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Dating a Polish man - how to impress his mother?


ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #1
any advice on how to impress my polish boyfriends mother would be great. My boyfriend of 2 years moved to Canada when he was 14, We get along great he is the most amazing man i have ever been with old fashioned and charming and he really knows how to treat a woman properly unlike most of the men born in this country and raised to be spoiled brats with no respect for woman and nothing on their minds but getting laid. His mother on the other hand seems to object to me, she is a remarkable woman and i have nothing but respect for her because she clearly along with his father raised a fantastic son however, she thinks i am not good enough for him because i cant cook proper polish food and i have been with him for 2 years and i don't even speak polish yet. i am trying to learn polish but it is not an easy language to learn for someone who knows english and french but no slavic language nor has ever been around anyone who speaks polish previous to my 2 years with Maciek (mike). It is a beautiful language and i love listening to it but i do feel a bit left out when i am there and she refuses to speak any english even though she does know some so i do see a benefit to learning it. Cooking polish food would be great but i cant cook really much at all whether it be polish food german food french food i am terrible at it, i did try to make cabbage rolls once and mike said they were ok but his mom scoffed at them. Honestly, his mom while lovely makes me feel guilty for not being polish ugh help lol how do i make a polish mom like me :S
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,664
20 Sep 2012  #2
she is obviously not 'lovely' she is a rude cow, and she is going to hate you anyway so if I were you I would serve pizza. add some ketchup if you must.
PennBoy 76 | 2,437
20 Sep 2012  #3
My boyfriend of 2 years moved to Canada when he was 14

How old is he now? if he's in his twenties or older he should be more like a Canadian guy.

how to impress my polish boyfriends mother

Be nice, polite, smile, clean..compliment her.
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #4
maybe i should rephrase, she is lovely to everyone who is not me :( ... it would have to be store bought or ordered pizza cause i can't make that either lol. she really is a nice woman, she isnt too hard on me she just refuses to speak english when i am there Mike says it is because she is shy with her english but i feel its personal. Is there anything imparticular that would let her know that i really do care for her son and i am trying... anything polish that i can cook easily that might be no fail even for a complete kitchen reject like me :(
PennBoy 76 | 2,437
20 Sep 2012  #5
she really is a nice woman, she isnt too hard on me she just refuses to speak english when i am there Mike says it is because she is shy with her english but i feel its personal

Don't worry about her, be good to her son and sooner or later she'll accept you. Mom's always want the best for their sons.
kaz200972 2 | 229
20 Sep 2012  #6
There isn't much you can do about this, some Polish women are very hostile to any non Pole having a relationship with a Polish man. I never could understand this because Polish women who date or marry Non Poles expect to be accepted!!

Just be yourself, she may come round in time especially when she can see you make her son happy.
My ex's Mum and sisters were really great and still are, pity the ex was such a bum!!!!
As long as you and your boyfriend are happy try not to worry about the others!!
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #7
pennboy:
i do compliment here i am nice and polite i smile... i don't say much but that is because i cant understand her lol and it gets tiresom having mike translate he is 24 but he was raised so traditionally that he is a lot different from most Canadian boys his age. His father adores me i just don't understand how she can think that i should have learned to speak polish by now if i really loved him, or how to make her see that i am trying. Like i said she has this misguided opinion that he should be settling down with a nice polish girl, but i mean you moved to northern Canada unless you want him to settle down with his sister i don't see where he will find a nice polish girl and she seems to be missing the fact that i am a nice half irish half french canadian girl :)

kaz200... i do see that some polish women are hostile to non polish women dating polish men but like i said, she moved here with her family to a small northern ontario canada town polish population her and her family lol
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,664
20 Sep 2012  #8
so she comes to your place and will only speak a language that she knows you can't understand..?
sounds a bit passive aggressive to me.
honestly I wouldn't bother trying to cook for her in that case, order in a pizza, she will just moan about your food in Polish and make you feel bad.

