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Need help/advice polish girl :( British and Polish girl relationship.

united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #1
Hi Everyone, I would like to share my experience with you all and would like your EXPERIENCED opinions please if you would be so kind :)

I got with a Polish girl Martha who is 25 years old, I am 28 myself and British, Our relationship developed very quickly and we are already living together after 3 months.

We get on together great and share the same interests,cooking,movies etc...many times we even think the same thing! like psychic lol.
However! please read on!

First of all the 3rd week we were together she went to town drinking with a guy (brother of her ex boyfriend) he is 11 years older than her, She got home drunk at drinking from 4pm to 11pm,I told her I dont want her going alone with any guy drinking especially any ex bf's brother, if she wants to stay with me...she never did this again!

I am worried about wasting my time and feelings here, as I have concerns thats might be a little uncomfortable to talk about with her directly.

She is the type of girl who likes to party and gets drunk easily,this worries me especially more as once before I know she shared a house in London with another Polish girl, a Latino guy and his english wife (they were all from the same workplace), one week this guy's wife was on holiday and he offered the 2 girls vodka and waited for them to pass out,took naked pictures of Martha when she was passed out on the sofa sleeping and also had sex with her.(RAPE)and the other Polish girl woke up with this guy trying to have sex with her also in her bedroom (thats how he got caught) Martha did not even know what happened to her! (This guy is currently waiting to go to court)

I had strong feelings for her since we met thats why I still go on with this relationship.

She works now in a factory so does not get much time to party (only 2 days a week now) so this is a bit better,

but in the town where we live in UK, she has 2 friends both Polish, and both drink heavily and smoke weed etc.... basically bad ones.

I can not stop her seeing them as she will say I manipulate her.

One of her friends Justyna has 2 Lithuania men regularly going to her place. One day we were in her place for a quiet drink. Just the 3 of us, and this guy knocked on the door. (I only seen them this one time as I was annoyed and I never went back to Justyna's place since that day). I was sat with martha on the sofa and he came in the house, he was cheeky, asked for some weed from Justyna and I couldnt believe it. He could see i was sat with my Martha and he started talking to her (ignored me) he started right away asking awkward questions etc asking if we are together and starting talking about sex.... I felt really uncomfortable, he started going on about how our cultures are different, saying we are young everybody likes sex etc ...I could see he was a pervert right away and wanted to punch him for being disrespectful in my face. He started Saying im a lucky man etc...(we both never met this guy before) even Justyna only met this guy once before also as she bought weed for him,she said to me,

now he hangs around there and she started having sex with is weird as there is always 2 Lituanian guys there (maybe a threesome) who knows.They say they are cousins.He lied that he was born in UK and says he is a gypsy. He is a liar as his english isnt great and he had a Lithuanian driving license,even lied about his age. I really dont want her to go anywhere near this guy I told her already this,as he annoyed me so much.

Justyna does not go on holiday with martha as they are from different places however, The 2nd friend Ilona is just a total drunk she has a boyfriend of 5 years who is really nice, I get on with him great I drank with him once in their place. During that day I could see the Ilona and Martha were getting drunk and dancing in the living room my girl Martha got so drunk off 5 beers only and was sleeping on the sofa. Ilona is also from martha's small province just north of Warsaw. They grew up together, everytime on days off she wants to go to this Ilona's place and drink and she is encouraged always to drink by this friend. Whilst on day off she is an animal drinking. She is so bad with crazy parties on holiday in Poland that even her boyfriend of 5 years stays away from this provinces parties! he is from Plonsk.

On facebook one day she was logged in whilst taking a shower so i thought hmm maybe I will have a look at her messages in there, I knew it was wrong but I had to know what I gfot myself into I guess I seen messages saying Im going on holiday at a certain date...and a message which translated to "dont go anywhere i want to pull you" anyway one day during conversation this guys name popped up from her she said I dont see my friend in a long time or something. I asked who this guy was and was an ex so I went on and told her about the message i seen we slept seperate for a few hours and I took her to sleep in the bed at 4am thinking I was being a bit harsh, after that we were ok.

