Life / Poles and the temperatures they heat their homes [36]


Slippers, slippers, and, I say again ... Slippers.

I once went on a little trip to a lake with lots of Polish family, in two cars. We got there. Even though we were in the UK, it was unusually, genuinely hot - about 32 degrees. I thought the smallest member of la famille, who was not yet 1, was not with us - because he wasn't anywhere to be seen. After half an hour or so of strolling round in the roast, eating a couple of ice lollies, etc, suddenly he was produced, from inside ... a locked people carrier. He was as purple as a beetroot, and clad in ... TIGHTS. Tights. Blimey. That says it all, for me.

Bonkers.

Love / How can I make my Polish guy comfortable while in States? [12]


Bowing and scraping. Buying presents. But not much you can really do, because they know the score: as a result of you, he is going away. Simple. I think you need to emphasise this isn't a forever plan.

News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]


? don't even quite understand that, but no, whatever it is ... I just think some people on here understand how precious life is, and others don't seem to understand that.

News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]


So if we are not God, how come we can lock up or execute people for killing someone else? That isn't an argument at all. Of course we, as a society, have to take action sometimes, and have to try to identify the absolutely strongest moral standpoint, and to set an example, support moral actions, and outlaw immoral actions. And this discussion is about how life, once created, should be sacrosanct. About how at the start, human life is, yes, extremely fragile, and should be nurtured, along with the woman whose role it is to protect this tiny life. To offer her the option of extinguishing this life undermines the very foundation of all of our lives. If it is so easy, and so allowable, for this little life to be snuffed out ... then who are we? And to be snuffed out because ... it doesn't suit the woman's immediate plans for her future? Because of money? Because she hasn't had a child before and is scared of childbirth? We should address these issues, then, and not just take the coward's way out, and get rid of the life.

So don't talk about playing God. Nobody is suggesting that. To my mind, it is to play God to intervene and remove a life which would otherwise grow to maturity. That is messing with Nature. Supporting a woman to go through a natural process is not.


Her body. Which is pregnant, through her actions. Not anybody's choice any more. Not even hers.

News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]


Mostly, the woman isn't overtly told she is 'ending' a life. She is told she is 'terminating a pregnancy'. She specifically is told, if she asks, that the 'fetus' (note no use of words such as baby, unborn child, etc.) isn't alive like you and me and can't feel anything. She is also specifically told nothing about the stage of development he/she is at when the termination will take place.

Basically, everything is done to make her feel she is just having a sensible procedure to halt, at an early stage, a process that might eventually down the line have resulted in her having a baby. She is distanced in every way possible from the reality.

Then after the operation, when in many cases it hits the woman what she has allowed to be done (she has the rest of her life to reflect on it), the abortion company are well gone and not interested - they have cashed their cheque.

That is how it works. So all this 'choice' propaganda has been encouraged and perpetuated to facilitate abortion. Anybody who dares to say that isn't right is tarred as some kind of crazy extremist - which just isn't true. It is, to my mind, one of the biggest and most harmful con-tricks in modern society.


Yes, totally agree. It is unmitigated nonsense to suggest that because a human being starts out tiny that at that stage it isn't a human being because it can't, e.g., see yet. Of course it is a human being - just in the early stage of development. Unfortunately, any creature in the fetal stage is incredibly vulnerable - one would have thought that with our level of civilisation and intelligent 'society', that we would prioritise protection of the unborn to the highest level. How sad that we do not - that quite the opposite - we use the very vulnerability of new life as an excuse to extinguish it, should it not have been created intentionally or at a convenient moment. How shameful of us.

News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]


Absolutely. How anyone can think otherwise I find very difficult to understand, apart from in the context of people arguing otherwise because they feel they should be allowing 'choice' to the woman over 'what happens with her body', and therefore they equivocate to give the notion of abortion the chance of not actually being killing a life.

