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Soldier born in Poland / living in England. Fiance going away for ages. Complicated...


dtaylor 9 | 823  
24 Jun 2008 /  #61
I do believe that JustysiaS has a personal problem and I really am asking to what appear to me to be obvious questions.

I know, but she is facing something we have never, support would be the best way to help dont you think?
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
24 Jun 2008 /  #62
I spent a lot of time before I posted because I surmised that he had told you of his decision before today.

no seriously he told me today.

what car did he buy years ago that still make war the only decision ?

a new civic type r. it cost more than he earns in a year. and he was single when he bought it.

Should a wife feel the same as her husband?

jeez people stop talking about the war. its got nothing to do with this thread.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
24 Jun 2008 /  #63
I don't know if anyone has already asked this question.

A link has been provided. It is one of the best routes, if only to find that you're not alone.

I'm sure Justysia understands a little more than she did an hour ago. The topic is something a few of us seem to have been through. At least something similar.

Arguements about the validity of war don't help much in this case though.
dtaylor 9 | 823  
24 Jun 2008 /  #64
Sorry Just;) I think you should stay put, and wait for him, u know my back ground, though just do it;)
Barney 15 | 1,476  
24 Jun 2008 /  #65
I believe you! That's me putting two and two together and getting the answer wrong.
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
24 Jun 2008 /  #66
support would be the best way to help dont you think?

The best friends do not just support me when I have a question but they do when I have made up my mind.
Plus i do not believe in the "I was just following orders" excuse, do you?

civic type r.

27 thousand pound sterling and your 11 grand, plus bonuses could not have paid it off? after years?
I do not mean to upset you and at any stage you JustysiaS can tell me to stop and I will.
Why is the love of your life leaving you for a war that is not just? I do not think the car is supported any more.
Barney 15 | 1,476  
24 Jun 2008 /  #67
Sean the reasons for an individual taking up a gun are many. I personally have never done that nor have I ever supported the British army and I have known individuals who have done both though not at the same time. The point is one of trust between a loving couple and the pressures that this decision brings to their relationship. For JustysiaS to post such a personal message speaks volumes. Do you not agree? So I suggest keeping to the point. I really don’t want to be curt....
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
24 Jun 2008 /  #68
I'm sure Justysia understands a little more than she did an hour ago. The topic is something a few of us seem to have been through. At least something similar.

yeah my mind is much clearer now. i really appreciate all the feedback. suppose i just needed a few friendly words to calm down, i had not seen this coming and its all so difficult to accept just now. after chatting to my other half and to you guys i think i know what i gotta do. it won't be easy, but we have done this before and there was a happy ending. we are a strong couple so i dont think it will break us up. its just a bit scary to think about the amount of time spent apart when you add it all up. if he doesnt go this year, he will go next year, it doesnt make any difference.... just putting it away for later.
dtaylor 9 | 823  
24 Jun 2008 /  #69
Plus i do not believe in the "I was just following orders" excuse, do you?

Yes, simple as the concept is, you must follow orders, blame your politicians for what is happening, dont blame those dying because of your votes.
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
24 Jun 2008 /  #70
Why is the love of your life leaving you for a war that is not just? I do not think the car is supported any more

he is leaving cos its his job!! he will go next year and the year after and the year after that untill he quits, you cant just say 'no im not going, i want out cos war is wrong'. he's sh*t with money i'll give you that though. the money is not just for that, its for our wedding and for a place together and everything else we will need to start a new life once he's out, its not so easy you know, everything costs loads these days and its getting worse. stop drilling me about the war and the car because these are not the essential elements of this thread.
dtaylor 9 | 823  
24 Jun 2008 /  #71
I think she would happilly give up the car and wedding just to make sure her bf is not there!
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
24 Jun 2008 /  #72
I really don’t want to be curt....

Be curt...
I agree that this is an extremely personal thread, but it is not logical.
Ok, everybody always thinks they are in the dog house as regards to money but come on, a joined income plus bonuses and nobody has to go to war?

How has this NOT got to do with an unjust war?

dtaylor
I think she would happilly give up the car and wedding just to make sure her bf is not there!

Ok,
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
24 Jun 2008 /  #73
Why is the love of your life leaving you for a war that is not just? I do not think the car is supported any more.

I would have thought that that was bloody obvious. He is being sent on attachment or he has been posted. He will probably be travelling with the rest of his battalion. There is no link here to your comment of 'just following orders'

If a soldier doesn't turn up for duty, he is then AWOL. This is something that can lead to time in a cell and a discharge with accompanying paper work that says 'unemployable'

How is that going to help anyone.
If he is in a place of safety then the only worry is the time spent in separation.
dtaylor 9 | 823  
24 Jun 2008 /  #74
How has this NOT got to do with an unjust war?

We are not talking about the war!
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
24 Jun 2008 /  #75
Wroclaw

It was stated he was volunteering for this. I know this will start a lot of emotions. I would like to simmer those emotions. Iraq is not, to my knowlege, the safest place right now.

