---Dramatis personae---PiS (Law and Justice)
Catholicism and social solidarity. Jarosław Kaczyński is a volcel cat lover, good catholic, big fan general de Gaulle and polish interwar Sanacja. He has a strange power of somewhat-long-term planning, that's why people call him the Brilliant Strategist. Kaczyński genuinely cares about the little people, that's why he bribes them with their own money.Koalicja Obywatelska (Citizen Coalition)
PO (Civic Platform) invited some plankton and enslaved Nowoczesna party. Minor visual rebranding, but it's still the same hollow party of power (but without the power). No ideas, no convictions. Pro-EU orientation is the only thing they stand for. The current leader, Grzegorz "Porcelain Grin" Schetyna, is HATED by his own electorate and a big chunk of his own party. Tries to replicate Kaczyński's tactics from last elections, but fails at every step. Hiding behind a marionette with a friendlier face involves not showing your own ugly mug, you stupid schmuck!
These parties technically are unified entities. Which makes electoral treshhold lower, only 5%. It also makes subventions impossible to split. Leader takes all. This will cause some drama...Lewica (the Left)
SLD (Alliance of Democratic Left) - Old commies looking for a new identity. They rule this circus and they will get all the money from subventions. Their leader is a muppet-looking man with a large collection of pastel sweaters.
Wiosna (Spring) - one-man gay show run by Robert Biedroń. Probably going to be absorbed by SLD soon. It seems that Biedroń just wanted a ticket to Brussels and he's not really interested in real politics.
Razem (Together) - Starbucks Marxists from big cities, progressives and SJWs. Used to distance itself from SLD a lot, now they enter a strange disadvantageous alliance.Konfederacja (the Confederation)
Wolność (Freedom) - The man, the meme, the legend, Janusz Korwin-Mikke and his crew. Libertarian darwinian monarchists. Let's turn back time to la belle epoque but with even more drugs and guns. Socially conservative... kind of... it's like... quantum culturally catholic morality. Cheating on your wife is not that bad as long as you don't get caught and avoid scandal.
RN (National Movement) - Nationalists. Surprisingly sensible bunch with a bad rep.
KKP (Confederation of Polish Crown) - Unironic cathotaliban plus some free market and guns. A miniscule group centered around Grzegorz Braun, a documentary director mostly known for his anti-semitism and love for Star-Wars. Claims the Galactic Republic were the bad guys. Dodges questions about rumored Yoda's jewish roots.PSL
PSL (Polish People's Party) - Ancient agrarian mafia. Fighting and slowly losing the fight for rural electorate with PiS. Chosing a townie as a leader was a bad move.
Kukiz'15 - Syncretic "Fvck the System" movement started by an old rock star falls apart and joins an ancient mafia structure. This is just sad...