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Should I forgive my cheating Polish girlfriend?


SMP 2 | 10
2 Nov 2012  #1
I had been with my polish girlfriend for 2 years. The first year was long distance then this past year she moved to London to be with me. I changed jobs so I could afford a one bed flat for us. I pretty much have done everything to try to make her happy and provide a life for us. Right from the beginning it was a very emotional relationship, we had strong feelings of love for each other and as a result arguments were quite intense and based around her being paranoid about trust and devotion. She is without doubt the love of my life and we had a special connection, so I always remained positive after these heated arguments and hopeful that things would come good once she had settled in London, got a job, found friends etc ...

As things started to fall into place for her (job, friends) ... unfortunately the arguments remained and were often accelerated after she had a drink or two. She would seemingly try to create conflict between us out of nowhere. She is 5 years younger than me and in her mid twenties, so I felt like this animousity was a result of her not really being happy to be in a serious relationship just yet, but at the same time her love for me was very strong, and so I think she was constantly in conflict with herself about the need to be free and live life some more and the need to be with me (not wanting to risk not finding true love again).

She started to make friends with polish people in London and started seeing them more and more. It was clear she missed home. Her attitude started to change and she became bit more agressive and was often swearing. Whereas I was always her main priority it looked as though her focus had shifted towards other things - her job and new friends.

After a recent argument created out of nowhere after she had had a drink, we went through a bad patch lasting more than a month. I wanted her to admit that she keeps causing problems between us and take responsibility and talk to me about it. But she never did and in the end she decided to move out for a little while to get herself together. Although I could have emotionally forced her to stay I decided to let her go because I thought that otherwise the pattern of arguments would keep repeating. This method was worth a try and we would keep dating. The main idea behind it was that perhaps we had moved in together too soon.

However just 4 days after she moved into her new flat I intercepted a conversation with her friend back in Poland. She had basically told her that she has slept with a polish guy from her work in her bed! I confronted her about it on skype and forced a reluctant confession out of her. She said that she felt a spark between them and that she had some feeling of love for him. I was absolutely gutted and heartbroken. Despite all our problems the one thing that had kept us together through the hard times was the purity of our love, and now that was gone. I couldn't believe she had done it because on a intimate level we always connected strongly and promised ourselves only to each other. I told her she was stupid to think those feelings were love and it was in fact lust as she barely knows the guy. I said that we were in a bad place and it was natural that she would feel some "relief" feelings with someone else, but rather than get through it and remember the good times between us, she took the easy option and that of a coward.

The next day I think she realised that she was naive to think it was more than lust with this guy. She realised what a mistake she had made and that she had thrown away the best thing in her life and the person who had done everything for her, and that sex with someone you don't really love is not the same as with someone you do. In some ways (and perhaps foolishly) I believe that she really has learnt from this. Unlike me she is quite sexually inexperienced and perhaps needed to find out how it felt with someone else to confirm that it was better with someone you love. For instance I already know that if I cheated it wouldn't feel the same as when I am with her based on past experience.

But then again when I think about how close we were and how we always told each other we were enough for each other - and to imagine her having sex with someone else sickens me to my core and I'm not sure I can ever forgive that. Ironically if I never checked up on her conersation that she might have just realised this on her own and we would continue being together and I would never have known about her cheating.

Last point - the comments earlier perhaps suggests she in unhappy in herself which led to this cheating. So perhaps I need to just let her go and find her path in life and maybe somewhere down the line our paths will cross again. I always thought that if my partner cheated on me then I would never even consider taking her back, but unfortunately I am so in love with this girl that I can't imagine or don't want a life with anyone apart from her.

Should I consider forgiving her and try again? Or am an idiot for even considering it?
Wroclaw Boy
2 Nov 2012  #2
shes messing you around mate big time, cut her off, no phone calls no nothing.

If she comes back great - give it another go if not, bon voyage, you have nothing to lose here. If she thinks youve moved on and IF she really cares for you she'll be back.

If you let her off the hook easy now she'll mess with your head even more in the future.
smurf 39 | 1,981
2 Nov 2012  #3
Should I consider forgiving her and try again?

No, don't be a sap, she's obviously a biatch.
Orpheus - | 114
2 Nov 2012  #4
SMP. Reading your dilemma took me back several decades to a long-term relationship which was characterized by intense emotions, both positive and negative, and booze-fuelled histrionics. It was a toxic relationship and we should have ended it years before we did.

Do you know how many times you used the word love in your post? Is it love or obsession? Perhaps you need to take a complete break for a while. The fact that you have invested a lot in this relationship should not cloud your judgement. If it feels all wrong, it probably is.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595
2 Nov 2012  #5
Does she really want to be forgiven? Has she really begged to be forgiven? I mean really begged.

