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Soldier born in Poland / living in England. Fiance going away for ages. Complicated...


LCzachor 6 | 68  
25 Jun 2008 /  #91
it feels like its christmas again lol. if you can make your relationship work, i'm sure i can do it too.

Sure.. Everybody can as soon as they want it :) Not looking after other guys is a really good start :D But serio... It will be all fine.. And jea, it feels like christmas all the time we see :))))))))
Ranj 21 | 948  
25 Jun 2008 /  #92
it feels like its christmas again lol. if you can make your relationship work, i'm sure i can do it too.

I didn't say that....that came from Justysia's post.
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
25 Jun 2008 /  #93
i'm sure it will be fine somehow. where in Poland does your girlfriend live if i may ask?
LCzachor 6 | 68  
25 Jun 2008 /  #94
I didn't say that....that came from Justysia's post.

I know.. it was some kind of bug :/

i'm sure it will be fine somehow. where in Poland does your girlfriend live if i may ask?

She's from Mielec.. Near Rzeszów :)
jonas - | 5  
26 Jun 2008 /  #95
Life is fluid...it changes and the trick is keeping our love synced with those changes. Older generations were better at this because they were less selfish.

If you love this guy...then wait...and respect that love.

You have to work every day to grow that love and have a life together. Every day wont be roses...hell most days wont be...but love is not some romantic fantasy life most people want it to be. Love is respect and effort to do the right thing and treat another person as if you care about them more than yourself.

You will have lots of choices to make together and sometimes you just wont be able to come to one that you both are happy about. The important part is that you try.

Again...love is respect...not fairy tales.
Dzhaklin 3 | 166  
26 Jun 2008 /  #96
I worked with a girl who started dating someone and 3 months later he went to Iraq. She thought he was the one and decided to make it work. He was gone for 9 months, but he called her at least 4 times a week and they made it work. I know it was really hard on her and that every situation is different, but it's proof that it can work. He's out of Iraq now they're married and having a little girl in a few months. Also if you are sure you want to spend your life with him 6 months is only a fraction of the time you will be together.
z_darius 14 | 3,968  
26 Jun 2008 /  #97
This story reminds me of... millions of similar stories that happened throughout the ages. Nihil novi, but of course on a personal level it is and it certainly presents itself as a challenging experience. I have no advice to offer because as always - que sera, sera and the fact of the matter is that while this thread may have some cathartic value to Justysia, IMO her decision is unlikely to be significantly influenced by the posts here.

I would like to clear some technical points though.

Some become soldiers for so called higher reasons. Justysia's bf seems to have become one for the money, so there goes the "support your troops" argument. Or at least it has as much value as "support your MBA graduates" or "support your network administrator" - just a phrase with little meaning in this context.

If the above is accepted then I have to wonder about the person who picks up a gun to better himself and his present or future family materially - especially if it is obvious that the war is unjust, and possibly illegal under international law. Smacks of a mercenary. Yes, it may seem that the military is the only choice for some young people, but I disagree.

This forum is frequented by many emigrants. Some of us left our home countries with all of $10 and we seem be doing just fine. And yes, we do have cars which are paid off. No, it wasn't always easy, and many of us had to pay dearly for mistakes we were even unaware we made within the first weeks, months or years in the new country, but if one didn't wander into some shady areas of NYC the risk to our lives were minimal ;)

Unless you bf gets a job of one of those "private security" muscle men (very dangerous but pays about $1000 a day) how much will UK soldier net in a year+? $30K $60? Are these really amounts worth risking one's life for? Is a pile of metal and plastic called a car worth the risk? It almost seems like a joke. Go to war to pay a car off??? Did I get it right?

What about risking the chance to build a future with the other half to be? If that were to be a million or two of those $$$... hey that would be some heist and definitely worth considering, but measly $60K? That's substantially less than an oil sand worker in Canada makes, and only 25% more than an entry level IT fella makes here. In fact a waitress in a semi decent bar will make at least that amount.

