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Posts by Jambo  

Joined: 11 Jun 2007 / Male ♂ 		Last Post: 21 Jan 2008
Threads: Total: 2 / In This Archive: 2
Posts: Total: 106 / In This Archive: 106 		From: London
Speaks Polish?: No
Interests: Music and Sport

Displayed posts: 108 / page 1 of 4
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Jambo   
11 Jun 2007
Love / Advice Required for UK Man in love with Polish Woman [26]

I would be grateful for advice;

1. I got to know a Polish woman (39) just over two months ago ( I am 52). She is lovely and I have fallen for her. Initially she was very loving and invited me to Katowice to meet her family in friends ( this only three weeks after meeting her). She then relocated to the village I live in working as a waitress in the hotel/golf club near my house and staying in the staff accommodation there.

2. She is Jewish and has been divorced twice. She has two children one 20 and one 13 in Poland. The 13 year old daughter is coming to the UK and as she cannot afford to rent a place ( staff accommodation cannot take children). As a result they are coming to my house to live when they come back from Poland.

3. She has a lover ( she initially described him as a good friend) in France who is married man and this has been going on 18 months and is still going on ( clearly he is not going to leave his wife). She became pregnant by him prior to meeting me and she miscarried in the UK and I looked after her generally and in hospital.This was horrendous.

4. She tells me she likes very very much but needs time to work out her feelings for me. Other Poilsh waitresses at the Hotel tell me she says she likes me very much. However because I love her so I find myself running after her like a puppy doiing her shopping, buying cigarettes etc and I feel so stupid. I do not like myself for this but cannot help it. Because of unsocial hours I do not see much of her. She also has other men in the UK who want to be her boyfriend.

5. She came to the UK to become Air Stewardess and she told me for the first time last night that she is having an interview July 5 and if she succeeds she will be relocating. Also she no longer tells me about her days off like she does not want me to know yet we went out over this weekend and had great fun

My friends are concerned she is using me. I have given her very little money. It is an emotional cost not a financial cost. I love her but at the moment get virtually nothing in return. I do not know whether as a Polish women she requires a long courtship or whether she is just stringing me along. She is still very affectionate towards me at times.

Advice please.
Jambo   
11 Jun 2007
Love / Advice Required for UK Man in love with Polish Woman [26]

Thanks for your advice.. I was not looking to meet someone. She just came into my life totally unexpectedly like a thunder bolt .Yes she has issues the married man being one and she says she needs time.Yes I could call it a day but I do not want to lose the chance of something special with her even if it is only a slim chance. We have had some great times and still do but less so now. I am hoping living together our relationship will blossom. If it dies at least I have tried.
Jambo   
11 Jun 2007
Love / Advice Required for UK Man in love with Polish Woman [26]

Thanks mate. I do nothing else but think of this situation and what I should do. Yes I do wonder is she hot at times simply to have me around looking after her and then when she no longer needs what I do for her she will be off. If she gets her air stewardess job she will be off anyway. Maybe I just enjoy living with her for a while and then that is it subject to my emotional cost. If she was cold all the time I have an easy decision. I go to Greece friday for a weeks holiday and she goes back to Poland to collect her daughter. Maybe I am being too negative and just enjoy the time I have with her.

What I will never understand is why she invited me to Poland and relocate to my village if she does not really care for me.
Jambo   
11 Jun 2007
Love / Advice Required for UK Man in love with Polish Woman [26]

I would keep your options open and maybe show less interest. Maybe she'll realize what she wants at that point.

Yes this is good advice. We will not see each other for a week and I guess we both have a lot of thinking to do.
Jambo   
12 Jun 2007
Love / Advice Required for UK Man in love with Polish Woman [26]

Thanks for all your good advice. Of course you are right I must stop and I will.

Just to say I have split with her. Your sound advice gave me strength to do so. Thanks very much for your help. I now move on albeit with a heavy heart.
Jambo   
12 Jun 2007
Love / Advice Required for UK Man in love with Polish Woman [26]

Yes you are right. We have split today. I need to move on but it will take a long time to get over her. If she had told me at the outset she loved another man I would not have got involved with her. But she did not say until she miscarried. By then I had fallen for her.Friends think that she got involved with me because she knew she was pregnant when we met and she needed someone to support her. I guess I will never know the real truth. But now I need to stop loving her and I can only do this by splitting with her.
Jambo   
25 Jun 2007
Love / Sad :( I feel i have lost something very special [32]

This is exactly what happened to me with my Polish girl friend. See thread " Advice for a UK man in love with a Poish woman. It is incredible that the phrases your Polish girlfriends have used are exactly the same as mine. For example she now says she never saw me as a man but only very good friend yet she said the opposite many times. I may have misread her signals but relocating to where I live, inviting me to visit her family and friends in Poland and many other examples seemed to me to be indicating we were building a relationship. She stopped wanting to hold hands and only kissing on my cheeks unless she was drunk and then she was all over me. She says she now wants to be very good friends. I am also suffering the pain but will get over it. I will never understand how she could be so warm and now so cold.

