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Dating a Polish man - how to impress his mother?


kaz200972 2 | 229
20 Sep 2012 #31
It goes like this when you date a guy from a different culture, everything seems different and exciting, sometimes much better than your own culture. It's very easy to become immersed in the culture and to believe that people/things from the culture are right and you/ your culture are not! You can lose your sense of 'self' especially if you're young and not terribly confident. Your boyfriend's family came to Canada, they are the ones who have to adapt!!! You are a hardworking young woman of Irish/French heritage brought up in what I am told is a lovely country with a good society, be proud of this!

Sometimes mixed culture relationships work well and are very happy and I hope this is what will happen for you.
However, sometimes the relationships don't work. If you turn yourself inside out to become a replica of a Polish woman, spend your time bending over backwards to please the Poles, you will feel very bitter and cynical if the relationship fails, in fact you will feel a fool.

Poland is just another country, the food isn't great, the language is no better than any other and the women are no prettier or better than any other women, neither are the men!! There are good things about Poland and some of the people are really nice, but ultimately it's no better than any other country or culture!

Many Poles won't think any better of you for trying to adapt to Polish culture and there are some who will just abuse your willingness to be nice. A few basic phrases of Polish are all you need, a couple of easy polish dishes to serve on special occasions and good manners. No one should expect more!

The gloss soon wears off as time passes, there will be things you hate about Polish culture and you will need to be confident as a person in your own right to deal with this. I hope your relationship works out but if it doesn't never feel it was because you were not 'Polish' enough. You are good enough as you are!
OP ilmc 4 | 136
3 Oct 2012 #32
You are good enough as you are!

can you come over when my mother in law is here i have a feeling she won't scare you lol

i know i am good enough as i am... so does the boyfriend... just wish his mother didn't make it so hard on us .. that's all
natasia 3 | 368
9 Oct 2012 #33
and she is going to hate you anyway

well you have to be realistic and I am sure he knows that, but be warned once children come along everything changes, his mum will be round moaning about your mothering skills and trying to take over and undermining you etc etc...
not trying to put you off or anything.....just watch her...
the best thing you could do is sign up for Polish classes, at least you will be able to understand the old bag when she starts.

Absolutely spot on.

Look, whatever you do will be not Polish, and therefore 'wrong'. Everything will be closely and critically observed. She may criticise and comment from Day 1, or take more time to get there, but get there she will. Don't try and impress her - what's the point? Waste of effort.

Just say: This is me. This is how I do things. Like it or hate it. Tough. He loves me.

She will probably respect you more for the above than any amount of special dishes and doilies on the table.

And never forget: she is a total cow, and perfectly upfront about that, and happy with herself. Never ever let yourself think otherwise.

but like someone posted earlier what will it mean for my children will they not be good enough for her because they are only half polish... this is my main concern

No, they will be her grandchildren, and her main concern will be that they shouldn't be ruined and endangered by their non-Polish mother (i.e., you). She will be in her element as grandmother, and will not find it easy to keep her opinions to herself .. she will feel it her duty to speak up, for the children's sake. They will be fine: it is you who will suffer.
OP ilmc 4 | 136
11 Oct 2012 #34
They will be fine: it is you who will suffer

oh goodie... i love mike..but that sounds awful...
luckily we have moved 29 hours away and she can't visit weekly anymore
kaz200972 2 | 229
12 Oct 2012 #35
luckily we have moved 29 hours away and she can't visit weekly anymore

Sounds like a good move!!!

Just say: This is me. This is how I do things. Like it or hate it. Tough. He loves me.

I've read some of Natasia's posts and she knows what she is talking about, her advice is totally correct!s
IMO 'sisterhood' is not a strong trait among polish women so stand up for yourself!
Your guy loves [b]YOU[/b an Irish/French Canadian! Don't let anyone muck up your relationship with your guy.
Hope the move works out well for you both.
shewolf 5 | 1,077
13 Oct 2012 #36
i spoke to mike this morning before he left for work i told him that when they visit he needs to address any negative comments because it will mean nothing coming from me or his father and his silence gives consent for her to continue. He says he just hopes if we ignore it she will stop but i told him that isn't good enough and that maybe if he gets across how important and valuable i am to him she may see some of my value.

It's a mistake to speak poorly of his mother and ask him to straighten her out. The only thing you're going to accomplish is to create tension between you and him, and it will eventually drive him away.

My advice is to leave it alone. She doesn't live with you. You don't have to see her everyday. He loves you. He wants to ignore her comments. Why don't you ignore them, too? Seriously, leave it alone.
princessjewel
13 Oct 2012 #37
Just be yourself, if she doesn't like you its tough. My Polish mother in law is the same, I don't cook.I don't care what she thinks. Life is too short to worry about "mother in laws" x
juli25 5 | 22
13 Oct 2012 #38
I learned how to say thank you for a great meal in polish before going to her house for dinner one time and she rolled her eyes at me and complained about my pronunciation.

