Return PolishForums LIVE
  PolishForums Archive :
Archives - 2005-2009 / Love  % width 41

Polish-American dating success stories


sylablaw 1 | 16  
28 Jun 2007 /  #1
Does anybody know any success stories on dating american guy? Seriously, I've been here (Baltimore) for over 4 years and man, it sucks. I'm the typical polish gal: carrying, cooking, loving, etc....what the american guys expect here? What do they want in the relationship and is honesty and being opened the right way to go?
beckski 12 | 1,617  
28 Jun 2007 /  #2
what the american guys expect here?

Hi Sylablaw,

Just be yourself. With your qualities, I'm certain you're bound to attract that special guy.
Perhaps you'll meet him on the Polish Forum???
wedzidlo 3 | 13  
28 Jun 2007 /  #3
sylablaw,

i am an american woman who has had no luck with american men. i have a polish-american success story, but i'm the american, and my fiance is polish. My fiance is so different than all of the american men i know, and his friends (who are all polish also) seem to be very different as well.

i agree that you should be yourself, and being open and honest is always the right way to go.

i know i shouldn't generalize about american men, there are good ones, it just seems very hard to find them. i can only speak from my own personal experiences and what i've personally observed, but i find the american men i've encountered to be very selfish. what i've experienced is men who are looking for women who make them feel good about themselves. they like compliments. they like having everything be all about them. many of them seem to think they are better than women, and that they can do very little in the relationship because the woman should be so thrilled to be with them. they seem to expect women to be supportive, attractive, cook, clean, and pay half of all of the bills. american men seem to be very unappreciative.

if my fiance is at all representative of polish men, i can see how you would find american men very disappointing.

have you considered sticking with polish men? otherwise my advice would be, just keep looking for that american man who is truly nice (because they do exist), and watch out for the super selfish ones.
shopgirl 6 | 928  
28 Jun 2007 /  #4
Wedzidlo,
I agree with so much of what you said here, it's like my life story summarized in your post.

I'm glad you found a "good one". Best wishes to you both! :)
BornInTheUSA 2 | 41  
29 Jun 2007 /  #5
i agree that you should be yourself, and being open and honest is always the right way to go.

Best. Advice. Ever.

i know i shouldn't generalize about american men, there are good ones, it just seems very hard to find them. i can only speak from my own personal experiences and what i've personally observed, but i find the american men i've encountered to be very selfish. what i've experienced is men who are looking for women who make them feel good about themselves. they like compliments. they like having everything be all about them.

Hmm - you know, I thought the same about American women. They can be selfish, constantly seeking attention and praise to feel good about themselves, and often dualistic with their opinions (my favourite quote: "there's our money, and my money - and no, they don't mix").

But once I moved to the Netherlands and dated dutch, finnish, irish and english women, I realized it's more about the kind of woman I attract than women in general, and that I needed to be a bit more clear in my own head about who I should - and importantly - shouldn't date. There are those you want to give yourself to, and then those who suck it out of you (and not in a fun way). Took me a long time to make that connection but the relationships since have been much healthier than I ever knew before.
jtmWIEN 2 | 24  
29 Jun 2007 /  #6
Not to be mean, but from my experience of being in Baltimore a few times, I think your better off not dating anyone from there.
BornInTheUSA 2 | 41  
29 Jun 2007 /  #7
No idea - but let me warn you off Dutch women... brrrrr!
OP sylablaw 1 | 16  
29 Jun 2007 /  #8
Thank you all guys. I did met a few nice man here, they were all commitement fobics!!!!!
And I agree that some areas of Baltimore can be tricky, but there are few good places here to bike, hike and sail!

BTW, HAppy Friday!!!!!!
BornInTheUSA 2 | 41  
30 Jun 2007 /  #9
Very cool - I head Baltimore is turning itself around and is becoming a great place to live again. And it's always best when you can meet people doing things you both like or have in common.

Commitment-phobics, though? Yeah - I know a few women that way too. It's possibly less about you but more about who came before you...some people forget to live in the moment. They're just trying not to make the same mistake twice (or x3, 4, 5...). They probably need a bit more encouragement to break out. Probably been there.

Sailing sounds great - I think I'll rent a boat and head out over the Isomeer tomorrow. Good idea - thanks!
OP sylablaw 1 | 16  
30 Jun 2007 /  #10
BornInThe USA

You are so right! It's not about me, I can be as understaning as possible, have my girls weekend getaway, give him the space he needs...those who were beforme created the problem. So, I guess I have to be patients and build the trust. Where is Isomeer? Never heard about that...BTW, what boat did u rent?

