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Love my polish girlfriend alot but under pressure from family


Yoshi - | 60  
5 Feb 2009 /  #61
i love a polish girl alot.

Well. The only solution is to marry her and be done with it. F-ck the relatives. If you are sure that they'll beat the c-ap out of you, just honestly tell your girl how impossibly retarded they are, and stay away from your ignorant bystanders who just happen to be blood-related to you. It's none of their business. You are, I suppose, a grown up man, and you can feed yourself and your future wife. Then, why do you need your stupid and backward relatives coming into your way?

I'm saying this as a Japanese man from a very Japanese family. I mean, I can somehow imagine the situation. My grandmother used to make a lot of noise about it. She was telling me all the time to marry a Japanese girl, so I told her that I'd disappear permanently from Japan, renounce all the possible inheritance, cease to be a Japanese citizen and become British if she makes any more stupid noise about it.

So, I have some peace of mind now!
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
5 Feb 2009 /  #62
Yoshi

lol that's a bit drastic, but i can see your point. if the relatives are toxic people who don't really care about your good and will make your life difficult if you don't do as they say then really what is the point in respecting their opinion? it's like they will love you only if you obey and behave the way you're told. that's not the unconditional love you should expect from a parent or any other relative, they are acting very selfish and trying to manipulate you. if they weren't related to you, would you like them to be your friends, would you listen to their advice? i don't think so. i know parents deserve respect, but it works both ways.
Yoshi - | 60  
5 Feb 2009 /  #63
Yeah. Exactly. If you follow their advice and fail, will they take responsibility for that? I don't think so!

In my case, my parents are very open-minded, so that helps a lot. The only thing they say is that my future wife must not be a communist, terrorist, religious freak, politician's daughter or from a yakuza family. LOL.

Seriously, that kind of nonsense was the last thing that I wanted to have in my family home after four years of complete absence during the PhD.
Czarnobog - | 33  
5 Feb 2009 /  #64
I am Polish Catholic and my wife is Indian Muslim.

I would like to begin by saying that I am sorry for some of all of the insolent words that were thrown your way. There is no reason to call you any of those nasty names that some of my compatriots have called you. Unfortunately there is a lot of Islamophobia in Poland -- maybe not totally unfounded since the Islamic world invaded us so often and took us into Slavery (Slave comes from the word Slav), but it is an unacceptable attitude in today's Poland. Also, Polish people forget too often that medieval Poland was a place of religious tolerance (when Spain was in inquisition mode) where many peoples lived comfortably side by side.

Despite the xenophobic remarks thrown your way, I feel that the advice is basically correct. You really only have two choices: 1) tell your family or 2) end the relationship. Perhaps a reason why you're being attacked here is because you are actually wavering on this choice, which casts doubts about how much you love her. What I am mean is if you really loved her it wouldn't be a choice; you would have to pick #1.

I wish I could help you out more, but both of our families get along very well. Her parents were very supportive as were mine. We had two weddings to represent both traditions in full splendor (Polish wedding in Polish church and reception in a Polish restaurant + Indian wedding in a Mosque and Indian reception Hall). Maybe because we are both from immigrant families (we all live in Canada) that it is a basis for how we can relate to one another. Life for immigrants is not easy, so that is something we have in common. Good luck and whatever your choice, I hope you listen to your heart.
r muweis - | 1  
12 Feb 2009 /  #65
hi i ll tel u one thing & u will thank me one day listen to ur parents blive me if u bwant to know why ill tel u in privet
opts 10 | 260  
12 Feb 2009 /  #66
lovewithpolish,

I agree with Shelleys. You got no balls. You are being unfair to your girlfriend.
You daddy’s wealth is more important to you than your gf.
You are probably dependent of your father for financial support, and are incapable of supporting yourself or anybody else.

I regret that Poland is being flooded with foreigners. Soon, the f… country will look like England or US. It will not be the Poland I left long time ago.

lovewithpolish, you should change your sign on to "pussy."
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
12 Feb 2009 /  #67
Well, you know, Poland benefitted from the open doors policy so fair's fair. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Why should you have your desired monoculturalism and then also extract money from the UK and send it home? Try to see that picture
Czarnobog - | 33  
12 Feb 2009 /  #68
I regret that Poland is being flooded with foreigners.

I regret that you make Poland look bad. Poland has always had foreigners in its midst. This is our history. Gypsies, Jews, Armenians, Cossacks, etc.

It's regrettable that Polish people had a better attitude to immigrants 400 years ago than they do now. Now many Poles sound like a bunch of xenophobes.

