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Obligation of a foreign dad; Polish girl he was with is pregnant. What in papers if he can't be for the birth?

5 Jun 2015 #1

I was 8 months ago on a holiday in Poland. I met a really nice girl and we went out a couple of times. Last night we had sex, we wore a condom but it broke and I didn't noticed. At the moment she was claiming she was in her ovulation, so it was pretty risky to get pregnant. She told me it was hard(you need a prescription) to get a morning after pill, but yet she told me she would get one... 8 months later she contacts me with the message she's pregnant anyway... I was in a big shock and had no idea what to do. She send me pictures(of scans and doctor papers) and everything seemed adding up with dates and stuff. I asked her why she didn't contact me and she said she was to afraid to contact me(of my reaction/ or no reaction at all). Now I really don't know what to do.. It seems like she's asking nothing, every questions I ask she says I need to decide myself(if i want to see the child/her/have a dna test(she's telling me that she absolutely understands if I want one...) I still remember her as a very nice girl so I want to support her/and of course the kid but have no idea what to do? I'm still a student (24 y/o)... I won't be able to make to the birth of the child, so I have some questions about papers? What will happen if I can't be there for the birth of the child? What will be on his papers (she knows my name, e-mail and cell phone but that's it)? Do I have obligations?

Also some other questions raise my mind..

Now she's not asking anything, but as her life change this also maybe change. What do i need to keep in my mind? What things can she demand? If it's my child (which I'm pretty sure) I absolutely don't want to be an ******* and run away from this. I'm from the Netherlands so the language barrier will be really hard to band with my son.. I don't know a word Polish. And the kid will also don't know a word english untill I don't know 15? She's saying she absolutely don't want me to drastically change my life. She said she told me I had the right know I will have a kid, and one day so does the kid has the right to know who his father is. Other from that she tells me I need to decide for my own what I want with it... Some advice would come in handy as I have no knowledge of this stuff.

befranklin 1 | 41
5 Jun 2015 #2
Wow, what a hard place to be in at the time. I know that you are probably going to get a lot of not so useful comments and/or criticisms. So I was in somewhat of a situation as you were, no possibly way she could end up pregnant and well she did. And she was just going to go on with her life too. The thing I thought was that it was my responsibility, my child that "I" made. And well that child today is now 19 years old and I look into her eyes and know that she was/is not a mistake and I lover her with all my heart. Not to have been involved in her life would have been the worst. A child is a responsibility, a joy and a person. Only you will ultimately make the decision that will affect this child, you don't want to look back and wish that you made the right decision. The woman who will carry that child is important too and you CANNOT think of this as a disposable situation that will affect what/where and how your life should have turned out. I know it seems hard to change your whole life and dreams for what happened in a single night; but it has and you need to face that fact. Please don't leave that woman without a little support, love and understanding, you'll regret it the rest of your life. A real man takes responsibilities for his actions no matter how hard they may seem to bear. I know that some of this may seem harsh but I speak from experience, it will be a hard decision but it's the best decision you will make. Good luck and I only hope to make an impact and wish you all the best.
f stop 25 | 2,513
5 Jun 2015 #3
If you don't want to run from this, figure out how to get a paternity test.
Polsyr 6 | 769
5 Jun 2015 #4
Consider this situation a gift. You can run into all sorts of things if you decide to be a part of this child's life, but you will never get over the regret of never being ... A child comes with huge responsibility, but nothing is a problem when your child smiles at you.

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