Have a great sail!
Ahoy!!!!
BornInTheUSA 2 | 41  
30 Jun 2007 /  #11
The hardest thing is to be patient - I think sometimes we can run out as fast as we ran in. Perhaps it's the old fight-or-flight response at work?

Still, the one thing I do remember from my past loves is that when you both are on the same page and know that you need to work things out, the working together part can be quite bonding. Slow down and have fun - remember, if it's fun, it's probably even more fun at half the speed. That applies to a lot of things ;)

I mistyped earlier (my dutch still stinks at times) - I meant the Ijmeer here in The Netherlands, about 20 minutes south of Amsterdam. The weather looks like crap though, so I might just stick to my usual sunday bike ride (~30Km) and stay out of the water. When you go into the water, you go into the food chain, and you don't go in at the top...

;)
OP sylablaw 1 | 16  
30 Jun 2007 /  #12
Believe me, I have planty of patience. I've been working with children for over 10 years, it really give you a lesson.
I went biking today too, usually I do 13-18 miles. Love, love bike riding. After few days of disgusting hot, humid weather, today is just gorgous!

What brings you to polish forum? How did u learn about that?

Well, I'm just going to wait and see what happens, no pressure, but on the other hand, I don't wnt to wait forever! What I am also afraid of is if the second person is willing to work as hard to compromise and work on the relationship....

Have a great Saturday night.
BornInTheUSA 2 | 41  
1 Jul 2007 /  #13
Well, I'm just going to wait and see what happens, no pressure, but on the other hand, I don't want to wait forever! What I am also afraid of is if the second person is willing to work as hard to compromise and work on the relationship....

I get the impression you're no-one's fool, so you'll know when enough is enough. A lot of it is staying positive and optimistic, working for the best instead of hoping for it. At least that's what I think...your milage may vary. I just can't live without optimism, even the cautious variety.

What brings you to polish forum? How did u learn about that?

I had met a very nice polish girl on vacation in Berlin, and we spoke a lot about polish families, food, religion, feminism...one of those great discussions that go on until the sun comes up. It was a great few days but we had to part ways (she was going on to Ireland) but I began to revisit my roots.

I came across polishmarriage.org just recently and sent a note to complementing its content, and Gosia sent me a note back with this address. I generally like it - there are some really decent people here. I'm not sure how long I'll stay or what I'll take away from here (the amount of bandwidth wasted on baiters like Nate, for example) but it's interesting, and I'm enjoying my time.

Did you have a great saturday night? I've recovered from my friends' 2-day bachelor party...happy to say, I held my own and still did my bike ride today. But I look like crap. ;)
OP sylablaw 1 | 16  
1 Jul 2007 /  #14
I had a great weekend! Actually, I've been partying the whole week (not only I look like crap, but I feel like crap 2), I just finished my school and I'm starting new job tomorrow. On Sat I went to my friend's fireworks party with looooooooooots of good drinks (dark and stormy is my #1) and today we went sailing. But tomorrow....yep, 6 am, get up early and face new day!

I agree that optimism and positive thinking goes a long way. After all, nothing puts you down more, when u see a dark future! But what's also important is to stand with both feet on the ground.

Were you born in Netherlands? Do you have polish roots?
Have a great night and good Monday!
zieloneoczy  
1 Jul 2007 /  #15
I am Polish but have lived in the US for most of my life. I dated American men in High School but after that have stuck to Europeans. I have dated men from many different countries and find that it all comes down to the man and not the country. There are wonderful and caring American men, Polish men and others. It's just a matter of being lucky enough to find one. The one rule I can say is a general one for me-- the less incredibly good looking a guy is the better he will treat you. And this stems from my need to date good looking men...but I"m slowly getting over that.
BornInTheUSA 2 | 41  
1 Jul 2007 /  #16
I agree that optimism and positive thinking goes a long way. After all, nothing puts you down more, when u see a dark future! But what's also important is to stand with both feet on the ground.

Absolutely. I need to be real, but I see no reason not to be positive about things. That's a hard thing at times too, being a democrat and all...

Were you born in Netherlands? Do you have polish roots?

Nope - not a lick of dutch in me, It's always been a place I wanted to live, so I moved here nearly 10 years ago. I'm not sure where I'll go next - might depend on who I meet, I suppose - but I'm here now. Have a nice apartment, new, paid-off car, all my appliances are 220v...I think I'm stuck here. ;)

I have dated men from many different countries and find that it all comes down to the man and not the country.

