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Getting a mortgage loan with girlfriend

Dammest1 4 | 18
23 Sep 2021 #1
Hey wise people,

This is my situation, my girlfriend and i have a son together, expecting second child next year, we are planning to take a mortgage loan together for a house, and we will be 50/50% ownership of this house, i am putting the down payment of 20% which is about 90,000zl.

My question is, in case we break up, what am i looking at ? she said we can sign agreement with notarius regarding how we will share the house if we break up and she will have to give me part of my down payment. we have been talking about it for weeks, still not sure if it is right decision to make.

Any suggestion will be appreciated.
Ironside 51 | 11,310
23 Sep 2021 #2
Dude you have two kids, there is no breakup, You have responsibility for life. You need to grow up! By the way, you can kiss goodbye to any downpayment or costs you incur.
Atch 17 | 3,805
23 Sep 2021 #3
Remember that regardless of what you sign with a notary, if you break up it may not be a simple case of selling the house and splitting the proceeds. Your girlfriend may want to stay on there with the children and may not have the funds to repay you part of that 90,000. The other way round it is to be 60/40 owners with you having the larger share of ownership.

I suggest you ask this guy. He's a mortgage broker. A bit of professional advice at this stage may cost a little extra but it's worth it in the long run.
OP Dammest1 4 | 18
23 Sep 2021 #4

Thanks for your comment, i am not looking forward to any breakup, am Polish and i've been living in Poland for 20 years, everything is good with us now and i hope it stays the same forever, she is awesome but who knows...i've been divorced once...that is enough :)
Novichok 4 | 7,208
23 Sep 2021 #5
she is awesome but who knows.

You didn't propose and she didn't ask how come. You are a good match.
Forget brokers. Talk to a lawyer.

Your girlfriend may want to stay on there with the children

Great point. If you upset her, you will be lucky to have visitation rights. "He abused me and here are the bruises on my arms as evidence" and you are cooked..
OP Dammest1 4 | 18
23 Sep 2021 #6
It is always good to secure ones interest especially in term of mortgage together with girlfriend, i guess lawyer is the best one to talk to, what do you recommend, lawyer or notariusz ?
Novichok 4 | 7,208
23 Sep 2021 #7
Divorce lawyer. Take it from me that a most lovely woman will turn into the most vicious witch in custody situations. Your down payment may be the least of your problems then. Always think worst case and hope it will never happen. For example: never turn your finances over to her alone and count that she will be making payments like taxes and mortgage. The same with credit cards.

The worst-case scenario: you break up and, as Atch said, she gets to stay in the house but you are forced to keep making payments with limited visitation rights. It may happen just like that after a fight and her claims that you abuse the kids.

Insist on full transparency in everything - checking and email accounts as well as the phones. Check yours for tracking and snooping apps or simply factory reset it periodically. Only her underwear can be private.
Cargo pants 3 | 1,486
23 Sep 2021 #8
Any suggestion will be appreciated.

First things First:Go to notariusz and get,Seperation of Assests.It means that there will be no shared money,she has her money and you have your own(Legal in Poland).Also sign pre-nuptials (which courts usually* dont care about in Poland but still to have it).Any documented expense you ocurred will be given back,Yes she can ask for alimony AND WILL ask for child support(They are your kids so why not),lol all this financial crap will come after who gets the child custody and decision on visiting rights.

Its good you are planning,but thats how it should be esp nowadays.I told my kids too and they fully agree with it.
Suggestion:Register your marriage in both countries(I dont know your country)in case of a nasty divorce file in the country she didnt:) complicate it and if you can get the decision in your favor(as Polish courts can take years) bring the decision and ask the court to implement it,you can if you have a good attorney.End game is how much are you willing to spend.
Cargo pants 3 | 1,486
23 Sep 2021 #9
Any documented expense you ocurred will be given back

That includes the down payment.
OP Dammest1 4 | 18
23 Sep 2021 #10
@Cargo pants
We are not actually married, just boyfriend and girlfriend and am not planning to be married, she knows this...only that we are planning to be living together and thinking getting mortgage together. only thinking a way to protect myself.
Cargo pants 3 | 1,486
23 Sep 2021 #11
only thinking a way to protect myself.

