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My Polish boyfriend is a mamas boy what should i do?

25 Dec 2006 /  #1
My boyfriend is totally dependent on his mom, she spoils him and does everything for him. He has told me that he doesnt like when she does this, but whenever he gets into trouble his mom always makes excuses for his behavior. For instance yesterday he picked me up to go shopping, and he didnt tell his mom where he was, and then we came back to my house and he fell a Isleep for hours, and his mom was calling his cell phone looking for him. Finally his family came to my house and was all upset saying she had been crying for hours cause she didnt know where he was. And she blamed me cause he was with me all day.. and its not my fault he should have called her and told her where he was. I dont know what i should do because i love him but I dont want to be responsible for his mistakes?
sledz 23 | 2,250  
25 Dec 2006 /  #2
How old is he sounds quite young to have his mom frantically crying and searching
for him :)
krysia 23 | 3,058  
25 Dec 2006 /  #3
Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. My mom is like that too. When I met my now x husband, I went over to his house. We didn't do anything, but my mom was looking for me and when she found out where I was, she started crying and calling me names and then she called my x-boyfriend up and started calling him names, etc.

Two things could happen:
1. Your boyfriend has to make a definite decission and tell his mother that he wants to get out on his own. It will be a big shock to his mother. She will blame you and him and everybody in the world.

2. Once his mother sees that he's happy with you, she will come to realize that that's what's best for him. But that will take some time.

Remember, this is her baby and she thinks of you as competition. She has to let her son go, he cannot live with her forever and she has to realize that.

How old is your boyfriend? And is his mom Polish?
OP Lyn20  
25 Dec 2006 /  #4
hes 20 :)
sledz 23 | 2,250  
25 Dec 2006 /  #5
20 Hes old enough to be living on his own certainally old enough to go out
without permission from his mother.:) They need to talk about this I would be so embarrsed if it were me when I was that age
OP Lyn20  
25 Dec 2006 /  #6
Yeah his mom is polish.. I understand what your saying, I know that he loves his mom and all, and she still does think of him as her baby. But I dont want to feel like Im babysitting him, I mean his a young adult now.. she should start treating him that way. It just different for me because my mom doesn't do that with me, she knows Im responsible and that she can trust me.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
25 Dec 2006 /  #7
Are you both adults ? Is he an only child ? Why / how does he get into trouble ? Why didn't he phone home ?

I will say that I think some of the fault is your boyfriend's. He would have shown more responsibility, if he had explained where he was going.

Did he defend you when his mother put the blame on you ? I doubt it.
I suspect he is using you in the same way that he is using his mother. He is a spoilt brat. It might seem harsh, but that's how I see it.
OP Lyn20  
25 Dec 2006 /  #8
Yeah. It was really weird..she was so upset, she thought something had happened to him. And they were supposing to be going out to dinner with their family, and they were wondering where he was. He should have called her and told her where he was at.
sledz 23 | 2,250  
25 Dec 2006 /  #9
Maybe cause his ma is Polish? they are very protective of thier sons.
Does he work go to school? I moved away from my mas house when I was 18
still talk to her almost everyday
OP Lyn20  
25 Dec 2006 /  #10
Yes he is the only child, and we are both 20. The trouble hes been in is he got caught driving with open liquor in his car, and now he has to go to court next month for it. And hes been pulled over for like speeding and hes had his license suspended few times. But after this recent incident his mom has been trying to keep a eye on him, but I feel its too late to start punishing him cause hes going to do what he wants to anyway..

hes working at this polish factory.. he works hard. And he will be starting school next month. His mom is protective. But I thought boys had more freedom, and girls were the ones that you should be watching over and being protective with.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
25 Dec 2006 /  #11
In this case I think mum was right.

She is not trying to punish him. She is trying to look after him and his future. It looks bleak.

If he wants his relationship with you and his mum to work he has to wise up, Now.
sledz 23 | 2,250  
25 Dec 2006 /  #12
Yeah, If hes acting irresponsible I dont blame his ma at all.
This isnt going to end untill he proves that he can act like an adult and stay out
of trouble and the lack of commucation doesnt help matters.
OP Lyn20  
25 Dec 2006 /  #13
I dont want hy im to have a bleak future :( I dont know why he is acting out like this. Its like he can never stay out of trouble.. I dont know what its going to take for him to wise up. maybe hes going through some type of phase, i dont know
Wroclaw 44 | 5,384  
25 Dec 2006 /  #14
You could try talking to his mum. Find out what is going on and then offer to work with her. Next time if he doesn't phone home, make sure he does.

