He doesn't even own a bloody hedge.
Of course Jimmy Poorhouse doesn't own a hedge. For one thing those cost actual money, not the fantasy kind which is all Jimmy Poorhouse has. For another hedges need trimming, and Jimmy Poorhouse doesn't have money for even a pair of shears, let alone a hedge trimmer. And even if he did, trimming a hedge would cut into the time he needs to spend on fantasising about being rich. Or at least rich enough to be able to eat meat other than roadkill.
But he has got a big bush outside his shack. And I'm sure he'll tell you all about it. Maybe in exchange you can explain to him the relationship between one share going up by 1% of its value and an index going up by 3% and growth rate of one being 300% of the other. And then perhaps even show him how foreign currency exchange rates work, although he's such a thick sh!t that he'll have forgotten both of those things by tomorrow morning when his hangover arrives.