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Sad :( I feel i have lost something very special

Sc0tt 4 | 25  
19 Jun 2007 /  #1
I'm not a person to post personal things on a forum & have only been on here a short time but in a strange way i feel the need to get this out .

Last night i had a chat with my kochanie & the outcome was not what i expected .After seeing each other for a little over 3 months she told me that she feels she will never fall in love with me .When we started seeing each other my mind was totally open ,i didn't go into it on the expectation that i would fall for her but slowly over that time my feelings have grown .

I won't go into detail but we have decided to give each other space to give time to think .

As i sit here typing this i can honestly say i feel i have lost something very special,she brought a ray of sunshine to my life & i never seen that what happened last night coming .

I really don't know what is best to do ,i feel i want to do everything in my power not to lose her but feel helpless & don't want to ruin the small glimmer of chance i may have left :( :( :(
krysia 23 | 3,058  
19 Jun 2007 /  #2
When she says she will never fall in love with you doesn't always mean it's true. Just accept it and pretend you don't like her and focus on yourself. Girls who see that a guy fell for them will often disregard their feelings. Don't give up on her but do things that will impress her, focus on yourself and pull her towards you so she doesn't know it.

Just a suggestion. But she might change her mind someday.
Daisy 3 | 1,224  
19 Jun 2007 /  #3
it hurts like hell right now Scott, but time really is a big healer. trust me you'll get over this. It's a bereavement, something precious to you has died unexpectedly, you have to allow yourself time to grieve
Red Rose  
19 Jun 2007 /  #4
Hey Scott, that is very sad for you - you've fallen for her but she doesn't feel the same. It happens. On the bright side it's good to find out now - the same thing happened to my brother but she told him after they were married - ouch. I think you should cut your losses. Take the risk - either you will lose her for good (which you cant do much about anyway) or she might change her mind.........
krysia 23 | 3,058  
19 Jun 2007 /  #5
Right, good advise. Sometimes you have to let go and move on. It does hurt when the other person doesn't have feelings toward you and you based your whole life upon her. But this will only make you stronger and smarter in the future.
OP Sc0tt 4 | 25  
19 Jun 2007 /  #6
Thankyou for your words .... sadly this isn't the first time i have been through this & yes i know time will heal .... she is genuineley one of the kindest & nicest natured persons i have met & had the good fortune of getting to know.

It just goes against everything i believe in from the point of view that sometimes in life if you really want something you have to fight for it but in relationships this doesn't apply & i hate to just give in .
krysia 23 | 3,058  
19 Jun 2007 /  #7
You have to focus on your good points that she likes about you. And drive her crazy so she wants you instead!
19 Jun 2007 /  #8
Sorry to hear dude, I can relate trust me.
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,506  
19 Jun 2007 /  #9
shag her best friend...
19 Jun 2007 /  #10
If there was ever a god who walked amongst us humans, it would be Bubba :D
LATINA 3 | 73  
19 Jun 2007 /  #11
shag her best friend...

dannyboy 18 | 248  
19 Jun 2007 /  #12
shag her best friend...

then her mom......and film it.......then post it to her.......
Daisy 3 | 1,224  
19 Jun 2007 /  #13
Typical, the women offer sympathy and support, but what do the men do?
ukinpoland 5 | 338  
19 Jun 2007 /  #14
Offer advice help through homour. Like you said the ladies already have the sympathy side covered so we can help with the other ways.
Daisy 3 | 1,224  
19 Jun 2007 /  #15
Offer advice help through homour

I hope he doesn't follow any of the advice :)
OP Sc0tt 4 | 25  
19 Jun 2007 /  #16
i can safely say i won't be following that advice haha.
Amathyst 19 | 2,702  
19 Jun 2007 /  #17
shag her best friend...

Words or wisdom :)
dannyboy 18 | 248  
19 Jun 2007 /  #18
Typical, the women offer sympathy and support, but what do the men do?

Thats the difference between men and women my dear girl.

Women like to gather round and have a good cry, men need to let off steam with a few jokes.
krysia 23 | 3,058  
19 Jun 2007 /  #19
There are other more noticable differences also...:)
Lady in red  
19 Jun 2007 /  #20
men need to let off steam with a few jokes.

Yeah, over a few beers I expect :)
jtmWIEN 2 | 24  
20 Jun 2007 /  #21
Did I see the word beer? Who wants to go drink... wait what is this thread about...

Nah seriously man, dont lose your head over it. From what I can tell you all seem to be apart, my advice is let up on her a bit and keep her interested by not telling her all the time how much you love her. ****, make fun of her and stand up for yourself in a "mean" (cant find a better word in my head right now) way so that she feels she has something to work for and that youre not giving her everything (aka working your ass off for the relationship) so that she doesnt have to do anything.

