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Do you find any humour in Polish Highlanders' stories?

14 May 2011 #1
Do you find any humour in Polish Highlanders' stories?

Telling jokes on a large scale had long ceased to entertain me. But I always appreciate a good highlanders' joke, even an old one. I like the ones about a battle of wits between simple folks from Tatra Mountains and smart aleck city boys, known as trekkers or tourists. The other type of highlanders' jokes, which reverses the stereotype and present the "górale" as simplistic brutes with ferocious sexual appetites, do not please me that much, although I have to admit that some of them are also funny.

I wonder if expats see any humour in such stories. Lyzko translated one quite humourosly in some other thread

Baca, look! Such a lovely view!
Yeah, if only those (silly) mountains didn't get in the way!

and that prompted me to start this thread.

A small dictionary:
gazda = an owner of a farm in Podhale, the foothills of Tatra Mountains
baca = a head shepherd in Polish Karpatians contracting his services to a group of gazdas for the pasturage of sheep in high meadows for the summer season.

juhas = a junior shepherd, working for baca.
ceper = irreverent and ironic term used by the Highlanders for the tourists coming from the Polish lowland areas.
gazda, baca, juhas are not Polish words. They have their roots in Wallachian culture.

Few samples of highlanders jokes are attached.

A gazda sits on a porch of his hut, smokes a pipe and enjoys a quiet evening. A trekker approaches.
- Hello gazda, what are you doing?
- Well, I am just sitting and thinking.
- Do you always do that?
- No, only when I have time.
- And, if you have no time?
- Then I just sit.

A trekker who has been lost in the Tatra Mountains suddenly sees a shepherd approaching, with a little lamb over his shoulders.
- Hello good man, where is Kościeliska Valley? - asks the trekker.
- Hold on to this lamb, sir - says the shepherd.
The trekker takes the lamb, the shepherd throws his hands up in the air and says:
- I have no idea.

A little conversation of a cocky trekker with a baca:
- Baco, what do you do to stop wolves from steeling sheep from your flock?
- Well, I have taught my sheep many tricks…
- What kind of tricks?
- I taught them that the moment they sense a wolf they should start leaping around the meadow like the kangaroos. It took me a year to teach them this trick.

- What an original idea ...
- Then they would make a huge pile by climbing on each other backs. It took me two years of training..
- Fantastic!
- Then this clever little one on the very top of the pile should strike one hoof against another to produce a spray of sparks.
- Unbelievable! And does it work?
- I do not know that since there are no wolves in these here forests.
[This joke is somewhat similar to the silly "Three legged chicken" joke]

A trekker follows a tourist trail when he suddenly hears:
- Jesuuuus! Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, oh my little Jesus!!
He runs, looks around and sees a shepherd sitting on a tree stump, next to a pocketed ax:
- Oh, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
- Baco! Baco what happened to you?
- To me? Nothing. Oh, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
- Or maybe someone in your family?
- My family? No. Oh, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, oh my little Jesus!
- Well, so what is this lament about?
- Oh, Jesus, how much I do not want to work today!
14 May 2011 #2
baca wakes up in the morning, stretches his bones while giving out a long and wide yawn and watching the herd around him:
- oh little lamb, if you could only cook
(łowiecko, łowiecko, abyśta jesce gotówac umieła).
14 May 2011 #3
A highlander sees one of his pee-poor neighbours driving a small flock of sheep. Asked what he was up to, he replied he was taken them home.

'But you havn't even got a shed to keep them in.'
'I know, they'll stay with us right in our cottage.'
'But that'll be a horrible stench!'
'That's their problem -- they'll just have to get used to it!'
OP boletus
14 May 2011 #4
Not really a highlander joke, but geographically close enough:
A church orchestra in Upper Silesia. The conductor asks:
- Cembalisten fertig? 
- Ja, ja natürlich.

- Posaune fertig? 
- Ja.

- Trompete fertig? 
- Ja. 

- Also, eins, zwei, drei: 
- "Boże, coś Polskę..." ("God Save Poland …")
14 May 2011 #5
- And, if you have no time?
- Then I just sit.

If Lao Tse or Rumi had said this, it would be an accepted part of the canon of global spiritual wisdom. Humour, for sure - but not only that.

Thanks for sharing.
14 May 2011 #6
A tourist trying to get an overnight stay in gazda's shack:

-Gazda, I hope there aren't any flees in your shack.
- Oh no, they were al eaten by bed bugs (pluskwy)

An oldie:

- Baca, which sheep eat more grass, the white ones or the black ones?
- The white ones.
- Any idea why?
- Because there are more white sheep.
OP boletus
15 May 2011 #7
Thanks for sharing.

