What should I do, Ptak?
As bright and eloquent as you are, you will come to the right conclusion on your own. Therapy, I don't think, is your answer. You would run circles around an average
therapist. Most of them are charlatans, pretending to be scientists. There's nothing scientific about the therapy, a bunch of nobodies making and changing the rules on the fly. Possibility of the good ones exists, of course, but it is extremely rare. Will power, character, and perseverance as your guiding light will lead you to the light
I suspect the big hole, something of great importance, is missing in your life, a great loving woman, nostalgia for your country, or realization that you deserve better,
that your accomplishments do not match your abilities. Reach for the stars.