They are now on holiday in their province near Warsaw , this is why im writing this. She has many male firends there near Plonsk. I am worried that she may see me as money or marriage and have some other guy for sex or something. I heard her say before life is short etc... but she always sends me message on facebook saying I miss you and Love you etc....If we talked on skype or in person she never says I love you.....she has blonde hair and is pretty hot so I know guys will be after her if they see she is drunk. I dont know if I should try to accept that she is partying on a day off and on holiday im really stuck and dont know what i should so but I do love her. I dont think it is ok to be friends with ex's at all....she does seem easy to get with and would not take much to get her in bed if drunk....i dont think....maybe i should just cut loose.....she wasted no time to sleep with me with no protection took 3 days only! maybe the fact is im not sure if i can trust her so we cant go on....I guess I need the help of a polish girl or some guy who knows about polish girls thats would be great to know if these girls can get drunk and be faithful or if they are just easy. replies will be appreciated im confused so please dont flame me
southern 74 | 7,074
28 Jun 2012 #2
You sound like Indian.
OP united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #3
Im 100% english and white lol....why indian? oh sorry my mother is half polish lol so im 1/4 polish too :P
southern 74 | 7,074
28 Jun 2012 #4
Then you should know that polish girls cheat and keep several boyfriends and exes by side.
OP united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #5
interesting in those facebook messages were 2 ex's one of them translated into.... i have started a new beautiful relationship...maybe trying to make him jealous or something.....or maybe keeping him aside but that doesnt bother me both thise guys are in poland now....and we are in uk...only this holiday is possibilities.....might just **** her off lol these polish girls are too much hard work
primaverka84 - | 5
28 Jun 2012 #6
i feel pity for u.. u seem to be a decent guy, but u feel attracted w. a gurl that is not serioulsy foucused on u, she only lives w/u as w/ her guy, i wonder how would be ur relation like, if u both wouldnt live togather... maybe there woudlnt be any relation, ....coz her life there is about enjoying time w. frnds n alcohol (too much of alcohol)

Story about her looks like some pathology, personally even woudlnt like to make a frndship w such kind of gurl, but u make her partner of ur life (ups!)

worried about wasting my time and feelings

- yeah, u should be worried, coz the way she is, is not what u expect (as i understand from ur talk)

its just my opinion, but ur choice.
OP united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #7
very interesting reply thanks :) i will consider these comments
john123 1 | 20
28 Jun 2012 #8
Dear Unitedfan28

I am astonished you need someone to give you advice, and advice on Polish women ... it's so general and non-relevant.

Ditch her the moment you see this.

I had similar concerns with a girl last year (the fact she is Polish matters not one jot), and got rid.

Hope you will be ok once you have done the right thing.


OP united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #9
hmm thanks for that reply...i am still unsure though this will take a good think and i need to sit and consider every element here....cheers
sa11y 5 | 331
28 Jun 2012 #10
- yeah, u should be worried, coz the way she is, is not what u expect

Yep - I agree, this girl seems bad news.
The issue is - you can't expect that she will change. She won't, and even if she does for a while, she will go back to old habits.

You either have to accept her the way she is, or leave her. The fact that she didn't "waste time" to go to bed with you means nothing - after all, you didn't waste time either ;-) but the way she's been carrying on, well... Quite a different story...
OP united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #11
i have to give her credit she has stopped partying at her friends place alot its down to 1 time a week now, and everytime she goes always invites me only worried about her ex's this is the sole matter now.....he is in poland 1 village away from her....and she is there now....everybody will know everybody there so he will obviously know anyway....she has been telling me shes spending all her time with family and with cousins drinking.....this week will be dangerous for our relationship only,,,,when shes back in uk i know she will not be messing works until 6pm then home at 6.30 everyday stays with me until next shift...i only consider her to possibly cheat on me with an ex or a normal male friend in her province on this been in contact with one on facebook...2 months ago she says this was before we were together,and never talked to him in facebook since....maybe im just being jealous maybe there can be girls who like to drink because of their culture and can be loyal? i dont think she had a bad upbringing i would imagine quite strict maybe as her dad is a policeman and mother has a good job also.