You are welcome. :-)

Two young shepherds, walking one day through a forest, noticed a big stone on which it was written: "If you have a human heart, please turn me around". They set to work and with much sweat and effort they finally managed to turn it around - only to find the following inscription on its other side: "I thank you very, very much - those bedsores have been killing me."
15 May 2011 #8
- Also, eins, zwei, drei:
- "Boże, coś Polskę..." ("God Save Poland ...")

hahhahaha that one's brilliant ;)
15 May 2011 #9
A ceper sees a góral relaxing under a tree and asks him for the time. The góral jiggles the bollox of a ram grazing next to him and says: ‘It’s 20 past 3.’ Some time later the ceper returns from his trek and again asks the góral for the time. The góral again jiggles the ram’s bollox and declares: ‘It’s five past six.’ The ceper is amazed and asks how he can tell the time by fondling the ram’s genitals. ‘Very simple. There’s a clock tower down in the valley and the ram was obstructing my line of vision, so I had to move his jaja aside to see what time it was.’
OP boletus
15 May 2011 #10
An exalted woman tourist says to a highlander:
- You must be happy living here .. witnessing a marriage of clouds with mountain peaks, the greenery of meadows covered by blooming crocuses, the mysterious charm of sun rays drying up the morning dew…

- Oh, yes, I used to witness it all the time - interrupts the highlander - but I do not drink anymore.
15 May 2011 #11
A tourist passes by and sees a highlander watching his sheep.
- That's a lot of sheep to watch. How do you keep the count?
- That's simple, answers the highlander. I count their legs and then just divide that by four.

Two young highlander women are having a little gossip when one points at an approaching highlander:
- Oh, Jasiek is coming to see me and he's bringing flowers. Looks like I'll have to give him some ass.
- Don't you have a vase?
OP boletus
16 May 2011 #12
An old gazda sits on a rock at the Morskie Oko lake in Tatras. Two tourists chat with him for a while and, to their surprise, he tells them that he uses an unconventional method to fish for trouts:

- Trouts are caught on a mirror.
- In what way?
- It's my secret. But if you buy me a bottle then I share it with you.
The tourists just happen to carry one with them, as a "cold remedy". So they dig it out of their packsack and handle it to gazda. He explains ...

- I put the mirror into the water, and when the trout swims in and begins to look in the mirror, I take a stone and I whack him over the head…

- Interesting ... And how many of those trouts have you caught ?
- Not one yet, but I usually get five bottles a day ...
11 Jan 2021 #13
The latest humoruous story about the Highlanders is that they are going to disobey the lockdown law imposed on their businesses by the rightist PIS government which they have always loyally voted for in the past elections. Now they are furious coz they feel betrayed.
26 Jan 2021 #14
Wow, that's surprising and totally opposite than in my country (it's mostly hilly so that might explain that).
Here there's a saying "The mountain gives birth to people, the field to pumpkins".
Sure, even here mountain people are often seen as a little too traditional and behind the times (mostly old people left there anyway). At the same time they're considered friendlier, more welcoming and stronger. In most cities the desirable posh areas are on hills akin to Beverly Hills and the way they saw the valley girls as poorer and less sophisticated. It's the same in Bratislava where most wealthy people prefer the hilly parts north of it and Sofia, where they prefer the Vitosha mountain south of it. Sure, that couldn't work in most of Poland due to relief. So I'd like to ask a few questions:

1. Are there any towns or cities in Poland where the posh areas are indeed hillier?

2. Would you say that most of Poland being flat is why hill dwellers are seen that way?

3. Are there jokes that people in the hilly parts of Poland tell about "those pesky Northerners from the valleys"?
Szkocja i Polska
7 Feb 2021 #15
Some good ones in the first post. This one might work with a few tweaks, as a Polish Highlander joke!

Scottish Three Kick Rule
7 Feb 2021 #16
My joke disappeared! I take it it will re-surface somewhere in "Trash" LOL
5 Apr 2021 #17
Are there jokes that people in the hilly parts of Poland tell about "those pesky Northerners from the valleys"?

No. To invent a joke, one needs some abstract intelligence. Highlanders have no time for such stupidities - they are busy running their businesses.
johnny reb
6 Sep 2022 #18
To invent a joke, one needs some abstract intelligence.

I was in a Starbucks Coffee in Warsaw recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.
The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me....
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my I Pod... and how was your day ? :-)
6 Sep 2022 #19
@johnny reb
You made me laugh so much that I had to fart....hi,hi. Sorry.
6 Sep 2022 #20
and how was

It was funny, indeed, except that Warsaw which you added to the joke found on the net. :):)
Or, I will save your ass now - you can say that your being in Warsaw was a joke within a joke. hahahaha
johnny reb
6 Sep 2022 #21
except that Warsaw which you added to the joke found on the net.

REALLY ! How did you ever guess ?
You are just SO clever sometimes. (face palm)

I will save your ass now -

From what, your diminishing remark ?
Better that you save yourself from your inferiority complex.
It is clear that you are jealous that I have funnier jokes than you do.
6 Sep 2022 #22
you are jealous that I have funnier jokes than you do

I am never jealous about your jokes found on the net. :):):)
johnny reb
6 Sep 2022 #23
Good one Pawian......Hahahahahahaha
One of your better jokes.
6 Sep 2022 #24
One of your better jokes.

Today I told students an old highlander joke which is still excellent:
The weather forecast for tomorrow is simple - it will either rain or it will be sunny. hahahahahaha


I can`t! .... hohohohoho
However, few people laughed.
Those younger generations are hopeless.

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