I have a very weird question regrading the expectations of a Polish wife. I have a Polish girlfriend and we are planning to marry soon. Her one demand is bit orthodox and quite weird to me - 'to have one common bank account after marriage'. Yes, no separate savings account and she wants all of the money in one single account (She gives the reason of so called mutual / common thing after marriage).
This demand is sounding bit weird to me.
To give you guys a brief background. I am an Asian in PL and earn quite a good salary as per Polish standards. She is a small town girl, and earns the median / regular salary of a teacher.
Her demand is not sounding convincing to me and it has made me a lot uncomfortable. Want to know from the polish couples if this is a standard thing in Poland to have all the money in a single account and give each other authority of spending, irrespective of what the other person earns? I love her, but this demand seems bit offbeat to me - over which we have had many arguments and she is adamant on having a common account (Logic - because marriage means everything common) !
Having a common household expense account (for mutual contribution) and individual savings account makes sense to me, but everything in one place?
Gold digger alert! Get her to sign a prenub or find another woman. There's plenty of fish in the sea..turn it back around on her and say if you love me money shouldnt matter before she uses that line on you.
As a polish person who's dated many polish girls I can tell you that she is most definitely looking for a meal ticket. Poor small town girls rarely date let alone marry wealthy foreigners because of their looks and personality. It happens but what you describe reveals her ulterior motives. She would never say such a thing if she loved you for you and wasnt planning on screwing you later on. She is doing this to cover her ass in the future if you marry her you will regeit it. Not only will.she take ur moneu when she divorces you youll habe to give her alimony and even give money to your in laws per polish law that is if you stay in poland after a divorce.
I've seen this happen many times. Think with your head not your pecker.
Actually all the marriages I know have mutual budget even if different accounts. In most one person is responsible for planning, paying bills and all. Full disclosure of how much money there is in all accounts of course should be given.
I understand why it makes you feel uncomfortable but on normal everyday life: - You want to go on holiday but she can't afford it. What do you do? Go alone? Pay for her? - You buy a house/ car- do you buy cheaper so she can have equal share or buy more expensive for your money? And accounts don't count in Poland. After wedding she's entitled to half of everything. So that gold digging comment is silly. All your savings and assets that you bought since you are married would count in case of a divorce.
It's a bad idea to keep all money in one account because it can be stolen if someone steals your card tied to that account. In some countries like the USA cards can be scammed easily, so be especially careful if you travel. It's also a bad idea because instant access accounts have no interest on savings.
I think you came make a case for a common account for daily expenses that you both put money into and a shared savings deposit account that doesn't have instant access and has a good interest rate. It would require permission from both of you to withdraw money.
There's not a lot of logic or understanding of Polish law in either of those replies. I don't think either of those guys are married by the way, and they certainly don't live in Poland.
What you have, whether it in a separate bank account or a joint bank account is part of your unified marital assets - if things end up going wrong in the future then all of your assets will be added together.
You could of course salt a few thousand away in a different country and no one is going to spend too much time looking for it, but honestly if you're not able to have trust in your wife at this stage then something is not right - this is the person who will be the mother of your kids, it's important that you feel able to share bank account.
My parents had a, bank account we have a joint, bank account - yes I've got some on my own cash that I spend on things that I don't always want my wife to know about - cigarettes or booze but fundamentally your assets are addee together.
If shes bringing it up nonstop and arguing about regularly its clear that she wants total access to all your money. I know how small town poorer .phppolish girls are towards wealthybforeigners. They view them as a meal ticket. She is marrying you because she sees financial security and easy access to more money than shes ever seen in her life living in a wioska and working as a teacher. When that access and security is threatened she gets upset and hence the arguements because she feels it slipping away and thay the time she invested in luring a wealthy foreigner as potentially being a waste of time.
Do not marry this woman without a prenub. Also make a new account overseas and never tell her about it before you marry just in case. Put your savings in there because thays your money that you earned before you married she is not entitled to that although if it goes south shell want a perceng of every grosz even money you made before marraige. That way if she runs away with your money and file for divorce and you end up supporting her and her parents thanks to polish law (assuming you stayed in poland after a divorce) atleast she won't be able to access that.
Think of it this way. You basically have a 50/50 chance of divorce or lasting marraige. If someone said half your savings, half your assets and then future payments of thousands of zloty every month depends on a coin toss you probably wouldn't take those odds. Or atleast hide the majority of those assets so if you lose you don't lose nearly as much.
Reading and listening to some guys I'm really happy I earn more than my partner. Imagine that even without getting married we have both passwords and pins to each others account plus confirmed access.
