A Complicated Child Support Question (Polish citizen / UK)

I have a question, and I don't know where to begin to seek the answer.
I am a 19 year old Polish citizen, who has lived in the UK, since I was 7 years old. My birth father still lives in Poland. He and my mother were never married. My mother is a Polish citizen who came to the UK when I was 5 and married another Polish citizen. My stepfather never adopted me. They had two children together once married. When I was growing up, my mother refused to petition my birth father for a Child Maintenance Agreement, as she said that she didn't want him involved in my life. There were times where I had to go without things, but I trusted her judgment at the time.

I am now in year two at Uni in Wales and receive little help from my mother and stepfather, as I have two young kids that they support and they are experiencing financial issues themselves. There was never anything put aside for my university education.

In January, I got a small job through the university, part time, a lot of work (food service) and not enough to pay my financial obligations without cutting corners like no public transport and I am receiving help from a local food bank. I've always been a very good student and the job has forced me to cut back on studying, which really stresses me out. I'm working on a biology degree and intend on an advanced degree, but the cost makes me feel helpless. Is there anything that would obligate my birth father in Poland to pay any amount to compensate for never paying any support? Would I do that through Polish courts as he lives there and I am a citizen? It seems like from what I have read that would be my best chance.

My mother still does not want to be involved so this is something I have to initiate myself, but I believe she would cooperate with any necessary information once the process was started. She is a very proud woman and does not want him or his family to think they cannot provide enough, but I don't care about that. The truth is they cannot.

I would really appreciate any information you could give me. Thank you for your time.

Is that a typo? Surely you don't have two kids at nineteen years of age.

As you're very young and only in the second year of your studies, would it be possible to change to a part-time degree? That would give you more time for studying and ease the financial burden perhaps? It would take a bit longer but you have time on your side. As for your advanced degree, you shouldn't go straight into a Masters anyway after your undergrad. Get some experience under your belt in your field and a bit of money saved up.


Yes. You have an entitlement to sue for support as an adult child if you are studying. However getting him to pay, if you get a judgement in your favour, is another matter. Could he afford it? Whatever he earns, divide it by six to get the sterling amount.

Yes it was a typo. They have 2 young children sorry. My half siblings. I am not sure if he can afford it because I have no contact with him.

Do you know his financial situation at all? Not trying to get child support does not sound very much in character for a Polish woman unless there's more going on....


Yes, take those words to heart.

My mom always made it out like she was too proud to ask for anything. She made a point about raising me singlehandedly (even tho she did not have a job and relied financially on my stepdad) and never talking a penny from him, which would have been fine if she had actually been able to provide for me but growing up I was lacking a lot, and nowadays they spend extravagantly on my siblings, my stepdads kids, and then they're broke. Though I don't know my dad's finances he does take holidays based on his FB. Communication between us is non existent right now but before I was 18 we'd have a phone call 2x a year Christmas and my birthday, and he had promised monthly money for my uni but then never sent a penny

Ok, here's my take on things. Quite apart from the financial need you're in, you may feel very hurt by the actions of both your biological parents. But you mustn't let that preoccupy you or consume you. You need to deal with life the way it is, not the way it might have been, should have been, should be. It is what it is. With respect, your dad sounds like a waste of time in terms of helping you out. He doesn't want to know.

Move on with your life. You have youth, health and intelligence. Years ago, when there were no grants or subsidies for third level education tens of thousands of young, working class people from families with no money to spare, put themselves through university, working full-time and going to college in the evenings or weekends. Your generation has grown up with more of a sense of entitlement and an expectation that parents will at least partially fund your education. But you can do it yourself. Like I said before, it takes longer, and it's not easy but it can be done. Be independent and in a few years you'll be proud of what you've achieved.

Your uni probably has some kind of counselling service for students. Find somebody to talk to about what you're going through and also look at any other support organisations in your area. The more people you talk to you the more likely you are to find help. It may not be financial help, but you need some emotional support too, as you feel a bit sidelined by your mother due to her second family and rejected by your dad. That's very tough for you to deal with.

There may be a way of changing your study path that will be easier emotionally and financially, so do consider that.

I really wish you the best of luck with everything.

also there is uni hardship scholarships for people who have gone through stuff like this, not just refugees from the congo.

@Atch
With all due respect I posted this thread under law, not under family counseling, and frankly you sound like a deadbeat. I don't need a lecture from a grown man telling me, a 19-year-old, that I need to suck it up and continue to work myself to exhaustion, rather than have my birth father, who's never contributed a thing to my life, except ejaculate, continue to go on holidays and post them on facebook without so much as a text message to me.

