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My Polish boyfriend is down, he wants to go home


polska steph  
4 Nov 2008 /  #1
hello hope your all ok , iv been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years , he was meant to go home after a few months here but he met me and decided to stay for a little longer things are ok between us hes lovely , treats me like a princess we love each other and iv been to poland a few times but the thing is recently hes been really down he cries sometimes aswell hes not going home this christmas and im working so he will be alone i think well i know he wants to go home but doesnt know what to do about me im starting to turn on him because of it because i feel like i was a temporary thing , kind of used in a way maybe im going on for nothing but things are getting worse , maybe he will stay but how can i deal with him i dont know what to say or do to make things better for him i love him so much but it hurts me to see him like this but i dont know how i can help he wont talk to me im just so worried ?
Gab  
4 Nov 2008 /  #2
I don't know all your history, but based on what you've said it looks to me like he is really homesick, and maybe lonely. Being an immigrant is not an easy thing, you know. I am Polish myself, but living in NYC, and it is not easy for me either. Often times what happens is that the partners of immigrants do not fully understand the repercussions of living away from home and, more importantly, the immigrant experience. And I don't blame them, how could they?

What you can do is to be supportive of him. I know, sounds like a cliche... Would his work schedule allow him to visit home more often? That might help him a great deal. Would you be ok with this? Would you be comfortable if he went home once in a while without you? You can build up your trust in him that way.

I know it's also not easy on you. He is depressed, you don't know what to do etc. It's gonna take him a few years to fully adjust. Some people never fully adjust, but they can adjust enough so both of you are happy and comfortable.

Cross-cultural relationships are not that easy as you know. But you have to be patient with him and don't pressure him. He has to deal with this situation on his own. That's what it will come down to. Now, to better understand his position, try to reverse the situation. What would it be like for you if you were to relocate to another country? Would you miss your family and friends? Probably so. Would you want to go back for certain holidays? You probably would.

I miss Poland, too, but I have worked out a way of dealing with it. It's a matter of compromise. You have to work out your compromise.

Good luck to you both :)

GAB
dcb  
4 Nov 2008 /  #3
Never mind
wildrover  
4 Nov 2008 /  #4
because i feel like i was a temporary thing

Sorry to be a bit negative on this , but you would not be the first one to be used to amuse somebody while they were stuck in another country , seen many similar stories on this very forum....However , only you know if its the real thing , and if its worth fighting for...

If you love each other , then you can overcome this situation , if one of you doesn,t love the other , then its doomed whatever effort you want to make...

Talking is the first step , but if as you say , he won,t do this , then its going to be difficult to say the least....
shewolf  
4 Nov 2008 /  #5
recently hes been really down he cries sometimes aswell hes not going home this christmas and im working so he will be alone i think well i know he wants to go home but doesnt know what to do about me im starting to turn on him because of it because i feel like i was a temporary thing , kind of used in a way

I'm confused. Is he not going home for Christmas because he can't for some reason or is it because he wants to stay with you?
ShelleyS  
5 Nov 2008 /  #6
he wants to go home but doesnt know what to do about me

Relocated? Manchester will always be here if it doesn't work out?

he not going home for Christmas because he can't for some reason or is it because he wants to stay with you?

shewolf - the reality in the UK is that in a lot of work places there are clusters of Polish staff maybe in the same department, companies cannot simply give all the staff the whole of Christmas off to go home - English staff want the time off too...so maybe he is unable to get the holidays.
OP polska steph  
5 Nov 2008 /  #7
thankyou very much for all of your comments , i know its obvious that he will miss home but taking it out on me isnt helping maybe its better with the butterfly thing if you keep it in a box it will die , if you let it go it will come back i just want to do whatever i can to make him happy and he cannot go home at christmas because he cant get the time off but im very gratfull for your help much appriciated

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