Both of you are still kids. There is plenty of hope for you, but also enough dangerous meanders that life so excels in. Given enough luck you can take any beating from life, survive it and years later have a few laughs at the mishaps, but it sure is easier when the sad times are shared, just like the good ones, whether you are close or apart, .

In my view, the idea of going to Iraq as a soldier to make some low end cash is utterly stupid. Regardless of what decisions will be finally made, try to consider this well know fact - love is not just for the good times. If you do have love for your bf you'll be together weather he goes to Middle East to kill a few Arabs or not.

As Germans say, if something doesn't kill you instantly it can only make you stronger. I think it applies to relationships too.
shopgirl 6 | 928  
26 Jun 2008 /  #98
ZD.....if you ever happen to undergo a surgery of some sort, I would really like to be there. Just to see if there are wires and circuit boards inside of you....or blood and a beating heart!
z_darius 14 | 3,968  
26 Jun 2008 /  #99
I did. A few. All is fine.
That's why I decided not to pick up weapons in order to buy myself and my family a home, education and hope for my daughter's future. I chose to work my ass off instead of risking my head being blown off.

I wonder what you find so romantic, heart warming and human in going to war to pay off a vehicle, or to buy your way through future career moves.
AngelNC 2 | 85  
27 Jun 2008 /  #100
My problem is

Sorry to tell you that but after reading your post I assume you don't really love your "fiance" very much otherwise it wouldn't be a question for you what to do in this situation. He's about to risk his life for a better future for both of you guys.
VaFunkoolo 6 | 654  
27 Jun 2008 /  #101
Justysia's bf seems to have become one for the money

Does the British army actually pay their soldiers enough to make this a worthwhile reason for joining up?

how much will UK soldier net in a year+? $30K $60? Are these really amounts worth risking one's life for?

Exactly

it may seem that the military is the only choice for some young people

Whilst i would agree with this in the case of America and the US army Im not entirely sure the same applies in the UK. Our approach to recruitment appears very different than in America
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
27 Jun 2008 /  #102
I might be misunderstanding some of the problem, but it seems that Justysia's boyfriend joined up before he met her. This means that he signed a 3, 6 or nine year contract. If he is in the middle of the contract he has to buy himself out. The only way he can do that is by taking on a role that gives him more money, and quickly.

Another point is that he is trying to handle the situation as best he can, without putting Justysia through too much distress. In other words: He has to go and there is no way out of it.

The rights and wrongs of war have fcuk all to do with the problem.

I've got to say this: Some of you haven't a clue about the British military and how it works. And using someones thread to sneak in your point of view on the Middle East and the situation there is well out of order.

Please, have some respect for the feelings of others, especially a respected member of the forum.
VaFunkoolo 6 | 654  
27 Jun 2008 /  #103
Some of you haven't a clue about the British military and how it works

This is a fair point. The British army works in different ways than the US and in many ways these differences appear fundamental
scott usa - | 63  
27 Jun 2008 /  #104
Yes the british army does what the AMERICANS tell them to do lol since we have the best milarty in the world and i agree if u LOVED UR BF u wouldnt half to ask on here if u should wait.In usa milarty familys the divorce rate is crazy like 8-10 since they are gone for so long like 9 months
szarlotka 8 | 2,208  
27 Jun 2008 /  #105
Please, have some respect for the feelings of others, especially a respected member of the forum.

I heartily agree with this point and, indeed, with your entire post Wroclaw.
Ranj 21 | 948  
27 Jun 2008 /  #106
As do I:)
VaFunkoolo 6 | 654  
27 Jun 2008 /  #107
Yes the british army does what the AMERICANS tell them to do lol

LOL This is why people think Americans are idiots

since we have the best milarty in the world

Then why you keep getting your arses kicked by a bunch of civilians with tea towels on their heads?
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
27 Jun 2008 /  #108
arses kicked by a bunch of civilians with tea towels on their heads?

