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Asking Polish Girl to be in a relationship


mccay
5 Mar 2019  #1
First of all Wow. So many weird conversations on this forum. anyway

Straight to the point. I live in Ireland and I have been dating a Polish Girl for 1 Month and i know she is ready for a relationship with me. (She has basically said so)

We have bonded sooo well. Seriously we can openly share and express anything. ( Its actually scary how well we bond so quick ), so this is the only reason i know there is a tradition to ask to be in a relationship.

My question is to polish girls "what is the expectation" I know Im not proposing to be married but I'm asking to develop our relationship to something more meaning full and long term.

She wants a gesture. That i get ( Truth is i already planned one for a while ). Am i suppose to just ask her to be in a relationship with me. Am i suppose to tell her i want to be in a relationship with her. It may seem normal to you, but not to me. The etiquette is key. So what is it.

I know this is over the top, but i have a tiny glass wish jar, with a tiny scroll inside that i planned on giving her, which either has the question or statement, depending on feedback i get. It will have instruction to take a picture of us together ( at that moment ) which i can then send away and get a keyring with our picture and the date engraved. ( yes i am an old romantic )

Too much ?

Any feedback would be appreciated.
Regards, Alan.
Atch 17 | 2,740
5 Mar 2019  #2
Hi Alan. Yes this forum is indeed very weird, welcome to our world :)) You won't find many Polish girls here, or indeed many Poles at all. Most posters are men and a mixture of Polish diaspora of various kinds, very few of whom live in Poland or assorted ex-pats living in Poland, some married to Polish women. This is seasoned with a few Russian trolls and assorted random nutcases of various nationalities. Apart from the Jew-hating, Muslim hating etc, there's quite a bit of woman-hating too. There are regular posters here who think women are too stupid to be allowed to vote and are all sluts and gold diggers, so don't waste your time responding to them. There is one very nice, sensible Polish girl called Kaprys who posts here from time to time so she might be along at some point and could possibly advise. In the meantime I'll have a go.

Ok, so Alan, I'm Irish, married to a Polish man whom I met in Ireland and we're now living in Poland. Here's my opinion for what it's worth.

I know this is over the top, but i have a tiny glass wish jar,

Go for it. You say she wants a gesture and that will do the job nicely.

Basically with Polish women, this is how they appear to me, as an Irish woman, and you know what we're like :)) (some of us aren't too bad!). Bear in mind of course that it's a generalization.

First of all Polish women are not quite as demure and pure as you might imagine. Despite all that traditional Catholic stuff they're every bit as casual about sex as a lot of Irish women, in fact more so, and they will sleep with a guy without an expectation of a relationship.

Secondly, once they're in a relationship they like the romantic gestures and being made to feel special. They can be very affectionate and attentive to their men but they can also be more moody and demanding than Irish women, who are more easygoing. Irish women tend to be more forthright and will tell you straight out if they're annoyed with you or not happy about something. Polish women will go silent on you and sulk and you'll be wondering what on earth you did wrong. I also find that Polish men and women tend to be much more jealous and possessive than Irish. Maybe it's because we have the pub culture in Ireland where the sexes mingle and socialize very casually together. We have a more fluid and less couple oriented way of socializing.

Being one of a couple in Poland means that you do a lot of stuff together and your individual friendships and outside interests can take a bit of a back seat. Visiting each other's families at the weekend would be common, you know, going for Sunday lunch, that kind of thing. You know in Ireland, if you live near your parents, you might drop in for a cup of tea, but you wouldn't be spending half the day with them and you wouldn't necessarily bring your girlfriend. You might call in to your parents on the way to your girlfriend's place.

Next, romantic though they can be, Polish women are very practical when it comes to relationships. If they're in a serious relationship they expect it to lead to marriage. After two or three years, they expect the proposal and if they don't get it, they'll move on. And they don't go in for long engagements either. So if you get involved with this girl, you can be expect to be married to her within four years. Also, they don't like to delay having children nor do they like to leave long gaps between children. Polish people, even very well educated professional people, tend to marry and have kids a lot younger than the Irish. You'll see women just shy of thirty with a Masters Degree, already married with a kid and another on the way. Once a Polish woman is heading for thirty, she won't waste time on a guy who's not offering marriage.

Now, as I say, that's just what I've observed and others may disagree.

Ok, finally, there's the question of where you're going to live. At some point, she may want to return to Poland. Are you ready to move to Poland and raise your children there, as Poles, because they will be more Polish than Irish if they grow up in Poland. Equally, from her point of view, her kids will be more Irish than Polish, if you stay in Ireland - and many Polish women are happy in Ireland until they have kids.

So now Alan, there's plenty for you to chew over! Good luck :))
johnny reb 16 | 3,381
5 Mar 2019  #3
There are regular posters here who think women are too stupid to be allowed to vote and are all sluts and gold diggers

Actually Alan these are the guys that will enlighten you the most about women because they have experienced the school of hard knocks with women first hand.