Funny, isn't it, that those pro-'choice' are also the ones who can't agree when life begins, but are fairly certain it doesn't being at conception. Well, not really funny.


Yes, of course, because this is what it is.

But any of us who say that are 'extreme'. I am because I am 'damaged' by having been forced into a termination in my early 20s. You all are because you are just ... stupid? Illiberal? Mad Catholics? Only those who tread the 'middle way' and are 'pro-choice' are the realistic, moral, sensible ones.

Apparently. Or maybe it is as black & white as we say - there is life, there is death/non-life. Nobody argues when a person dies over whether they are really dead or not. It is obvious they are dead. So go watch a 6-week ultrasound scan, see the little bean jumping up and down with life, and say it isn't alive. It is black and white, dead or alive. You terminate it, it isn't alive any more, isn't jumping any more, is gone. That isn't something that can be debated.

Nobody doing ultrasounds talks about life not beginning at conception. There is a heartbeat or not. If there isn't, tough - there is no debating. It just isn't there. And the weirdest thing is, you have people doing ultrasounds and saying 'look - there's the baby! Can you see it? It's tiny!' in one room, and next door practically along the corridor they are handing out abortion pills and not mentioning anything about a life ... 3m makes the difference between whether that baby is a baby, or just something that needs to be got rid of. Now tell me that isn't crazy, double standards ...

News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]


I just don't like the tone of this. I said 'bean' because I have seen a scan at this stage (of my daughter, now 4). It was at 6 weeks and no, it wasn't yet possible to see her arms or legs, but what I saw was like a little jumping bean. The consultant commented on how lively she was. But yes, that was my daughter, in the very early stages of her development. It was her from the moment of conception, and any argument otherwise is pure nonsense.


OK ... so say it for what it is: It is ok for the woman to choose to kill the person she has created, for her pretty much whatever reason she chooses, and even for such a reason as that it doesn't suit her life plan at the moment to allow that other person to live, or that she doesn't like the father. In fact, she almost doesn't have to give a reason: it is her right to 'choose' - not to choose what happens to her body, but to choose whether the other person lives or not. That is the real choice here.

Well, frankly, I think that is a bogus 'right'.

News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]


Ok ... but wouldn't the absolute ideal, given the ambiguity (for some) of when life begins, be to make absolute efforts to prevent 'unwanted' pregnancy? Because, to be realistic, a lot of the time we are talking a scenario something like this:

Young woman gets drunk at the time of ovulation, which is a double-whammy as most ovulating women cannot think straight - have only one aim, regardless of whether they recognise it as this or not - and when you add the disability of being drunk, you have the perfect situation for her to sleep with someone - whoever - with absolutely no thought for the consequences. (NB, she doesn't have to be young, or drunk, but quite often is).

[A small note on the ovulating female: women who are on their own hormones rather than taking a hormone-based contraceptive WILL behave differently when they are ovulating. It is a very, very strong instinct - basically, to mate - and a lot of them don't realise it, but those are the few days when they have good hair days, when they feel happy even if if it is raining, when every guy on the street seems to have something nice about him, when their partner or whoever seems particularly delicious, whatever his faults or however badly he has behaved ... They are the days when the neighbour comes over for supper and, seemingly out of character, flirts dreadfully with someone else's husband, even though she only had one glass of wine ... They are the days when other women, not at that moment, look with envy at the glowing one. Do not anybody even attempt to gainsay this, because it is as true as anything ever was.]

So, the hormone-crazed woman, possibly also young and drunk, making her even less sensible, just has to have it. And gets pregnant. And then maybe it isn't the right time, or the right man, or she and her husband already have two lovely children and don't want another because they've had enough of screaming kids ... who knows. But she is in a fix and needs to correct that crazy mistake. And she finds out two weeks' later or so, when she isn't ovulating, when she is calm and sensible and thinking 'straight', and freaks out.

That is the usual scenario. Tell me any different.

So we are saying, that because of her irresponsible actions, someone has to die.

