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Which is better? Being single or being in a relationship?


Ken Noddy 2 | 161  
8 Jul 2007 /  #1
Looking for pro's and con's of being single really.

At a crossroads in life and not sure which path to take.

Do you think that some people are in relationships just because they are afraid of being single?

Society seems to exert alot of pressure on us to conform. Feeling this pressure at the moment. Feeling the pressure to get a girlfriend, settle down, start a family etc.

Not sure this is the right thing for me but the pressure just builds and builds as you get older.

Does anyone else feel this pressure?
Lady in red  
8 Jul 2007 /  #2
Life is about sharing and as someone once said to me"No man is an Island' :)

I think you keep putting yourself under a lot of pressure over this issue. You should relax, enjoy life and the rest will come naturally. Just my view from observations on this forum.

:))
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161  
8 Jul 2007 /  #3
"No man is an Island'

What does that mean exactly? I've heard that before but could never quite work it out.
Lady in red  
8 Jul 2007 /  #4
Think it means that the human race were not made to live a solitary life. We are social creatures and therefore should mix socially. (I'm sure other people will have their views on this as well)

.

Looking for pro's and con's of being single really

You stated you wanted to know the pros and cons of being single. I think you really would like to find the right person and have a normal loving relationship. Like most people would. Sometimes, if you try to hard it puts other people off. I'm a bit brain dead now because I am so tired so will have to pick this up another time.

Hopefully you'll get the gist of what I mean ?
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161  
8 Jul 2007 /  #5
I'm a bit brain dead now because I am so tired

You and me both. Cheers.
Lady in red  
8 Jul 2007 /  #6
Thanks. debate it another time then,
Moon - | 44  
8 Jul 2007 /  #7
This is a good question Ken.

Do you think that some people are in relationships just because they are afraid of being single?

I think there are loads of people out there that settle for something just because they think that they have to... society does put a lot of pressure on us "single folk" to be in a relationship--because that's what many people need to feel happy. You have your co-dependent and your independent.

Sure, life would be great every now and again if I had someone standing beside me through the tough moments... as well has happy. But being single and independent definatly has its benefits too. You don't have to be responsible to anyone but yourself and you can pick up and go somewhere without having to plan for babysitters and whatever else.

relax, enjoy life and the rest will come naturally

Very insightful Lady.!
Eurola 4 | 1,906  
8 Jul 2007 /  #8
People are not meant to be alone. We are social animals.
We all know that relationships are hard, and there is a lot of give and take involved. I experienced both, the single and the married state. I like single (currently), because it is easier, but I like relationship more, because is more fulfilling. The hard thing is to find a partner who really understands you and you feel comfortable with each other. The first few months of infatuation (or love?), don't count.

To be with someone, just not be alone, is out of question. There is enough of miserable couples out there. At the end, we have only 50/50 chance.
beckski 12 | 1,617  
8 Jul 2007 /  #9
I do enjoy the freedom of being single and independent.

At times I feel it would be nice to have someone to come home to. Someone to comfort me, after I've had a bad day, instead of just my Chihuahua being there for me.
sylablaw 1 | 16  
8 Jul 2007 /  #10
I agree. Relationship is important. No matter how hard and difficult it could be to live life with other person with strange habits, there is nothing better then wake up near somebody you have feelings for...Just the first morning kiss is a start of a good way. There are situations that sometimes you feel like you can't handle any more, or you will never understand her/him, but it comes and goes and with the strong fundation of feelings you can do everything. In my opinion, it is very important if both sides understand that and compromise. I wouldn't give up a life in relationship, even if it takes longer to work things out for a single life. So what that you have the freedom of doing everything you want anywhere, anytime, but it gets boring after years and when you are comming back home tired, there is nobody there waiting for you.
Moon - | 44  
8 Jul 2007 /  #11
it gets boring after years and when you are comming back home tired, there is nobody there waiting for you.