Mention the word "Pre-nup" and observe the immediate look on her face.
This usually answers most women's intent immediately from any country.
If she responds that such an idea is understandable then you can move on from there as it is possible you have caught yourself a Keeper.

Have you ever noticed that most single older men that have been thru the school of hard knocks are on the "Catch and Release" program like when you go fishing for a Trophy Keeper.

There is a sound reason for that called experience.
Lyzko 20 | 6,330
5 Mar 2019  #4
I'm afraid to ask how old this young lady might be.
If she's truly a "girl", make sure she ain't jail bate!:-) You might want to charm her with a little bit of her own language too.

My advice from someone who had an erstwhile courtship with a Polish woman long before I was married, is simply GO EASY and don't rush things.

Had I followed my own counsel way back when, who knows, I might have tied the knot after all.
Atch 17 | 2,740
6 Mar 2019  #5
If she's truly a "girl",

Girl is the term used in Ireland to refer to any woman under the age of forty :) but older people, in their seventies or eighties will also call a woman in her fifties, a girl :))

Mention the word "Pre-nup" and observe the immediate look on her face.

An American perspective. No pre-nups in Ireland. You can make one but they have no legal standing and are not enforceable. That's because we don't have a community properly law. In Ireland If you get divorced, there is no automatic entitlement to half your husband's/wife's money or property. It's literally decided on a case by case basis and not necessarily in court. That's a last resort if you can't come go an agreement by other means. You have to be separated four years to even start divorce proceedings in Ireland so it's not a get rich quick option for gold diggers. In general, division of property has to be fair, so a childless woman in her 30s who's been married to her husband for example for three years is not going to get half his property/money and he won't have to sell his house, nor will she get any maintenance.
Lyzko 20 | 6,330
6 Mar 2019  #6
Ohh, I like Ireland:-)

Bet too they're not so litigious either as in the States! Here things are simply over the top.
Towarzysz
28 Apr 2019  #7
I am an Irishman and living in Poland too. I have honestly never been in a serious relationship and I am 27(I started college in Dublin at 17, did Erasmus in France at 19, moved to Austria at 22 and have been in Poland since 2015). 27 in my world is not that Young.

I think you should go for it. It may depend on your age but most of them seem to Marry by the end of university Herę (24-26 in Poland). Try a Claddagh ring maybe?

I am sure you will get useful advice from Polish people and foreigners alike Herę who have experience in these things, with the usual disclaimer needed to beware of the crazies of any description should there actually be any racist people or sexist people on Herę.

Ironically I stopped dating one or two Polish women a few years back due to overt racism or religion. The singles market isnt great once you hit your łatę twenties. If you have a chance for happiness with an attractive, intelligent person, then go for it.
Lyzko 20 | 6,330
28 Apr 2019  #8
Simply put, Polish women can come across as super direct, sometimes blunt to a fault, who'll usually speak their mind candidly, yet without EVER meaning to be intentionally cruel or hurtful, this must be said:-)

In my experience when I was much, much younger and way before I was married, Polish women are often inquisitive and will wander into personal areas of inquiry, even upon first meeting!

And if they find out you know some of their language, matey, you'll have 'em practically eatin' out of your hand. They might though "interrogate" you beforehand as to why you learned Polish and so forth.

Best of luck, Towarzyszu!
Towarzysz
28 Apr 2019  #9
LOL more than once in my life people thought I was working as a Spy both in Poland and Ukrainę. How else could a single man under 30 speak Polish and other languages
dolnoslask 5 | 2,450
28 Apr 2019  #10
In my experience when I was much, much younger and way before I was married, Polish women are often

You have only visited Poland once in your life, so please leave out the giving of advice to those who live here.
Rich Mazur 5 | 3,115
29 Apr 2019  #11
Above all, don't fall for that "I want you to be honest and tell me how you really feel" bs line. They just want to see if you are a pussified noodle or a man. And never tell her how much you love your mother, even if you do. She wants to know that she will be the only female living in your head.
terri 1 | 1,612
29 Apr 2019  #12
I go to Poland often and observe couples (young and old) talking to each other. Very few actually 'talk' to each other and treat each other with respect saying nice things and being loving. What I often hear is loud voices, direct commands, words demeaning the other party and often think to myself that if a man or a woman said that to me, they would end up in hospital with a broken jaw and I am not a violent person.
Rich Mazur 5 | 3,115
29 Apr 2019  #13
Spot on! Poles are genetically unable to converse in voices loud just enough to be heard. Especially women. It's like they are in a battle, with the enemy at the gates.

Next time, ask one of them to whisper. They don't even know how to whisper. If they hear you whisper, they think you are planning to kill somebody.
Lyzko 20 | 6,330
29 Apr 2019  #14
I see Dolno, you and most people of barely average intelligence haven't yet conceived of the idea of somebody knowing
scores of people from a another country IN THAT SOMEBODY'S OWN COUNTRY:-)

I only grew up right near Greenpoint, Bklyn. for almost twenty years, and practically "lived" on Manhattan Ave. so geez man, get a clue!
dolnoslask 5 | 2,450
29 Apr 2019  #15
I only grew up right near Greenpoint, Bklyn.

