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Abuse in relationships (my first Polish girlfriend)


Lefty 13 | 124  
9 Aug 2009 /  #1
I've had the recent experience of being punched and kicked by a Polish woman when I confronted her about it (via sms afterward) and told her she's lucky I didn't hit her back (which I would never do but I hope you know where I'm going with this) she told me that she has hit her ex's before and nobody said they would ever hit her back.

I was standing shocked reading this message wondering if she thinks this is normal!

I think this is a crazy attitude and I wonder (since that was my first Polish girlfriend) is that the norm culturally?

I wouldn't stand for any abuse of any kind and to be labeled a pus*y wouldn't offend me even in that macho Polak way in which guys in Poland always want to seem like they are tough and are immune to anything.

Basically I'm asking about challenging the normal view on this topic that it's ok for girls to hit guys and if he complains he's a cipa but if a guy hits a girl he would most likely be beaten by her friends.

I just wonder what everyone's thoughts are on this topic.
aphrodisiac 11 | 2,444  
9 Aug 2009 /  #2
it is a crazy attitude and NO, violence and abuse is not a normal part of cultural norm in Poland. It must have been her home upbringing.
Nika 2 | 507  
9 Aug 2009 /  #3
no it is not a norm in Poland to hit one's boyfriend! so no worries you can continue dating Polish girls without fear of being treated like a punchbag :)

This girl must have some serious anger management issues...
jump_bunny 5 | 237  
9 Aug 2009 /  #4
This girl must have some serious anger management issues...

I agree.
OP Lefty 13 | 124  
9 Aug 2009 /  #5
I'm no saint, I've lost my temper and broke things/punched walls etc but I've never hit her.

I'm not really challenging that shes fuc*ed up I'm rather talking about the stereotype of abuse and how this integrates with sexism towards men.
Vincent 9 | 805   Moderator
9 Aug 2009 /  #6
I'm no saint, I've lost my temper and broke things/punched walls etc

Maybe a couple of weeks anger management course, wouldn't do you any harm either ;)
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,007  
9 Aug 2009 /  #7
I have always found Polish girls a little bit more highly strung. My first Polish gf once cut my face with an empty beer can. I understood why she did it, I was being a little bit of a prick, but still I thought it was over the top. She didn't though.
OP Lefty 13 | 124  
9 Aug 2009 /  #8
Maybe a couple of weeks anger management course, wouldn't do you any harm either ;)

I'm already on it! I'm aware of my faults and I address them.

;P

I have always found Polish girls a little bit more highly strung. My first Polish gf once cut my face with an empty beer can. I understood why she did it, I was being a little bit of a prick, but still I thought it was over the top. She didn't though.

See that's just it though dt.

Why did she find that acceptable?
Nika 2 | 507  
9 Aug 2009 /  #9
Oh my God - she cut your face with a beer can!!!!!??????
I think that these girls realise they exaggerated but they just don't want to admit their mistake, I mean you can't think that punching/kicking/cutting poeple is OK!
aphrodisiac 11 | 2,444  
9 Aug 2009 /  #10
OK, you admitted that you have problems with your own temper. Maybe you somehow attracted to people who have similar ways of bahavior?
OP Lefty 13 | 124  
9 Aug 2009 /  #11
How on earth would that be possible? We didn't meet at a fight club!
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,007  
9 Aug 2009 /  #12
Why did she find that acceptable?

Because I was pushing her to loose her temper. I'm a calm guy so I cant really be bothered with someone arguing, I just pretend not to listen and repeat uhuh over and over...

She admitted it was not acceptable a few days later, we broke up a month or so later after constant arguments.
Nika 2 | 507  
9 Aug 2009 /  #13
She admitted it was not acceptable a few days later,

pffff I feel relieved!
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,007  
9 Aug 2009 /  #14
Everyone has their tipping points, key is to know when to back away from argument before you get to yours.
OP Lefty 13 | 124  
9 Aug 2009 /  #15
This was my problem, I always thought that maybe I should try and work things out rather than walk away.

hęę you live and learn.
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,007  
9 Aug 2009 /  #16
Yep time is a great teacher, I tend to try and work things out now.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859  
9 Aug 2009 /  #17
Everyone has their tipping points, key is to know when to back away from argument before you get to yours.