It's ironic that after WWII Poland became a "homogeneous" nation made up of 99% Poles. Before this, for centuries Poland's boundaries included many other nationalities. It's like the Nazi's succeeded. Some of you have become as racist as they have, with your dreams of a pure homeland. They encouraged tensions between Slavic people (esp. Ukrainians and Poles) and between Slavs and non-Slavs (Jews and Poles, for example).
Mr Grunwald 30 | 2,004  
12 Feb 2009 /  #69
Full support from me! Oh and for you Mr. inlove as many people say its either tell family or ditch GF. You can also ditch family and tell GF, but best strategy if you wanted to tell your family would be like, "if I married a foreigner oh god forbid! Would it be better if I married a Polish girl then a Russian girl? (or boy just to shock them)" you may get positive answers? Chosing nothing won't be healthy in the long run.
sweet_g 4 | 79  
13 Feb 2009 /  #70
hey i am in the exact situation, only that i am the muslim girl and he is polish. You can talk to me if you are feeling down. I feel the same, i also need someone to talk to. Hope it works for you and the girl

just dont be a sissy! Tell your parents. Dont break her heart
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
13 Feb 2009 /  #71
Why should you have your desired monoculturalism and then also extract money from the UK and send it home?

Because you let us.

@InlovewithPoland.

You could honor murder the girl, you could blow yourself up in an act of protest orrrrrrrrrr you could stop being a little twat hiding behind his so called culture and be honest, pick what you want, your daddys goat herding business or your girl as the woman of your life.

Once you pick what you want act on it.
IronsE11 2 | 442  
13 Feb 2009 /  #72
I am Polish Catholic and my wife is Indian Muslim.

Spot on. Some of the replies on this thread are a disgrace.
opts 10 | 260  
13 Feb 2009 /  #73
Czarnobog said, "I regret that you make Poland look bad. Poland has always had foreigners in its midst. This is our history. Gypsies, Jews, Armenians, Cossacks, etc. "

It is not my intention to make Poland look bad. When I visit Poland, I want to see and talk to Poles. I want eat Polish food. I do not want to see American fast food restaurants. I want a change of atmosphere. I want to feel like I am back home. I do not want to feel like I am visiting an another western city.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
13 Feb 2009 /  #74
It is not my intention to make Poland look bad. When I visit Poland, I want to see and talk to Poles. I want eat Polish food. I do not want to see American fast food restaurants. I want a change of atmosphere. I want to feel like I am back home. I do not want to feel like I am visiting an another western city.

Didnt you know it's offensive to minorities if you want to keep your own countries traditions and food!! ;)
IronsE11 2 | 442  
13 Feb 2009 /  #75
What would you then say to English citizens who don't want Poles in their country because they opnly want to see and talk to Englishmen? Maybe there are American restaurants in Poland, because there are Polish people who enjoy the odd Big Mac or two?

Talk about having your cake and eating it!
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
13 Feb 2009 /  #76
What would you then say to English citizens who don't want Poles in their country

I completely symphatize with them, i'd be annoyed too if foreigners flooded me like this, as for the topic the guy is being a little bastard towards his girl since he apparently made up his mind about his daddys anthrax factory over her.
g60edition 6 | 175  
13 Feb 2009 /  #77
showed a will to conform to my traditions when I visited, like not drinking or eating pork which I felt was promising from their part

You cheeky bast***. How about you conforming to the beliefs and culture whilst being a guest in their home.Would you parents give up something to conform??I doubt it
sweet_g 4 | 79  
14 Feb 2009 /  #78
the guy is a big wuss. I feel sorry for the girl that she chose a wimp, and he wants daddy o's business. Wtf!

Your a guy you can get away with these things, as for the muslim girls they would get put in prison lol.
santosh - | 11  
15 Feb 2009 /  #79
How many westerners live in your country ?

This prick doesnt realize that most of the bombings-read hiroshima...read imperialism/colonialism is western...agreed recent bombings are eastern...so why dont you stop using this forum to air your ire against guys like lovewithpolish from a xenophobic perspective...why not use it to tell him to stop being a wimp and phone up his parents and tell them that I love this girl and i love u mom and dad and i cane imagine life without either you ppl or my polish gf.....
k98_man  
16 Feb 2009 /  #80
lovewithpolish,

Try to ignore some of the more racist comments. If you love her and are willing to do ANYTHING for her then you have to do this. Make up your mind now. Tell your parents about the situation and if they don't agree then move on. They will learn to be reasonable with time, I'm sure.

I wish you luck with your girlfriend and life.
King Sobieski 2 | 716  
16 Feb 2009 /  #81
You cheeky bast***. How about you conforming to the beliefs and culture whilst being a guest in their home.Would you parents give up something to conform??I doubt it

but he is a confessed atheist, so not sure what they were conforming to!!
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
16 Feb 2009 /  #82
Tell your parents about the situation and if they don't agree then move on. They will learn to be reasonable with time, I'm sure.

You apparently have no idea how incredibly backwards the pakis are, they could disown him for just that.
k98_man  
16 Feb 2009 /  #83
First of all, that's not "backwards", it is just a part of their culture. Second of all, that's fine - that's what shall happen then.
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
16 Feb 2009 /  #84
God that pisses me off, so if some culture features for example honor murders or abuse of women than thats ok because its part of the culture ?

