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I'm pregnant by my Polish boyfriend but he wants me to abort it!


Arien 3 | 719  
22 Apr 2009 /  #61
do you have any regrets / advice??

I have many regrets, but leaving a girl who's pregnant wouldn't be one of those!

theres no answer, you know yourself.....whatever you do will be difficult.

i agree, it is your decision... do what you think is right...
i only want to add that you shouldn't be so negative about your family... they may be a bigger support then you think...

1. have the baby, be a single mother and have no support from him or contact off him, as difficult as it sounds right now, you will be surprised at how much support you will receive from your family and your friends, as for finances, as long as you work you can claim family tax credits, im not going to go all anicdotal on you, but I have friends that have had husbands walk out on them and they've raised children and worked and done better than manage, so it is possible.

Oh, and whatever you choose to do, do your best to remember to always stay positive and never to allow yourself to get bitter.. I've been bitter about quite a few things in my life, and for quite a while too! Trust me, whatever your decision will be, looking back in anger won't do you any good!

but it could make finding another suitable life partner difficult

I really think a partner is the last thing you want to think about right now, and that would be pretty much understandable, but do keep hope? There are single fathers out there too, and whenever the time is right for you, just remember there are enough guys who wouldn't mind dating a lady with a child. (And be serious about it!)

It's your decision to make, and it's a big decision, but I agree with Shelley, you should try to make up your mind before you run out of options.

I'm really sorry for you girl, and I don't think any of us should preach to you about wrong or right, because none of this was your fault. Just try to remember that there's always someone out there who means well with you, and I think you should trust that your parents love you, even when they make a comment or two that you may not really need right now.
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,149  
22 Apr 2009 /  #62
She is only 8 weeks, it's a fetus, not a baby

Nonsense.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
22 Apr 2009 /  #63
smearing fresh chillies in his duds

I need to find an excuse to try that one :)
Wyspianska  
22 Apr 2009 /  #64
now i find out that i'm 2 months pregnant.
it was a big shock

So you guys had sex without contraception, you had no period for 2 months and you were still suprised when you found out you're pregnant. Considering the fact you're English, I wouldn't really blame a boy for being rather into a Polish chick, though he's obviously an azzhole telling you whether you should abort. Then again, you're not much better sleeping with him in the first place. Make your choice, good luck. lol
southern 74 | 7,074  
22 Apr 2009 /  #65
Considering the fact you're English, I wouldn't really blame a boy for being rather into a Polish chick

A reasonable conclusion.
OP thearcher 1 | 3  
22 Apr 2009 /  #66
i have to admit my first thought was to contact this girl and tell her all about me but unfortunately he's smart enough to suspect that i'd do this so i have absolutely no access to his phone to get her number. the only other way is through nasza-klasa, which i might try... i don't know if that would do any good tho.

i can't really blame her as he's told her all along that he was single and she knows nothing about me! even if she was an ex girlfriend it would be a bit more understandable but all he's had with her so far is internet contact... until the end of the month when he meets her for the first time..

thanks as well for all your comments, they are helping..
i've stopped answering him so i can think properly because he's trying his hardest to tell me all the reasons i shouldn't keep the baby and how he's really sorry but it will ruin his future and blablabla..

if i had listened to half the sh** he's saying i would have topped myself by now. luckily tho i'm not but it's still an impossible decision either way.

So you guys had sex without contraception, you had no period for 2 months and you were still suprised when you found out you're pregnant. Considering the fact you're English, I wouldn't really blame a boy for being rather into a Polish chick, though he's obviously an azzhole telling you whether you should abort.

Firstly i am not English, if i were then i wouldn't be talking about "going to the UK to abort it". we always used contraception but it didn't work. Not all contraception is 100% effective all of the time.

Then again, you're not much better sleeping with him in the first place.

He was my boyfriend and was a lot nicer before this happened!! have you never slept with your boyfriend no???
F15guy 1 | 160  
22 Apr 2009 /  #67
Hey, thearcher. Not knowing where you, I'm presuming Ireland since he wants you to go to the UK, You have three options.

1 - Abort, but you're running out of time. A few friends who have had abortions in the long run regret doing so. It is very traumatic for the mother.

2- Adoption. Also traumatic for some. Less for others. I have cousins who have done so. One so regreted it (in my opinion) with in five years, she had three more children. Another cousin feels it was the best thing she did for the child and herself. (She finished college, married six years later, raised a family.

