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Lost without my daughter - father rights in Poland

4 Jan 2017 #1
I need some serious advice.
Almost 7 years after the death of my son and loss of my family.
I was lucky to meet a lovely Polish lady working in the Nederlands on a dating site.
I am on disability benefit with is almost the same as unemployment benefit.
I fell in love and we met regulary weekends.
She made it clear she lives all her life with her mother and it her last chance in life to have a child and to find happiness.

And would love to live in holland with me and have a child with me.
Within a short time my ex was pregnant and wanted to give birth in Poland.
So I drove her back to poland and was present at the birth and I felt very happy.
Although my ex did not want my name on the birth certificate as she said better for her at this moment as she has financial problems and I could always do it later when she returns to Holland.

So during her time in poland i travelled constantly by bus to be with my daughter and my ex.
The weeks turned into months and the endless excuses of returning to holland began to look like lies.
Excuses from holland is to cold I come summer.
My car is to old.
Grandma is old.
Why should I return to holland when I have a house for free here and my father say if I stay in poland to take care of him in older life

I will be rewarded.
I do not want to walk I want to stay at home until child is 5.
As long as you pay for child you can always see and I will visit holland for vacation.

I felt my world was turned upside down.... a waiting game without any answers.

Almost 3 years past and constantly driving to poland until 1 day I drove for a surprise visit and she was with another man.

At this moment her attitude changed totally brutal and nasty and only a interest for money and emotional blackmail.
Almost 1 year later my own family or mother in the UK have never seen my lovely daughter.
And the only conditons I have is what she demands off me to bring to Poland then I can see my daughter.
When I come emptied handed I am turned away or have to sleep in my car or bed and breakfast.

My daughter is 4 and obviously loves me we have skype contact often and she is begging me to come to see her or to visit her papa.

I am not allowed to unless my ex says I can or what mood she is in.

This christmas I was told not to come... and New years eve I was told not to come. So I sat in Holland feeling quite disappointed.

When I ask why am I not allowed to visit my ex says because I say so I say when you come not you.
I said but my daughter wants me to come. My ex says daughter can say everything until she is 18 I make the rules and if you not like it

just stay out our lives.
I am often blocked on skype or watsapp or her phone.
I call with the off chance my daughter answers and sometimes she does and again ask me please come papa please come to see me.

Same rules apply No Money No Daughter no pay stay in Holland.
My cost to Poland are expensive and to pay child support is also difficult being on disabiltly allowance.
I have seen lawyers and they say this is a bad situation.
I think there is nothing you can do when a father has no money or name on document you have zero chance it is seen as a bad father.

I said some men have there name on the documents and never visit there children.
I am 1200 km away and already in 5 years I am 38 times to Poland.

I feel doomed really doomed. My ex has total control and she knows can do nothing and profits from my disposition.

She has admitted to me she never loved me that she thought having a child would make the love grow.

I feel totally gutted. I wish I could be the father I want to be and its not possible.
I wish my own mother could see my daughter its not possible.
Only I can see my daughter when I visit with her conditions and payment.

My ex will not discuss anything no conditions only her own financial needs. She says I am not here to talk to you beter you talk to the wall when you want to talk to me.

Child can make her own mind up when she is 18. So carry on driving from holland or do not come at all not my problem.

Still you will have to pay for your child.

A few months ago I turned up with a red tractor and clothes for my daughter she wanted a red tractor.
I was told by the mother you are a idiot you have a girl not a boy have tractor go away idiot.
My daughter was left crying for papa ;(

Totally no respect for me total nothing.

She laughs in my face and says when you go to lawyer and tell him you have disability allowance he will laugh at you,
In Poland when you have 2 arms and legs you have to work.

In Poland when father has no money he has no rights to see child. Welcome to poland she said.

Belucky I not go to lawyer myself she said and make you do DNA TEST and make you pay.
When you make trouble for me I will do this she said and then you will never see your daughter again.

I feel I am in a disposition I am on disabilty benefit and 1200 km away :(
And my ex knows this !!
Any good advice?????