Just because its "their culture" doesnt mean it cant be inferior to ours and it is.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
16 Feb 2009 /  #85
First of all, that's not "backwards",

Yes it is, they still believe that marrying your first cousin is okay, they still believe that forcing a girl to marry said first cousin is perfectly fine. They believe that if said girl doesn't want to marry said first cousin it's okay to murder her because she has "shamed" the family. Now if a male asian wants to cavort around Europe drinking, eating none halal and shagging european women as he goes...that's just fine...oh as long as when he returns he marries one of his cousins from pakistan!....The guy who started this thread is just having a fling whilst he is a student in a foreign country, he has no intention of making any long term plans with this girl...He is a dirty low life, but then again she's just stupid for getting involved with someone of his kind!.
k98_man  
16 Feb 2009 /  #86
Well we have different ways of looking at it I guess. I agree many of those things are wrong and killing is certainly wrong, but the other examples are wrong from our western perspective. Some of our practices with shoes (like pointing them in the direction of elders or stepping on books) are "backwards" to them.

My point was not taken though. I'm talking about specifically the fact that his parents would disown him for marrying the Polish girl. That is harsh and I'd never do it, but I wouldn't consider it "backwards" considering plenty of Catholic or other sects of Christianity might follow same rules if they are strict or conservative enough.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
16 Feb 2009 /  #87
Some of our practices with shoes (like pointing them in the direction of elders or stepping on books) are "backwards" to them.

Pointing is rude, but not backwards, stepping on a book could be done by accident and I can't see how this could be seen as "backwards". We don't have "elders" in western society, each family has it's own "rules" outside interference isn't practiced!

but I wouldn't consider it "backwards" considering plenty of Catholic or other sects of Christianity might follow same rules if they are strict or conservative enough.

Wrong, Catholics are not forced into marring someone they do not want to, in the west we have what we call "choice".
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
16 Feb 2009 /  #88
Well we have different ways of looking at it I guess. I agree many of those things are wrong and killing is certainly wrong, but the other examples are wrong from our western perspective. Some of our practices with shoes (like pointing them in the direction of elders or stepping on books) are "backwards" to them.

What fucking planet are you from ? You compare abuse of basic freedoms based on gender, religion or race to pointing shoes ?

I'm sorry i really mean no offence but are you downright stupid or just that desperate to defend the little world you live in ?

My point was not taken though. I'm talking about specifically the fact that his parents would disown him for marrying the Polish girl.

And they would do so because their culture is BACKWARDS, a culture thats so selective and opressive is called backwards no matter how you look at it, of course there's the added fact of the guy being a spineless twat and "culture" being the shield behind which he hides his fundamental lack of balls.

but I wouldn't consider it "backwards" considering plenty of Catholic or other sects of Christianity might follow same rules if they are strict or conservative enough.

Then they too are backwards, its not like Islam has monopoly on being messed up, the only difference is the scale.
k98_man  
16 Feb 2009 /  #89
I'm not stupid and I'm not trying to defend "the little world [I] live in". I live in a very big place called Texas, thank you. My point is not to compare the injustices (as we see it) of their society to things we consider socially acceptable. Both of your responses are proving my point more and more; you (nor I) understand their culture, so you're labeling it according to your upbringing. That's fine, I know how you feel, especially when I see pictures and movies of the injustices we're discussing.

Shelley, if you think every little religious Christian girl will be able to marry some drugged up, alcoholic, rock star without their parents disowning them, you're sorely mistaken. Maybe you don't come into contact with some of these "backwards" Christians, but they are alive and kicking.

Scale is certainly an issue, I agree, but I don't know where the west would be had they colonized us (I'm talking specifically about Pakistanis because that is what you mentioned...though I fear you used that only as a derogatory term for him). Sixty to seventy years after American independence and we weren't doing so hot either...
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
16 Feb 2009 /  #90
Shelley, if you think every little religious Christian girl will be able to marry some drugged up, alcoholic, rock star without their parents disowning them, you're sorely mistaken. Maybe you don't come into contact with some of these "backwards" Christians, but they are alive and kicking.

Agreed, no parent would want their precious daughting marrying some scumbag, I don't quite understand your point. My point is, Pakistani women are forced into marrying a close relative and we in the West can marry who we like. Oh just one more thing, if said daughter did marry a sumbag, then they wouldn't be murdered because of the shame brought on the family.

Scale is certainly an issue, I agree, but I don't know where the west would be had they colonized us (I'm talking specifically about Pakistanis because that is what you mentioned...though I fear you used that only as a derogatory term for him). Sixty to seventy years after American independence and we weren't doing so hot either...

Regarding Pakistan, they are still considered a developing nation, how many years after gaining independence? How many years down the line will they still be considered a devleoping nation - 20, 30, 40, 50 always...who knows! Poverty same as in India is a problem, basic human needs are a problem, greed and corruption in both countries is a problem, human life is worth so little and human rights are zero....A country so fragmented will struggle to truly be considered a devloped country.

I just noticed something, you didn't actually try and compare independece in Amercia with that of Pakistan? If so I think you need to have a serious think about what you wrote, Amercia became Independent over 200 years ago, of course they had some way to go...Pakistan gained independence 60 years ago, they should have been more or less a developed country then, let alone now!

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