Maybe itll help, if not... Beer does.
21 Jun 2007 /  #22
I feel your pain...I met and fell hard for a Polish girl. Since there is a 7 year age difference between us we decided to stay friends, well she moved from the USA to UK in October and my absense in her life made her "fall in love" with me. So I went to UK to see her for 9 days and allow us to finally show our repressed affection for one another. When I got there she was very short with me, sometimes rude, and refused to even hold my hand walking down the street. She told me she could never "love me as a man". However, all the cards, e-mails, and texts she sent me before I went to UK definetley said the opposite. This obviosuly shattered my heart in ways I can't even go into on this page. Just know you aren't alone with this kind of thing. Just do what I'm doing...take it in stride, hold your head up, and show her you have self respect and pride. Stay in touch with her as a friend...who know's maybe the tide will turn in your favor. Hang tough buddy. ---JARMY
OP Sc0tt 4 | 25  
22 Jun 2007 /  #23
Jarmy what you said is very similar with me with regards to all the signals ,i guess i just read them wrong :( .We have said that we would try & be friends ,i honestly don't know if it will work but i am prepared to at least try .She has a lot going on in her life with having a very good job & wants to do best in career which i would have never wanted to get in the way of ,i would have supported her with whatever she wanted to do .

What has shocked me so much is the fact that i never seen this coming ,i thought all was well & then this,it would have been nice to have chatted about it & had the chance to maybe try something to resolve it ,maybe given it a little more time .

Now i'm usually quite a strong person but this has knocked me off my stride ,i have hardly eaten anything this week ,not had a good nights sleep & feel like i wanna be sick all the time .... feeling like this has made me realise just how much she meant to me .

What also makes it worse is i just don't know when i will see her again ,going to that from seeing her every couple of days to being in touch daily ,when i seen her before it always put a smile on my face ,now it feels i have nothing to look forward to .......
Daisy 3 | 1,224  
22 Jun 2007 /  #24
Scott, it will get beter in time.

Not only have you lost someone you loved very much, but you said you didn't see it coming, so you feel you can no longer trust your instincts, that makes you feel vulnerable.

You have to give yourself time to readjust and you will
Jambo 2 | 106  
25 Jun 2007 /  #25
This is exactly what happened to me with my Polish girl friend. See thread " Advice for a UK man in love with a Poish woman. It is incredible that the phrases your Polish girlfriends have used are exactly the same as mine. For example she now says she never saw me as a man but only very good friend yet she said the opposite many times. I may have misread her signals but relocating to where I live, inviting me to visit her family and friends in Poland and many other examples seemed to me to be indicating we were building a relationship. She stopped wanting to hold hands and only kissing on my cheeks unless she was drunk and then she was all over me. She says she now wants to be very good friends. I am also suffering the pain but will get over it. I will never understand how she could be so warm and now so cold.

I do not wish to stereotype but maybe this is what some Polish women do befriend a man and then when they have got out ot that relationship what they want they walk away. It is cruel.
OP Sc0tt 4 | 25  
25 Jun 2007 /  #26
Just read your thread Jambo & from what you have said i feel she is just using yourself ,sorry to be so blunt ,especially when she has another man elsewhere etc ,when you have feelings for someone like you do for her,stopping those feelings can be very difficult indeed .You sound like someone that is way too good for her & you can do better .

My circumstances are somewhat different,my kochanie was only 23 & had no baggage(that i know of),i am 33,in a nutshell she told me that she didn't have feelings for me & that she couldn't see that changing & better to stop now than later .But i guess what makes it hard for me to understand is the signals that she gave me ,they were not signals i would give to someone you want to just be a friend with,maybe Polish women class this is a being friends,i wouldn't imagine so but you never know.

Through time i know i will respect her more for stopping it if she didn't have feelings but with her getting a good job,she is very career minded at the moment,something i feel is a priority in her life right now,which i think is great & wouldn't want to stand in the way of,i just think the relationship part of her life was "taking a backseat" which again i can understand & would have been happy to cool things ... but the sad thing was i was never given that opportunity & if there is 1 wish i could wish for right now ,it's that i had one chance :(
Jambo 2 | 106  
25 Jun 2007 /  #27
Take care mate.

Yes in my case she had another man but of course I did not know this at the outset ( only when she miscarried) and she said he was a friend! If she had told me the truth I would not have got involved. Yet despite the fact at the end I was all give and she was all take it was hard to break up with her which she did not see coming. She still wants to be friends but I doubt we can be I have to move on as you do.I miss her though.
magnum 1 | 16  
28 Jun 2007 /  #29
take krysia advise, i have done this with a polish girl i have fallen in love with, the only problems i have is that she cant express her self very good in english, but it is good advise from krysia.
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
28 Jun 2007 /  #30
It is incredible that the phrases your Polish girlfriends have used are exactly the same as mine.

maybe they are the same women?? Just like to throw in.. that its not only Polish women who are complicated.. as an English girl with a Polish man things are also tricky at times due to those 'cultural' differences...but hey, life is not meant to be easy is it otherwise we would all be bored s***less.

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