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Love my polish girlfriend alot but under pressure from family


Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
16 Feb 2009 /  #91
Both of your responses are proving my point more and more; you (nor I) understand their culture, so you're labeling it according to your upbringing.

Actually i do understand their culture, as with most primitive cultures its one ruled by strength where the weak and the females have no say, morality and ethics are arbitraly bent around to fit the whim of the strongest, there is no respect for freedom of choice or dignity.

Sixty to seventy years after American independence and we weren't doing so hot either...

Islam is not doing so hot for the last 700 years, in fact the closer we get to the present the worse it gets.

Also i'm not judging the guy and his "civilization" through mine, i'm judging him through universal values of respect towards another human being, i'm no hippy and i understand people have their own ways but if those ways include battered women or hanging women who divorce men then however you twist it the culture is backwards.

Also muslims are not a particulary complicated breed either.
k98_man  
16 Feb 2009 /  #92
My point was that they were not developed because they were being exploited by foreign powers just like America was. America had a long way to go after it gained freedom and so does India and Pakistan now. They had to deal with longer and more cruel imperialistic practices as well.

Shelley, that was a bad example. I know personally a Catholic man who was not able to marry a woman who was Hindu because of his parents. It's a specific example, but I was trying to exagerate. My point was that it wasn't a strictly Muslim thing, which Sokrates agrees (and I agree with his comment about scale).

Islam has a long way to go - I agree (though there are many great people part of this religion). They've been persecuting Hindus for a lot longer than Christians though, so you can only imagine how they feel!

Anway - I think we've all strayed a bit far off topic. To the original poster: If you love her enough, grow and pair and forget what your parents say. If you're taking advantage of her then shame on you. If you're in her house and her country learn to keep an open mind and try to learn something from another culture instead of making them conform to your ways!
mephias 11 | 304  
16 Feb 2009 /  #93
Also muslims are not a particulary complicated breed either.

Islam is also vary in very broad range from region to region. Lovewithpolish is from Bangladesh (not a Pakistani or Arab). His situation may be different than it's thought. I think he don't deserve this much offense. Negative comments in this thread is more like prejudice.
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
17 Feb 2009 /  #94
His situation may be different than it's thought. I think he don't deserve this much offense. Negative comments in this thread is more like prejudice.

Culture and religion aside, if i was put in his situation i'd have a good moment digesting the problem then have an honest talk with either my folks or my lady and stick with one side instead of trying to eat a cake and shit on a cake.
k98_man  
17 Feb 2009 /  #95
Agreed.
mephias 11 | 304  
17 Feb 2009 /  #96
ulture and religion aside, if i was put in his situation i'd have a good moment digesting the problem then have an honest talk with either my folks or my lady and stick with one side instead of trying to eat a cake and shit on a cake.

I also agree it is what he should do. I hope he'll be capable of doing this.
sweet_g 4 | 79  
20 Feb 2009 /  #97
i seperate religion from the culture. stupid culture and traditions people make up themselves.
The religion does not state you should have arranged marriages, infact that is a grave sin if someone is forced to marry.
Nowadays people just care about the honour and respect, they dont see how it is affecting their childrens life.
still_wisher 7 | 97  
20 Feb 2009 /  #98
ok !!! i was too late to see this thread ! and i didnt read it all , there is nothing like a modern muslim or old muslim !! but there is something like a muslim by name only and a real muslim,

so to go to the point for "love with polish" , im arabic muslim married to a polish and i dont think ur family as hard in islam as mine , but i told them before i got married and and they all fine with my wife even they r good friends with her (by the way my wife is still christian and there is no even small chance that she will change) b/c mby someone will say they r good with her bc she changed to muslim or she might ! , so if ur family dosent accept ur gf , plz don't lie anymore on her leave he in peace or face ur family if ur love is strong enough .. thats it , sorry readers i didnt read all of it so i think for sure someone was more helpfull than me
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
20 Feb 2009 /  #99
i seperate religion from the culture. stupid culture and traditions people make up themselves.
The religion does not state you should have arranged marriages, infact that is a grave sin if someone is forced to marry.
Nowadays people just care about the honour and respect, they dont see how it is affecting their childrens life.

Well said, but how do you see things changing for the better in the future?
still_wisher 7 | 97  
20 Feb 2009 /  #100
ok... THANKS EVERYONE....

no good response from anyone.. please now only reply if you are in same situation like me. If not please don't want to hear any suggestion..

f**k man !!!!!! ppl like you who make some others said stupid things about muslims and arabic !!!!!
i'm in ur sitution and this is way wrong !!!! stop this fake relation and stop teasing ppl her bc some of them will just attack muslims without any rights just bc dumb a$$ like you !!
free palestine - | 14  
20 Feb 2009 /  #101
Don't worry !