It looks like she has lost some of her feelings for you.
I understand that you are heartbroken.
Wroclaw Boy
2 Nov 2012  #6
its very difficult making the right decision for him as hes emotionally compromised.

Cut her off man, you have to do that.

he also said that she slept with this guy three friggen times on amother thread, this is not a one off mistake. She obviously enjoyed it and didnt feel that much regret.
paulinska 9 | 86
2 Nov 2012  #7
Should I consider forgiving her and try again? Or am an idiot for even considering it?

You know what they say, 'Trust is like a broken mirror, you can fix it BUT you will still see the crack in the reflection'.
irishlodz 1 | 135
2 Nov 2012  #8
Or am an idiot for even considering it?

Yes.

Endless fighting and then she cheated. Whatever the reasons I would say you are both better off apart. Harsh but true, a clean break likely better for you.
OP SMP 2 | 10
2 Nov 2012  #9
Does she really want to be forgiven? Has she really begged to be forgiven? I mean really begged.

Not really, at the moment she is still very mixed up I suspect and in a dark place, but I am expecting that to come in the near future as she will begin to realise what she has lost, so I really am just preparing myself...
Dominika99 1 | 93
2 Nov 2012  #10
Should I consider forgiving her and try again? Or am an idiot for even considering it?

You should leave her immediately. I know it's not easy, but look at it this way: leave her and suffer a bit now, or stay with her and suffer way more later.

Don't blame yourself, or think you didn't make enough of an effort. She sounds like a b-tch, not only with the cheating, but also with the drinking and picking fights. That part of her personality will be nearly impossible to change.

Also, if you take her back, she'll see that you forgave her and that she's got all the power. That power will make it much easier for her to cheat again.
poland_
2 Nov 2012  #11
You know what they say,

Yes - you can take the ***** out of the brothel, but you can't take the brothel out of the *****.

Don't blame yourself, or think you didn't make enough of an effort. She sounds like a b-tch, not only with the cheating, but also with the drinking and picking fights. That part of her personality will be nearly impossible to change.

Yes - did you go to Poland and meet her family to see what she came out of, or did she arrive in the UK and hit the reset button.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,388
2 Nov 2012  #12
as she will begin to realise what she has lost, so I really am just preparing myself...

she hasn't lost anything. she is getting a good length from someone else. her needs are still taken care of.

at the moment she is still very mixed up

only with regard to herself. not you.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595
2 Nov 2012  #13
I know how difficult it is to say "I don't want to see you anymore" to somebody you love. It's very difficult! But you have been fighting a lot. And she has been cheating on you. The outlook for the relationship is bad.

There is huge risk that the longer you stay with her, the more she will hurt you.

However, I know it's very difficult.
OP SMP 2 | 10
2 Nov 2012  #14
he also said that she slept with this guy three friggen times on amother thread, this is not a one off mistake. She obviously enjoyed it and didnt feel that much regret.

Yes - 3 times in the same night apparently! Also he is engaged!
poland_
2 Nov 2012  #15
Well make sure she is STD tested b4 you take her back.
Dominika99 1 | 93
2 Nov 2012  #16
Yes - 3 times in the same night apparently! Also he is engaged!

Tell his fiancee about what happened ;) Sweet revenge...
poland_
2 Nov 2012  #17
What does the fiancee have to do with it?

SMP, was separated from her at the time she played away.

He just seems to be ******, he told her to go and she spread them for someone else.

SMP have a look at this:

13 Personality Traits Of Polish Women

rooshv.com/13-personality-traits-of-polish-women
Dominika99 1 | 93
2 Nov 2012  #18
SMP, was separated from her at the time she played away.

He just seems to be ******, he told her to go and she spread them for someone else.

He said that they agreed for her to move out and for them to keep dating. Hence she cheated on him.
pam
2 Nov 2012  #19
Should I consider forgiving her and try again?

I personally wouldn't, but that's up to you.
Forgiveness is one thing, but will you be able to forget?
Every time you have an argument, are you going to throw it back in her face?
It will be hard not to, and let's face it, you're not going to be able to trust her are you?
Move on and find someone better.
natasia 3 | 368
2 Nov 2012  #20
There is huge risk that the longer you stay with her, the more she will hurt you.

Yep, for sure.

Look, the deal is simple:
You love her. You dote on her. You desperately want it to be true that your love is 'pure' and that despite the emotional roller coaster with her, she knows in her heart that she will never find someone better than you, and she doesn't want to 'risk' losing that.

