and plan for the worst.

Thats all I can do I suppose and try to stay positive as best I can.
sapphire 22 | 1,241
3 May 2007  #22
Ken Noddy, dont doubt yourself.. no-one is out of your league, imho if anything would put her off it would be more likely to be your lack of confidence rather than your looks.. although having said that some women find shyness endearing, definitely better than arrogance. Personally I dont think you should ask her outright if she is seeing anyone, that would put me off more than anything.. there is nothing wrong with trying to build a friendship first and you will then find that out naturally... although if you act very awkward around her then she will probably be aware that you fancy her. I dont know what kind of place you guys work, but she must have to speak fairly good English to work there.. no?

As for men and women being only friends.. my best mate is a guy and I have many platonic male friends, which I think is very healthy... sadly my bf doesnt see it in quite the same way.. but hey, thats Polish men for you. Anyway, whatever happens I wish you good luck.... believe in yourself and even if you dont get what you hoped for this time, I'm sure you will soon find someone lovely who reciprocates your feelings.. .Polish or not... but slagging off the local girls probably wont help.
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161
3 May 2007  #23
but slagging off the local girls probably wont help.

I see my earlier faux pas is returning to haunt me once again. lol.

Thank you for your words of wisdom, much appreciated.

Confidence is a curious thing don't you think? I see people every day that I know in my heart of hearts I'm every bit as good as but the thing that separates us is confidence. But how do you gain it? Is it something your born with? I'm studying psychology and I really find this kind of stuff fascinating. Its really intense.
stepheng - | 49
3 May 2007  #24
Confidence is a curious thing don't you think? I see people every day that I know in my heart of hearts I'm every bit as good as but the thing that separates us is confidence. But how do you gain it? Is it something your born with? I'm studying psychology and I really find this kind of stuff fascinating. Its really intense.

Confidence can be built up in someone if they are willing to change their ways. Even confident people have the same emotions running through their mind when approaching.

I heard from a friend that one such technique is to stand in a busy shopping centre and smile and say hello to passers by and to try to approach within 3 seconds of seeing someone so as to limit emotional resistance. I still need to try it myself as I was only told about it today.
southern
3 May 2007  #25
Absolutely true advice.It always works.Though if she moves quickly the three seconds can pass by.
Craig
3 May 2007  #26
Hi, could somone please tell me what is polish for tease? There ia beautiful polish girl in work who teased the hell out of me . I tried to tell her this but she looks at me strange and says she doesn't understand . She has a boyfriend but i got the impression from her she was unhappy as she gave me her number and txed me constantly saying how much she liked me. It turns out is marring this guy! I told her I don't want to be her friend and she justs teased me. Please help me make her understand this is not nice . Thanks
southern
3 May 2007  #27
What is the problem?Why do you not sleep with her?Probably one part of her has not decided to marry.She may not want to commit and likes to enjoy freedom.However maybe her boyfriend pressed her to marry.I think it is a good opportunity.
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161
3 May 2007  #28
As for men and women being only friends.. my best mate is a guy and I have many platonic male friends, which I think is very healthy... sadly my bf doesnt see it in quite the same way.. but hey, thats Polish men for you.

I suppose it all boils down to trust in the end of the day. If I had a girlfriend I would be very uneasy if she spent alot of time with male friends. I guess a truly great relationship is where both parties trust each other enough not to mind who their friends are. But this is where the hurt comes in, you open up to someone, put you're trust in them and they mess you up. Its common enough I suppose, men and women are equally guilty.

I would be suspicious of platonic male friends and would wonder what is their angle, they're up to something. Maybe not in a direct way but they are using the relationship to gain something in the long term.

I'm probably way off the mark here and who am I to talk anyway, I'm nothing but a twisted, cynical fool.
AvJoeUK
3 May 2007  #29
Try not to go down the Jealousy Road mate, It tore me up just constantly thinking "What If?" and "But she might?". And yes although It turned out I was tragically right, Its a Dark road to go down and the more you dwell on it the worse of you become.

Without trust theres nothing, So you either give that trust in return for trust or its not going to work, You've got to make sure she knows that shes got every right to trust you and If shes kind enough will tell you that you can trust her also.

Male freinds are always dishy in my books, you can never be too sure what their game is so my advice would be to play it cool and If she thinks your being reasonable, she oughta be back.
southern
3 May 2007  #30
Is it possible to trust women?They claim they have the right to change their mind whenever they want.


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