Not forgetting the primative untrained mob in Vietnam...
VaFunkoolo 6 | 654  
27 Jun 2008 /  #109
Or the children soldiers in Africa
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
27 Jun 2008 /  #110
some people really dont have a bloody clue what they're talking about. American camps out in the middle east are like holiday camps with swimming pools and cinemas, and they get paid loads more money than the uk soldiers so how is that fair for a start? you think its all about the money and that my bloke is 'selling himself' out of greed and that he's stupid to do so as it's such a small amount of cash for all the risk? do you realise how brave must one be to make such a sacrifice?? its disgusting of some of you to condemn him for that and i truly wish that you find yourselves in a situation like this where your loved one has no choice but to go and fight cos its his JOB and cos thats the only choice. its true he didnt exactly sign up to serve the country, but who does these days? apart from americans obviously, cos you guys are a bit brainwashed by the looks of it. its a job like any other, just more demanding. he's been in the army about 4 years before i met him, and bought the car ages before we started going out too. he sees this as the only way of getting outta this debt as he wouldn't get paid as much if he left now, with not so amazing qualifications or money to get them. he's still very young and please find me a 25yr old guy with an account full of money. thats quite rare isnt it. he is at least doing something to change it now and he can only see the end of this army stuff after doing those 2 tours. it might not be millions, but it is a nice lump of cash.

as for some other people questioning my feelings towards him, please stop for a minute before you judge. you know absolutely nothing about the situation, most of all - you have not ever been in a situation like this before and i have been so im obviously not looking forward to it happening again. you have no idea what that place does to people, its taken my fiance months and months to get back to normal, he was very emotional and stressed out, and god we'd always end up fighting a lot because of the tention that he created around himself. i love him and one part of me knows he needs to go and do this, but the other fears for his safety and feels it might be not worth it if something bad happens to him. but thats life and we all make our choices, we all make mistakes and we all do and say things that we later regret. so if all you have got to say is 'you dont love your fiance', then i suggest you go and f*ck yourself. cheers.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
27 Jun 2008 /  #111
These are all very valid points, but what has it got to do with poor Ms J's situation? Im gonna blame that w*nker SeanBM he started banging on about the rights on and wrongs of the army....
scott usa - | 63  
27 Jun 2008 /  #112
What u talking about we took that country over in 3 days they will not fight liek men they hide behind woman and kids and run and hide
z_darius 14 | 3,968  
27 Jun 2008 /  #113
It doesn't matter how the British military works. What matters is that the pay is lousy. There is also no need to sneak any views anywhere. What I wrote about the war in general are not some secret, underground opinions but facts and those facts, IMO, matter very much from a moral standpoint. Being drafted or in some way forced to go to a war zone is one thing. Volunteering is quite another - especially when the ethical value of that war is very questionable.

You suggested respect towards the respected poster. I have not shown disrespect towards her. I commented on the decisions her bf is making, not on the doubts she seems to have about her relationship. I also commented on some poster's usual "support your troops" slogan.

Her bf's decision is one she regrets too. Justysia asked for an for an honest, unbiased opinion. . My post was honest and I stand by every single point I wrote, give or take a spelling or grammatical error here and there.

i truly wish that you find yourselves in a situation like this where your loved one has no choice but to go and fight cos its his JOB and cos thats the only choice.

You need to make up your mind. In the first post you wrote he volunteered to go to Iraq. You can't change your story in the middle of the thread and then blame others for being blunt in their assessment of the situation.
scott usa - | 63  
27 Jun 2008 /  #114
Like i said before milarty couples in usa the divorce rate is high since they dont see there wifes or husband for 8 -10 months pluss when the guys come back from all the war they have problems alot after the pressure of war
AngelNC 2 | 85  
27 Jun 2008 /  #115
so if all you have got to say is 'you dont love your fiance', then i suggest you go and f*ck yourself. cheers.

If you get so upset about it then why the hell you posted the story? Besides my hubby was military and I know what it takes to be seperated for a long period of time. We raised 4 kids and one of them is a marine currently stationed in Iraq. I never even thought for a minute to leave my husband just because he had to serve our country. I don't post any of my family matters but if I did I would have to expect some criticism by other people and would have to be able to take it.
miranda  
27 Jun 2008 /  #116
I don't post any of my family matters but if I did I would have to expect some criticism by other people.

good point, but you need to cut some slack for Justysia. The situation is a difficult one and she is expressing her concerns as anyone else would, maybe not to th epoint of posting it on the forum.