Absolutely - the same goes for women. I can also suggest not dating smokers, as they seem to have a selfish streak -- but that's perhaps my prejudice.

The one rule I can say is a general one for me-- the less incredibly good looking a guy is the better he will treat you. And this stems from my need to date good looking men...but I"m slowly getting over that.

I can say I share your dilemma, although I have met some lovely women who were strikingly beautiful, but so bloody insecure and that caused more problems than necessary. Arrogant or neurotic, sometimes having "looks" would be a curse on behavior.

Guess I'm blessed with looking slightly better-than-average but that's it...most people, when they speak of my looks always say "kind"...and so I tend to attract the ones who are most needy. After the recent past I'm on a hiatus of sorts, but it's interesting to hear that women have it as bad too. I should know that, from all the Lifetime TV crap that comes here, but it's great too hear it's not just me.
jtmWIEN 2 | 24  
3 Jul 2007 /  #17
Nope - not a lick of dutch in me, It's always been a place I wanted to live, so I moved here nearly 10 years ago. I'm not sure where I'll go next - might depend on who I meet, I suppose - but I'm here now. Have a nice apartment, new, paid-off car, all my appliances are 220v...I think I'm stuck here. ;)

Not to change the subject, but I just thought it was interesting since I will be looking for a job in Rotterdam (if I cannot get one in Vienna). Seems like you enjoy it there.

Absolutely - the same goes for women. I can also suggest not dating smokers, as they seem to have a selfish streak -- but that's perhaps my prejudice.

Ive noticed this. Im not sure about all being selfish, but they definitely have a stubborn streak.
Decorator 4 | 291  
3 Jul 2007 /  #18
No idea - but let me warn you off Dutch women... brrrrr!

I love that quote.. having lived and dated Dutch women in my 4 years in Holland i can sort of agree with that. They can be a tad mad.. but mad is good too..
BornInTheUSA 2 | 41  
3 Jul 2007 /  #19
Not to change the subject, but I just thought it was interesting since I will be looking for a job in Rotterdam (if I cannot get one in Vienna). Seems like you enjoy it there.

The Netherlands reminds me of living in the US in the 60s & 70s, before Reagan, before the dog-eat-dog lifestyle they have now. (Of course I was a teensy kid then, so I'm remembering through rose-colored glasses) I live in the middle of the country, between Amsterdam and Utrecht, 30 minutes from a city - I need to have forest and lakes surrounding me. You're from Vienna, so you know what it's like to have real nature surrounding you..

All that said, I never liked Rotterdam...too jarringly modern, it doesn't reflect the rest of the country. Amsterdam is a mess - great old architecture but too touristy and snobby, and it sprawls. Utrecht is a college town, so maybe MDN would like it but I just wanna yell "Get off my lawn" to those damn kids. ;)

Seriously though - Den Haag's got it. THAT's a great city here to live in...great combo of multiculturalism, traditional and modern design mixed together well, and it's near the beach. Maybe when I make my next million...

Which would be my first million, but I digress. ;)

Quoting me about smokers having a selfish streak: Im not sure about all being selfish, but they definitely have a stubborn streak.

I'm reminded of Pee Wee's Big Adventure: "Shhh! I'm trying to listen to reason!"

Yep - can't say anything, can't enjoy your life passively with the smoke. And everything (...*everything*) tastes of nicotine. What was the old B&H ad? "I'd rather fight than switch"? I'd rather dump than fight.

having lived and dated Dutch women in my 4 years in Holland i can sort of agree with that. They can be a tad mad.. but mad is good too..

I think what gets me about Dutch women is that they baby their men here -- seriously, it's a matriarchal, the men are coddled and the women take responsibility. Personally, I'd prefer to share responsibility and have a balanced relationship than the "my way of the highway"-attitude.

And I thought dating 6' blondes would be a good thing. (*sigh*)

Hey - Enjoy living in Canada! Be careful not to spend too much time at le Chalet Swiss and be sure to find anything but Molson to drink...the Vancouver Island Brewing had some great ales, if I remember (it's been 10 years)...
Decorator 4 | 291  
3 Jul 2007 /  #20
Cheers for that, I stayed their 3 months before so got used to what to and what not to drink..ha
Boston - | 5  
3 Jul 2007 /  #21
There are great guys out there and I would be one of them. I am American but was raised in a Irish family (first generation). Was not really spoiled and was taught to work hard for everthing you earned. Happy 4th of July everyone
jtmWIEN 2 | 24  
4 Jul 2007 /  #22
All that said, I never liked Rotterdam...too jarringly modern, it doesn't reflect the rest of the country. Amsterdam is a mess - great old architecture but too touristy and snobby, and it sprawls.

