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I am a black girl in a relationship with a Polish man but I have many questions.

8 Aug 2022 #1
Hello guys, I am a black girl from Nigeria in a relationship with a polish man I met online 4 years ago, we were in long distance relationship until we met last year in another country I was studying.

I searched for a polish forum to know more about polish culture and at the same time get answers to my worries.

We met four years ago and to be sincere he has really been a good and supportive boyfriend so far and his parents got to love me and even supported him when he visited me at the country I was studying but there are some things I want clarification from polish men.

1. What is average dating period for polish men before they propose marriage?

We have been together for 4 years he but doesn't like talking about marriage when I ask him of his intentions he get mad that I don't trust him and I reminded him when we started talking that i told him I always wanted a serious relationship that could lead to marriage.

2. Is cohabiting normal among polish couples?

My boyfriend has always wanted us to cohabit even when I am against it, he said it is normal in Poland that most couple cohabit before getting married.

3. Do polish men don't like posting their girlfriends?

He never posted me for once but I post him all the time because I love him, when I confronted him why he never posted me, he said " everyone knows we together already".

Is this normal or should I be worried?

I do feel he really loves me but he's just too busy and he has helped me alot in the past and even got me my first international passport.

I really do love him and for the fact he is my first ever serious relationship but I wanted to be sure if he's really serious with me because we had an intense argument this morning after I confronted him about my observations and plans for us.
cms neuf 1 | 1,641
8 Aug 2022 #2
1. Four years is at the upper end of the range. If he refuses to even discuss it that is an issue
2. Yes, virtually all Polish couples cohabit before marriage. And if he hasn't lived with you he might be right to be cautious about marrying yoh

3. No idea - he is probably just somebody who thinks posting is not important and superficial
Becoming dad 3 | 28
9 Aug 2022 #3
Dear Blackgirl212, I'm Nigerian too living in Warsaw. Why are you acting like it's only Polish men that put girls on a long thing about marriage? Stop pushing the poor guy to marry you, if he was sure about making you his wife, he would have done it long time ago.

If he's not proposing then why don't you put your girl pride in your purse, get a ring, get on your knees and do it.
pawian 218 | 22,787
9 Aug 2022 #4
we had an intense argument this morning after I confronted him about my observations and plans for us.

The reasons for his reluctance to tie the knot might be versatile. E.g., he doesn`t feel you are the right type of a woman to spend the rest of the life with. Or, he is too immature and simply scared of all the responsibilities which marriage entails, especially children. Or, his parents don`t like the idea of having a coloured daughter in law. etc etc

So, trying to find some traditional culture patterns here might be a hard nut to crack.

that most couple cohabit before getting married.

It is a good way to figure out if you match each other. When you see sb on a specially arranged date, you can hardly get to know what kind of person he or she is. You need to live together for a longer time to check certain things out.
Lyzko 42 | 9,125
9 Aug 2022 #5
Firstly, I must commend your daring and dedication to make the relationship work! As far as learning about Polish culture first hand, learning the basics of the language is always key, whether it's Polish, French, German or what have you.

Obviously, it's doable. However, don't be fooled by your soon-to-be significant other's ministrations regarding his abilities in English. Often, it's merely impressive PR and little else.

You be the final judge as to how seriously you wish to pursue your relationship. Cross-cultural differences will indeed come up, don't let anyone here tell you they won't. Finally though, you have to decide whether they remain merely differences or instead become barriers:-)
OP Blackgirl212
9 Aug 2022 #6
@Becoming dad
Please I am not forcing myself on him and he knows that, he knows I could get any man I want neither am I dependent on him as I could afford to buy myself whatever I need because I have a skill that fetches me money, He just wouldn't let me go even when I suggested we should break up.
Sylvio 20 | 155
14 Aug 2022 #7
I do feel sorry for you. Empathy and compassion is not strong in our character. If I were you I would act on the premise that your man is of the BBD type. Bigger, Better, Deal. And you could be no more than an n'th of his 'milestones'. The only thing you can do is treat your relationship the same way yourself. Sorry to dampen your expectations, but you should keep your head clear. And by no means should you press him towards marriage, as it will only blow up in your face years later, trust me, when it may not be so easy to bail out unscathed. Remember ONLY and EVER marry out of LOVE. All other reasons will take you nowhere nice in the end. Look after yourself, my dear. And good luck.
pawian 218 | 22,787
14 Aug 2022 #8
Empathy and compassion is not strong in our character.

