JustysiaS 13 | 2,240 24 Jun 2008 / #1I've been thinking about posting this as some random guest, but i suppose that all the details i'm about to reveal in this thread would just give my true identity away, so i'm not gonna try that ;). Since threads about relationships have been so popular recently thanks to wildrover and of course fireif, i thought i'd share something that happened today and ask you for an honest, unbiased opinion. I've never really revealed much about myself here apart from the fact that i'm Polish, live in England, i'm in my 20s and have a Scottish fiance, and of course that i'm able to translate ;). Well, as some of you know my fiance is in the British Army and today i've found out from him that he's going to volunteer for a 6 months long tour in Iraq this August and then again next year. He needs the money that he will be able to save up there to pay off the loan he's taken out for his car a few years ago, and for a course he wants to do in order to get a new, well paid job after he's quit being a soldier, cos he wants to have a normal happy life with me. My problem is, and he called me selfish for that already, that i can't bear the thought of being seperated for such a long time, i'm dreading the fear of losing him, and of course i'm worried we might grow apart since it's gonna be ages without seing each other. I've gone through this last year when he was in Afghanistan and it did bring us closer in the end, but it also made me very clingy, insecure, stressed out. I lost loads of weight and everyone was worried about me, too. I dread going through this again year after year and i think there's a risk of me becoming increasingly depressed as a result of this. In the long run, this is the quickest option for him to get out, but it's also a year taken out of my life that i will have to spend on waiting and forever missing him, and praying he comes back to me safe and well. I already accused him of picking the most extreme and hurtful way of trying to leave the army, because he could've started saving up the money a year ago when we got engaged and he knew i wasn't up for becoming an army wife. I don't know if i can do this, i don't even know if i want to do this. I love him and i thought i was 100% sure that he was the man i want to spend my life with no matter what, but now i've got so many doubts and i don't know if it'll work out if we are going to be so far away from each other all this time. I've been already preparing myself for next year when i knew he was going to go to Iraq (and do proper army stuff, not a desk job), but that was supposed to be the last time. And now this... As every other couple, we had loads of good times, but also some bad times, but the last few months have been almost perfect and i was really looking forward to spending xmas and new year with his family this year. But it's not going to happen anymore. If he changes his mind about this tour in August, he will still get sent on training to Canada for 3 months anyway... He told me that all he's gonna do in Iraq this time over is paperwork and not going anywhere outside the main camp so it's very unlikely that he gets hurt. It is a relief, but it will be agony not being able to see him for my birthday, his birthday, christmas and everything else. And then the same story next year. Is it all worth it? So much can change in a year, the love might fizzle out, and hell knows what else life's gonna throw my way to top off my misery. I'm not even gonna start about sex ha ha... I really wanted to hear from the wise ladies here, what would you do if you were in my shoes? I realise that it's hard to make an opinion and give advice based on a random post without knowing the whole complicated story of our relationship, but if anyone else here found themselves in a similar situation before, i'd like to know their thoughts. I'm not going to come back here everyday updating you on what's going on in my head like some other people do ;), but i'd like some mature answers and nothing like "i'll cheer you up when your bf's gone", or any other offers of comforting me from some forever horny guests of this forum. Thank you for your time, J.