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How can I make my Polish guy comfortable while in States?


Rysavy 10 | 308
17 Oct 2012 #1
Here goes..original reason that I stumbled on board..

I am involved with a younger Polish man who is currently attending at University his last courses.
Since we went from best buds to betrothed we have planned a lot, but talk a little less, him especially so.
It has been decided for now, that it is better while my younger son in in therapies that stateside is part 1 of getting a steady financial base.

So we marry, stay here in States about 5 years then retire...most likely in Poland (5 years he may not wish return I have no strong position about where as long as it doesn't make us asthmatic wrecks)

Cooking is covered -and actually he has severe allergies that make his diet rather simple and similar to my son's (as it is I am going to have to scour over every thing I buy in ingredients...I am NOT going to be a widow!)

But........... he has lived in same region his whole life. Vacations elsewhere but still... all thing sfamiliar asn 'safe' wil be hasta!

And my worry is that he is going to be very cut off from family. With little exception he has had very harsh disapproval. Understandably, it nearly sunk us.

But he is stubborn and has decided what he wants (and I am course am happy with that ability put relationship in marriage first but to be made to choose... : ( ). That means that he won't have a lot of news from home, care packages or well wishes even via the net.

He is eldest and only son and his family leans on him. And they are important to him.

I am not sure what I personally think of them. I understand their reservations (I AM the trifecta of OMG why her?) but I do not like how deeply they have wounded him to try to MAKE him see their way.

Habit in my mostly Boheme family in cases like this is to rag the person with a couple of "are you crazy?"..then wait to say "ah-ha" /"Told you so". Most of us were quite jocular in adversity and mild in teasing. It was always supportive and warm growing up...even the black sheep were loved.

But as the case stands he has severe opposition and ostracization.

We have a good base in friendship for communication for the most part, but he tends to be stoic (has commented "it isn't manly" in occasions previous ), so I may not always catch signs he is hurting in time.

So are there any things that Polish men enjoy as Polish (as opposed to what men in genral want) that I can indulge him when he seems low?

Are there any things culturally done accomodate goodwill with his family?

We as people are fine...we have common ethics, morales, religion, views and traditions in ways uncannily synched.
Biggest personal difference? I was a jock(ette) and he never was. He is pessimist squared 3 and I am optimist.
Meathead 5 | 470
18 Oct 2012 #2
But he is stubborn

All Poles are stubborn

He is eldest and only son and his family leans on him. And they are important to him.

Polish parents are very controlling and would like nothing better than for children to live forever with the parents. They're very good at "guilt tripping". I'm sure your boy knows this and why he hasn't returned (to family).

Biggest personal difference? I was a jock(ette) and he never was. He is pessimist squared 3 and I am optimist.

Culture clash. Americans are athletic, "on the surface" (what you see is what you get) and optimistic, Poles are introspective and melancholic. This won't change unless he really wants to (he may want to) afterall many Poles emigrate not because of money, but just to get away from overbearing parents and family. Maybe he'll cut the umbilical cord.
MoOli 9 | 483
18 Oct 2012 #3
give him passionate oral:))) every time he desires ofcourse then get out of his sight till he desires again:))
OP Rysavy 10 | 308
18 Oct 2012 #4
Culture clash. Americans are athletic, "on the surface" (what you see is what you get) and optimistic, Poles are introspective and melancholic.

All Poles are stubborn

Heh... I often tease him as "emo" or a call him Byronic or ask him why is he giving the 'santo de caro" =^_^=. And stubborn can be good. I am stubborn as well , but I use different methods that direct clashing to coax my way if the point is that strong. Plus there is always MoOlis sugestion..........

This won't change unless he really wants to (he may want to)

naaw..I like him just how he is...though he is a happier person with a lot of color to his face, now that he isn't fretting since his decision he is even hopeful (least for him). Even gained about 5 lbs ( only change I can see wanting of him-i plan to put 10 more on him >_<)

We are actually both idealistic but his pragmatic, practical, common sense and his vanward long term thinking are foil to my emotional based, excitable and often impulsive and sometimes oblivious tendencies.