So ... why don't we bring young women up not to spend most of their university nights in the pub, and then having sex? Or, have very strong anti-abortion laws that really scare people, enough to make them think twice? It has to be one, or the other, or both.

But to say 'it is your right to get drunk / have as much sex with whoever as you like / abort as many kids as you like' - it just an open door. Almost an invitation.

News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]


You know, I agree with that. First really sensible suggestion from any of us, including me.

Education is the way. So we should not be showing 9-year-olds awful birth videos, but rather regularly showing them amazing 3D images + films of the developing child in utero. That sounds much more positive, and would presumably build up much more respect for life. And would, in turn, presumably have more effect in making them think twice before having convenience abortions - and/or before having convenience sex ...

Choice, no, is not always good. People talk as if it is, though.

News / Abortion still under control in Poland [2971]


Yes, you have, and you seem to me anyhow to have been consistently clear and coherent! The one I find a little hard to follow is F4 ... not quite sure what engendered the attack on you, as you are actually one of the mildest commentators here. And fairest.

Problem with this subject is that being fair means, in some cases, making the woman in particular take responsibility for something some women want an easy way out of. And carrying a child/giving birth is quite a big thing to have to do as a result of what might have been only a few seconds' liaison, shall we say. And people are scared of insisting on this, as it seems heavy-handed. But there needs to be a boundary, at some point.

Language / Lubicie, pamiętacie, mówicie [5]


well, it is the second person PLURAL, so yes, you would be addressing at least two people ...

Love / Polish husband threatens divorce and wants to send me back to Asia [15]

He can't make you have an abortion, and he can't divorce you after two months and have you deported.
You need to go straight to a lawyer and find out your situation. I am pretty sure he also can't just leave you abandoned with nowhere to live and no money, and pregnant with his child, as well.

Travel / Is there a healthy expats scene in Poland? (drinks, food, golf, etc.) [143]


and sex ...

Travel / Is there a healthy expats scene in Poland? (drinks, food, golf, etc.) [143]


just warning him.

Off-Topic / English teachers - 'functioning alcoholics with a superiority complex' [54]


I say, that seems a bit mean!

Ok, you have a point that there are numerous Brits 'teaching' English abroad who do seem to nurse almost daily hangovers, and who have dropped out in one way or another ... but I think nowadays they do actually need some kind of teaching qualification, don't they? Or at least have been on the 4-week TEFL course. Well, any reputable school would require that.

I taught English in a very famous UK school in Poland back in the 1990s, and yes, I saw a very motley crew of Brits in the ranks, particularly at other schools that weren't so fussy in their recruitment. And they all lived in the bars, and spoke pidgin Polish and were a bit embarrassing, really. I went native and pretended I didn't speak English ...

HAVING SAID THAT, I also came across A LOT of Polish English teachers who couldn't actually speak much English. Seriously. Not just the accent - all of the trimmings such as articles, correct tense usage, and other such niceties. They were prepared for lessons and didn't stink of last night's vodka, but the English they were teaching was suspect, to say the least.

But that was ages ago ... I though it must have all changed by now?

One important point, though: nobody can hope to teach a foreign language out of that country (e.g., teach English in Poland) and for students to perfect that language. It is impossible. You have to live in the country of origin to have even a chance of getting to the higher levels of real fluency. So: the aim of learning English in Poland has to be competent communication (someone knows you're not English, but still understands you, and you them). In which case, if those Polish English teachers were just a bit better at English, they would probably best best for the job ... (and I'm sure thousands are, nowadays, 99% perfect at English ...).

Off-Topic / English teachers - 'functioning alcoholics with a superiority complex' [54]

I know, but I did say 'at least' ... better than nothing, and is an intensive course, so in some ways equivalent to a few hours of tuition a week for a year ... a hello of a lot better than nothing.

The ELT books are designed for idiot teachers in mind, you know. No skills are assumed on the part of the T. I should know. Wrote several of them.