Justy, you will need some strengh to deal with this situation and hving doubts or questions is a ntural thing to do.

I wish you luck and we are here for you.

As for some harsh words of some posters - they are stating their opinions based on life experiance and it is valid to you as long as you remember it is their experiance.

Stay balanced. Life has a way of things working out eventually. Have a conversation with somebody who is your friend and face to face.
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
27 Jun 2008 /  #117
You need to make up your mind. In the first post you wrote he volunteered to go to Iraq. You can't change your story in the middle of the thread and then blame others for being blunt in their assessment of the situation.

but now they might ask him to go anyway even if he says he doesnt want to anymore cos he's on the list of people who qualify to go. im not changing anything. i only posted this thread because i wanted to share this with people similar to me and maybe exchange experiences, rather than getting my ass kicked for being doubtful and 'unloyal' or listening to some others critisizing my boyfriend for being a soldier and putting his life on the line for lousy money.

I don't post any of my family matters but if I did I would have to expect some criticism by other people and would have to be able to take it.

yeah there is always a twat or two who have to add their miserable few words to the conversation. i have been expecting it sooner or later, but it doesnt mean im just gonna let you insult me.
z_darius 14 | 3,968  
27 Jun 2008 /  #118
but now they might ask him to go anyway even if he says he doesnt want to anymore

This is now but I posted what I did before this newest information.

i only posted this thread because i wanted to share this with people similar to me and maybe exchange experiences, rather than getting my ass kicked for being doubtful and 'unloyal' or listening

1. You wanted honest opinions, didn't you?
2. I did not kick your ass for anything, although you certainly haven't come across as a Penelope.
OP JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
27 Jun 2008 /  #119
Yes the british army does what the AMERICANS tell them to do lol since we have the best milarty in the world

yeah, you yanks are best at killing each other with friendly fire

What u talking about we took that country over in 3 days they will not fight liek men they hide behind woman and kids and run and hide

they still manage to kill you everyday in large numbers though. in 3 days? what are you still doing there now, fighting with them? it's gonna be a looooooooooooong time before you can build a starbucks in every village in Iraq and Afghanistan.

1. You wanted honest opinions, didn't you?
2. I did not kick your ass for anything, although you certainly haven't come across as a Penelope.

i dont really care how negative or positive i come accross to you, z_darius, but my question wasnt about the war and it's impact on the world, or about the lousy pay cheques the british soldiers recieve for fighting Bush's stupid wars. and definitely not about my fiance being lazy or not capable of finding a different job to pay off his debts. that is none of your business. you don't have the right or enough knowledge about the british army system to ridicule it, as well as ridiculing british troops. after all, they are america's stupid president's allies and they are fighting for his right to all the oil out there, right? it was about me and my doubts about letting him go or making him stay, and i've been even thinking about splitting up because i couldn't at first bear the thought of losing him for so long, so suddenly. these are the emotions many people go through, i wanted to be honest without making a saint out of myself, but when the likes of seanbm started infesting this thread with their bollox about the war, i had to stand up to them and at least defend my boyfriend because he's in the end trying to make things right his way. i know he loves me to bits and leaving me is the last thing in the world he wants, but what other choice has he got really? the sooner he 'buys himself out', the better. he's been a soldier since he's been 19, it is a very big step for him and i admire him for being so determined to take that step to be with me 'properly', not just when he's off duty. all the trolling going on here made me realise just how confused and lost i was when i have written my first post. i will be backing up my fiance no matter what and no matter what you say, so this thread might as well be deleted now. thank you to all the lovely people, you know who you are, for offering support and trying to get the thread back on track. and thanks to all the negative, harsh posters, too, you sure got people talking and you sure made me wanna stand by my man no matter how much you critisize him and his occupation.

thank you everyone.
sausage 19 | 777  
27 Jun 2008 /  #120
buys himself out

just out of interest... is this a 3 or 4 months wages, does it vary depending on the length of contract remaining?

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