I can see this definatley... There is a lonelyness factor involved-but that's where those already close around you come in. Good, solid friendships and family.--pets? help out. A cat just visited me out my porch..I shoed it away.. allergic to those buggars.
sylablaw 1 | 16  
8 Jul 2007 /  #12
Moon,

I agree, without my friends here, it would be very empty. Still, they will not replace the one whom the last goodnight I wish to say to...After all, at least that's what I want : ))
Moon - | 44  
8 Jul 2007 /  #13
Yes sylabaw.. a sweet dreams wish is nice. :) I agree.
Jambo 2 | 106  
9 Jul 2007 /  #14
It is a no brainer. A loving relationship with give and take is preferred. However this is so difficult to find. I thought i had found this with my Polish female friend recently but no she wants to be very good friends as she has French boyfriend which she did not mention when we met in fact she mentioned him but not as boyfriend. Single life is fun though.
BubbaWoo 33 | 3,510  
9 Jul 2007 /  #15
she has French boyfriend which she did not mention when we met

isnt it strange how some people consider this type of information so trivial and insignificant that they totally neglect to mention it...?
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
9 Jul 2007 /  #16
Dont stress about it....both have their good and bad points, I personally would like to meet someone but Im not looking (if that makes sense) if it happens then good, if it doesnt then I shall buy a cat :)
Jambo 2 | 106  
9 Jul 2007 /  #17
isnt it strange how some people consider this type of information so trivial and insignificant that they totally neglect to mention it...?

Yes I asked her the other evening why when she first talked about him to me why she did not say he was her boyfriend ( there is the complication he is married). She says we had only recently met. My point is if she had told me the full extent of their relationship I would allowed myself to fall for her. I have now fallen for her and now have to stop but it is so tough. Especially as we now live together ( as very good friends) but she relocates 13 August as she has new job which will makes things easier for me.
jtmWIEN 2 | 24  
9 Jul 2007 /  #18
Being single is kind of like the safe bet, you can usually have a good time & do as ya please.

Being in a relationship is kind of like taking a chance. You can be in a bad relationship and it will be much worse than being single can ever be or you can be in a good relationship and it can be much better than being single can be (and its guaranteed sex -- but then you have that once a month thing as well so... )
Ranj 21 | 948  
9 Jul 2007 /  #19
Whether you are single or in a relationship, it's what you make of your own life that determines whether you will be happy. People can be miserable in a relationship as much as they can be miserable alone......I think in order to be in a good relationship, you have to be happy and comfortable by yourself.

After someone dear to me died, I felt sorry for myself, because I thought that was it....my last chance to be with someone and be happy......I reached a point where I didn't want to be with anyone because the loss that can occur can be so painful. Gradually, the pain lessened and I started to enjoy life again, by myself. I actually remember thinking to myself oneday, that if I end up "alone" in this life, I will actually be okay....it was not long after that someone showed up.....a couple people said it already but I will say it again....just relax and enjoy spending time with yourself, and everything else will come naturally.....:)
Daisy 3 | 1,227  
9 Jul 2007 /  #20
if it doesnt then I shall buy a cat :)

get 2 cats
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161  
9 Jul 2007 /  #21
the human race were not made to live a solitary life. We are social creatures and therefore should mix socially.

I know what you mean, but this is exactly my conundrum. Most people are social animals, yes, but what if you're one of the minority who aren't? What if you know that, as a result of many factors, the single life is your best bet but by choosing this route you're going to miss out on some of lifes wonderful experiences and also you won't really be accepted by a society that regards people who aren't within the 'norms' of their group as a threat or open to ridicule.