My daughter speaks really good english and I am so proud of her.
When I am in poland I often walk her to school with the mother and she shouts this is my papa.
The mother does not like this as she wants to be soon as a independant mother living alone with grandma.
Its a painful situation and I feel sorry for my daughter who has to here the mother screaming at me constantly on skype.
Only when I pay can I visit and only when my ex says sometimes I drive 2400 km in 3 days or I am left sitting in a bed and breakfast waiting until the mother lets me see my daughter.

I do support my daughter the best I can and my family send clothes although they are not allowed to see my daughter which is sad.

Its like my daughter is a meal ticket and in return I have only skype and phone when she wants it.
jack1234 1 | 5
4 Mar 2017 #2

Poland vers Western

Hello Readers
Travelled maybe 40 times to poland in the last 4 years to see my child.
Now I am officially written off from working and on benefits the mother will no longer let me visit my child.
I have seen a lawyer in Poland and basically I have been advised that the mother has total rights to do this.
The lawyer adviced I give up my home and live in a room and pay less rent and support my child the best I can.

And carry on with the mother blackmailing tactics as going to court would not win me any justice in polish courts.
Due to the fact in Poland being sick or disabled this is not a reason to not be able to work 40 hours a day.
Infact my lawyer was quite shocked when I said I get sick benefits for not working.
OOoww in poland when you have 2 arms and legs you have to work !!!!!!!!
A child needs money to survive when you cannot give this you are not a father.

In Poland a good fathers must work and pay.

In western Europe a good father is considered the one that does his best for the child and gives love and support.
Now because I do not work my child gets punished AND any small payment I offer I am told to put in my Arrrrrrssseee.

Is it so easy for woman to get pregnant and run back to poland and then cry poverty and the man and child get ripped apart.

If any of you saw how my daughter misses me would you be all be telling me to pay??? or would you be advicing me to find a way to visit me child.

I am curious.

Before you all write and advice me mother needs money to support child.
Her home is rent free. And she has 60.000 acres of land.

Now I understand when she told me she never loved me and it was her last chance to have a child.
And she thought having a child would make the love grow.
I saw you as a good father although I never loved you.

Now even though I have been screwed over.
My child is the one who has to suffer right???

And there is nothing I can do because in Poland as far as I can see and what I have heard.

Money is the all and every thing of being a good father.
jack1234 1 | 5
9 May 2017 #3

Law system and father rights in Poland

Over the last years I have made numerous responses for advice.
Regarding my child not being able to see me.

Even though my daughter is asking everyday on skype for Papa to visit her the mother has every right to keep refusing me to visit my daughter.Because due to illness and disability I am unable to work.

I have taken legal advice in Poland like you suggested.
The mother had every right to leave me as soon as she was pregnant and return to poland as she is polish.
Only I have no rights as I am 1400 km away and have a disabilty and I am unable to work.
Polish laws are when a man cannot support his child he has no rights.
what rights does my child have to see her father??
I am 5 years in her life and no suddenly the mother wants more money my child is punished by not being able to see me.

I am sorry to say your justice system has totally no interest in fathers or the childs interest.
My child asked me every day for 5 months for papa to visit her.
The mother is allowed to tell me NO MONEY NO CHILD.
Disgusting totally wrong morals in your justice systems to support mothers and not the childrens interest.
9 May 2017 #4
We'll if she's the only one supporting the child then I don't see why you have room to complain. Kids don't eat air and live under magic mulberry trees. If I were you I would appreciate the fact that you are allowed contact with your child everyday like you've mentioned, and that your child is aware of your existence. I don't think you realise how much hard work, effort and money it takes to single handedly raise a child, and then have someone like you who isn't contributing at all come in and act entitled. Like the child is owed to you for some reason. I'm in Australia and we have a disgusting justice system here were even serial abusers or pedophiles are allowed supervised visits with their child victims, even if they haven't paid a cent. So are narcissistic grandmother's who only want visitation out of control. **** is insane.
jack1234 1 | 5
9 May 2017 #5
I have been unofficially supporting my child for 5 years in every way ( financially)

Driving 2400km in weekends to see my child. Sometimes to a closed door.