3- Become a single mother. Your family may well surprise you and be very supportive. Give them a chance.
loolee - | 10  
22 Apr 2009 /  #68
Yes, very reasonable advice, F15! I agree, but still the decision must be made only by you thearcher... , and above all it must be well-thought decision...GOOD LUCK.
niejestemcapita 2 | 561  
22 Apr 2009 /  #69
Considering the fact you're English

I dont think so
MarcinK - | 36  
22 Apr 2009 /  #70
me being from another country

What country are you from?

he has no plans to stay here and wants me to go to the uk to abort it

Obviously, perhaps he wants to cop out of his responsibilities, and the possibility of paying child support. Just remember you have more than one alternative.

i really don't like the idea of raising a child on my own

I don't give single mothers flack, for the mere fact that they decided to raise their child instead of killing it for convenience sake. If you do not like any of those ideas, then consider adoption as many here have advised.

i would prefer the child to have a father

Wouldn't we all, but seeing that your child's father is no where near one...

there's the financial worries and the thoughts of telling my own family

Child support? I don't know what the status would be of out of wedlock children, so if I were you I'd start finding out. Plus, tell your family, silence won't help, and while your at it, tell his family if at all possible. You don't want to make this decision on your own, at least lighten some of the load of your shoulders by telling them. Like pgtx said, they might be more supportive than you think.

im dreading my fathers reaction, he's a big believer in marriage before kids etc.

Lets take a wild guess as to why.

i have no clue what to do as both keeping or aborting the baby will be hard...

Don't worry, time will force you to make a decision. Raising a child will be hard, the fact that your life ends when your child's begins, since you will spend the rest of your life watching your child's, isn't exactly an exciting thought. I always assumed killing an unborn child merely for being an unborn child was harder, not to mention cruel and barbaric. But, different strokes.

it hurts even more that he's still constantly talking to that girl and seems even more determined to meet her now...

It took two to tango, you share half of the responsibility for this situation since you were there when it happened, your half just so happens to be heavier than his, he chickened out, hopefully you won't do the same your kid, then you'd be no better than him.

i'm looking for advice from people who have maybe been in similar situation?

I know two girls that got pregnant when they were 18, both abandoned by their "men", both went to their parents and where told the same thing, 'abort and you're disowned'. Adoption was an option they didn't want to take. Both still live with their folks, one works, one goes to school, both have a son.

do you have any advice?

Either fess up to your responsibilities (grow up) and raise the child on your own, hopefully with the support of your family and child support, or enter the adoption process, as early as possible. As for killing the kid, that is no alternative.

So it's better to run a miserable life (both her and her child)...

Automatically it will be a miserable life for her and her child; obviously God wrote this.

abort it while it's not a human being yet

"Abort (kill) it (the unborn child) while it's not a human being (then what is it?) yet". If your answer is that the child is a fetus, you'd be correct, if you said it wasn't human you'd be wrong.

right?

"Wrong." -John Matrix-

Well it's a matter of opinion whether it's considered "life" or not.

It is life, that is a matter of fact not opinion.
Patrycja19 62 | 2,688  
23 Apr 2009 /  #71
True genius at work here.

do you have any kids K98?

I do, my first daughter I raised on my own, alone, till I met my husband now
and we did just fine. I payed a babysitter each week, it was hard, but we
were on our own, we did fine, I worked my normal 40 hours a week, thats hard
with a small child being a single mom. but it has to be done. I had my own car
Earned and payed for myself. along with my own townhouse, and we did fine.

so yeah, I will accept genius as my nik.. because you have no idea what your talking
about..my second daughter was born, I still was the breadwinner, so for while, until
my youngest daughter was stable as she was born with a inborn error of metabolism
I had the insurance on the kids.. I worked, same, my hubby stayed home with her
and now things are much better, but dont tell me anything about children.. I almost
lost my youngest daughter at the age of one year, and you havent a clue or even
the slightest bit of knowledge about what I mean. so please save the stupid comments!

I was a single mother.
Elssha - | 123  
23 Apr 2009 /  #72
A few friends who have had abortions in the long run regret doing so. It is very traumatic for the mother.

I'll second what F15 said, abortion isn't a go in today, feel great tomorrow type thing. Most people don't realize that. It often scars one physically and mentally. So even without the religious/moral connotations its a decision you need to think well and long on (and read up on) before commiting to it.

Adoption is a second option, though it does require you to go through the pain of giving birth and so on. At least in the states infants are adopted easily and quickly, and there are even programs that get couples looking to adopt an infant with a mother wanting to give her baby away before the baby is born, in which case they usually pay for hospital visits and so on, taking the baby as soon as its born. You can ask to be kept up on the kid's growth or cut all ties.

Being a single mother is hard as well, especially when the father does what your ex did and at such a time. Still, it IS an option depending on where you are in life and what your plans are.

I know most of this has been said before, but wanted to add my own $.02

And actually I left home when i was 16 because my mum couldnt cope and didnt want me.

Unless you can honestly tell me you've enjoyed nothing in your life, i'm quite sure you wouldn't want to have been given no chance to have a future. Your mom should have probably given you up for adoption if she was truly in such an emotional state, and I don't think any child should ever be told they were just an accident, but would you really have rather not been born at all? I doubt that.
PurpleLeo 2 | 47  
23 Apr 2009 /  #73
My boyfriend said "jokingly" that he would push me down a flight of
stairs if I got pregnant now because he doesn't want to be a father
yet. LOL!
moonlight 6 | 103  
23 Apr 2009 /  #74
What is funny about that?????
McCoy 27 | 1,269  
23 Apr 2009 /  #75
Funny thing is that shes still with this moron
Elssha - | 123  
23 Apr 2009 /  #76
What is funny about that?????