you don't sound brimming with confidence anyway.
how about a pork chop with extra lard and sourkraut from a tin,perhaps some pickled gherkins on the side???
kaz200972 2 | 229
20 Sep 2012  #9
anything polish that i can cook easily that might be no fail even for a complete kitchen reject like me :(

Buy some pork steaks, tenderise and flatten them out, roll in a little salt, pepper and paprika, then dip in a beaten egg and roll in bread crumbs( shop bought bread crumbs), fry in oil for about 5-10 mins, turning regularly. serve this with a finely chopped salad and some boiled potatoes. you could also have a dish of yogurt with peeled, grated cucumber.
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #10
whether we are at my place, her place or a restaurant she will not speak in anything but polish... her husband orders for her but she can read the menu just fine i am normally very confidant but like i said she has a way about her that makes me feel guilty about not being polish i know rediculous. I learned how to say thank you for a great meal in polish before going to her house for dinner one time and she rolled her eyes at me and complained about my pronunciation. Mike sometimes refuses to translate what she says i would love to be able to not worry about it but he is close with his mother and it is causing them to fight something they have never done so i feel guilty for that to.

kaz200972
ok, they are coming for dinner this saturday maybe i will try that it sounds pretty simple how do i tenderize them though? Mike said he would cook something and say i did lol but i almost feel like i have to prove something to her ... i know rediculous
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,664
20 Sep 2012  #11
Kaz's menu sounds great....maybe you could cook together for her?
You can make the salad and yogurt and cucumber in advance anyway.
I use a wooden meat hammer or the bottom of a glass to bash out the meat nice and thin.
Good luck!
kaz200972 2 | 229
20 Sep 2012  #12
Use a tenderising steak hammer, you can buy them in any shop that sells cutlery. If you can't get hold of one , just use an ordinary hammer and beat the meat until it's flat!
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #13
ok... thank you:) i am going to give it my best shot even though i know she will find some excuse to hate it in the back of her mind somewhere she might have a minute where she thinks, atleast she's trying ... i plan to have frozen pizza in the freezer incase it is an epic fail though because when i get near a stove it usually is. Mike and i could cook together but she doesn't believe he should have to cook, or clean, or do anything other than work drink beer watch t.v and scratch his balls lol. She also takes issue with the fact that i work in a jail and am not always home when he gets home from work becasue i should be there to take care of him.... is this the way it is in poland man works woman stays home and cooks cleans and rubs his feet when he gets home or something? she says when we have kids i should be made to quit my job
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,664
20 Sep 2012  #14
i should be made to quit my job

alarm bells!!! It's the 'made' that would worry me...
and yes alot of Polish men have been brought up by their mothers to be entitled lazy arses.
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #15
haha it would be alarm bells if he felt that way, but he doesn't agree that he can make me do anything he does feel more strongly than i do that a mother should be at home with her children and when i explained to him that most mothers wish they could be but in modern day canada it is not at all possible to sustain a family on a single income. He has traditional views but is a lot more understanding and practical than his mother.
PennBoy 76 | 2,437
20 Sep 2012  #16
His father adores me i just don't understand how she can think that i should have learned to speak polish by now

She sounds like a simple country woman. She probably wanted her son to be with a Polish girl, she needs to get over it. He loves you, you're in Canada she needs to learn English.

i am a nice half irish half french canadian girl :)

Nice, you've of European heritage. His dad like you maybe he'll knock some sense into her. btw some women are just plain and simple evil, because they're own life isn't going so well, because they're old etc.
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,664
20 Sep 2012  #17
well you have to be realistic and I am sure he knows that, but be warned once children come along everything changes, his mum will be round moaning about your mothering skills and trying to take over and undermining you etc etc...