But it is just that ... your desperate wish. In reality, all of us reading the facts can see that she is out for herself, and no way emotionally mature enough to be happy herself, let alone even begin to want to make you happy.

You love her, so you probably will take her back, if she comes back. I suspect she won't come back. I think she will probably send you some texts/call a few times when she is drunk, and probably also turn up for a bit of sex from time to time, or some money, or for dinner. She will keep you hanging on. You will live your life all around the hope that she will come back begging. But as I say, I suspect she won't. She wants to be out there 'having fun'.

Look, I do understand how intoxicating this injection of Polish vitality can be - oh trust me, boy do I - but if she has gone, the sensible option would be to keep her gone. If/when she comes back, you will be plunged into all this nonsense again, and long-term it will most likely be pretty destructive for your life.

Trying to keep someone like this happy is a thankless task, and an impossible one. This horse is loco ... let it go.
BostonBill
3 Nov 2012  #21
Just give her boot mate! It will be hard for a bit but in the long run you'll be better off!
You've done nothing wrong, she's just making sure she has some one to go to if you two bust up permanent!
Seems like the two of you were having problems and she wanted to know there was someone else she could hook up with!
Seen it happen loads of times up here to people going with Poles. The Poles seem quite weak emotionally but mebbe Brits are more hard!

The girl is a skank if she would would nick some other woman's bloke anyway!
We've all been tw-ts in our time, part of growing up but there is never a reason to cheat on a person, you can dump them first, it's not as cruel!
rybnik 18 | 1,462
3 Nov 2012  #22
I've read your story and ruminated over it.
It's a hard decision but I have to agree with the majority.
You will be miserably in love if you take her back now.
Przykro mi - I'm sorry.
Meathead 5 | 470
3 Nov 2012  #23
SMP have a look at this:

13 Personality Traits Of Polish Women

Man, after reading that list, Polish women are absolutely mankillers. In my next life I'm marrying American.
Rysavy 10 | 308
3 Nov 2012  #24
You know what they say, 'Trust is like a broken mirror, you can fix it BUT you will still see the crack in the reflection'.

She broke trust..it taints a relationship forever. And rarely can be worked past. Plus they say once a cheater always a cheater... So was the case with my cheaters.

A little consequence fell because you indulged her for being younger than you; rather than hold her to a standard at least respective to her adulthood.

You would not be an idiot , but you would be a masochist. The whole situation says she respects you not. :(

Call it a day and look for some bandages to wrap your heart and heal. There are many lovely wonderful; girls out there than can love you for yourself , and be faithful and supportive. She might someday, but not likely do it for you.

I am so sorry for you... I have been there and it Sucked
natasia 3 | 368
3 Nov 2012  #25
You would not be an idiot , but you would be a masochist.

Exactly.

It is very hard, but the only way to see who else is out there and free yourself up for some real love is to just cut her out. It goes against our instincts, once we have bonded, to turn away, but sometimes we have to.

And Rysavy is right - there are so many of us nice, kind women out there! Really. Choose one who deserves your attentions.
chicagogrubas
3 Nov 2012  #26
I can't believe this thread is for real but ok....

I pretty much have done everything to try to make her happy

No, you done everything to make YOURSELF happy.

She is without doubt the love of my life

No she's not you selfish creep as LOVE IS AN UNCONDITIONAL feeling.Otherwise it's not love.

So perhaps I need to just let her go

You don't need to do anything she will do what she wants to do.

She realised what a mistake she had made and that she had thrown away the best thing in her life and the person who had done everything for her, and that sex with someone you don't really love is not the same as with someone

Best thing in her life?Oh,you are so awesome (according to you) but it appears that for her you are not awesome enough.

You should leave her immediately.

Just give her boot mate!

Can't you people read?SHE HAS LEFT HIM.

Does she really want to be forgiven? Has she really begged to be forgiven?

No she does not.It is only his wishfull thinking.

He said that they agreed for her to move out and for them to keep dating. Hence she cheated on him.

Are you ******* 6 y/o?She has moved out,guess what it means something.

Yes - you can take the ***** out of the brothel, but you can't take the brothel out of the *****

You are really quick to call names people you don't even know.

Should I consider forgiving her and try again?

You can forgive her or not but I don't think it will make any difference for her.She is gone.
bostonbill
3 Nov 2012  #27
Can't you people read?SHE HAS LEFT HIM.

The text reads like she might be coming back or trying to!

No, you done everything to make YOURSELF happy.

Sounds like he has done as much as any bloke would if not more!

No she's not you selfish creep as LOVE IS AN UNCONDITIONAL feeling.Otherwise it's not love.

