would want to be conscious about a man's needs.
Not man in general. No. Not in relation to me. It's good to know for discussion purposes but not in any indication as to my behaviour.
Putting an effort, is not being yourself?
Not saying something that you think because the other side my not like it is (unasked for hurtful comments aside)
Well tell me this then, which man would you prefer (theoretically)
I can honestly say either. I have no fear/hatred for marriage but I also don't think with any warmth towards it.
one side feeling they shouldn't have to make the effort....
What do you mean by making the effort? Pretending being someone else? And the happiest couples I know don't make any effort, they are just...being themselves and it works.
the old way with extended families meant that no one person was overwhelmed by having to deal with a baby all day
People do forget that. I remember even from my family when I was little that when kids were around every member of the family was involved. The kid would walk around here and there and every adult and teenager would keep an eye/ interact