Relationship Issues with my polish girlfriend advice needed

They are both responsible for the consequences, especially where their son is concerned.

Also, we shouldn't assume that we know the whole picture; there may be other factors which none of us have considered.

Maf, all we know is what Jonathan786 told us - that she doesn't love him anymore and she thinks they should separate "or not live together (stay together but live in separate houses)".

I don't know what it's like in your world, but in the world of many people the end of love usually means, sooner or later, the end of the relationship. That's pretty normal and natural, but you make it sound like this woman is being "silly" or sth. The only "problem" is that they have a kid and that's probably the only reason why we're even discussing this.


Maybe. Who knows. But then what? What do you propose? That Jonathan786 should stay with her, even if she's cheating on him, for the "good" of the kid?

@Paulina


What a load of hogwash
Complications with birth begin to arise after age of 26. Meaning it's best and meant to have kids before age of 26 for ANY women.

Sure people in general understand a lot more about the world past age of 30 as both man and women, so that they know what to do and what to say to their already born kids at that time!

How the heck somebody think ruining a marriage a.k.a family would be good both the individuals, kids and society? Boggles my mind.

A man is typically more sought after above the age of 30 due to life success, achievements and useally a very clear indicator of his financial future. While women are sought after mostly between age of 18-26 due to fertility mostly.

Any women risking to wait until above 30 years of age risks meeting men, who had in contact with that mentality of women between ages of 18-30... Guess what, they won't be popular, respected or thought of as intelligent regardless of degrees or job positions.

Oh? You and all other women that age thought you could put us men "on hold" until you got 30 years old? "Boo hoo" reap your rot, I have no obligation to care for that

Staying with somebody you no longer love for the sake of the kids is a recipe for disaster. There will be resentment on the part of the person who wants to leave and sooner or later there will be arguments in front of those kids. They see and hear more than you think they do. Those kids will grow up unhappy and miserable. Better they separate and each does their best for the children rather than they grow up in a miserable household.


Seriously, what planet do you live on? 30 is hardly old and many people these days don't start looking for a serious relationship until they're a bit older. Just because you think that way doesn't mean everyone else does.

@Feniks
I don't know what planet you're from but, any women above 26 is not highly desired. It's not without reason that women at that age being single have very bad reputation and nicknames in Asia.

Ignoring that, and giving bad advice only hurts their prospects and builds up delusions about their future possibilities! Stop ruining the life of women!

By you maybe, but I feel your opinions about women are quite strange to be honest. What has Asia got to do with anything? The OP and his partner are in the UK.


I think the advice that I gave was sensible. I come from the generation where it was expected that couples stay together no matter how bad or abusive the relationship. It does not work and produces unhappy children. Best that the OP and his partner separate, do the very best that they can for their child and move on.


Stop sounding hysterical.

there's no real indication here that the relationship is bad or abusive.... the evidence points to a vaguely unhappy woman who probably thinks she can do better (maybe already doing better in her understanding).

It's the classic female infidelity model... which is why I think she's already got someone else. Most women don't leave non-abusive stable relationships without having a new partner in sight.....

key word is in sight, could be an illusion of the grass is greener, don't depress the OP too much with that red pill stuff ;)

I'm not saying there is, but even if it's just that one partner is unhappy it will eventually lead to that child growing up in a bad atmosphere as resentment will set in. Familiarity breeds contempt as they say.


If I was unhappy then I would. I'm not so sure that there is someone new on the horizon, it might just mean that for her they have grown apart. People change a lot and what she wants now is obviously not what she wanted then.

@Feniks
Well I come from another generation that split up because of your type of opinions. All I can say is that I don't want that type of situation upon anybody!

But, you seem to want that for everyone! So excuse my language but, GO TO ******* HELL!

That is funny as I'm yet to meet a guy that would live his long term partner because the relationship doesn't and not because they have someone on the side.

And it's not the point in this case anyway.

wow guys, i really appreciate all the input, it has gone off track a bit and everyone has valid points, some applicable some not.
I grew up in a traditional household where dad was at work for god knows how many hours and mum dealt with all our needs (6 boys 1 girl), the family ran like a well oiled machine, dad worked came home gave mum all the money and she did her best running the show. they never showed love to each other, well not in front of us and we never saw them argue. and after 42 years they are still together. i have been raised with the traditional family values of keeping it all together and the way i grew up was stable and secure.

this is how i have been raised so naturally my views are to keep it all together no matter what and dont bring it out in front of children.

my girlfriend is from a different generation and culture and her parents split when she was 12 so her views on this differ from mine due to her experiences. but thats all off topic.

My aim of creating this thread was to see if there is anything i could do to bring her back around or change her mind about leaving, i dont want to use our son as ammo so that is why i asked of any way or anything i could do that may appeal to her i do love her i wont deny that and i know i can get another girlfriend and yes life would be great single no worries do as i please etc but that wouldnt last long i would soon get bored of that, my aim is to keep the family together, and i have taken on board every ones input which i am grateful for. im a pretty solid straight thinking guy but i want to exhaust every possible option i can to keep us together before i succumb to the idea of going separate ways, otherwise there will always be the nagging in my head that i didn't try hard enough,

Thanks again i really appreciate you taking time out of your days to help out.

Sure play it cool and slightly aloof but concerned, don't be romantic doggy eyed in love. Don't be afraid to have a break, temporary or not. Sometimes people only value something when faced with the reality of losing it.

noted thank you

I think you may be right.

@Jonathan786, judging by what you wrote, that you "never really had the honey moon period per say where you get to spend time together as a couple and falling for each other" - it's possible that this is what she's missing.

If she still loved you, I'd say you two should go to a therapy for couples and get the romance into your relationship, spend more time together without your kid (romantic dinners, a holiday, maybe having some thrilling/exiting experiences together that will get her adrenalin and serotonin levels up and will make her feel alive) and from time to time - to give yourself a break from each other by spending some time alone. You know, to allow yourselves to miss each other.

So, it is possible that once you two start living separately she will start actually missing you. But, of course, if she really doesn't love you anymore it's possible that she'll move on, so you have to be prepared for that...

It is very impressive that you are not giving up on her and you fight for your family.

I agree with Paulina - it's a good idea to go on the therapy together. The professional help would be really essential in that case - hopefully she would like to do it as well.