Life /
In Poland on holiday - need help with bad case of homesickness [108]
On the one hand, I want to crow over Lenka's feeling of missing out. On the other hand, I'm in the same goddamn boat - so who does it make me if I laugh at Lenka?
Regarding the first part:
1) The grass really isn't always greener on the other side.
2) The absolute majority of the emigres I meet in New York, specifically those that moved in the '80s, '90s, or even early 2000s - are miserable people that have nothing but envy in reserve for those that stayed at home and made considerably more money than a person living on Brighton Beach (while also remaining in touch with family, and the place that birthed you).
3) From what you write - it is evident that when you were leaving it was a seemingly well calculated decision based on the fact that you could not envision Poland affording you the same life. Well - here is karma, in the form of your current anxiety.
Now for the other side:
1) You have brilliant English (but not much better than Kania's, Paulina's, or Pawian's who stayed home)
2) You are able to participate in discussions from a unique perspective, which is rarely heard from the above mentioned compatriots
3) I am sure that you have acted as a wonderful ambassador for the nation of Poland itself - charming and light-footed as you are.
4) Not everything can be measured in terms of "quality of life", or "comfort of the soul". Perhaps Poland is catching up, and soon there will be no meaningful difference in living in the UK or Poland. Still, the experience of leaving and starting life anew in a new place - whether they like it or not - makes you stronger than the average Pole. In this life - strength matters.
Finally - one last thought on the subject:
* Having been born in Poland - you'll always be a Pole. Whatever sparkly and beautiful things in Poland that you see now - that pull at your heart - it's all yours anyway. Take this from a Russian living in NY.