No muslims will be existing in the world if USA and Israel go on working :((

yeah right!!!!!you mean soon there wont be an isreal if iran has its way and the U.S is dying,on its last leg.
still_wisher 7 | 97  
20 Feb 2009 /  #102
see !!! this what i meant 2 comments with no sense !!!!
sweet_g 4 | 79  
21 Feb 2009 /  #103
i'm more stronger than i used to be. I am going to tell my family, if they dont like it then tough. Its my life.

I wouldnt be like the guy who posted this thread, running after daddys bussiness lol.
Firstly, should you post a thread like this?.....no. .
It is your problem, and why ask people on here what to do?
You said you want daddys business over that poor girl.
You aint no man but a whimp.
Nathan 18 | 1,363  
21 Feb 2009 /  #104
but as a nation we chose to stay and make the country better

How US and Australia came to be? UFO taught English to Indian tribes?

And ı have to add one more thing, except the 3rd 4th generation turks who borned abroad, The Turks who moved to Europe has one common thought/dream/plan stocking money as much as they can or retiring abroad with a good pension then turning back to Turkey one day. :) They even dont think to live abroad, they dont have fun of exploring a new culture. And this way of thinking cause problems like Adaptation.

This is mentality of greater majotrity of immigrants to go back home eventually. It has nothing to do with your nationality. How many Poles are working abroad? Are all of them willing to be buried there?

common property of turks

very narrow at best, morella

Wow, I m surprised..I see that asians r same more or less ;)

what?????????????

I want to ask specially those who are from different culture and in same situation like me?

Dear, friend. I wish you are happy with your life so leave her and cut this painful feeling short. The problem is not only with you. She will eat your heart out later unless you completely forget who you are. Religion, culture and all will be gone. You will fight between her and yourself - you loose and you will die inside as I did. Never do it. By the way, you can figure out what type of people certain cultures represent here and this, be sure, are majority. Find German, French, Bangladeshi, but don't do this one for your own sake.
Marco78 1 | 15  
21 Feb 2009 /  #105
I think the people who answered this thread missunderstood it.

lovewithpolish didnt ask for answers wether he is bad, good, strong, weak, etc...
it is too much of such answers in polish forums, that attack a person and critisize him, instead of answering his question.

answer the question or leave the thread pleace!

He simple asked for advice from a person in the same kind of situation ! ! !
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------

my advice would be to tell your parents that they will have to choose between you + your new girlfriend - or nothing!

a grown up man must make his own decisions.. and if they have problem with that - leave them! and live in a more modern city maybe west side of istanbul or in europe! Poland?

Love is love
melodia - | 2  
29 Oct 2009 /  #106
Please guys, do not mix or confuse being a fanatical/bigot misleaded brainwashed muslim and being muslim. And we are not "drinking and having sex before marriage" kinda muslims (i'm Turkish but i preferred to be agnostic but that doesn't mean im oppos. to islam or any other religion, google what agnostic means pls) the educated generation of Turkey is still not a good majority but we are working on it as there is still people "thinking" with their blinkers(what they use on horses to not see anywhere but road they have to go) but you have to learn something before you comment on it.

Morella
We didnt have such problems as the guy mentioned.But many turkish families r like his family.

Yeah. There are some families who pushes their son/daughters to marry someone wit same "culture" as they "have" if u geth what i mean. For instance, my parents approve a husband for me no matter which country he is coming from as long as he cares about me and makes me happy etc etc.

yeah! and as for a woman marrying with a polish or other guy, they say he have it to be cutten off, hey are we living in stone ages? come on! these things are so over!

ShelleyS Edited by: ShelleyS Dec 29, 08, 07:45 #15
morella:

The mentality is difficult for a foreigner to understand

I live in the UK - we have had Pakistani immigrants here for a very long time - I understand the mentality very well, even for a "foreigner" :-D

Pakistani.. and Turkish... It would be more meaningful if you compared hot and sunny weather man! at least there are some same things between these 2 rather than the comparison you made;) I would have to spend nights to explain you the differences of lives and point of views we have if you compare Turks and Pakis..

These things depends on countries, religions and and how people understand religions and how educated they are (not just school i saw many stupid with university graduation diplom.)

Cheers
Karolina - | 7  
29 Oct 2009 /  #107
I'm sorry to say this but you need to act like a man and make a choice. You cannot hide your relationship forever. I understand that your family might not accept your Polish partner but are you 100% sure? If yes, then you HAVE to decide. You're scared but please stop being a coward and start being honest with people who you supposedly love.
lila008 - | 5  
30 Oct 2009 /  #108
family and gf, both of them are important. imagine that u were lovewithpolish. His parents are the one who has taking care since he was born. Who cares about his religion? his gf doesnt care.