With all due respect anyone from the Polish Diaspora be It in the US or Uk will not have a clue about today's Poland, It has changed and it is not the same beast it was prior to WWII.

It has taken me years to understand the Poland that I now live in, the old guard are in for a shock if they return here for any length of time..

Dolno, you and most people of barely average intelligence

Don't worry you will be up to my and most peoples level one day, meantime keep up the studies.
kaprys 2 | 1,675
29 Apr 2019  #16
@Lyzko
Well, you knew some Polish Americans then and that was apparently in the sixties. That, however, explains your previous claim that Polish women wear their hair in beehives.

@Towarzysz
According to what you have stated you have been here for about 4 years. So I guess you know a thing or two about people here. I don't think most women here marry right after they graduate - not any more. It's not particulary strange to make friends or date anyone here. Just go out for a drink with a colleague, meet their friends, chat someone up. That's all - it works pretty much the same all over Europe.
dolnoslask 5 | 2,450
29 Apr 2019  #17
Polish women wear their hair in beehives.

He probably clicks his heels and kisses hands on the first date.
Lyzko 20 | 6,330
29 Apr 2019  #18
@Kaprys and dolno,

Hate as I do to disappoint you both, my contacts were in the mid- to late nineties, the contacts whom I know are roughly 20-30 somethings, mostly recent arrivals from Poland within say a decade of each other, and finally, I was born in '60, therefore too young to have been in Poland during Communism:-)

Nice try
LOL
Towarzysz
29 Apr 2019  #19
@kaprys
Not really. In Ireland, France, Ukrainę and The Czech Republic and even in some parts of Austria meeting people and a lady was much simpler.

You are expected to refrain from speaking to most of the public in Polish pubs too. They are not even pubs, just places for people to ignore each other.

IF I did not get a very good job offer I would be living in Ostrawa. Katowice is better than Kraków and people are much nicer and more polite in day to day life but thats not Worth a w on the long holidays and weekends. Even getting into a club in Poland is some amount of effort on your own.

Come on random guy says hello in a restaurant, café or beer garden, people freak out. Thats just the culture. I am sorry but it is true, except maybe on the Coast in the summer.

Also I am often mistaken for a Ukrainian despite my imperfecta intermediate grammar. It is the only country my accent has scared people, yet even that is better than speaking English and being treated as a tourist or student by service staff.

I Also see how Poles be have when seated alone. I am only behaving as everyone else does because nobody has ever in 4 years said hello to a stranger, either myself or in front of me.

I am tired of being seen as a nuisance for existing-I learnt the language to a reasonable degree and it was pretty pointless except now I can speak Polish well, read and write okay and understand it fluently. It was the reason I came Herę and that means it is almost time to go. It might be my last year finally.
Lyzko 20 | 6,330
29 Apr 2019  #20
Towarszysz.

I too have lived abroad, that is, in Europe as I'd mentioned to you in our limited correspondence and deeply share you feelings of seeming inadequacy as well as feeling condescended to by the locals, particularly of the female persuasion:-)

While never in Poland long enough to draw any conclusions regarding the inhabitants of the opposite sex, I can say with assurance that the Viennese won the medal for arrogance towards Anglophone foreigners hands down, giving the Berliners a run for their money.

Don't throw in the towel yet, dude! Wish I could give a less clichéd response, but see of you can hold out a tad longer and I'm certain your perseverance will pay off in the long run, even if the long run looks longer that one would have likedLOL
Rich Mazur 5 | 3,115
29 Apr 2019  #21
Come on random guy says hello in a restaurant, café or beer garden, people freak out.

Pride is good. Too much of it is paralyzing because we don't take rejection very well. And that is why nobody takes the first step.

I overcame my fear of rejection 100%. I often walk up to a bunch old guys burning time at McD in the morning and ask if I can join. Every single time, they all smile and tell me to sit down. That is why I really love Americans and their American ways.

In fact, this is how I met my wife. I noticed her at a party and asked for her phone number. When she pointed to a guy across the room as her husband, I told her that I want to get to know her, not her husband. That was exactly 50 years ago.
Towarzysz
29 Apr 2019  #22
Proud of what? Why should I care anymore about trying to fit in when I can simply cross the border to talk to people and kill the weekends with Czechs without it being weird? What do a couple of Americans who have never lived in Poland know about it anyways? My life Herę is purely transactional now, working on something new and interesting that is a step to better things.

This is not fear of rejection. It is actually not socially acceptable to approach strangers Herę. Pride must be something Yanks know more about because in this place minding your own business seems polite.

All I was saying is this **** is only normal Herę. For me its stupid. I suppose the American way is to be an anglophone and harass people in the street Like they do on their YouTube videos. That was the worst part of Kraków-expat men harassing women on the streets and drunken stag parties. To some extent it explains why many Polish people are so private.

And the word you are looking for is reserved. Not proud or afraid.

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