Work / What Jobs are there in Poland for an Englishman besides teaching english? [70]

Why don't you do a job that you can do by email/phone/occasional meetings in the UK/USA/wherever?

Language / What has been the hardest language for you to learn? [81]


I actually agree. And if that Anglo-Saxon has spent 8 years studying Caesar's Gallic Wars and other such delightful Latin texts, then Polish is a breeze - I mean, people really SPEAK Polish!! You can go to a bar and LISTEN to it! Cool. Easy. Nice.

Honestly, I really don't find Polish that hard. Now either I am an idiot, or a genius, or showing off, or ... Polish isn't that hard. It is easier than Latin, for damn sure. And for some reason I find it easier than German. Spanish and Italian are like dodgems in terms of language - point and go; French is hard to put in gear, and makes strange noises; Polish is a sports car that drives easier than it looks.

Now my next challenge is going to be ... Russian. That DOES sound tricksy. Is it?

Love / Should I forgive my cheating Polish girlfriend? [73]


Yep, for sure.

Look, the deal is simple:
You love her. You dote on her. You desperately want it to be true that your love is 'pure' and that despite the emotional roller coaster with her, she knows in her heart that she will never find someone better than you, and she doesn't want to 'risk' losing that.

But it is just that ... your desperate wish. In reality, all of us reading the facts can see that she is out for herself, and no way emotionally mature enough to be happy herself, let alone even begin to want to make you happy.

You love her, so you probably will take her back, if she comes back. I suspect she won't come back. I think she will probably send you some texts/call a few times when she is drunk, and probably also turn up for a bit of sex from time to time, or some money, or for dinner. She will keep you hanging on. You will live your life all around the hope that she will come back begging. But as I say, I suspect she won't. She wants to be out there 'having fun'.

Look, I do understand how intoxicating this injection of Polish vitality can be - oh trust me, boy do I - but if she has gone, the sensible option would be to keep her gone. If/when she comes back, you will be plunged into all this nonsense again, and long-term it will most likely be pretty destructive for your life.

Trying to keep someone like this happy is a thankless task, and an impossible one. This horse is loco ... let it go.

Language / What has been the hardest language for you to learn? [81]


Yes, spent all last night listening to Russian friends, and it was gossamer-soft compared to Polish ...


Wow, you must have remembered that from some other post, a good while ago ... I didn't mention the Greek this time ... but as for Russian being my Aston Martin (always my car of choice) - hmm - wouldn't that be too perfect? I hardly dare hope.

It appeals, though, Russian, doesn't it? Seems an almost unbearably romantic language to me. But then that's all those writers and composers working on me. How not to be seduced by Tolstoy and Rachmaninov?

Love / Should I forgive my cheating Polish girlfriend? [73]


Exactly.

It is very hard, but the only way to see who else is out there and free yourself up for some real love is to just cut her out. It goes against our instincts, once we have bonded, to turn away, but sometimes we have to.

And Rysavy is right - there are so many of us nice, kind women out there! Really. Choose one who deserves your attentions.

Love / Is it easy to get divorced if my Polish partner is still married? [4]

It depends where you are living. In Poland I understand she would have to go to court and explain herself. In the UK she can just say he's nasty and she is free, pretty much.

Language / Beginner learner of Polish having trouble with nouns - they change as well as numbers? [27]


One of the main structural principles in Polish is the same as in lots of other languages (German, Greek, Latin, Russian, lots more ...). It is really important to grasp, because we hardly play around with nouns in English, but nouns have lots of different forms in Polish and these other languages.

Basically, in English you have:

dog
dog's
dogs

- and those are your three noun forms.

In Polish, for starters you have a different form for each of these contexts (PLEASE NOTE: THE POLISH UNDERNEATH IS A JOKE):

The DOG went for a walk.
Dog poszedl na spacer ...

The bicycle ran over the DOG.
Rower rozjechal Doga ...