I would have big dilemma being with a lot wealthier guy. And btw- I am a small town Polish girl.
Yes but youre not a gold digger. To most non gold digging people it wouldn't make a difference. One of my gfs the one ive been with the longest also has access to several of my accounts because I helped her start a home health care business. But I trust her for the reason thay she never demanded access to money as a requirement of relationship. That's the difference. When someone asks for it and argues about it something is up. When accounts are shared to.make things more convenient and no ones demanding access to every penny you can trust them.
When someone asks for it and argues about it something is up.
And maybe she argues about it because he's acting weird about it? Let's say it came up in some conversation, he freaked out, scared her and that's why she demands it now?
Interestingly enough, you're not accusing your husband of being a gold digger ;)
I wonder how many of the guys accusing girls of being a gold digger would sign up my kind of prenup : -if we just break up I go with nothing but if he cheats or tries to hide money/ assets I get everything. I doubt there would be too many willing to do that...
Personally im not the marrying/monogamous type so i wouldnt sign any sort of papers or prenub but this isnt about the other guys on the forum, its about the op.
According to op, she is 'adamant' about and theyve had 'many arguements.' If she brought it up once or twice and that was it fine, but it appears that she is adamant about it.
Imo, op should refuse to give her access to every penny and instead off a joint account with say 10.20k in it 35k 70k zloty and have her sign a prenub that everything they came to the marraige with thats what theyll leave with should they divorce and can even offer a set monthly amount should they get divorced sweeten the deal for her. That is a reasonable sum and if she refuses a prenub and/or access to an account with a min of 35k zloty it'll be clear she has ulterior motives.
If access to money is more important than love to her shed refuse the offer and won't marry him unless he gives her access to everything. In that case OP will know she's a gold digger.
About half of marraige ends in divorce. I doubt the op wants to put perhaps decades of hard work and saving at risk just so some girl can take half of all his stuff after a year or 2 and then pay her and her parents every month for the rest of his life because a girl fooled him and made him fall in love.
I have no doubt shes probably sexy and probably waits on him hand and foot. That's how the gold diggers get ya... then as soon as the ink dries everything changes.
I'm not saying that this WILL happen, but the fact that she is so adament about having access to every penny is suspect. Im urging the OP to take.precautions and depending how she reacts to being offered access to 35k zs and a fair prenub will say a lot.
Think of it as a test, if the girl says okay no problem thats fair then Its more likelt she wants to marry him for him. If she throws a fit and is adamant about having access to every penny, and not just 35k zs which is a considerable sum for poland, then hell know she's a gold digger
Again, everything we know is one short post written from his perspective. That is not enough to draw your conclusion. Not to mention that the OP doesn't ask for advice just whether it's common in Poland (which it most certainly is)
And your test is silly. A gold digger would rather agree to that 35k than loose him all together, they usually are much more subtle than that and there can be 10 different reasons why she wouldn't agree. Just to mention few:
-she's offended by the mere mention of prenup (I would I think) -it's her own little test of 'does he love me' -she actually believes that couples should share everything
To the op- it's not my place to judge yours of your girlfriend intentions as I don't know you but as I wrote earlier it's pretty commoc to have one account. It's however up to you to decide what you want to do and whether you trust your girlfriend.
Fair enough Joker. Apologies - i did not know you were married
Dirk in your scenario who would fund and care for the kids ? Would the wife fave to do it out of this bizarre 35k sum (its not s considerable amount - its one years salary for a Biedronka employee)
The father of course. A man's main responsibility in life is to provide for his family. No **** 35k zs isnt a lot but its more than enough money to cover clothes, food, travel throughout Europe, etc for a year. It is the net yearly median salary for a teacher like her - thatd be the same as if she saved 3k a month for a year. Considering most pl teachers make around 3k 4k it would be a lot of money for her. If she is concerned about not having any spending money and just wants to be covered thats understandable. But if she refuses and demands access to every penny its highly suspect.
So we have all the signs of a gold digger and a guy who doesn't trust her for that. I give it a few years if they get married. I just hope he hides some money just in case if they get married
If having access to every penny of dudes money is a deal breaker for marraige its a big sign that she just wants a meal ticket, not a husband to love.
Joker my parents also born and raised in poland and also dont have just 1 account. Both their names are on properties they own but they don't have 1 account and theyve been married for longer than I am alive.
In Poland there are 2 things in marriage,separation of assets or joint assets.In case of divorce or separation the assets can be divided as agreed upon.
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