I do not wish to stereotype but maybe this is what some Polish women do befriend a man and then when they have got out ot that relationship what they want they walk away. It is cruel.
Jambo   
25 Jun 2007
Love / Want a female point of view on behaviour [14]

I do think (at the risk of wrongly stereotyping Polish women) based on my recent experience and other threads on this site from guys who have ex Polish girlfriends that they really blow hot and cold and once they know you have fallen for them it is more and more cold and very controlling. It is cruel. Eventually you have had enough but it is painful because you always remember how they were when they were hot and wonder how can they now be so cold.
Jambo   
25 Jun 2007
Love / Sad :( I feel i have lost something very special [32]

Take care mate.

Yes in my case she had another man but of course I did not know this at the outset ( only when she miscarried) and she said he was a friend! If she had told me the truth I would not have got involved. Yet despite the fact at the end I was all give and she was all take it was hard to break up with her which she did not see coming. She still wants to be friends but I doubt we can be I have to move on as you do.I miss her though.
Jambo   
28 Jun 2007
Love / It's going to take more for me to trust a Polish woman again... [22]

There are so many experiences like on this Forum ( including mine) which all have a similar theme as follows:

- Non Polish man meets Polish woman;

- They get on great initially and do lots of stuff together and everthing is good:

- The Polish woman is really warm and friendly;

- then after about three or so months or maybe longer the Polish woman becomes cold, distant, unfriendly and the non Polish man cannot work out why this happened:

- the Polish girl then says stuff like I never saw you as a boyfriend, I need time, lets stay friends ( that is what I got):

- the relationship ends and the non Polish man does not understand why or what has brought this about.

I think there must be something in the mentality of Polish women who live in the west to befriend a western man experience all the benefits of that relationship ( place to stay for example) and then move on after three months ago no doubt to another western man and start the whole cycle again. I know the Polish women I went out with had befriended two men in the UK prior to meeting me in the space of a couple of months who she said at the time wanted to be her boyfriend but she did not want to be their girlfriend.
Jambo   
28 Jun 2007
Love / She said she does not want to in any relation now. [30]

I assume she is a Polish woman. See so many other threads on the same theme. If it is any consolation there are so many non Polish guys here this has happened to. It must be something in their Polish female mentality to be so warm and loving initially and then so cold and heartless for no apparent reason.

Good luck mate you will get over her
Jambo   
3 Jul 2007
Life / Kat Polish Heavy Metal Group [6]

Just wondered if anyone knows much about this group particularly around 1985. I ask because my Polish female friend who lives with me right now was telling me last night that she used to be the girlfriend of one of the band members circa 1985/1987 who she said now lives in the USA.
Jambo   
4 Jul 2007
Life / Kat Polish Heavy Metal Group [6]

Thanks. Well apparently they were together for two years and not surprisingly her parents did not approve!
Jambo   
9 Jul 2007
Love / Which is better? Being single or being in a relationship? [92]

It is a no brainer. A loving relationship with give and take is preferred. However this is so difficult to find. I thought i had found this with my Polish female friend recently but no she wants to be very good friends as she has French boyfriend which she did not mention when we met in fact she mentioned him but not as boyfriend. Single life is fun though.
Jambo   
9 Jul 2007
Love / Which is better? Being single or being in a relationship? [92]

isnt it strange how some people consider this type of information so trivial and insignificant that they totally neglect to mention it...?

Yes I asked her the other evening why when she first talked about him to me why she did not say he was her boyfriend ( there is the complication he is married). She says we had only recently met. My point is if she had told me the full extent of their relationship I would allowed myself to fall for her. I have now fallen for her and now have to stop but it is so tough. Especially as we now live together ( as very good friends) but she relocates 13 August as she has new job which will makes things easier for me.
Jambo   
10 Jul 2007
Love / Which is better? Being single or being in a relationship? [92]

I think it is a case of getting out there meeting people and you never know one day you might meet someone. I do not think you can plan to meet someone like joining dating lines but you will not meet anyone sitting at home either.I have been married twice now single and had not had a serious relationship for five years then I met a Polish woman in London out of the blue although that relationship has been fraught ( and now we are very good friends only) it is best to have met her than not. As other posters have said sometimes you meet someone when you least expect it. Good luck mate.
Jambo   
10 Jul 2007
Love / Are men more unhappy about being single than women [47]

He's always had long-term relationships. Perhaps he doesn't like to be alone. I suppose he feels he must be in a serious relationship at all times.