It is overcoming this idea that we need to be accepted within society that is the key, for me anyway. I want to be in a relationship with the right person for me, not just to feel that this is what society expects of me, I'm not going to be another sheep following the flock but in the same respect I don't really like the idea of being ostracised either.
AvJoeUK  
9 Jul 2007 /  #22
I was single until last week, having someone again is an amazing feeling and although I did enjoy the freedom and the feeling of being carefree, I began to think about what I was missing. So I met a girl afew weeks ago took her out afew times and now were happy :)

Up to you Ken, From what Ive seen of you your definately not happy leading a single life so get out there!
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161  
9 Jul 2007 /  #23
Up to you Ken, From what Ive seen of you your definately not happy leading a single life

True, but Ranj made a good comment:

People can be miserable in a relationship as much as they can be miserable alone

Alot of people seem to feel that if they are single and unhappy, the solution is to be in a relationship and all of a sudden their worries are over. It is similar to many people's dreams of winning the lottery, that money guarantees happiness and the grass is always greener on the other side etc.

It is unrealistic thinking and it is probably a factor in keeping many people in unhappy relationships as they may believe that being single would be even worse.
Daisy 3 | 1,227  
9 Jul 2007 /  #24
Very true
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161  
9 Jul 2007 /  #25
And another thing, (sorry for yet another rant) people come on here and post topics such as 'handsome man looking for Polish marriage' or 'good looking American looking for Polish girl'. No offense but are they really that dumb that they think this is really going to lead to something of any substance? I notice it's nearly always men too, how pathetic. I mean there are alot of us on here who are single and would love to meet someone nice but at least we have a little bit of intelligence to understand that in order to find someone special, it takes a bit of effort, simply not just typing a few words into a computer and then expecting the offers to come rolling in. Ridiculous.
Goonie 8 | 242  
9 Jul 2007 /  #26
single with a friend with benefits :)

always have an option ;)
xXlisaXx 8 | 182  
9 Jul 2007 /  #27
Ken i'm goin to be single by choice. I'm puttin my life on hold as the man i have loved for the past 17 years is married (not happily by the way) but doesn't want to lose contact with his kids. His oldest is nearly 14 and youngest nearly 7.

He was my ex boyfriend hence loving him for so long. Both as stubbon as each other and finished because of the most stupidest arguement. Both married on the rebound from each other to people we didn't really love.

Anyway found each other last year, both still had feelings for each other but he's still married. Not seen him for a year but we still feel the same but he can't leave his boys and i understand that.

So i will wait for him for as long as it takes. And no we have only kissed and only meet once a year at Airbourne forces day but i know in my heart he is the one. I don't care if you all tut at me but thats why i'm stayin single for now.
Ranj 21 | 948  
9 Jul 2007 /  #28
It is overcoming this idea that we need to be accepted within society that is the key, for me anyway. I want to be in a relationship with the right person for me, not just to feel that this is what society expects of me,

I soooo know what you are saying, Ken....imagine the pressure I am under as a woman; I learned a longtime ago to let go of that.....in my late 20's/early 30's, people (family and friends) would ask me "Aren't you ready to settle down?" My answer to them was, "Yes, I am ready to settle down, but I am not ready to settle." You cannot worry about what others think. Sometimes we feel like we are the ONLY ONES who are single and everyone is judging us.....believe me, nobody is that concerned with someone elses life.....if they are, then they are the ones with the problems....my point is, we tend exaggerate the feelings of others based on how we feel about ourselves. I'm 41 now, never married, no children and I'm as happy as a clam.....that's because I learned not to let others opinions dictate how I feel about myself. Love yourself and the rest will follow....:)
OP Ken Noddy 2 | 161  
9 Jul 2007 /  #29
choice

That is the key word in all of this. We all make choices in life, whether we realise it or not. Some choices are easy, others hard but at the end of the day it is our choices that determine who and what we become.
stepheng - | 49  
9 Jul 2007 /  #30
Being single and carefree is a great feeling in itself, but it comes at a price that there are also times when you need somebody to be there and you have nobody.

From what I know of you Ken, your not happy Single. Your posts show that much and I can relate to it as I am currently getting real tired of being single myself. My advice is to get out there and start approaching people, you can approach any group and be interesting. I have been doing this myself and found opening groups up and starting a conversation is easier than you think.

But the first approach of the night is always the hardest.

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