Furthermore, under Polish law, as I understand it, he could someday come after me for support. His wife as well. I plan on being quite successful and well on my way. Also, whether or not he can afford it, becomes a moot point under Polish law. His parents, my grandparents, who were part of my life for about five years, and then faded out, will also be responsible for his debt, as I understand it. I may not get it now, but when they pass on, or he passes on, I will. We're talking about law here. I don't need your advice about anything else. Thank you for your efforts, misguided as they were.

Atch is a woman.....

Inform your father you need his help and are prepared to go to court to get it. If he's not a complete POS then he'll step up and volunteer. If not, you're going to have to go through the Polish court system.

You'll probably need to start at the level of Sąd Okręgowy where your father lives.... Poland is notorious for local interpretations of laws and you'll need to do what they say rather than follow instructions by some randos on the internet.

Meanwhile I did find this FAQ (one question seems very vaguely related to your situation)

profinfo.pl/blog/alimenty-40-najczestszych-pytan-i-odpowiedzi/

"Sądy często podchodzą do młodych ludzi w sposób wychowawczy, wychodząc z założenia, że skoro młody człowiek prowadzi dorosłe życie, powinien również, przynajmniej w części, brać odpowiedzialność za swoje finanse. W takich przypadkach, jeżeli dziecko nadal się uczy, sądy z reguły zasądzają niewielkie alimenty. "

And you need to understand they'll probably use Polish economic standards not Britihs....

So... not looking great but you don't know until you try.

Powodzenia!

And you didn't get any. I'm a grown woman, giving you a piece of, shall we call it, motherly advice, which seems to be conspicuous by its absence in your life at present. Clearly money isn't the only thing your parents left you short of. Some training in basic manners wouldn't have gone amiss either.

It will serve you far better in life, if you learn to reject unwanted advice, given out of normal human concern for a young person in crisis, with more grace and courtesy than you demonstrate presently.

As Oscar Wilde so perspicaciously said, 'youth is wasted on the young'.

@Atch, you weren't the most courteous yourself, imho:


That was pretty judgemental and insensitive. You don't know this boy and what he's been through.

And if he is indeed entitled by law to get something from his biological father, then why not try and get a go at it...

It sounds like both his parents sound like cr@p on a stick to be horribly honest. Grown kids from that kind of environment learn to lash out as a defense mechanism.


He should try, but I'm doubtful how easy it will be or how much he will get (see my link)

Probably...


Well, Atch provoked it.


Yeah, I have no idea, tbh...

Young man or young woman?


The person should perhaps put a claim in, in anticipation of one in the opposite direction in years to come.

That however is something (as is the whole matter) best discussed with a lawyer rather than on a forum without lawyers.

There are free legal advice fora, some of them run by university law students and I think supervised by staff so that may be a good way of getting sound advice.

@jon357, sorry, I don't know why I thought the OP is a male - I didn't check the profile lol 🤦

It's easier to notice in one's native language (and I'd not notice in Polish unless it was through the -am -em endings). Sociolinguistics and subtle signs like the phrasing people use give clues to the writer that are picked up in without noticing.

Either way, she should get legal advice.

I'm on a slow internet connection here and can't Google those legal fora run by students that give free advice. Perhaps someone can have a look for her to find them. I know one is run by law students at UW.

That's not really a judgement, Paulina. That's a fact. Young people in the UK today remain 'children' a lot longer these days despite the surface maturity and sophistication, than the generations who left school at sixteen and started working. The OP may feel that if she doesn't have some kind of help from her parents, she can't do it. I know she can. It was an affirmation, not a judgement.

Anyway, moral and legal expectations are two different things. Kids have a moral right to expect that their parents will do what they can to help them, but in the UK there is no law that states parents have to fund their adult child's study. It's only because of the family support law in Poland that the question even arises. I wonder what she would do if she were a Brit?


OP has an interesting username. Wonder if she's read 'I'm OK, You're OK'.

Here's a page the OP might find useful....

uw.edu.pl/poradnie-i-osrodki/pomoc-prawna/

It is a judgement. Besides judging a whole generation, clearly, you're also judging an individual that you don't even know.


Maybe she can, maybe she can't. You don't know her. But that's not the issue here - if she has the right to get something from her biological father, then why wouldn't she? She didn't invent this law. This law is there for a reason.


It doesn't matter. Her father IS Polish and so I guess the Polish law applies. And that's why she can and has the right to ask this question.

Jesus. I live alone and support myself fully with a job, and I've had a job since I was 16. I am a Polish citizen with a Polish passport. Yes I am a woman. Yes I KNOW I can do whatever I damn want without help, because I always have. I don't think it is a virtue though to refuse what I am legally owed just because of a pride thing which makes my life harder than it has to be just for the benefit of getting to claim I was self made some day. My self worth is not so fragile

Jesus won't help here, but maybe a marriage agency

@Alien, this is not funny, she's only 19 years old and this is a serious thread.

Yes, Alien, shape up or you will be alienated from serious threads!!!!!

🤐