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Advice for a non-Pole - more than friendship?


FutureInPoland 1 | 1
29 Jun 2019 #1
Hey guys,
This is my first post and I am quite confused about a situation. I'm a woman in her early 40s. I met a man and so far it is just friendship but it feels like more.

I met this guy in February on a residential course. We talked all the time and although he is a quiet soul, we spent most available time together. We met up for a weekend in February and shared a room (single beds) and subsequently went on an 8 day roadtrip of Poland and shared rooms again. I have stayed with him in his home several times and we have so much fun. Talking,laughing, seeing new things together. We 'flirt' a lot. We can talk about everything and anything and I feel so very comfortable being with him.

Now, he has introduced me to his sister and her family. That was pure chance. The family know about me too and seem positive. I am currently staying at his home while he is away seeing his family.

We message each other every day and it seems that we are getting closer. I know more and more about him every day. He saw me off to the train when I left after the 8 day road trip and he gave me 3 kisses on the cheek. The next time, the train came in and we did the 3 kisses things but it seemed rushed. Like he was aiming for the lips. But I may be seeing too much into this.

But, here is the confusing bit. I have told him that I hope this friendship progresses to something more than just friendship and I respect that he wants to take his time. His response was 'OK'.

So, am I seeing things? Is it only friendship?
Any advice will be helpful.
pawian 161 | 9,971
29 Jun 2019 #2
shared a room went on 8 day roadtrip of Poland and shared rooms again.

Hmm, that suggests an already deep relationship. If you told your friends and family that you spent a few nights with a man in one room, would they believe it is just friendship? :):)

So, am I seeing things? Is it only friendship?

Oh, it just occured to me that I am thinking too conservative. I can be such a rightard at times. :):) By friendship, do you mean a platonic relationship? Or, according to new trends, casual sex without responsibilities? And when you ask if he is serious about this friendship, you mean: will he marry me after this initial stage of free love (sex)?
OP FutureInPoland 1 | 1
30 Jun 2019 #3
Thank you Pawian,
No one believed the 8 days away in the same room was only friendship. No sex or anything.
I think he is super polite/respectful etc. Don't get me wrong, this is refreshing in my experience. It's lovely. However, it is somewhat confusing to know if this man wants more eventually or is just being a good guy. Platonic. I am used to Spanish men and you know where you stand quite quickly into a friendship. Are Poles different? Heck yes. But in a good way. I guess time will tell
pawian 161 | 9,971
30 Jun 2019 #4
No sex or anything. I think he is super polite/respectful etc.

Yes, maybe, but there might also be a few other reasons behind such behaviour.

it is somewhat confusing to know if this man wants more eventually or is just being a good guy.

Yes, we are also confused. But you need to say one thing: do you want him to want more or not? :)

Simply speaking, what are you writing it all for? What is your purpose exactly?

Are Poles different?

Some are, some aren`t. Can you say that ALL male Spaniards are the same Speedy Gonzaleses towards women? :):)
pawian 161 | 9,971
30 Jun 2019 #5
Other threads have become slow and I have found some more time to go through our posts here again. Probably my mind was preoccupied with sth else before, now I see things more clearly.

So, you are worried that the guy is not pushing you into more intimate relationship. You expected some action on his part, e.g., during your trip, but nothing happened. You are afraid he wants to remain on friendly terms only instead of love.

However, it is somewhat confusing to know if this man wants more eventually or is just being a good guy

As I said before, the reasons might be versatile. If we brainstorm ideas, here what comes out of it:

I don`t count what you already said: polite, good manners etc.

1. He might be a devout Catholic who doesn t engage in premarital sex.
2. He might be extremely shy and never had sex before.
3. He considers himself unattractive.
4. He considers you unattractive.
5. He might be impotent because of mental disorders or traumas.
6. He might be physically impaired, like a war veteran.
7. He might be completely asexual, ie. not interested in sex.
8. He might be gay but is uncertain about it and wants to make sure.
9.. He might be bi and has a dilemma which side he prefers.
10. He must ask his mother first.

I guess time will tell

Yes, as always. .

pushing you into more

Sorry, I meant: pressing on you to engage in

Point 8 could be developed into 8B: he is gay and perfectly knows about it but he hangs around with you to convince others he isn`t.


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