The boy stood on the DOG'S tail.
Chlopiec stal na ogonka Doga ...

Tell the DOG all about it.
Powiedz Dogowy o tym wszystkim ...

I am thinking about the DOG.
Mysle, o Doga ...

I am a DOG.
Jestem Dogem.

Hey, DOG!
Hej, Dogu!

... and then the same again for the plural.

You might think this makes life difficult, but actually it defines life and action in a more precise way than English, and as such is rather satisfying, I find.

And yes, words which describe the nouns (adjectives, numbers, etc.) do have to follow suit, as it were.

My advice: grasp the principles, then learn actual words and how they go in small, simple steps.

Good luck ...

Love / Should I forgive my cheating Polish girlfriend? [73]


Actually, maybe you have a point here.

SMP: I think she said she was moving out to 'get her life together' because she didn't want to be with you. People don't go to the extent of renting a new flat unless they really want out. And they don't move one inch from your side if they love you like you think she loves you. She can't love you like that. If she did, whatever happened between you, she would be stuck to your side like a limpet. Trust me on this one.

And I think she agreed to your still 'dating' just to let you down easy and basically for you to let her out of the door (and perhaps help with suitcases to the road and taxi fare to new flat ; ).

I am sorry, but standing back and detaching your feelings about her from the facts, I think she was really just moving out and getting away from you.

Poles often say 'you can't force anything', and they also say that if someone wants to be with you, they will be, and if they don't, they won't. Sounds so simple it seems obvious, but I think these are facts that you need to accept, and you aren't there yet.

Love / Observations and experiences so far about Polish women [93]

The most distinctive features that I have noticed across the board with most Polish women is that:

- They do, yes, expect to have a boyfriend/husband from 18 onwards, and do not have high expectations in terms of who they take - it is a bit like finding a partner at school - everyone has to be with someone. This is a massive difference with, e.g, British women, who have been brought up with mixed messages about relationships, compromise, perfection, and mostly what is our 'due' - a fractured culture that has bred a lot confusion, casual relationships, alcoholism and general misery until people finally work out what is important (usually in their 30s at some point), but hey, that isn't the question here ...

- They don't have a problem cooking/washing/cleaning/looking after a guy ... in fact, they are keen to have a guy on whom they can practise their female prowess in these areas, and show off to their girlfriends. It is a matter of female pride - how clean the house, how well-pressed the guy's clothes, how well-fed he is, how perfumed the lady. So totally different from 'emancipated' women who have been brought up to insist on sharing chores and beyond (to the point where the downtrodden guys usually do all the washing-up ...) and who would not dream of ironing a shirt or sheet, let alone a pair of boxers (one of my favourite occupations now, I have to say, but it took me a few years to embrace the pleasure) ...

- They generally say they would absolutely refuse to indulge in oral sex (but I have no idea whether that is just a front of modesty ... )

So you could, I suppose, translate that into they are man-grabbing, possessive, traditional, opinionated, narrow-minded, frigid mini-matriarchs (if we are talking about the ones in their 20s) ... but would that be fair, I wonder?

Love / Observations and experiences so far about Polish women [93]


Yes, of course it is - what I meant was that one can take certain strong characteristics, and present them as either positive or negative - and however one does so is very subjective.

Personally I think Polish women have a lot going for them, but are a very strong type, and not to be undertaken lightly, as it were.

And as for British women not linking love and sex, not being good home-makers, and not being involved in the sack ... careful there ... I for one then presumably am not British, by that definition ... which again reminds us of the fact that all stereotyping is just that ...

Life / Why is circumcision not practiced in Poland? [701]


??? sorry, but have to disagree ... I would say it is as integral a part of the fusion of two people as the female orgasming ... sine qua non ... without which not ... just not it at all, without the male orgasm. I will restrain myself and not wax lyrical, but suffice to say, the male orgasm is a delightful event for the right-minded female, in my humble opinion.