not trying to put you off or anything.....just watch her...
the best thing you could do is sign up for Polish classes, at least you will be able to understand the old bag when she starts.
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #18
There are no polish classes here anywhere i have looked, for christmas she bought me a polish english dictionary not even kidding lol and i study online sometimes but i really don't know if i am cut out for learning another language it just doesn't stick. I speak english and french and the only reason i know two languages is because my father spoke french and my mother spoke english and i grew up around both languages children absorb language like a sponge... polish is not even a little bit related to either language i don't even know where to start mike tries but apparently my pronounciation is terrible lol. i ordered rosetta stone so maybe that will be better. She does speak english not very well but enough that she could hold a conversation she is able to order food etc... she just refuses to with me.
kaz200972 2 | 229
20 Sep 2012  #19
Try not to let this woman undermine your confidence, I had all that sort of rubbish said to me by Polish women. Your job is a valuable job,be proud of it. Maybe you aren't a domestic goddess but so what? There is more to being a real woman than pandering to a man! If you want to learn Polish do it for you, it never hurts to have an extra language. As for the children bit, if a mother chooses to work that is her choice, it does not make her a bad mother! Sometimes bad things happen and women have to bring up their children alone, having a good job is a lifesaver in this situation.It doesn't matter what happens in Poland, you two live in Canada!

Does this woman really want some whining spoiled 'princess' who expects to be kept! she's a fool if she does! Your fella loves you because your a real woman with some independence, forget about what his family think!
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #20
I do want to learn polish for me, and because i would love my future children to speak all three languages their parents speak so i would love to be able to speak it with them but polish is not by any means an easy language to learn i feel like my tongue weighs 20 lbs when i try to pronounce anything lol i dont even need to learn to write it or read it i would just love to be able to speak it so that if we ever visit poland ( he has a lot of family there) i can hold a conversation without a translator. A big part of it is so i can have a conversation with her in polish just to kind of prove her wrong and see what else she can come up with to condem me lol
Naltima 1 | 2
20 Sep 2012  #21
She came to Canada, you did not come to Poland. There is no reason she should be expecting you to learn Polish. I can understand her wanting you to know basic phrases, but not to speak it fluently, if I was you i'd take that dictionary and throw it in her face. The fact that you're even attempting to please her should be enough. I know Eastern European men tend to be mommas boys a lot of times, hell, i'm one myself, but you need to tell your boyfriend to put on his big boy pants and stand up to his mom for the sake of your relationship.
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #22
i actually use the dictionary sometimes haha i put on my biggest kindest smile and thanked her for the gift my strategy has kind of been killing her with kindness but its obviously failing. She has moments where she is kind to me i don't think she dislikes me as a person just doesnt think i am right for her son but i have never had the courage to ask her where she thinks he is supposed to find a " nice polish girl" in northern canada ... His dad tells her off a lot, i dont think he ever will i think hes a bit scared of his mom haha i know i am .

I guess i am a typical canadian people please we are known for being the doormats of the world and here i go perpetuating it haha i'd say sorry here but we are also known for over using the word sorry :S
Zazulka 3 | 129
20 Sep 2012  #23
anything polish that i can cook easily that might be no fail even for a complete kitchen reject like me :(

Buy a good quality frozen pierogies. Supreme Pierogies is a Polish company from Toronto and they make very good frozen pierogies, Polish style. You can buy them in many stores in Ontario like Loblaws and perhaps outside Ontario as well. Don't buy cheddar cheese and potato as these are not-so-Polish. I recommend sauerkraut and mushroom but meat pierogies are also very popular in Poland. Drop them in a boiling water (don't forget to salt it). Boil them according to the instructions on the bag, usually around 7 minutes. In a frying pan fry some onion in butter or onion with bacon (both onion and bacon finely chopped). Don't use olive oil as it will add some non-Polish taste to the dish. Fry pierogies on both sides for few minutes. And viola you have yummy Polish pierogies. You can serve them with sour cream but thsi is not necessary.