It is another lie of yours. The fourth, exactly. What, another Festival of Liars today??? :):) Poles proved their empathy and compassion by hosting millions of Ukrainian refugees, also in their own homes.

Liar, Liar. :):)
Sylvio 20 | 155
14 Aug 2022 #9
How many charity organisations operate in Poland? Do you know any of your neighbours doing any charity work? Or, have you ever volunteered to work somewhere for free? Or, are there any stores in your area, which sell good used articles left in doorways, to fund good causes? Do you know anyone in Poland who spo sponsors education of children in 3rd world?... And Ukraine? Yes. It was good. A one off. A product of much TV campaigning, with a marked hint of national selfegrandisement, and 'dollar nudging'..
pawian 218 | 22,787
14 Aug 2022 #10
have you ever volunteered to work somewhere for free?

Yes, since 1997 I have been in a charity taking care of disabled children. I wrote about it many times here.

there any stores in your area, which sell good used articles

No, coz there is no such tradition in Poland which used to be a poor country and people didn`t donate things but prefered to use them till they wore off.

sponsors education of children in 3rd world?

Yes, I read about Polish companies which send charity to other countries.

As you see, you missed again.
Liar, liar! hahahaha
PS. Like I said in another thread, you claim to be Polish but it is a lie.
PS2. This Festival of Liars in recent days is simply amaSSing. What got into these people???? Is it sth in the water???

Please stick to the topic of the thread
Sylvio 20 | 155
15 Aug 2022 #11
Ok you win, then. Enjoy your weekend! ;)
pawian 218 | 22,787
16 Aug 2022 #12
Ok you win, then.

I don`t care about winning with you. I only want you to stop lying about Poland, Poles and yourself.
Atch 20 | 3,959
17 Aug 2022 #13
there is no such tradition in Poland which used to be a poor country

I don't think that's the reason. Ireland was even poorer than Poland for much of its history but we've always had charity shops. That's because we were a British colony and charity shops are really a British thing. One of the few in Warsaw, the Sue Ryder Foundation, was founded by an English lady who worked in Poland just after the war.

winning with you

There's a typical little Polish-ism :) One for you and your students - in English we either beat someone or we win against them. If you win with someone you are partners or team mates. Now if only my Polish were as good as your English ................. sigh...........
OP Blackgirl212
17 Aug 2022 #14
Thanks to y'all for all the contributions, we already talked about it and he told me he doesn't like talking about it because I am still schooling and he apologized for making me feel that way, As a matter of fact we will be meeting again soon to spend more time together and hoping to finally be able to visit Poland next year.

Thanks to everyone that contributed on this thread.
Lyzko 42 | 9,125
17 Aug 2022 #15
Powodzenia, Blackgirl212!
pawian 218 | 22,787
17 Aug 2022 #16
There's a typical little Polish-ism :)

Nope, it is Americanism. Am guys use it quite often after our debates, claiming they have won with me etc. :):)

Also they use it in other contexts. Look at Noviczok`s usage of the phrase:
For $300, how to win with China? Stop buying from China.
That is why I am terribly sorry having to refuse to accept that correction. :) It could have been erroneous in the past but now a new norm is being created for the phrase which dubs it as correct. That`s how the language is changing. Fascinating process
Miloslaw 19 | 4,617
17 Aug 2022 #17
Nope, it is Americanism

What is it, exactly, that you have against Americans?
I just don't get ir......
pawian 218 | 22,787
18 Aug 2022 #18

Where did I say it, darling?
Crow 160 | 9,212
18 Aug 2022 #19
No problem. Poles aren`t racist as western Europeans. Poland can absorb 1 black woman on a 1000 man. You would look kind of exotic to Poles.

Love your Polish man but love his mother even more.
Sylvio 20 | 155
18 Aug 2022 #20
To the black girl who started this post: this thread has been a good study of Polish character. I hope it helps you in that way, also.
pawian 218 | 22,787
18 Aug 2022 #21
this thread has been a good study of Polish character.

You mean that you lied multiple times about Poland? No, Poles aren`t obsessive liars.
Well, yes, but only Polish rightards. Are you a rightard?

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