Assualt is assualt. If you done the same you would be locked up, and quite rightfully so. I was at a weeding 18 months ago and got drunk with some old mates, my missus at the time got pissed off as she couldnt find me and I thought I was up to no good. When she found me, she slapped me across the face and dragged me upstairs. She banged my head off the wall a few times on the way. Id a busted up nose and a few scars. The next morning half the wedding party banged down the door to laugh at my war wounds. If it was the other way around, I would be doing porridge.
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
9 Aug 2009 /  #18
How on earth would that be possible? We didn't meet at a fight club!

Doesnt matter, similarities attract, thats a proven statement in psychiatry, if you're focked up you're bound to attract similar personalities.

This said you're a strong guy, restrain her and tell her calmly that getting physical equals becoming single.

Though if she's your wife its ok to beat her without any actuall reason, wives have no human rights.
beckski 12 | 1,617  
9 Aug 2009 /  #19
My first Polish gf once cut my face with an empty beer can. I understood why she did it, I was being a little bit of a prick

Physical violence is never acceptable. You should have filed battery charges against her.
aphrodisiac 11 | 2,444  
9 Aug 2009 /  #20
Doesnt matter, similarities attract, thats a proven statement in psychiatry, if you're focked up you're bound to attract similar personalities.

something along that line. I did not use fok though.
plk123 8 | 4,150  
9 Aug 2009 /  #21
yeah, domestic violence is quite high in PL.. don't let anyone here fool you.
Nika 2 | 507  
9 Aug 2009 /  #22
it's true but it's rather men towards women....
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
9 Aug 2009 /  #23
You just keep falling down those stairs.
welshguyinpola 23 | 463  
9 Aug 2009 /  #24
I have been there and done that. My wife used to lash out and when I told her to stop it I was labelled a pu**y. She used to do it in supermarkets and in other public places. I put a stop to it by leaving. Everytime she tries to hit me I pack my suitcase and go home for a few days. She begs for me to come back and she hasnt done it now for over a year.

But it is inbuilt in some of these Polish girls. Her friends are the same they all lash out and sometimes i feel sorry for their pathetic husbands when I see them sit there and take it. Its all to do with the Polish man being a pantoflarz i reckon
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595  
9 Aug 2009 /  #25
I get really tired when I read about this cr@p.

You are men, if a woman starts to hit you, make her stop. Just grab her arms and say it's game over.

Some people have severe problems with their behavior. It's best to just stay away from them.
Nika 2 | 507  
9 Aug 2009 /  #26
Are you guys serious or you are making up these stories?
I probably shouldn't but I burst into laughter when I read them. I've never heard/seen women getting physical with their husbands.
I am astonished!!!
welshguyinpola 23 | 463  
9 Aug 2009 /  #27
It happens here though cos the men let it happen. Its about time the men of this country grew a set
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595  
9 Aug 2009 /  #28
That's what I am saying. Men are almost always stronger than women. If she is attacking you just make her stop. As I said, just grab her arms, and hold her still, until she understands what the f*ck she's doing. Hitting someone is a criminal offense and you have the right to defend yourself.

Do I really need to say this?
ZIMMY 6 | 1,601  
9 Aug 2009 /  #29
Basically I'm asking about challenging the normal view on this topic that it's ok for girls to hit guys and if he complains he's a cipa but if a guy hits a girl he would most likely be beaten by her friends.

Perhaps the most underreported abuse and violence is female domestic abuse of spouses and boyfriends. Men are too embarrassed to notify the police when they are battered (to use feminist terminology).

In western countries there are shelters and various forms of help for women which are usually funded by tax dollars. That is not the case for males who have to "take it like a man".

batteredmen.com

Virtually all studies show that women hit men just as often as men strike women. The difference is in reporting these activities. Another difference is the unfortunate fact that when women hit or kick men it is often considered humorous. In a domestic scenario, personal relationships and emotions rule so 'size does not matter'. Men often do not strike back even though they could.
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
9 Aug 2009 /  #30
Men are too embarrassed to notify the police

Wouldnt you? If my girl tried to kick my ass i'd restrain her, Szwed is right we're stronger, if you're getting beaten by your spouse it only proves something is wrong with you as well as with her.

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