Ive heard a lot of the same about Rotterdam.. but the pay is good and there are a good deal of jobs for English speakers. As for Amsterdam, Ive been there and enjoyed it but do not believe I could ever actually live in the place

Happy 4th (all two minutes that are left here in Krakow).
BornInTheUSA 2 | 41  
5 Jul 2007 /  #23
Happy 4th (all two minutes that are left here in Krakow).

Thanks - belated, but the same back. How do you like Krakow?
FISZ 24 | 2,116  
5 Jul 2007 /  #24
Not to be mean, but from my experience of being in Baltimore a few times, I think your better off not dating anyone from there.

Ditto. Just got back from OBX with my gf and just drove through Baltimore and she was really turned off. I don't know about the people there, but it can be a bit shady. Luckily you can escape to the water :)

what the american guys expect here?

Just a woman to be honest and good to us :)

Take a trip south a bit to get away sometime.
OP sylablaw 1 | 16  
8 Jul 2007 /  #25
Ok guys, here is the thing!
The guy Im interested in (and vice versa) used to date some time ago for a brief period. But we still are into each other and spent time over different excuses: movie, dinner, celebration 1, celebration2...blah, blah, blah... I've noticed that each time we have a great weekend together, and feel really close, he seems distance for the next few days and somehow less interested in until the next great time together. What's up with that? It really confuses me. Any ideas?
jtmWIEN 2 | 24  
9 Jul 2007 /  #26
Thanks - belated, but the same back. How do you like Krakow?

Thanks. Krakows a great city, not too big (at least the parts that are nice to spend your time in), the people for the most part are friendly, and the foods good. Plus more than enough bars for the weekends. Having said all that I do miss the U-Bahn though because public transit here can be a pain in the ass at times...

Ditto. Just got back from OBX with my gf...

How did you like it? I do miss the atlantic ocean and being on the OBX every so often

The guy Im interested in (and vice versa) used to date some time ago for a brief period. But we still are into each other and spent time over different excuses: movie, dinner, celebration 1, celebration2...blah, blah, blah... I've noticed that each time we have a great weekend together, and feel really close, he seems distance for the next few days and somehow less interested in until the next great time together. What's up with that? It really confuses me. Any ideas?

Hmm, used to date.. what happened, how well do you know him now and how long has it been since youve been apart?
FISZ 24 | 2,116  
9 Jul 2007 /  #27
How did you like it? I do miss the atlantic ocean and being on the OBX every so often

It was spectacular. We had 15 miles of beach all to ourselves :) Unlike the common areas of OBX, Ocracoke Island was waaay less crowded and the water much warmer. Tropical like. We fished, drank and had a fire on the beach every evening. Priceless it was.
jtmWIEN 2 | 24  
9 Jul 2007 /  #28
Ah, yeah Ive spent a lot of time to Ocracoke & used to do a lot of surfing there in the past. Its probably my favorite spot on the Outer Banks. Take her to Howards Pub by any chance? I have already warned my girlfriend that she has to take at least one oyster shot there whenever we get the time to visit my hometown.
FISZ 24 | 2,116  
9 Jul 2007 /  #29
Its probably my favorite spot on the Outer Banks. Take her to Howards Pub by any chance? I

Yea...Airport beach had fantastic waves. Once a storm rolled in it was butter. Did a little of boogy boarding but got a bit rashed up

Howards has a most fantastic beer selection. Loved it. Fresh fish and beer was top choice there. My gf liked the steamers, but I gave here a raw clam and that ruined the chance to try an oyster :) I ate loads of oysters there. I can't wait to go back. I'd like to take a fishing trip with the boys one day. I'd recommend this place to anyone.
OP sylablaw 1 | 16  
9 Jul 2007 /  #30
jtm Wien,
Long story short...I'm 15 years yanger then he is. We dated once, and he decided not to carry this longer, because of the age difference (it was only few dates). But we hooked up again few days later. We never really talked about why the age is not a problrm any more, or why he decided to date me again.. Because of this, I was not sure where I'm standing, is it just for fun, sex or what? I wasn't real, I didn't want to open myself to him or get involved if I didn't know what is the situation. He had never called me his girlfriend. I dumped him over something in February. But in May, we tarted getting closer together, spending lots of time, many, many hours together without having enough of each other. We are not dating, but we spend time together, nice time. And then is the distance. So here is the story....Any ideas?

Archives - 2005-2009 / Love / Polish-American dating success storiesArchived