I'll second that
if someone said that to me I'd be either getting a sincere, heartfelt apology and assurance it was just a bad joke or looking for a new guy.
PurpleLeo 2 | 47  
23 Apr 2009 /  #77
Guys guys,

Cool it! It's really not that big of a deal.

He expresses himself in the weirdest of ways but
all he was just trying to say is that he wouldn't want a baby.
Which is ok, because I don't want one either.
Elssha - | 123  
23 Apr 2009 /  #78
He expresses himself in the weirdest of ways but
all he was just trying to say is that he wouldn't want a baby.
Which is ok, because I don't want one either.

there are other ways to say it... not involving the idea that he'd rather hurt you than have your kid (not a great thing in any relationship), specially since enough trauma to cause a miscarriage often translates to internal damage and broken bones for the mother

oh, and learn to play the game. Guys say stupid ****... fine, but they should realize they'll pay for it later. Otherwise you'll slowly go from girlfriend to bootycall as he can't respect you if you let him get away with everything
PurpleLeo 2 | 47  
23 Apr 2009 /  #79
Aww come on!! It's really not that serious! He only said that once.
If he says it again then I'd have cause to worry but not at this point.
No need to make a mountain out of a mole hill.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
23 Apr 2009 /  #80
I need to find an excuse to try that one :)

scientific experimental reasons? or just the fun of watching a grown man cry whilst jumping higher than a cricket?

Aww come on!! It's really not that serious! He only said that once.
If he says it again then I'd have cause to worry but not at this point.
No need to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

Maybe you don't mind, most women would, being told "if you got pregnant I'd push you down some stairs because I don't want to be a dad" is pretty damn disrespectful.
Elssha - | 123  
23 Apr 2009 /  #81
simple truth of the world;
the more you respect yourself the more others will respect you
PurpleLeo 2 | 47  
23 Apr 2009 /  #82
Maybe you don't mind, most women would, being told "if you got pregnant I'd push you down some stairs because I don't want to be a dad" is pretty damn disrespectful.

When put in context, we were messing around so I didn't find it disrespectful at all.
In another context, maybe I would have taken it more seriously.
I know he's not going to push me down some stairs, it's just his weird way of speaking.

To the poster of this thread, listen, do what you feel is right for you. I used to say
I would never kill my baby and such and such. But when I was faced with the situation
for real, it was the hardest thing for me. The cons of having the baby outweighed the pros by far and so I made my decision. It wasn't easy but all I can say is think it through and do what is indeed best for you, for the present and for the future.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
23 Apr 2009 /  #83
the best advice is dont listen to any of this rubbish from a bunch of strangers, but confide in close friend or family member and ultimately follow your heart and do what is best for you, regardless of what others think. There are many views on abortion, but not everyone regrets it.. you need to weigh up the pros and cons of what you want from your life. Dont be influenced by anyone in your decision, least of all your ex, who is thinking only of himself in this situation. You therefore need to do the same.. look out for number one.
Krisha 2 | 21  
23 Apr 2009 /  #84
Great advice Sapphire!!!! the best on the thread by far!
dcchris 8 | 432  
23 Apr 2009 /  #85
dont listen to any of this rubbish from a bunch of strangers

of course but why in the world would someone post such private matters on a public forum? You would assume they would talk to someone close to them first. Sometimes people ask questions and keep asking until they hear the answer they are looking for
Krisha 2 | 21  
23 Apr 2009 /  #86
PurpleLeo

I like your sense of humor!

Each to their own! :D
PurpleLeo 2 | 47  
23 Apr 2009 /  #87
LOL! Krisha I try not to take some things too seriously or I might age
quickly :D
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
23 Apr 2009 /  #88
of course but why in the world would someone post such private matters on a public forum? You would assume they would talk to someone close to them first. Sometimes people ask questions and keep asking until they hear the answer they are looking for

She probably has spoken to someone close, but it's like thinking out loud and getting some answers, there is also the anonymity, maybe she doesn't know many Poles and wanted to understand why he has done what he has done.
ADAMHOPLEY9 - | 6  
23 Apr 2009 /  #89
SHAME ON THE EVIL WRETCH! ABORTION IS MURDER!
Patrycja19 62 | 2,688  
23 Apr 2009 /  #90
[quote=ShelleyS]
Maybe you don't mind, most women would, being told "if you got pregnant I'd push you down some stairs because I don't want to be a dad" is pretty damn disrespectful.

yeah I agree, what if hes being truthful,, you can know someone , but do you really
know them??
The Author of this thread prob felt she knew her boyfriend, then he decides for him
self hes going to get with someone else while hes still with her..

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