Yes I think you are right. If you do not want a serious relationship with him I think you should tell him that now or at least tell him you need time.
Jambo   
10 Jul 2007
Love / Polish-American dating success stories [41]

I very much agree with the above advice. Maybe there is something you do not know that is holding him back. In my case it was my Polish female friend has a boyfriend ( married) in France, a man she had mentioned to me but only as a very good friend. I live in the UK as does she with me until she relocates having got a new job. I think when you have gone out with someone for say three months you both need to stand back and ask where is this going and then make a decision. In my case at present she says our relationship has to be very good friends only because of the Frenchman. Anyway the situation resolves itself to a large extent when she relocates in the UK next month. But it has been so tough falling for somebody and then finding out she has someone else but gradually I get over it and living with her actually makes that process easier not harder.
Jambo   
10 Jul 2007
Love / Which is better? Being single or being in a relationship? [92]

I guess it may be the case of trying to make new friends thus broadening your social circle. Personally I have always preferred meeting up with female friends than male friends as their conversation tends to be more interesting and varied whereas male conversation tends to revolve around football and sex.Nothing wrong with that but can get a bit boring.
Jambo   
12 Jul 2007
Love / Foreigner's opinion about polish ladies [304]

I have worked with a Polish woman and also met a Polish woman in the UK who currently lives with me in the UK ( that is not a straightforward relationship which I have explained in other threads). I have also spent 5 days in Katowice with the Polish woman who lives with me. So my experience of Polish women is very limited and I am very conscious of making sweeping generalisations. However based on my limited experience I would make the following comments about Polish women ( and some of these comments could equally apply to women from other countries);

- they are very attractive;

- they have good bone structure and amazing eyes;

- they are friendly most of the times;

- they dress well and are stylish without being provocative;

- they do not communicate their feelings as they are guarded which can lead to misunderstandings;

- because of the above they can appear quite cold and ruthless at times;

- they need a lot of time to get to know you;

- you never quite know where you stand with them.

In my case my Polish female friend is now much more friendly towards me since we start to live together ( 12 days now) like she was when we first met. She will leave my house in 5 weeks as she has a new job and needs to relocate. She will live about 90 minutes drive from my house I do wonder how much she will want to see me after she moves. That will be the test for me of her feelings for me. If she is ambivalent about me going to see her then i know I really need to move on from her.
Jambo   
12 Jul 2007
Love / Foreigner's opinion about polish ladies [304]

Thanks mate. Her relocating will be the acid test really because I will then know how much she really cares for me. As I said if she is not much bothered about meeting up then I know where we are. For now we enjoy the time we spend together which so far has been great. I will enjoy whilst it lasts. Her attitude towards me is so much better since she moved to my house.

I thought it was £5m. I think Hearts should hold out for much more.
Jambo   
12 Jul 2007
Love / Foreigner's opinion about polish ladies [304]

I take it you have a polish partner. Interested in how you met, how long was it before the relationship blossomed ( sometimes I think I expect too much of her right now we met 1 April) , how did you deal with culture differences and language difficulties. Do you live in Scotland. I live in East Sussex. Hope you do not mind me asking.
Jambo   
16 Jul 2007
Love / The Polish girl i love has gone back to Poland . [65]

I cannot offer words of hope I am afraid. This forum is full of non Polish men who have met a Polish woman and have quickly fallen for her and it ends in tears very quickly. Of course each story is slightly different but there are recurring themes. For example in my case she was very hot and cold but not cold in the first month ( I have known her since 1 April). Since we have lived together ( two weeks) things are much better she relocates August 20 as she has a new job. They do not discuss feelings. They have other boyfriends in other countries ( in my case she has a French boyfriend whom she says she loves but when she talked about him when we first met she referred to him as a very good friend). She also has a man in Germany I think. I have a perspective about her now and just aim to enjoy my time with her before she relocates. After that I am sure she will befriend a UK man where she is relocating to and I will not hear much from her.

I think these Polish women like to befriend men in the country they are in and I have to say use them to their advantage. In my case I have helped her find a job, take her out and now she lives with me. She has used my feelings for her. Having said that I know she has feelings for me but will not say so. However I am glad I met her but now I will be pleased when she relocates so I can get on with the rest of my life..

You will get over it but it is tough I know.Take Care.

A lot of non-polish people on this forum are here because they tasted the polish fruit and they got hooked on it's sweetness.....but hey, better to have tasted it and lost than never to have tasted it at all :-)

Very well put and I very much agree. It is best to have met the woman than not to have met her no matter the anguish. Remember the good times.
Jambo   
16 Jul 2007
Love / The Polish girl i love has gone back to Poland . [65]

Generalize much? This just may be an example of the "type" of women you met. Can't say this for all. Sucks for you that's all.

Yes I accept it is a generalisation if I was referring to all Polish women but I was not. If you had read the introduction to my post you will note I was referring to the many non Polish men who have posted similar situations. That is why I used the term these Polish women referring back to the Polish women these non Polish men have posted about.

Of course I do not say this about all Polish women. And lastly it does not suck for me anymore she and I know where we are now.