I think this remark says it all about your mother in law... that is about character, and it will not change, unfortunately, so don't bank on it.

why should you make any efforts to learn polish, and please his mother, if she doesn't even know to value and compliment, to encourage you, but does exactly the opposite! Disgusting behavior.

I was in pretty similar situation: it is just that in our case it was even worse - neither of my parents in law accepted me... I also was not of the "right" nationality (in my case I was not german enough :-) ...), and I cooked in a wrong way, etc....... but my husband sustained all the attempts from their side to block our relationship, he just put it in a way - either you want it or not, that is my decision and you either accept it or ......

After more than 10 years of very complicated relationship with his family, I can only suggest few things.
If your husband will try to argue with his parents about you - it might not help much, but on the contrary, can lead to additional tension. Be ready for that. I also dreamt about my husband asking his parents to stop that bullsh..t against me, but at the end of the day when he did it - their reaction was like explosion...huge scandal, "how dare you? who are you? who is she? …" he ceased talking with his parents for a few years after that incident.

It is not to say that the same “show” must be in your case, but just to warn you that sometimes people react very heavily...

If you feel unbearably bad when meeting with his mother - just reduce your communication with her to the very necessary minimum. If you are really interested to keep your relationship with the current boyfriend, just accept that those are his parents, as they are, and you stop worrying about what they think about you. The most important is only what happens between you and your boyfriend.
Jacqueline 1 | 4
26 Dec 2012 #39
I experienced some of these games too with my polish boyfriend's friends- elders / old wrinkled polish women disaproving of me when i'd only try to be charming.

They speak english, but wont speak to me.
Ask yourself is it worth it?
if he Really loves you and you stay together.. it will be worth sticking it out.

If you dont stay together.. Boy are you gonna feel dumb for allowing any one to treat you like that..
And hopefully never put yourself in that precidement again...

So I hope you stay together
handsome - | 3
30 Dec 2012 #40
I can help.
Can we Skype? My Skype id is: Atekwa
maryla61
21 Jun 2013 #41
Hi there!

I'm also a Polish mom. We live in the States. My son is engaged to an American girl. Anyway some mothers are very protective of their children even when they are in their adulthood. Try to learn few simple greetings and phrases in Polish, and say it each time you see her. Bring her flowers sometimes. You don't have to buy a big bouquet of roses but even one rose will bring smile on her face. Also you could give her a pot of violas. Polish women like flowers a lot. Another time bring her box of chocolates but most importantly learn some Polish. She will see that you are serious about Maciek and perhaps will change her mind. Keep in mind that she may be shy about her English if she thinks that she doesn't speak well. Sometimes people won't say a word in foreign language afraid of being laughed at. One more thing start calling your boyfriend in Polish. It's a beautiful name. I think that Matthias is equivalent in English. So you could call him Mat but belive me she will love hearing you calling him Maciek. Good luck!!
katiekatie - | 4
18 Sep 2013 #42
Cooking polish food would be great

Try to make "kotlety mielone", they're quite easy to do.

easteuropeanfood.about.com/od/polishmaincourses/r/hamburgers.htm
McDouche 6 | 285
18 Sep 2013 #43
Perhaps my observations aren't too accurate, but I have noticed that in Polish families it seems to be almost encouraged for the women to date foreigners while the men are expected to marry Polish women.

I'm an American guy and I've dated two Polish women in the past. I met the parents of one of them and they seemed so happy to meet me. They showed me great hospitality. Now here's the funny thing. The woman I was dating had a teenage brother who just came home with his American girlfriend. When they walked in, you could feel negative energy fill up the room. The mother especially was not in the same mood she was in before. I'm not totally sure if this was because her son's girlfriend was not Polish.
beckski 12 | 1,617
19 Sep 2013 #44
Some Polish moms feel their sons are flawless. You could try to butter her up. Tell her she's done a remarkable of raising her son.
f stop 25 | 2,513
19 Sep 2013 #45
My recommendation is to just be yourself. Do your own thing. Polish women I know get annoyed or embarrassed when somebody's obviously kissing up to them.

The harder you try to please her, less respect she will have for you. Show some backbone. And don't be afraid to point out something you can do better than her, and offer to help her. ;)
Nile 1 | 155
19 Sep 2013 #46
Can we Skype?

If you are handsome we can Skype.

lol
Wulkan - | 3,249
19 Sep 2013 #47
Perhaps my observations aren't too accurate, but I have noticed that in Polish families it seems to be almost encouraged for the women to date foreigners while the men are expected to marry Polish women.

this is not truth
hugggy
22 Sep 2013 #48
Dont do anything see if she impresses you first dont suck up to her she will just think your weird
Amby
23 Jun 2014 #49
This is cracking me up because my polish boyfriends mom hates pizza!! I'm meeting her for the first time Ina few weeks and she's going to teach me some Polish recipes. After reading all this, now I'm a little worried! Lol


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