Sending clothes/ taking furntiture/ new laptop/ new phone/ sewing machines/ other things trying to please the mother to give me contact.
Every time wanting more and more and more.

My name is not even on the birth certifcate because I dont have the money to go to court or fight my case.

My ex has told me if I apply for DNA or go to court she will make sure I never see my child anymore.

She also admitted it was her last chance for a child and saw me as good man to be a father.
She thought having a child would make the love grow for me.

Easy to get pregnant and to run back to Poland.
mafketis 29 | 9,518
9 May 2017 #6
My ex has told me if I apply for DNA or go to court she will make sure I never see my child anymore.

Now my interpretation of this is that she knows you may not the father (and you may well not be the only one she's squeezing for goodies).

Proceed on the assumption that she's lying to you (since she has a track record in that department) if she's not woman enough to prove you're the father she doesn't deserive one red cent.
jon357 67 | 16,854
9 May 2017 #7
I have been unofficially supporting my child for 5 years in every way ( financially)

You need concrete proof of any and all payments. In Poland, if there isn't a receipt or other written/printed/printable evidence of a payment, it didn't happen. Unfortunately.

My ex has told me if I apply for DNA or go to court she will make sure I never see my child anymore.

You really do need a lawyer, even the CAB may be able to point you in the right direction.
jack1234 1 | 5
9 May 2017 #8
I am the father I am sure and I want to be the father.
Only the mother wants to show her self as being independant.
Living in her rent free appartment in Poland with her elderly mother.
I am blocked via every media sourse Mobile/ house phone/ fb/ watsapp for the last years.
I can only sit on skype and wait. The mother refuses to discuss or communicate to with me over visiting access and is frustrated and angered at any suggestion

that I suggest to see my daughter.
It comes with conditions which I will not write on this forum.
3 months ago I walked my little daughter to school in Poland. My little girl told the teacher in Polish this is my Papa :)
Later the mother screamed at me this is the last time you ever walk your daughter to school!!
I do not want the school knowing she has a father !!!!!!!!!!
9 May 2017 #9
mafketis actually makes an important point. Are you sure the daughter is actually yours? Does she share any similar features with you?
9 May 2017 #10
Okay from what you've written, you don't have much hope. You need money and a good lawyer. Even then, you wouldn't stand a chance. I can't see why the mother would want to act like a single mother, maybe she's embarrassed of you? But I can't imagine that would be it if she chose you to father her baby. Did she know you were on disability? I think I've seen in a previous post of yours that she was with a man? Maybe she doesn't want people thinking of her as a slut?

Anyway, I think you're fighting a losing battle. The only hope you have is that when your daughter can make her own choices, she'll seek you out and make up her own mind on the situation.
mafketis 29 | 9,518
9 May 2017 #11
I do not want the school knowing she has a father !!!!!!!!!!

Or she doesn't want the school associating her "father" with a specific face that might change? This is sounding more and more like she's conning you (and maybe others).
DominicB - | 2,709
9 May 2017 #12
Now my interpretation of this is that she knows you may not the father (and you may well not be the only one she's squeezing for goodies).

My thoughts exactly when I was reading through the whole story in his previous thread.

She also admitted it was her last chance for a child and saw me as good man to be a father.

What kind of woman would see a mentally handicapped man as a good man to be a father?
9 May 2017 #13
Yes DominicB, especially because we are talking about a Polish woman here.
AliAli - | 13
10 May 2017 #14
The guy is sharing his story in hope to find a solution, advice, help..... Etc. Ido not know why some people are attacking him like he is faulty or guilty. Sick people, trying to defend a woman you don't know just because she's polish no matter who is right and who is wrong. Angels yes polish women are angels but most of them are gold diggers hahaha
18 Jun 2017 #15
a British father of a child born into Dutch nationality to a polish woman but not married, not initially on the birth certificate but was later registered as the father in Poland, but now the mother lives in the UK but lets the child believe someone else is her father.

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