It doesn't mean losing your self respect or being a mug! you can't love anyone else if you can't love yourself properly.

[quote=chicagogrubas]You are really quick to call names people you don't even know.[/quote
Too right, the woman was sha--ing an engaged bloke which = sl-g! what a skank, she was also still dating SMP which = sl-g!
You know what mate, you appear to be one of these blokes who are totally taken in by the nasty type of Polish women, this attitude that they are

beautiful angels that can do no wrong is cr-p, you blokes give them license to behave like cheap wh-res.
There are nice Polish women/girls but all to often they are written off by their own and other men and slagged off by their own women because

they aren't size 6 and they don't look like some cut rate prn actress !
SMP don't take her back she's worthless!
chicagogrubas
3 Nov 2012  #28
The text reads like she might be coming back or trying to!

You got it all wrong my man.It is SMP HOPING she will be back.

Sounds like he has done as much as any bloke would if not more!

You got this wrong too.Whatever he has done he done it ultimately for his own benefit.This is what it comes down to.

It doesn't mean losing your self respect or being a mug! you can't love anyone else if you can't love yourself properly.

.Yes you can.When you LOVE (and I mean LOVE) self respect or being a mug does not matter.When you LOVE there is no "if" or "but".In my opinion very few people are capable of loving.I am not one of them.

Too right, the woman was sha--ing an engaged bloke which = sl-g! what a skank

And?Who never done it?I have.

she was also still dating SMP which = sl-g!

Was she really?Doesn't seem to me she was since SHE MOVED OUT.

You know what mate, you appear to be one of these blokes who are totally taken in by the nasty type of Polish women, this attitude that they arebeautiful angels that can do no wrong is cr-p, you blokes give them liscence to behave like cheap wh-res.

.I do?Nah ah.It all depends on the perspective you take.She broke up (I mean when one of the partners moves out it is not exactly a sign of great relationship),what do you expect from her?To become a nun or commit suicide?She's done with SMP and altough it hurts him her life goes on.And what do you mean by "behaving like cheap w h o res?Applying your standarts to males almost all of us,me included behave like "cheap w h ores".I guess that news about gender equality did not arrive to your neck of woods mister.

You know what mate, you appear to be one of these blokes who are totally taken in by the nasty type of Polish women, this attitude that they arebeautiful angels that can do no wrong is cr-p, you blokes give them liscence to behave like cheap wh-res.

.I do?Nah ah.It all depends on the perspective you take.She broke up (I mean when one of the partners moves out it is notr exactly sign of great relationship),what do you expect from her?To become a nun or commit suicide?She's done with SMP and altough it hurts him her life goes on.And what do you mean by "behaving like cheap w h o res?Applying your standarts to males almost all of us,me included behave like "cheap w h ores".I guess that news about genders equality did not arrive to your neck of woods mister.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859
4 Nov 2012  #29
Never take health or relationship advice over the internet. For health, consult the pros. For relationships, consults your friends and family.

Meet for a drink and play your cards on the table. See how she reacts.

Dont take any more bullsh*t.

Ive just contradicted meself there, but here we are.

Good luck, in anyways.
BostonBill
4 Nov 2012  #30
You got it all wrong my man.It is SMP HOPING she will be back.

Maybe she's not trying to get back with him but he seems to think she is, so the advice I give is going to be like she wants him back!!!!

You got this wrong too.Whatever he has done he done it ultimately for his own benefit.This is what it comes down to

It's a safe bet that he did loads of things with her in mind rather than himself
.

.Yes you can.When you LOVE (and I mean LOVE) self respect or being a mug does not matter.When you LOVE there is no "if" or "but".In my opinion very few people are capable of loving.I am not one of them.

You love your kids unconditionally, you don't take sh-t from a partner though, without self respect relationships don't work!

And?Who never done it?I have.

Decent people don't sh-g or hit on some one who has a partner, that applies to men and women! The b-tch never thought of the girl the Polish guy was engaged too, the Polish guy is sh-t too

.

.I guess that news about genders equality did not arrive to your neck of woods mister.

If people are genuinely free agents they can sh-g the whole football team providing the football team are all free agents!
Gender equality is is about equal treatment for each gender not a licence to cheat on people or nick other people's partners.
The woman is a skank, end of, the Polish guy in the story is a skank.
Instead of having a go at SMP think about what the skanks did to him and show a bit of humanity!

Think some of those quotes have come up under my name instead of chicagogrubas
those quotes are from chicago not me!

And?Who never done it?I have

.Yes you can.When you LOVE (and I mean LOVE) self respect or being a mug does not matter.When you LOVE there is no "if" or "but".In my opinion very few people are capable of loving.I am not one of them.



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