To lovewithpolish,
I just giving you some advice but im not sure it will help. Ask yourself the following questions:
1. How much do u love ur gf? .... out of 100%
2. Can you find someone else that love you like your gf does? yes / no
your parents are not the one who would spend their entire life with you. would you considers to live with someone who dont even love and know about you.

last question, is it worth it???? to pick ur gf and leave your family
(but you can create any family with your gf) your parents wil forgive you.
love is not a game to play. it is ur choice, ur decision, ur life. no one can tell you what to do.
wateva the decision that u made both are rights
BleedingRomeo 2 | 31  
31 Oct 2009 /  #109
ShelleyS
I agree totally

İn coclusion I would like to say, İslam & Christianity are all same.But the customs and traditions create the huge differences btw them.So this guys problem isnt created by religion (İslam).The main reason is the tradition,customs in his country which makes pressure on him.

very true.
lovewithpolish

I am also a muslim in love with a polish girl but if only she was strong enuff to stand for my love. she is just like you, she is also afraid of the things you are afraid of, its totally upside down of your situation for me. but i am not a forcer, i let her free its her life her choice, if she cant stand she chose it herself.

So you shud really decide if you really love her or not?
Then how important are parents for you?
If your relationship is strong that you are sure she can live with you for life and is not gonna change then go for her but before that tell her everything and see how she reacts to that. make your decision on her reaction!!
nomaderol 5 | 726  
31 Oct 2009 /  #110
How much do u love ur gf? .... out of 100%

she's not my gf yet, but i love her 100%. so, i leave her 0% to love me.
my love enough.
k98_man  
6 Nov 2009 /  #111
nomaderol

If she isn't your girlfriend yet do not love her 100%. Save yourself some possible heartache in the end. I'm not saying it will not work out, but without at least a sign she is interested that makes things difficult. Good luck, mate. I'm in the same situation.
Arien 3 | 721  
7 Nov 2009 /  #112
I've heard this phrase once, and although I didn't understand it back then, I do now..

''Don't desire what you can't have.''

:)

Hope it'll help you. (It's a bit cryptic, but it's true!) You should forget about the ones you want to have, and think about the ones who want to have you..

;)
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
8 Nov 2009 /  #113
I am also a muslim in love with a polish girl but if only she was strong enuff to stand for my love. she is just like you, she is also afraid of the things you are afraid of, its totally upside down of your situation for me. but i am not a forcer, i let her free its her life her choice, if she cant stand she chose it herself.

the only thing she should be afraid of is all those infections you might've cought while sleeping around. they say that if you love someone you will wait for them, but obviously in your case she'd be just another number on your scoreboard and you can't get over the fact that she doesn't want you. men like you should be avoided by all means.
nomaderol 5 | 726  
8 Nov 2009 /  #114
If she isn't your girlfriend yet do not love her 100%. Save yourself some possible heartache in the end.

if love is a pain, a poison, take all of it 100% leaving nothing to her even before you become friends. this will keep her healthy and no risk of heartache for you if you are aware of what you doing.
k98_man  
9 Nov 2009 /  #115
Perhaps a good approach.

...as much as I wanted to help you I have the same problem. :P
loveMYcountry - | 19  
13 Nov 2009 /  #116
BleedingRomeo
k98_man
IF you would really be in LOVE, you wouldn't be able to say "I don't love her 100% mm only 70%, I want to save myself" or some uther ******. If you don’t love her 100% keep your hands away from this girl because she would deserve someone better. A man with balls FIGHT for the one girl he wants to make his! A lot girls just like to be conquered or maybe she don‘t know what you really want or is not sure you mean it very seriously with her. Waiting day after day of the moment she will coming to you and doing something, pha if you aren't Polish and you want a hot Polish chick, you must compete against us Polish men, ’cause we are the most gentlemen in the world and please note: gentleman from A-Z and not pseudo gentleman! If you continue with your approach she will shake you off someday and will getting an other man who really does care and SHOW this girl his love.

There are so many signs you can give. Buy her roses, give her handkisses and compliments, just be romantic ;-) don't exaggerate it but be honest and say what you think. Help and save, be her bodyguard.

I know that there are also shy boys who think girlies should put their shoulder to the wee too, they can of course, but not in the Polish culture, juuust become men, perhaps when not you will feel sorry someday that this girl live now a life in other arms then in yours.

Yea my English isn’t the best but I meant it well to help you namby-pamby boys. Now just thank me and go active! Argh I can't belive that I helped no-Polish-guys to getting a Polish girl, woe betide you won't treating this Polish girl well!!!
nomaderol 5 | 726  
13 Nov 2009 /  #117
Argh I can't belive that I helped no-Polish-guys to getting a Polish girl

hehhh. why did you that? must be man heart thing.
loveMYcountry - | 19  
13 Nov 2009 /  #118
nomaderol
Yea, 'cause I have a good friend from Russia who had the same problem. I'm not happy that he wanna steal a girl from my country but I have a heart for love you know
nomaderol 5 | 726  
13 Nov 2009 /  #119
loveMYcountry

steal? hey hey.. our hearts being stolen here. we are just trying to take them back.
btw, you arent their parents of all those girls. this is same mistake being done by all other nationalists in the world. guess yours are jokes, however.
loveMYcountry - | 19  
13 Nov 2009 /  #120
Nah I'm not a nationalist, I'm just a patriot like 99,999% from Polish people!

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