Separation of assets works both ways for married or live in relationships and protects interests of both partners.Since you are not married bank will charge you extra closing costs and or higher interest rate.Be careful of there fine print like heavy pre-payment penalties.Too bad there is no fixed rate mortgages in Poland or if there are some for 3/5 years only but at higher rate of interest.

For mortgage payments better both open a joint account,transfer money from individual accounts in that account and pay mortgage.I have never taken out a mortgage in Poland but coming from US banking system,Polish banking system sux.

I heard some law in Poland about staying together after certain period is considered like married(common law marriage),we have similar here in NJ in States.(lol alimony becomes Palimony)I am not sure about it in Poland though.

Q:What kind of protection are you thinking for yourself,as I can only see financial??
OP Dammest1 4 | 18
24 Sep 2021 #12
@Cargo pants
Well, am thinking we should take mortgage together (even though i can take it myself) so that she will be liable to pay because i think if i took it on myself and we are living there together and she is paying contributing like 1000zl monthly, it might be jointly owned based on her contribution, so why not include her in the loan....even though her inclusion does not help to get better deal or

and am thinking of doing separation of asset as many people as suggested i.e as for the house, we co-owned it 50/50 and i am putting down the 20% of the mortgage, so am suggesting we should go to notariusz to sign some agreement incase we break up, we will sell the house, and she will give me back my 20% and if we do not agree on selling the house...then the court should sell it and if she can not pay me back my 20%, it will come out from her shares of selling the house.

I have told her that and she agreed just wondering what else to add.

Thanks for your contributions.
Bobko 14 | 954
24 Sep 2021 #13
we have been talking about it for weeks

I'm sure talking about how she may f*ck you in the future has really strengthened your relationship against future hardships. You sound like a swell fellow.
OP Dammest1 4 | 18
24 Sep 2021 #14
I am divorce from my ex and i can tell you it is not pretty, even when we do not have any property together, Better protect yourself than to be sorry in the future.

a friend of mine got divorce, paying alimony, paying his own rent (small apartment) and paying his mortgage while the ex is still living in the house cus she said she doesn't have anywhere to go and have 13 and 11 yrs old kids.

I think the best thing is to protect oneself, i do not want to break up with this lady, she is awesome but who knows after 10 or 20yrs.
mafketis 35 | 11,688
24 Sep 2021 #15
just boyfriend and girlfriend and am not planning to be married

boyfriends and girlfriends do not have children together...

if you're old enough to produce children then you're adults and adults are not 'chłopak i dziewczyna'... describe your situation in Polish to see how absurd is...
OP Dammest1 4 | 18
24 Sep 2021 #16
That is not the point, am sure many people understood what i am trying to say.
Atch 17 | 3,805
24 Sep 2021 #17
paying alimony, paying his own rent and his mortgage....ex is still living in the house cus she doesn't have anywhere to go and have kids.

Well, you see that's what happens when you decide to have children with somebody. Having children is a huge financial commitment and in Poland you are liable to support your children until they are finished with full time education which means you may have to continue paying child support well into their twenties.

The truth is that regardless of what legal steps you take now, you will inevitably suffer some financial loss if you break up with the mother of your children at some point in the future. Why don't you just arrange 60/40 ownership instead of this 20% refund business? That would cover your deposit contribution if you decide to sell in the future.

Btw you're not the only one taking a risk here; she is also putting a lot of trust in you because if you disappear one day she will be legally liable for the entire mortgage debt.
OP Dammest1 4 | 18
24 Sep 2021 #18
Btw you're not the only one taking a risk here;.

That is 100% true, i truly hope we will live the rest of our lives together and in peace, hopefully, she will agree the 60/40%, thank you for your input, i know more now than i knew two days ago :)

Thanks everyone.

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