the picture u paint bleak beyond words
Pretty much. Although your picture is not that bleak really; I know of far too many cases where one parent has kidnapped children and illegally brought them to Poland and the Polish court has sided with the criminal, despite international law being crystal clear on this topic.
my permission would be needed before mum travels the world with my kid.
Nope, if you refuse to give permission, the mother could go to court and ask the court to over-rule your decision as your decision is not in the best interests of the kid; see above for comments on how often a foreign man is right in a Polish family court.
In poland land - with out authority /responsibility ( not talking about custody) in the event mum drops dead
That's a new one to me, never heard of anything like that before.
I'm not even to be consulted on any matter relating to my daughter
Yes, but if the mother says to you "I think that primary school X
will be best for our child, what do you think?" what would you say? The problem is that under Polish law, if you wanted to be a complete cock about it, not that you would, you could reply "I think that primary school Y
will be best for our child, primary school X
is completely rubbish." and then there's a dead-lock that needs to be resolved before the court.