Yeah, I know it isn't money; his family is upper class with a lot of professors and professionals..though opportunity to earn more money in his degree a few years is surely a sweetner LOL

While he wasn't at school he was with family..... I've overheard and witnessed some guilt trippin first hand. Not my favorite tactic, but I teethed on it's use. I'm usually just too blunt to use the typical catholic old world techniques I grew up with. I am like this:

this:

and THIS:
4 eigner 2 | 831
18 Oct 2012 #5
Americans are athletic

like anywhere else, some of us are very athletic and some are not

"on the surface"

nope, those of us who are athletic, are really athletic, no surface here, LOL

optimistic

yes and there's nothing wrong with that

Poles are introspective and melancholic

true

Poles emigrate not because of money

not true, most of them emigrate to enhance their financial situation (according to every single Pole I've talked to and I've met many Poles)
OP Rysavy 10 | 308
18 Oct 2012 #6
give him passionate oral:))) every time he desiresofcourse then get out of his sight till he desires again:))

Har-d-har-har wiesinheimer! He is male of course that would add weight to his anchor!
*blush* but ducking behind a corner every 5 minutes and being called back again...when will we have time to work? eat?

Heh, our plans went awry this year with the Visa delaying so long that he had to attend school again; so when we see each other this summer I dont' even think his chivalrous primness will save him from himself..or me...
Meathead 5 | 470
19 Oct 2012 #7
not true, most of them emigrate to enhance their financial situation (according to every single Pole I've talked to and I've met many Poles)

That's what they tell you (and themselves)

like anywhere else, some of us are very athletic and some are not

Generally speaking, of course.
MoOli 9 | 483
19 Oct 2012 #8
but ducking behind a corner every 5 minutes and being called back again

one horny barstud u have :)
natasia 3 | 368
19 Oct 2012 #9
Are there any things culturally done accomodate goodwill with his family?

Bowing and scraping. Buying presents. But not much you can really do, because they know the score: as a result of you, he is going away. Simple. I think you need to emphasise this isn't a forever plan.
OP Rysavy 10 | 308
19 Oct 2012 #10
Put Prince Polo in his bedside drawer

Oh no..only Charlemagne Belize for my choco-holic (how did you know?) since he is susceptible to additives and dairy. Visiting trip abroad?Hmm. And I loved my bimmer but think he might wish a mustang

Cooking I have covered I think. I can make pirogie from scratch... to start. And crepes (omlete) He actually doesn't eat a lot of "Polish "food. Lots of chicken and Pizza when alone. I think I eat more "polish" dishes simply from cooking czech. He is a teetotaler as well. Bottled water & Tea (and chocolate).

As for the family, I hope time and missing him will make them relent. But I'm sure a few well thought gifts can sway the sisters (little one sneaks and talks to me on skype when he goes to kitchen already. Asked me why somebody pretty like me even talks to him...lol! , funny lil girl) and even the dad. Mum and set a of grandparents? maybe never *sigh*

And I'm catholic...though bowing and scraping to a husband's mother in law was already a given >_<

Rysavy: but ducking behind a corner every 5 minutes and being called back again|| one horny barstud u have :)

Aw geez I was just being saucy... I believe if that happened so, paramedics would become involved at some point!
I am sure that the excitement of such a long separation will settle to nice day to day living. Though I was looking for :"(as opposed to what men in general want)"
MoOli 9 | 483
19 Oct 2012 #11
paramedics would become involved at some point!

Ouch! that hurts:(
Bejma
22 Jan 2017 #12
College-age and allergies aside, good cooking is mandatory. Learn it somewhere if you don't know how. Polish men are not into boxed macaroni and cheese. Don't even go there. Food Channel junk won't wash.

Skip the sex-all-over-the-house thing and oral stuff unless he indicates that's what he wants (most Polish men are very modest and expect a wife to act like something other than a concubine). Smartly selected clothing (flattering, or revealing, but not too much) will certainly keep him interested. You can rag him at times, but only if he did something outlandishly stupid. Keep that stuff to a bare minimum. He must (at least think) he rules the roost. Play along, graciously. As long as you act like a lady, their "rule" is actually, in most cases, quite benign.


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