if i decide to trust her on this holiday, i know everything will be fine once back with me, it's just not knowing IF she has met this ex.....i mean she seems into me and we always have plenty of sex so theres no reason for her to go out of her way and do it... plus her period started yesterday so she only had 1 week to fool around, if she had the intention to do it.....and hurt me....the only reason a girl would have sex with a guy is maybe for money and she doesnt need that she is independant and is very fair with the household bills, we get on really well.... so i dont want to throw it away if she continues to change as she is doing...i think we will be fine of course i must watch out for this ex thing and if ido find solid evidence i wont hesitate to drop her in a hreartbeat....guess you will just have to wish me luck :) and i will have to stop being jealous...i have been cheated on before that is why im obviously concerned but i have no solid evidence so i will have to just go with the flow i guess.
sa11y 5 | 331
28 Jun 2012 #12
it's just not knowing IF she has met this ex

There will always be some ex somewhere... If this is your only problem, they you must deal with your trust issue... Maybe you can go with her?
OP united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #13
she has invited me on the next holiday to poland already i was even invited on this one...i believe every girl is different ..i am not going to sterotype every polish girl everyone has their own brain...i think i can trust this one...i think i must deal with my trust issues also :) thanks

as for there will always be an ex somewhere...... we can say this about even english girls....i believe if she does care about me she wont do it.....
sa11y 5 | 331
28 Jun 2012 #14
she will not be messing works until 6pm then home at 6.30 everyday stays with me until next shift...

Is this the type of trust you want to have in your relationship? Knowing that your loved one won't be messing around because she has no time? Believe me - if someone wants to cheat, they will find time... You either have to take the plunge and start trusting this girl (no matter what) or leave her. If she breaks your trust, then it's a different thing, but at least you tried.
OP united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #15
im willing to trust her thats the thing.....i was just trying to find out other peoples views on polish girls i the end of the day if she cheats, eventually it will come out it always does...polish people spread conversation like wildfire in the factory i have noticed lol.....if she does cheat i will just bin her with no taking back as that obviously means im not good enough for her.....but im going to have to like you say take the plunge :0 if i show mistrust in her it gives her reason to do something i guess :)
kaz200972 2 | 229
28 Jun 2012 #16
Give it a bit of time. If the girl is fair and shares bills etc... that's a start. I don't think sex is the issue here, if she's happy and she's inviting along to her friends, she is probably faithful. Alcohol is the problem, if she's drinking heavily, she may become an alcoholic. If this happens, then the probs will kick in! She'll be doing anyone for a vodka. Unfortunately it's becoming a big problem amongst young Polish women.

They do seem to become addicted very easily . You could get binge drinking problems with UK girls so no one's perfect.
Try to persuade her to cut down on the booze.
OP united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #17
hi that was a great reply...i talked to her about the booze the 2nd month we were together, she has been much better with drinking now, she cant turn into an alcoholic because she works and only has 2 days off so she only drinks 1 or 2 days of those days usually with me alone the other with her friends....but again i am always invited to her friend ilona's place with guys go to that house im worried about as i know everyone there...thats not an issue...only problem is this current holiday i think....hope she stays off the hard stuff lol....and litrerally the other hard stuff :) haha shes been talking to me on facebook most days whilst on holiday so i shouldnt be too worried i think i must just trust her :)
sa11y 5 | 331
28 Jun 2012 #18
Looks like you made up your mind! All the best!
OP united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #19
thank you :) thanks for your replies everyone
28 Jun 2012 #20
hey united_fan28 i read your post and all i can say is...omg your gf must slow down... i totally get the polish culture and how we drink, party and so on.. but its not normal for a 25 year old girl to party so wild and let the guys hit on her left and right. First of all, the first red flag came up when yu mentioned she went drinking with that ex boyfriend's cousin (or whoever he was) by herself, like why weren't u there with her?! When I'm in a relationship and a guy wants to take me out for drinks, I don't care.. I'd drag my boyfriends butt there and if he's busy then too bad..i won't come.. It's either you respect your significant other or you don't give a fu**.