And how has someone going to the war, not got to do with the war?
I will leave all of this alone if you wish JustysiaS? civilised
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
24 Jun 2008 /  #76
I am sure that one day people will say the British soldiers were wrong to have been in Northern ireland , and that killing Argentine soldiers was pointless because the Falklands clearly belongs to Argentina....It won,t change my conviction that i did my duty , yes followed orders , and served alongside some good guys , some of who never came back... BUT THIS POST IS ALL ABOUT A YOUNG LADY WHO IS CONCERNED ABOUT HER MAN BEING AWAY FROM HER FOR A TIME.....give her a break , the rights and wrongs of this war are for another place and time....Most of us are with you girl , we hope you will get through this , and your man will come back safe and well..and marry you....best wishes....
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
24 Jun 2008 /  #77
If he is in a place of safety then the only worry is the time spent in separation.

thank you, that is my main worry. army is not a place you can walk out from like you would walk out from any other job. its a huge responsibility. it wouldnt've made any difference if we tried to pay for it together, we'd still be paying today anyway cos we've only been a couple for 2 yrs and you dont just ask your new girlfriend: hey, can you help me pay for my car cos i wanna get out from the army? if you wanna quit from the army you still have to work for an year after you hand them your notice. they could be cheeky and send him on a tour for 12 months if they wanted.

It was stated he was volunteering for this.

if he volunteers now and goes again next year, he will have enough money to leave in 2010. if he refuses to go now, he will go every year until he quits. all he needs is the money. he's not doing it cos he loves war. he is too proud to take any money from me. i did offer. end of, leave this thread seanbm.
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
24 Jun 2008 /  #78
edit....
leave this thread seanbm.
OK,
I do wish you all the best.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
24 Jun 2008 /  #79
It was stated he was volunteering for this.

SeanBM, you have no idea how the military works. Your aguements are pointless and not helping at all. Please understand that he is going and that's that.

We are here to provide support to a friend. And the problem is about seperation.
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
24 Jun 2008 /  #80
There is no need to shout.

Sorry...actually i was whispering in big letters.....
Barney 15 | 1,476  
24 Jun 2008 /  #81
my mind is much clearer now. i really appreciate all the feedback

Good.................keep going girl
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
24 Jun 2008 /  #82
will do ;). just get that kiddo off my thread cos he's doing my head in now
Barney 15 | 1,476  
24 Jun 2008 /  #83
He has gone

He is ok just in the wrong thread
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
24 Jun 2008 /  #84
He is ok just in the wrong thread

A lot of what he says makes sense....its just not the right place to say it....
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
24 Jun 2008 /  #85
i could start a seperate therad about how much i disagree with this war and British as well as Polish soldiers having to participate in it. im not against it just because my loved one is risking his life there, but i also feel for all the other families and friends of all soldiers out there. i dont think its fair to make them fight Bush's wars just cos he wants the oil from there, looking for Osama and other bandits is just an excuse, my bloke always says that if bin laden was still alive they'd find him by now. my fiance served his fair amount of time and i dare to say that if it wasnt for me he'd stay there much longer. he just misses his Polish and he wants to make me happy. he wants to sort out his financial troubles all by himself, he's a proud Scot.
LCzachor 6 | 68  
25 Jun 2008 /  #86
Justynka... Sincerly????

I'm brazilian and i'm in a relationship with a polish girl.. We see mostly 2 times a year... Yea, missing crushes our hearts... We do miss all you can think, but we are still together cause we really think it will work.. She's 19 and i'm 20. I'm studying in the best university of Brazil and i just can't leave it. She will not study here aswell, as it's hella difficult to pass in a good(public) university here... Plan is that i'm going to move to Poland as soon as i finish my studies...

WAITING... In my opinion, you can put sex, missing, everything in a box and wait. I'm not telling it's easy, cause i'm into this too. But it feels awesomely good to know that in 4 days i'll meet moja misia again and spend 30 days with her.... Sometimes waiting makes it count ;)

My opinion is: if you really think he's the man of your life. Wait for him, he's doing it for good, to not have financial problems anymore and so on. Just wait for him.

As we say here in brazil, never heard anywhere else "if it ends, it wasn't love", and i fully agree with that, though it's a bit harsh :D

Again... wait for him if you feel he's the one you want to raise your kids, give you a married life and so on.. :)
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
25 Jun 2008 /  #87
;) thanks, i know this is the best thing, to wait and be patient, but i wasnt prepared for this, not so soon. he keeps saying its not 100% definite that they will let him go, but he really wants to cos he wants to sort him mess out and he's doing it for me. everybody makes mistakes and he's trying to fix the situation and make room for our future together so it's all for the best. i just hope it works out in the end, i know i won't do anything stupid like looking for other guys because im not like that, and he knows im not. it is indeed amazing to have them back in your arms after all this time, it feels like its christmas again lol. if you can make your relationship work, i'm sure i can do it too.

thank you again everyone for your kind words.
osiol 55 | 3,922  
25 Jun 2008 /  #88
i know this is the best thing, to wait and be patient

Get through this, and the next obstacle you have to pass will be easier for both of you. You know what to do. Many people know what they have to do. It looks as though he knows this is something he must do. To have someone waiting for you at the end has got to help bring hope and help you to get through what must be a very difficult time.

- Osiol is just about sober after last night.
Ranj 21 | 948  
25 Jun 2008 /  #89
i know this is the best thing, to wait and be patient

Very true and mature statement. Although being patient can be very difficult, things have a way of being sorted out when we are patient....we are not making decisions based on emotion. As someone said earlier, if this relationship is meant to be, then a separation (short in the scheme of life) will not affect it....if anything, it will strengthen the bond you already have. Good luck:)
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
25 Jun 2008 /  #90
As someone said earlier, if this relationship is meant to be, then a separation (short in the scheme of life) will not affect it

it will hopefully make it better. it's not easy being a SWAG (a soldier WAG lol)!

Osiol is just about sober after last night.

osiol, you've been drinking on a tuesday night? i think your Polish housemate has a bad influence on you lol

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