My friend communicates with her Polish husband's grandmother using this:

pierogi

And here is another easy to make Polish dish, very popular in Poland:
roadfood.com/Forums/Salatka-Jarzynowa-Polish-Vegetable-Salad-m485747.aspx

You can skip celery root, not many Poles add it to this salad.
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #24
i will definetly try these hopefully she wont claim to know that the pierogies are frozen ... thank you
aphrodisiac 11 | 2,445
20 Sep 2012  #25
don't let anybody intimidate you, because in the long run you will regret it. Some Polish people might make you feel that way, but don't succumb to that. Canadians are nice, but the excuse the we are all people pleasers and doormats is not really true. Being polite and assertive go together. Just be yourself and think twice about marrying a man who has such traditional values, which by the sound of it are not congruent with yours. Good luck:D. Don't try to fit in too much, because they will play you like a violin;).
kaz200972 2 | 229
20 Sep 2012  #26
Don't try to fit in too much, because they will play you like a violin;).

This is very true, some Poles will just like giving non Poles a hard time! If you and your guy are happy this is all that matters!

Despite my rather negative comments there are nice Polish women out there and men too, when you meet the nice ones you will feel much more confident!
donlou31 1 | 30
20 Sep 2012  #27
I'm also dating a Polish guy and actually living in Poland at the moment.
I sympathise about your future MIL. Mine was not as bad as yours but there were a few issues in the beginning. Mostly to do with the fact I'm divorced with children, I'm English and she didn't want to lose her (28yrs old ) "baby" .

At the end of the day, your partner needs to grow a pair of balls and stand up to his rude Mummy. He should tell her, in no uncertain terms, that it's not acceptable she's making you feel intimidated and inadequate. If you don't sort it out now then I agree with whoever said up thread, it WILL get worse, especially if any little ones arrive.

The language is hard, I know that and well done for trying. I can speak basic Polish but understand more. My MIL actively helps me, she'll listen (while I murder her language) and correct me if I say the wrong words, but in general we have a laugh about it. She once laughed so hard at me I thought she would stop breathing - I bellowed across the aisles in Polish Tesco "Honey do you want some of these PIZDI" (pussies) instead of Pisi (sp?)

As for your job, never give it up unless you want to. Just because she's probably spent her life self-chained to the kitchen, doesn't mean you have to. Her choice and family situation are just that= HERS. Yours are your own.

You're not being a doormat, you simply would like her to accept you and your relationship with her son. It sounds like you are making a big effort and if she doesn't appreciate that then she's not worth your time nor energy.
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #28
i spoke to mike this morning before he left for work i told him that when they visit he needs to address any negative comments because it will mean nothing coming from me or his father and his silence gives consent for her to continue. He says he just hopes if we ignore it she will stop but i told him that isn't good enough and that maybe if he gets across how important and valuable i am to him she may see some of my value. I will fiind out saturday if he actually has the balls to do it ... in my experience he is rather scared of his mother which i don't understand from my own family where it was all about openess and honesty with each other if my mom spoke to him the way his mom speaks of me i would tell her she was being an ignorant b**** without hesitation
donlou31 1 | 30
20 Sep 2012  #29
He says he just hopes if we ignore it she will stop

Nope! she'll just continue. She possibly still will even if he does confront her so be ready for that.
Why should you agree to sit and wait it out, hoping she'll stop.

in my experience he is rather scared of his mother

It's a kind of fearful respect (if such a thing exists) but it doesn't have to come across as rude or aggressive so not to get her wound up and on the defensive, but just be calm and straight with her.

Ask him what would he rather, lose you or be a coward and not stand up to his bullying mum.
My own partner has this with his mum too, he'll avoid disagreements and confrontations with her but there's only so far he's willing to go before he opens his mouth.

Good luck for Saturday.
OP ilmc 4 | 136
20 Sep 2012  #30
Thanks i think i am just getting used to it and expecting it... but like someone posted earlier what will it mean for my children will they not be good enough for her because they are only half polish... this is my main concern


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