This girl doesn't seem ready for a commitment and not to be judgmental or anything but most of the girls that come from the polish villages aren't really all about commitment, building a future with the partner, setting goals and achieving them.. Seems like she works at that factory and drinks/smokes weed/parties with her polish friends in the free time. Does she have any other hobbies?

Anyways.. It's sad how you have suspicions about her being banged by the ex... Jesus... if british guys are so understanding and patient with them h*es then maybe i should move to UK? LOL
OP united_fan28 2 | 15
28 Jun 2012 #21
LOL thanks for the reply if she wasnt ready for commitment i dont get why she would move in with me? and pay half the bills....strange as she had an offer from this justyna girl to move in her place also...but chose to stick with me. it was her ex boyfriends brother who she says she was friends with that went to town drinking that day . she never sees this guy anymore and never went to drink with him again this was when we had just met each other our 3rd week into the relationship... she came home and stopped drinking with that guy i dragged her from the pub on the phone basically lol....and never did it again now they only play games together on facebook sending gifts in go fishing lol that is their only interaction now....haha nice hobbies i know but since i met her she stopped smoking weed with friends now and is also even trying to quit smoking as i do not smoke i told her smoking is ok for me but that was her choice too :) i guess if she goes to this ilonas place i will have to attend the party :) if she did turn out to be a h*e i will be fking her off quickly lol but its the risk i gotta take :) also im a little confused as illona's boyfriend of 5 years told me polish girls are very loyal....he knew martha from the village maybe she really is a nice girl but a drunk? shre seems submissive a little like she does everything i tell her lol even cutting down on the booze!
28 Jun 2012 #22
It's good to know she's making some kind of an effort to make this relationship work. You sound like a really nice guy im sure you two can work you problems out. good luck :-)
David_t 2 | 11
29 Jun 2012 #23
I read your story and It reminds me of the same and sad story. I am also a foreigner in warsaw and what I have experienced so far from the Polish girls is "to be so cautious". If you really don't want to be hurt you must be careful from the beginning for your decision making. Young pretty and sexy girls are all around, however I agree that Polish girls are one of those wonderful appearance.

I believe for every relationship must be some respect and rule. Normally, ladies respect their men in such a way to grab their trust not to disorder it. All the signals which you are saying unfortunately are not the good one.

First of all, there is no excuse for a committed girl to get heavily drunk with others when the boy friend is not present to protect her. (This is called responsibility and respect) Therefore, guys please don't cheat yourself and neglect these basic rules. Whoever behaving you in this manner, sorry to say this but something must be really wrong.

I really don't know why in Poland these young polish behave like this. But I call it unfair and irresponsible to the lover.

Making friends, meeting friends and colleagues, attending party with friends, drinking alcohol are all encouraged only if that person is understanding and behave in a moderate manner. But what is happening in Poland is mostly different. Try to connect with a high social class polish girl. It's very important to know. because unfortunately the number of low social class young polish are considered more compared with other places.

As a guy, you should also protect yourself.
Buggsy 8 | 98
30 Jul 2012 #24
United_Fan28! I'll jump in matey presumably u're a United fan.
Well,well, first of all if u gonna make a decision on this issue based on what we're going to say here then bless you.

Seriously, the writing's on the wall; sooner or later u'll just have to accept it.
U seem like u really want this work out at all costs.
Was in a similar situation myself at your age but without the sex and drugs thing . I kept convincing myself she was the one but slowly it faded away.

A year later was invited here to Polska, found myself someone who shared the same values.
Went a little bit rocky to start with but eventually settled very well and we'll be celebrating the 5th anniversary soon.
U say u're quarter Polish that's even great and guess it won't take u time to learn the language if u put in a bit of effort.

If it doesn't work out just hop onto a plane and come to Polska.
All the best to u.
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,004
31 Jul 2012 #25
Like all relationships, if you are having doubts this quickly then you're better getting out of it.
16 Dec 2016 #26
Bro, you're being taken for a ride by this girl. Find a decent Polish girl and treat her as an equal... not as a ******* trophy...

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