Sorry, I can't offer more.
sledz 23 | 2,250  
25 Dec 2006 /  #15
maybe hes going through some type of phase, i dont know

It could be or the beginning of a more serious problem!
I dont like the fact that hes drinking and driving I`ve lost too many friends due to that.
Once you start down that path its hard to turn back
OP Lyn20  
25 Dec 2006 /  #16
He doesnt do it that often though. and he was with his friend when that happend. I dont think he will do anything that stupid again though. hopefully

There is a communication barrier between me and his mom cause i dont speak polish that well, but i have tried to prove myself to her, letting her know i am a good person and good for her son etc. she says she likes me and what not, but like with her son i think she expects to much.. Thanks for your advice though its been helpful :)
opts 10 | 260  
25 Dec 2006 /  #17
There is a communication barrier between me and his mom cause i dont speak polish that well, but i have tried to prove myself to her,

You do not have to prove yourself to his mom or anybody. I am serious; you are in a relationship with an individual who is irresponsible, who has not matured. Who has always been protected and does not know how to stand up on his own two feet.

If you commit to this relationship (marriage), you will regret it in the future, if he does not mature. In the future, you will be responsible for all his problems.

Everything will be your fault.
8 Jan 2007 /  #18
Dump him, lol!
danny dan 2 | 18  
9 Jan 2007 /  #19
Are you sure you want this kind of relatioship?
Ispeak from my own personal experience when I say that a relatioship like this is very tiresome. You already seem to be dissatified with youself. You do not have to know a perfect polish and definitly do not have to impress his mother! Their relatioship is their problem and the moment it affects you, damp him. Trust me. I've been there and this is only the beging.

Still hope thing will work out
Ranj 21 | 948  
9 Jan 2007 /  #20
Dump him

I agree!
danuta - | 17  
9 Jan 2007 /  #21
Find an American guy there way more independent!
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
9 Jan 2007 /  #22
My bf's mom has practically disowned him and says she will never accept an English woman into the family... sounds like I am lucky!
9 Jan 2007 /  #23
Crazy.... I used to go awol for days from the age of 16 onwards and my old dear got stressed obviously, but I always came back (in a police car) or even sometimes on my own. Hmmm suppose us Brits and Poles can sometimes be sooo different.

Having said that if I go awol for a few hours now (aged 31) my Polish missus gets VERY ANGRY so I can appreciate the Polish angle. Infact I hardly ever go awol now as its simply not worth the ear bashing.
Wayc00lio 2 | 57  
9 Jan 2007 /  #24
The bloke is 20 for christ sake! I was a bloody nightmare when I was 20 and I turned out OK - erm, at least my shrink and parole officer keep telling me!!!!! (Joke!!!)

I'm sure he will grow up in time, maybe he is rebelling so much because his Mother treats him like he is still 5!!!!! My Mother was the same so I NEVER told her what I was doing, where I was, who I was with - and as a result she let go of me and let me find my own way in life. I can guarantee that we have a better, stronger relationship because she allowed me to live MY life - needless to say, once she did let me live MY life, I let her back in again!!!! It doesn't sound to me like he's a Mummy's boy, more like the fact that his Mother won't let him find his own way in life and let him lead HIS OWN LIFE!!!

Sorry to disagree with the general consensus of this thread but I'm just speaking from personal experience. Now, Lyn, where you fit into all this is up to you both. If he is allowed to live his own life and continues to be reckless, selfish and stupid (ie drink driving) then I'd seriously reconsider your future together, but if all this stems from the fact that he is rebelling against a very overprotective Mother then it's hardly his fault. BUT, if this is the case, you may also want to reconsider your future together - who want's a Mother in Law like that!!! LOL

Tough one Lyn, but you are both so young - be wild and free and escape the clutches of THE MOTHER!!!!!!!
OP Lyn20  
10 Jan 2007 /  #25
His mom is on him all the time now, she thinks hes buying crack or something cause he has this honda that he is selling the parts for. And he is just trying to make money off of it so he can pay off some bills, and his mom is like what are you selling everything for? so you can go buy drugs! and shes like your going to start selling things in the house next? Damian and I were laughing about it and joking around cause he thinks its funny. He is going to school and trying to do the right thing, but I guess in the eyes of his mother is a little to late for that :)
Ranj 21 | 948  
10 Jan 2007 /  #26
Based on what you said earlier about your boyfriend getting into trouble, it doesn't surprise me that his mother is suspicious. Just because he's going to school now, which is commendable, doesn't mean he earns his mom's trust over night. As for laughing about it, maybe he needs to place himself into his mother's shoes. One thing I've learned in life, if you want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like one///if you act like a child, you will be treated as such! Good luck.
10 Jan 2007 /  #27
Perhaps there are certain things he has done in the past which mean now his mother is very suspicious of him. mabye he harbours a dark secret he hasn't told you which his mum knows and hence he reaction. I'm not being nasty or mean just throwing up an idea.
16 Feb 2007 /  #28
You will be responsible for his mistakes, now you have your cornmeal and you can eat it to hun. With these types your only option is to either go on mommying him or wave and his his little boy butt goodbye. If you love and adore him so, you'll probably choose to stay with him and that is your choice but little boys do not make good providers, however endearing they may seem now. But you should have fun dressing him up in babydoll clothes and bibs, spoon-feeding him yogurts and mashed bananas. Awwz, well now as I think of it, I so want a lil polish boy for my own...!!!! :) :) :)

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