I know that is a little off-topic, so will add the comment that I am rather for everything being natural and following instinct, and that is why I side with the Poles in their culture of leaving the male entire, rather than trimming him ...

Love / Polish mother, possible UK father - child law Poland. [35]

I am a bit confused by all of this.

First, you say your girlfriend, but she sounds I think like your ex.
She wants to have the baby for herself and not have you involved.
You have good reason to think you might not be the father.
She was desperate to have a child, obviously the biological clock was ticking, and she made it clear she didn't want to waste any time with you if you weren't going to have a child with her. Either the child is someone else's, or she got pregnant by some sort of trick, without your knowledge/consent.

Ok.

So why does she now pop up and want you on the birth cert, so the child has a certified father, but want you to sign away the joint rights of a parent, so she doesn't need to ask you whenever she wants to organise anything for the child? If she doesn't want you interfering, then why have you on the birth cert at all?

I think ...

You probably are the father, BUT, you must have the DNA test as soon as the child is born.

You might not be the father - she might have done any number of things to get pregnant - but she, whether you are or aren't, wants a father on the cert.

There are only two reasons she would want you on there, having previously (before the lawyer's visit) said she didn't want you.

1. She doesn't want 'father unknown' on there as that sounds kind of slutty on her part.
2. If a father is named, he can be forced to provide child support.

I suspect No. 2 is uppermost in her mind ...

Basically, she wants you to pay, but she doesn't want you to be involved, and she doesn't want to have to negotiate with you when she has to do anything for the child (in Poland you can't even send off for the kid's passport - both parents must be physically present, and the child, to fix it).

No question of this - I know my answers:

1. Tell her you can't do anything until the child is born and a DNA test is done.
2. Tell her that if you are the father, you will go on the birth cert and sign the form she wants.
3. Have the DNA test.
4. If you are the father, go on the birth cert but then say you have changed your mind and want contact with your child and will not sign the form she wants.

And then, be involved in some way in your child's life. She can't stop you having access to the child. You will probably have to go through the courts, but so be it.

Do not sign up to pay but give up all rights and give her all the power. No way. She will only do what suits her, and you are only, and have only ever been, a pawn here.

But the real truth is that you might - if you are very lucky - have a son or daughter on the way. You are right to realise that although you thought you didn't want a kid, maybe you will change your mind.

And let's face it: every child has a right to know their father, and to love and be loved by their father. Do you want to lose out on that? Not if you have learnt anything in all these decades you've been around ... : ) Come on. The joy of seeing your child grow up really is something special. If you've been given this, make the most of it.

She doesn't want you in it because she wants all that pleasure for herself. But your child would suffer, of course, if he or she thought their dad didn't want anything to do with them. That would be an awful burden to set your own family off with. This is your flesh and blood. This person is all of you, and all of her. OK, yes, her DNA is there as well - but just wait until you see yours coming out in the child, and you will feel different, I think.

But at the moment: hold fire: tell her DNA test first, everything else after.

She is a sly bugger, that's for damn sure. Don't trust her.

Love / Polish mother, possible UK father - child law Poland. [35]

sorry - to be fair I was actually thinking about when Poles in the UK go to the Embassy in London - then it seems that both parents and child have to be there - I did question that, but everyone said that was how it has to be. Maybe it isn't true, but that is what they have all been led to believe : )

If he is the father, he should support, but also have the chance to be a father. Not pay but relinquish all responsibilities, rights and access. That is just using him, and also is not good for the child.

Maybe she went to a sperm bank ...

Love / Polish mother, possible UK father - child law Poland. [35]

Like I said, play along, say you will sign, but DNA test first, then sign birth cert but don't sign that crazy paper ... like enkidu said ... like Harry said.

One thing is sure: she has A PLAN. And that plan certainly isn't designed to promote your well-being, you can bet on that. Or the kid's really. It is her plan. To have things arranged as she wants it.

You were a sperm bank.
Now you are going to be bank rolling her life.
If you aren't careful.